Limerick Ode To The Emmy Awards
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Emmy Awards are tonight,
An annual Sunday night rite,
At which some make the list,
And others feel dissed,
And carpers harp: “TV’s a blight!”
Archive for the ‘Celebrity Humor’ Category
Limerick Ode To The Emmy Awards
Sunday, September 22nd, 2013Limerick Ode To Elmore Leonard
Wednesday, August 21st, 2013Written with fond apologies to the late, lamented Elmore Leonard, after re-reading his New York Times piece, WRITERS ON WRITING; Easy on the Adverbs, Exclamation Points and Especially Hooptedoodle. (His article cautions against the abuse of prologues, adverbs and other description, exclamation points, weather references, regional dialect, the word “suddenly,” etc.)
On a hot, sunny day, an attractive young man sat in a tiny, darkened room, compulsively reading Elmore Leonard’s essay on writing. Carefully noting his ten writing no-nos, he bellowed loudly, “Fuggedaboutit! I can violate all of Leonard’s rules in a single limerick!”
“It’s raining!” he loudly cried out.
Then suddenly felt like a lout.
“A mensch I shall be…”
From this you can see
Leonard’s rules are what writing’s about.
Suspenseful Limerick
Tuesday, March 12th, 2013Suspenseful Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s a hitch in today’s celebrations,
But no reason to hold back libations.
Cuz it’s not for the birds
And it’s not just the nerds
Who commemorate Hitchcock’s creations.
Cruising For Laughs
Thursday, December 8th, 2011I learned some valuable lessons during the second annual Lewis Black Comedy Cruise:
1: When stand-up comics like Lewis Black, Kathleen Madigan, John Bowman, Vic Henley, Mike Wilmot, Greg Proops, Jeff Stilson, and Tim Wilson are having great difficulty standing up, they aren’t necessarily drunk. It could also be THE HURRICANE.
2. My husband’s delusions of grandeur are no longer confined to his thinking he’s both a lawyer and an MD. He now thinks he’s a comedian.
Yes, hubby Mark Kane actually did a three-minute routine on “amateur comic night” — his virgin performance — and he did amazingly well.
And no, I didn’t perform any of my limericks. Why not? Because I can’t even remember what I wrote 30 seconds ago.
3) When you rumba really fast, and with lots of enthusiasm, it passes for dancing … at least on a ship-load of Lewis Black groupies.
Okay, right now you’re probably saying to yourself, “What’s with all this prose? I want me some limericks!”
Well don’t worry. I’ve written a half-dozen limericks about the cruise and some of the comedians who made it so much fun:
Cruising For Laughs
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We went cruising with Lew, Vic, Kathleen,
John and Wilmot, whose act sure ain’t clean.
Also Tim, Jeff and Greg,
And some hurricane — Meg???
Comics bravely tried not to careen.
*****
Limerick Ode To Vic Henley
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The stand-up comedian Vic
Has a wit that’s incredibly quick.
He hails from the south,
But his city-smart-mouth
Conjures up multi-cultural schtick.
*****
Limerick Ode To Mike Wilmot
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The off-color comic named Mike
Tells some jokes that the squeamish might spike.
But his musical tales
Provoked huge laughter gales.
So Mike’s funny, but leave home your tyke.
*****
Mad Kane At Sea
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m afraid that I’m feeling at sea:
I went cruising — a comedy spree
With Lew Black and his crew,
Who were funny on cue.
How I miss all that laughter and glee!
*****
Limerick Ode To Greg Proops
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The brilliant Greg Proops hurts my brain.
His routines nearly drive me insane:
His mind is so fast,
And his humor’s a blast,
Yielding laughter that leaves me in pain.
*****
Pining For Lew
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m afraid I don’t know what to do,
Cuz I’m pining away for dear Lew.
To wait a full year
For more Lewis cruise cheer?
Such pain can’t be borne by this Jew.
*****
(You can read my limericks about the 2010 cruise here and my Kathleen Madigan limerick here.)
Birthday Limerick For Franz Liszt
Saturday, October 22nd, 2011Today, October 22, is the birthday of the Hungarian virtuoso pianist/composer/conductor Franz Liszt. Some people consider Liszt to be the world’s first rock star.
Birthday Limerick For Franz Liszt
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The pianist/composer named Liszt
Was as hot as the cancan and twist:
Caused a Beatle-like heat—
Gals would swoon from his beat
And the sounds he produced with each wrist.
Limerick Ode To Hot Dog Heckling
Thursday, October 13th, 2011The hot dog throwing incident almost made me feel sorry for Tiger Woods. Of course, if Tiger Woods sang Italian opera, it would have been fruit.
Limerick Ode To Hot Dog Heckling
By Madeleine Begun kane
An inventive new golf misdemeanor
Is attack Tiger Woods with a wiener.
Yes, a hot dog was thrown
And a frank critique shown.
It could have been worse: Orangina?
Limerick Ode To Peter Falk
Friday, June 24th, 2011Mark and I were very saddened to hear that Peter Falk has died. He’s provided so much entertainment and so many laughs over the years, I had to write this limerick:
Limerick Ode To Peter Falk
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Alas, we have lost Peter Falk.
He was famed for his “one more thing” talk.
His Columbo spurred laughs
With his “just pretend” gaffes,
As he nailed ev’ry bad guy he’d stalk.
