Archive for the ‘Crime & Punishment Humor’ Category
Sunday, January 18th, 2015
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who’d just made a pass…*
or
A fellow was trying to pass…*
or
I purchased an annual pass…*
or
A woman had hoped to surpass…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Pass
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A stoner was trying to pass
Forged fifties to pay for a class.
He got caught and was jailed
And then tried to get bailed
With more fakes, so his ass is now grass.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 63 Comments »
Saturday, October 4th, 2014
A “Really Big Shew” of A Crime (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A crisis had come to a head
And a torso and legs. Tears were shed,
Cuz some soon-to-be cons
Stole Ed Sullivan’s bronze.
But don’t fret — they’ve reclaimed AWOL Ed.
Yes, Ed Sullivan fans can breathe sighs of relief: “Los Angeles police have found the missing bronze statue of the renowned American TV personality, four days after it was stolen from the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences.”
Tags: Art Humor, Celebrity Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Ed Sullivan, Statues, Theft
Posted in Art Humor / Verse, Celebrity Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks | Comments Off on A “Really Big Shew” Of A Crime (Limerick)
Wednesday, September 17th, 2014
A Seattle Crime Report: A man walked into a KFC and hurled a round, yellow, $5.19 KFC-brand lemon cake at store employees. Then he walked out, without hitting any of the workers.
A Lemon Of A Crime (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear assaulter, I must ask you why
You went into a store and let fly
With a KFC cake.
That’s a half-baked mistake…
Cuz the weapon of choice is a pie.
Tags: Assault Poetry, Cake Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Food Verse, KFC Cake, KFC Humor, Lemon Cake, Pie Verse, Weapons
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks | Comments Off on A Lemon Of A Crime (Limerick)
Saturday, August 23rd, 2014
NOTE: THIS IS A TWO-WEEK LIMERICK-OFF. LIMERICK SUBMISSION DEADLINE IS SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 6, 2014 at 10 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
Please note that due to the Labor Day holiday, this Limerick-Off will run for two weeks, instead of one. So I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner two weeks from today, on SEPTEMBER 7, 2014, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full two weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 6, 2014 at 10 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
And since you’ll have two weeks, I’m offering you a topical alternative: In addition to your regular challenge, you may write a limerick related to Labor Day or any other September holiday, using any first line. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best holiday-related limerick.
And now, getting back to your regular Limerick-Off challenge, I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman discovered a nest…*
or
Our children are back in the nest…*
or
All our kids have at last flown the nest…*
or
A fellow had feathered his nest…*
or
It’s best not to foul your own nest…*
or
There’s a syndrome that’s called “empty nest…”*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Nest
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A zoo-keeper feathered his nest.
At theft he was one of the best.
He was cagey and knew
Not to crow to his crew.
Getting caught’s for the birds, he’d assessed.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Crime, Crime & Punishment Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Crime & Punishment Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 97 Comments »
Monday, August 18th, 2014
What sort of burglar sends stolen jewelry to a newspaper, complaining that the stuff he stole from a socialite turned out to be fake?
Limerick Ode To A Petty Thief (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bad luck has befallen this snake,
Who’s upset by his jew’lry heist take!
His chagrin is immense
Cuz he called on his fence
And was told that his haul was all fake.
UPDATE: National Jewel Day is March 13th.
Tags: Jewelry Day, March Holidays, National Jewelry Day, Odd Holidays
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, House & Home Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Odd Holidays | Comments Off on Limerick Ode To A Petty Thief (Limerick)
Saturday, August 2nd, 2014
Open Limerick To Facebook Fanatics
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Facebook fanatics, I know
That an outage on Facebook’s a blow.
But a crisis that small
Doesn’t call for a call
To the cops. Grab a beer or Bordeaux.
(Inspired by the lunatics who called 911 lines Friday during Facebook’s half-hour outage.)
