Archive for the ‘Business Humor’ Category
Monday, November 6th, 2006
There are few “fun” activities quite so vexing as the Office Christmas Party; that obligatory gathering of bosses and subordinates, cronies and rivals, back-stabbers and back-stabbees. Plus a horde of husbands and wives who spend the entire night planning their escape.
Every year you fantasize about sending an RSVP marked “Thanks, but no thanks.” Then you return to reality and break the news to your spouse. “It’ll be different this time,” you lie. “It’ll be fun.”
“I’ll go to yours, if you’ll go to mine,” your mate responds. “And you have to promise to behave.”
This brings us to the art of gaffe avoidance. After all, who isn’t but one faux pas from the unemployment line? Dodging the pitfalls of office party protocol can be a daunting challenge. But with the help of this agreement, you’ll survive yet another function with your job intact.
AGREEMENT entered into on ____________, by Husband and Wife (collectively referred to as “Couple”).
WHEREAS, Couple’s employers suffer from the delusion that Office Christmas Parties are good for morale;
WHEREAS, Couple, being sane individuals, would prefer to stay home; and
WHEREAS, although Couple can’t prove a connection, everyone who skipped last year’s bash is now unemployed; … ” (Office Party Follies is continued here.)
Tags: Christmas Party Humor, Funny Contracts, Holiday Fun, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Husband Wife Humor, Office Holiday Parties
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Business Humor, Holiday Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor, Satirical Contracts, Social Satire, Workplace & Career Humor | 12 Comments »
Thursday, October 19th, 2006
Attention, Wal-Mart … Patients?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Wal-Mart is marketing health care
Via clinics in stores. Near the hardware?
You can call me a cynic,
But Wal-Mart based clinics?
My prescription is “Patients Beware.”
Tags: Health Clinics, Health Satire, Healthcare Humor, Marketing Humor, Medical Humor, Patients Humor, Wal-Mart Humor
Posted in Business Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Limericks, Marketing Humor, Shopping Humor | 5 Comments »
Friday, September 15th, 2006
How’s this for a corporate nightmare? Every Segway Personal Transporter ever manufactured has been recalled due to a “software glitch in the scooters that can make riders fall.”
This recall calls out for a limerick, don’t you think? So here’s my Ode To The Segway Scooter:
The maker of scooters called Segway
Has recalled them from road, walk, and hedgeway.
Their software’s quite galling.
It’s prone to cause falling.
Now lawyers have fresh “we allege” prey.
Tags: Business Limerick, Computer Humor, Lawsuit Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Litigation Humor, Money Limerick, Personal Injury, Personal Transporters, Product Liability Humor, Product Recalls, Riding Scooters, Scooter Defects, Segway scooters, Software Bugs, Technology Humor
Posted in Business Humor, Computer Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Sports Humor, Technology Humor | 3 Comments »
Saturday, September 2nd, 2006
THOUGHTFUL INTERVIEW
For a job applicant, an interview is to be sought, then dreaded, then endured. And managers rarely relish interviews any more than the trembling supplicant on the other side of their desk. So it’s probably just as well that people can’t read minds. If they could, most interviews would be aborted within 45 seconds:
INTERVIEWER: Good morning Mr. Jones. I’m so pleased that we’ve finally had a chance to meet. (This loser’s been clogging my voicemail and email with desperate messages.)
APPLICANT: It’s a pleasure to speak with you. (She’s been dodging my messages for weeks. I’ll never get this job.)
INTERVIEWER: George Smith recommended you highly. So naturally I reviewed your resume and gave you a call. (George is an idiot. Why is he wasting my time with this jerk?)
APPLICANT: I’ve known George for years, and he’s very familiar with my work. (George is an idiot — a well-connected idiot. And if he weren’t my wife’s brother, he wouldn’t give me the time of day.)
INTERVIEWER: So tell me something about yourself. (He must be a relative. God I hate this job.)
APPLICANT: Well, —- I have a highly diversified background — everything from computer programming, to teaching, to sales. (One of these days I’ll find something I’m good at.)
INTERVIEWER: Which of those fields best reflects your skills? (Just what we need around here — another jack-of-all-trades.) … (My Thoughtful Interview is continued here.)
Tags: Business, Career Humor, Employment, Finance, Interviews, Labor Day Humor, Money, Office, Unemployment Humor, Work, Workplace
Posted in Business Humor, Holiday Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Money & Finance Humor, Social Satire, Workplace & Career Humor | 3 Comments »
Monday, August 14th, 2006
The “help wanted” pages are filled with job descriptions that defy comprehension. This probably explains why so many parents can’t quite figure out what it is their children do for a living. And it can lead to parental queries like this one from my mother-in-law to my husband Mark:
“Tell me exactly what your job is. Go slowly. I have to write it down.”
