Criminal Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Some crimes are quite flagrantly blatant—
Not subtle, nor secret, nor latent.
If the doer ain’t caught,
There’s a guy who’s been bought,
Or incompetence utterly patent.
Archive for the ‘Crime & Punishment Humor’ Category
Criminal Ode
Sunday, May 23rd, 2010Swimming In Verse
Thursday, April 8th, 2010Jesse Levy, a Facebook pal of mine who participates in my Limerick-Offs, has challenged me and fellow Facebook friends to write a limerick starting with this line:
There once was a swimmer named Dean.
I love a good challenge, so I wrote this three-verse limerick in response:
There once was a swimmer named Dean.
He was swift and his breast stroke was mean.
When he raced he would win.
He thought losing a sin.
The guy was a swimming machine.
When he finally lost, he freaked out
And suffered a confidence drought —
Could not handle defeat.
He determined to beat
Up the fellow who won his last bout.
Poor Dean does not swim anymore.
He’s in prison, according to lore,
For killing that swimmer.
His weapon? Hedge trimmer.
Yes, that’s how he settled his score.
Don’t Put These On Your Headstone (Limericks)
Monday, April 5th, 2010My versifying friend Gerald Bosacker has been writing a series of Poetic Headstones — safety hints in limerick form, which he refers to as “limerbituaries.” When he challenged me to write one, I just had to give it a try:
If your doc says, “Go under the knife.
Only surgery’s saving your life.”
Kindly check out his rep.
Mel did not, the poor schlepp.
So Mel is now missed by his wife.
From there, I moved on to something a bit more warped — not exactly a safety hint, but a “limerbituary,” nonetheless:
Just why is this poor fellow dead?
Well mainly he’s missing his head.
He dined with a bad man,
A head-chopping madman,
And that’s the last time he was fed.
Thanks for the inspiration, Gerald.
Kindle Controversy
Sunday, July 19th, 2009It sounds like something out of George Orwell: E-book editions of 1984 and Animal Farm have been vanishing from people’s personal Kindles. I might add that these e-books have been purchased and fully paid for.
Amazon, at the request of an Orwellian publisher, has been repossessing these e-books without permission and refunding the purchase price. (More commentary here, plus my three verse limerick about this outrageous invasion of privacy, plus an update about Amazon’s welcome Kindle policy change.)
Update: If you would like to read this general humor blog on your Kindle reader you can subscribe right here.
If you would like to read my other political satire blog on your Kindle device, you can subscribe right here.
Employee Blues
Thursday, May 28th, 2009Employee Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A hard-working woman named May
Was employed at a very low pay.
And to make matters worse,
Her boss stole her purse.
How is that for bad fortune! Oy Vey!
Feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my friends in that same activity in my limerick-offs.
Cautionary Verse
Monday, May 5th, 2008Cautionary Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Identity theft is quite scary,
Causing problems horrific. Be wary!
Your rep can be doomed,
And your assets consumed
By any old Tom, Dick, or Harry.
(Note: This was inspired by Writers Island’s “identity” prompt and Totally Optional Prompts’ “transformation” prompt. And speaking of prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my “dog-related verse” prompt.
Only In Queens, New York (Limerick)
Tuesday, May 15th, 2007Only In Queens, New York (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Wanna ride?” says a cop on the force.
I decline, though politely, of course.
I am tired, it’s true,
But my joints do not rue
My refusal. He’s riding a horse.
(True story: A New York City cop on horseback offered me a ride after I complimented him on his beautiful (and gigantic) horse. Though tempted for roughly a nano-second, I took pity on my back and said a cowardly “no thanks.”)
Bill Collection Time (A Legal Limerick)
Monday, April 30th, 2007Bill Collection Time (A Legal Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The judge viewed your case with derision,
So he rendered an adverse decision.
But when paying my bill,
Do not bear me ill will,
‘Cause I saved you from going to prison.
UPDATE: Don’t forget to enter my Mother’s Day limerick writing contest. The deadline is May 12, 2007 and there are money prizes for the best two limericks.
Deal? Or No Deal!
Sunday, February 18th, 2007Deal? Or No Deal!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You lied in your last deposition,
Further weak’ning your flimsy position.
I’ve been fleeced, I can see—
It’s apparent to me.
So an out-of-court deal ain’t my mission.
Where’s The Beef?
Tuesday, December 5th, 2006Where’s The Beef?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A butcher once had quite a beef.
His grievance? A meat-stealing thief,
A man who, when caught,
Claimed the beef had been bought.
‘Twas a story that beggared belief.