Tags: 911 Calls, Computer Humor, Cops & Police, Crime & Punishment Humor, Emergency Calls, Emergency Line Limerick, Facebook Humor, Lion Humor, Policeman Verse, Technology Humor, Telephone Humor
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Computer Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Technology Humor, Telephone Humor | Comments Off on Open Limerick To Facebook Fanatics
Monday, July 14th, 2014
Limerick Ode To “Nude Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal likes to publicly doff
All her clothing, then pose to show off.
“It’s a strip search time-saver
I did you a favor,”
When jailed, she’ll transparently scoff.
Tags: Bawdy Humor, Clothing Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, International Nude Day, July Holidays, Law Humor, Legal Limerick, Naked Limerick, National Nude Day, Nude Day, Nude Humor, Odd Holidays, World Nude Day
Posted in Bawdy Limericks, Behavior & Personality, Clothing Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Fashion Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays | Comments Off on Happy “Nude Day!” (July 14)
Friday, June 6th, 2014
A Rhyme To The Wise (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A scrappy young felon liked rhyme,
So he promised himself — no more crime.
He’d instead be a rapper.
But here is the capper:
His “confessional tunes” got him time.
So limerick writers, take heed.
Your rhymes may be next. They could feed
A detective’s suspicions,
Who deems them admissions.
Then indictment — your verse his first lead.
Note: Legal experts are currently debating the surprisingly widespread use of rap lyrics in criminal cases.
Tags: Crime & Punishment Humor, Law Humor, Writing & Publishing Humor
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Writing & Publishing Humor | 2 Comments »
Thursday, April 17th, 2014
Happy “Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day!” Yes there’s really such a day, though I’m pretty sure this isn’t what they’re talking about:
Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man with a habit of peeping
Into homes while their owners are sleeping
Was arrested and tried.
His appeal’s been denied.
Now he’s jailed for his neighbors’ safekeeping.
Tags: April Holidays, Crime, Criminals, Jail & Prison Humor, Neighborly Humor, Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day, Odd Holidays, Peeping Toms
Posted in Bawdy Limericks, Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, House & Home Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Neighbors Humor, Obsessions Humor, Odd Holidays | Comments Off on Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day (Limerick)
Thursday, April 10th, 2014
Blame Game (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A guy who was rather a stoner
Was pulled over and uttered this groaner:
“That jalopy was stole
“By me, so this bowl
“Of hash must belong to the owner.”
Note from Mad Kane: My limerick was inspired by this news headline: That’s not my pot; I stole the car, says Jay man.
Tags: Car & Driving Humor, Car Theft, Crime & Punishment Humor, Drug Humor, Grass, Law Enforcement, Legal Limerick, Marijuana, Stupid Criminals
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Car & Driving Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks | Comments Off on Blame Game (Limerick)
Sunday, November 24th, 2013
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who’d taken the fall…*
or
A gal was enjoying the fall…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Fall
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who’d taken the fall
For his boss got enraged, took an awl
And then spiked the guy’s head.
His boss is now dead.
All told, it’s a job-ending brawl.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Boss Humor, Bosses, Competition Limerick, Crime & Punishment Humor, Employment Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Violence Limerick, Writing Prompts
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Workplace & Career Humor | 66 Comments »
Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
This fellow tried to rob the wrong house:
Robyn Irvine, a former ax-throwing competitor living in Hemet, Calif., woke up when she heard a noise and saw the burglar trying to snatch her watch from her wrist, according to CBS Los Angeles.
Irvine quickly grabbed an ax, scaring the intruder.
Caveat Burglar (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear burglars, it’s time to face facts:
Preparation is key — don’t be lax.
You must research each job
To ensure folks you rob
Aren’t expert at lobbing an ax.
Tags: Advice Limerick, Ax Humor, Burglar Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Robbers, Thief Humor, Weapons
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Sunday, October 13th, 2013
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was sneaking a peek…*
or
A woman was showing her pique…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Peek
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A scent expert, sneaking a peek
At some formulas, heard a loud creak.
Though he hid just in time,
He was caught at his crime
When he farted, emitting a reek.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Crime & Punishment Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Perfume, Poetry & Prompts, Theft, Writing Prompts
Posted in Contests, Crime & Punishment Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 79 Comments »
Wednesday, September 18th, 2013
This three-verse limerick is based on a real Texas criminal case: “Lawyer admits napping at trial, but rates his performance an 8 or a 9.”
