A Doggone Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“It’s so cute!” said the child, with delight.
“You can’t have it,” said Mom. “Puppies bite.
It’s adorable, true,
But dogs nip, bark, and chew,
And your Daddy will cower in fright.”
UPDATE: Happy National Puppy Day! (March 23rd)
Collegiate Conversation
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Tell me, why are you being so mean?”
Cried the girl to the college’s dean.
“I aced every test.
At my school I’m the best.”
“Reapply,” he replied, “at thirteen.”
Sibling Trickster
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Pick a card,” was a phrase I would hear
As a child, from my brother, all year.
He did card tricks—his hobby.
I’d answer, quite snobby:
“Magician, please go. Disappear!”
One afternoon your ten-year old daughter comes home from school, enthused about learning to play an instrument. Your eyeballs start to throb. Your head begins to pulsate. You ask yourself whether tin ears are passed down from parents to their children. How do you resolve this dissonant dilemma?
AGREEMENT entered into on ___________, 20__ , by noise-averse Parents and instrument wielding Child.
WHEREAS, Child has expressed an interest in studying the sax;
WHEREAS, Parents hate the sax and don’t even consider it a real instrument; … (Musical Accord is continued here.)
The “help wanted” pages are filled with job descriptions that defy comprehension. This probably explains why so many parents can’t quite figure out what it is their children do for a living. And it can lead to parental queries like this one from my mother-in-law to my husband Mark:
“Tell me exactly what your job is. Go slowly. I have to write it down.”
Mark hadn’t switched employers or secured a promotion; he’s been doing essentially the same work for ten years. So why the sudden curiosity? Because his parents recently attended a wedding packed with inquisitive relatives. Relatives who appeared to be more interested in Mark’s career than they were in the bride and groom. …
I read recently that elegant dog garb and pricey canine day-care are “in” these days. Frankly, I was pleased to learn this. For until I acquired this seemingly frivolous bit of information, I was seriously concerned about my parents.
My mom and dad bought a toy poodle nearly a decade ago and, almost immediately, my mother took to her knitting. Multi-colored dog coats. Stylish woolen sweaters. Pixie the poodle dressed better than I do.
I wasn’t worried, at first. I just assumed that my mother’s knitting was part of a plot to garner grandchildren. Her unspoken message? “If you and your brother don’t give me a reason to knit booties, I’ll simply knit doggy-wear instead. … (A Poodle Tale is continued here.)
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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