Mark hadn’t switched employers or secured a promotion; he’s been doing essentially the same work for ten years. So why the sudden curiosity? Because his parents recently attended a wedding packed with inquisitive relatives. Relatives who appeared to be more interested in Mark’s career than they were in the bride and groom. …
( Parental Proposal is continued here.)
Tags: Relationship Humor, Business Humor, Career Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Job Humor, Mother Humor, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Office Humor, Work Humor, Workplace & Career Humor
Posted in Business Humor, Children Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Relationship Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | Comments Off on Parental Proposal
Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
Do men and women communicate differently at work? Yes, according to proponents of the “men and women are from different galaxies” school of thought. Women are said to be self-effacing and apologetic. Men, on the other hand, are described as convincingly confident … even when they don’t have the slightest idea what they’re talking about.
Such generalizations can be dangerous, of course, and sometimes downright wrong. For instance I … forgive me for saying so … am a woman and I … uh … probably shouldn’t brag about this, but I … on admittedly rare occasions … sometimes manage to appear … uh … completely self-assured and … well … I probably shouldn’t waste your time on such a personal matter. In any event, I’m probably wrong.
Communication differences can be especially pronounced during business meetings. Especially those mind-numbingly “important” meetings where a gaggle of men and women perch and/or slouch around a conference table and discuss critical company issues like new products, marketing budgets, company picnics, and football scores. … (Those Unspeakable Meetings is continued here.)
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Career Humor, Communication Humor, Meetings Humor, Men and Women, Office Humor, Psychology Humor, Work Humor, Workplace & Career Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Business Humor, Communication Humor, Feminist Satire, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Relationship Humor, Social Satire, Workplace & Career Humor | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
You have to dot those i’s.
You’ve got to cross those t’s.
You have to seem so wise.
You must justify those fees.
And if you’re smart and lucky
You will turn your case around.
That’s what the law’s about.
You have to file those claims.
You’ve got to sue those stiffs.
You have to shift the blame,
With no ands or buts or ifs. …
(That’s What The Law’s About is continued here.)
Tags: Attorney Humor, Litigation Humor, Law Humor, Law Office Humor, Lawyer Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Litigation Humor, Song Parodies
Posted in Business Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Social Satire, Spoof Lyrics | Comments Off on That’s What The Law’s About (Sing to the Hokey Pokey)
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
Finding a new job can be a daunting challenge. But if you follow my simple 21-step plan, you’ll soon be battling cranky alarm clocks, rush-hour traffic, and the “living for the weekend” daily grind.
1. Lose job.
2. Panic, freak out, and turn into a pulsating blob of hysteria. CAUTION: It’s best to do this at home — you’ll be wanting that reference.
3. Torture everyone you’ve ever met with your tale of woe. Bitch about your former boss, your boss’ boss, your lousy luck, the manipulative coworker who stole your job, the economy, and, of course, the world as we know it. Seriously consider buying a voodoo doll.
4. Perfect the art of sleeping late, parading about in slatternly garb, and doing absolutely nothing. Tell your spouse you spent the entire week working on your resume. When spouse says “Let me have a look,” say you’re still fine-tuning it.
5. Start working on resume. … (Working Stiffed is continued here.)
Tags: Business Humor, Career Humor, Employment Humor, Job Hunting Humor, Job Loss Humor, Office Humor Column, Unemployment Advice, Work Humor, Workplace & Career Humor
Posted in Business Humor, How-To Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Money & Finance Humor, Self-Help Humor, Social Satire, Workplace & Career Humor | 7 Comments »
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
If your husband ever invites you to join him on a business trip, be sure to ask him these questions:
1. Will you ever get to see him while he is not — technically — asleep?
2. What will he do, if you accidentally lock yourself out of your hotel room in the middle of the night while you are not — technically — dressed?
Unfortunately, I didn’t think to ask these questions when my husband Mark invited me to join him for a six-week Boston business trip. So I had to learn the answers the hard way. …
( A Traveler’s Net Woes is continued here.)
Tags: Business Travel Humor, Computer Humor, Hotel Humor, Husband Wife Humor, Internet Outage Humor, Laptop Humor, Marriage Humor, Net Connection, Travel Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Business Humor, Computer Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Internet Humor, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor, Technology Humor, Travel Humor | 2 Comments »