A Criminal Defense? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man got a sentence immense,
Then complained of a sleepy defense:
“My defense lawyer slept
Which makes him inept,
So a do-over trial makes sense.”
His lawyer contested the claim:
“I am not for that sentence to blame.
I slept just a while
And I ran a good trial.
Even dozing, I’m right on my game.”
On this statement the lawyer won’t budge,
And he even is running for judge.
I suppose that he thinks
When he’s caught forty winks,
His court clerk will just give him a nudge.
Tags: Attorney Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Criminals, Daniel Textor Jr., Law Humor, Lawyers, Martin Zimmerman, Sleeping On The Job, Trial Humor
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Sleep & Insomnia Humor | 12 Comments »
Tuesday, September 17th, 2013
My limerick was inspired by this news item:
Group of observant Brooklyn drug dealers told customers they were closed for Shabbat: The five men would text customers with warnings that they were about to stop dealing around sundown Friday, according to a criminal complaint…
“The men are accused of peddling heroin, oxycodone, cocaine and other drugs from their Bedford Ave. drug warehouse…”
Observant Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you plan to sell drugs and break laws,
It seems God will forgive all your flaws,
And you won’t be a goner
So long as you honor
Shabbat with a crime-breaking pause.
Tags: Brooklyn, Crime & Punishment Humor, Drug Dealers, Illegal Drugs, Religion Humor, Religious Humor, Sabbath Humor, Shabbat Humor
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Religion Verse | Comments Off on Observant Limerick
Thursday, August 29th, 2013
Chutzpah Laid Bare (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who had chutzpah to spare
Liked to circle her town wholly bare.
“It’s not me you should stop,”
She’d respond to a cop,
“But that pusher. Consider us square.”
Tags: Brazen Behavior, Chutzpah Humor, Cop Limerick, Law & Order, Naked Limerick, Nudity, Police Limerick
Posted in Bawdy Limericks, Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks | Comments Off on Chutzpah Laid Bare (Limerick)
Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
Ruthless Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A dentist who’s lacking in ruth
Worships money, possessions, and youth.
In his quest for all three,
His crimes guarantee
He’ll be jailed until long in the tooth.
Tags: Bad Behavior, Crime & Punishment Humor, Dental Humor, Dentist Humor, Dentists, Ruthlessness Limerick
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor | 2 Comments »
Saturday, May 11th, 2013
Today, May 12th, is Limerick Day, in honor of Edward Lear’s birthday. So it’s an especially good day for a Limerick-Off. And my own limerick seems particularly appropriate too.
As you all know by now, I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who’d swim in the buff…*
or
A fellow was trying to buff…*
or
A savvy astronomy buff… (or zoology or economy or gastronomy buff, etc.) *
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Buff (2-Verse)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a limerick buff
Who of rhyming could not get enough.
She would rhyme night and day
In a metrical way,
Writing verse that her spouse labeled fluff.
It was clearly a matter of time
Till their marriage erupted in crime.
Things came to a head;
Now her husband is dead.
Cause of death — spouse aversion to rhyme.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Edward Lear, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, May Holidays, National Limerick Day, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Crime & Punishment Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Writing & Publishing Humor | 85 Comments »
Saturday, April 27th, 2013
No Accounting For Taste (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The prison was chock full of crooks,
Like the chef — in for cooking the books.
He’d been caught by the owner,
Who shouted this groaner:
“Fishy numbers! These aren’t chinooks!”
Note from Mad Kane: I learned two things today:
1: Chinook salmon, a.k.a. king salmon, are the “most highly prized salmon in the culinary world.”
2: A “salmon day” is slang for “spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed somehow in the end.”
Tags: Accounting Humor, Bookkeeping Humor, Chef Humor, Chinooks, Cooking Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Criminal Poetry, Culinary Humor, Fish Humor, Law Humor, Salmon Day, Salmon Limerick
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor | 8 Comments »