Nameless Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, April 17th, 2011It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal with a very long name…
or
A guy with a very long name…
Here’s mine:
Nameless Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal with a very long name
Desired celebrity fame.
Oh to have a huge halo
Like Oprah and J.Lo —
And be crowned a one-moniker dame.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
American Idol Not Idyllic
Thursday, March 10th, 2011American Idol Not Idyllic (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I watched Idol last night — wasn’t dandy.
They gave compliments out just like candy.
And something is wrong
When with song after song
The toughest of judges is Randy.
(Linked in I Saw Sunday)
Accidental Haiku
Saturday, March 5th, 2011It makes me fidget,
but I book myself to write
accidental verse.
*****
Accidental glance,
de-liberating romance—
just the dance of chance.
*****
Shocking incident:
things accidentally went
exactly as planned.
*****
Ms. Bristol Palin’s
book contract and dancing gig—
accident of birth.
*****
Booked reservation
at restaurant, but canceled—
had reservations.
*****
If you dare mention
certain odd affinities,
brace for fidgeting.
*****
Limerick Odes To Charlie Sheen
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011After flunking (badly) The Guardian’s Who Said This — Gaddafi or Charlie Sheen quiz, I forced myself to watch ABC’s entire 20/20 Charlie Sheen interview conducted (I’m not sure how) by Andrea Canning. Yikes!
I’m no shrink, but if Sheen isn’t certifiable, I can’t imagine who is. Yet Sheen’s suing CBS and Warner Bros. for canceling Two and a Half Men. CBS and Warner Bros. should keep a copy on hand of ABC’s interview. Because that show gives CBS all the ammunition it needs to defeat Sheen’s case. We’re talking loony-tunes-uninsurable!
And so, Charlie Sheen has earned himself two “Dear Charlie” letter limericks. Here’s the first:
Dear Charlie, you’re acting bizarre.
We don’t need yet another sick star.
You appear on the brink
Of a breakdown, yet think
You’re not crazy, which proves that you are.
And here’s my second limerick:
Dear Charlie, you’re losing your sheen.
Once funny, you’re now turning mean.
It’s clear that you’re sick.
Get some help. Do it quick!
And stop wasting your comedy gene.
(You can find more letters at Write A Letter.)
It’s Time To Tanka Beethoven (Tanka)
Sunday, February 27th, 2011It’s Time To Tanka Beethoven
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The King’s Speech film score
gets Desplat an Oscar nod,
but poor Beethoven
is overlooked once again—
He needs a new publicist.
NOTE: Alexandre Desplat’s Oscar-nominated score for The King’s Speech is dominated by the music of Ludwig van Beethoven, specifically Beethoven’s 7th Symphony and Beethoven’s Piano Concerto No. 5, the Emperor Concerto. For more information on Beethoven’s frequent appearance in film scores, read Why Beethoven Deserves An Oscar.
Fighting Mad
Saturday, February 26th, 2011Since I already wrote a limerick review of the Fighter, I wasn’t planning to post on that topic again. Even Melissa Leo’s “Consider” her for an Oscar photo campaign wasn’t enough to get me writing. Though for the record, I think she looks great in those pics and I’m rooting for her.
Actually, now that I’m on the subject, here’s a message to Leo critics who fault her for showing herself in a more physically attractive light: You’re being sexist. Freedom of choice is a feminist ideal. So if Melissa Leo chooses to look glamorous and sexy for a change, that’s just fine with me. More power to her!
But back to what prompted this post. Carry On Tuesday’s saved by the bell prompt got me thinking about boxers, which reminded me of the Fighter and inspired this limerick:
Saved By The Bell
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The boxer was saved by the bell
After being in boxing match hell.
He needed a break.
That’s all it would take:
That sound ere he once again fell.
(Also for I Saw Sunday.)
UPDATE: Congratulations Melissa Leo on your Oscar! I knew you could f…ing do it.
Have You Ever Noticed…
Monday, January 3rd, 2011This question will probably make me sound ageist and grumpy. In my preemptive defense, let me say:
1) I’ve been tossing AARP’s annoying magazine for years; and
2) I am grumpy.
So here’s my question: Have you ever noticed that Andy Rooney isn’t funny anymore?
I used to be a fan and would never turn 60 Minutes off until Rooney’s monologue was over. I even owned one of his humor collections. But I can’t remember the last time Andy Rooney made me laugh … or even giggle. These days his commentaries make me cringe.
Now to those who may argue that I’m not funny either, I say:
CBS doesn’t pay me a gazillion bucks a year to not be funny!
And no, this limerick isn’t funny either:
Have You Ever Noticed…
By Madeleine Begun Kane
At the risk of incurring some ire:
Andy Rooney should really retire.
It’s not that he’s old,
And I don’t mean to scold,
But he’s funny no more, and it’s dire.
Limerick Ode To Willie Nelson
Sunday, November 28th, 2010You’d think Texas cops would have more important things to worry about than marijuana in Willie Nelson’s tour bus. But apparently not, so they arrested him. And that cries out for a limerick:
Limerick Ode To Willie Nelson
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Willie Nelson is in a tough spot
Cuz of grass on his tour bus. What rot!
Such arrests make me groan.
Wish they’d leave him alone.
They’re musicians — they’re s’posed to smoke pot.
