I couldn’t possibly resist a title like this: “London firefighters urge ‘common sense’ after penis freed from toaster.”
Without Common Sense, We’re Toast (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When devising some bedroom delights,
It ain’t right to try reaching new heights
With devices like toasters
And blenders and roasters,
Else your privates might need their last rites.
A striking headline: Train Runs Over Couple Having Sex on Tracks.
When Sex Is A Train Wreck (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are folks who like sex when it’s risky.
Taking chances can make them quite frisky.
But sex on the tracks,
Is mad to the max.
Their coitus, I’d guess, involved whiskey.
Update: April 23 is “Take A Chance Day.”
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman with beautiful eyes…*
or
A fellow was feasting his eyes…*
or
A woman with stars in her eyes…*
or
A gal was a sight for sore eyes…*
or
A fellow who dots all his i’s…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Eyes
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow is feasting his eyes
On a gal in a sexy disguise.
Since her face is quite plain,
Plainly that ain’t the main
Feature giving the man quite a rise.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Chutzpah Laid Bare (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who had chutzpah to spare
Liked to circle her town wholly bare.
“It’s not me you should stop,”
She’d respond to a cop,
“But that pusher. Consider us square.”
Limerick Ode To A Stimulating Ride
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If a bike rider seems too elated–
First euphoric, than seemingly sated,
I suspect that her seat
May be vibrating heat,
And that she and her seat cover mated.
Note from Mad Kane: Yes, you can really add excitement to your bike trips with a “Happy Ride” Seat Cover. Apparently it does pretty much what you’d expect it to do.
Forlorn Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was feeling forlorn
About having her curly locks shorn,
But was warned if her goal
Was a porno film role,
Her pubes must be fully forsworn.
Yikes! Scrotum Rejuvenation??? Yes, this Hollywood male grooming trend sounds fictitious, but apparently isn’t.
This Trend Sounds Fishy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A new wrinkle in grooming appalls,
And it’s pricey — not offered in malls.
It stems out of a joke
From that George Clooney bloke:
“Tackle-tightening” — ironing your balls.
Note to Judd Apatow: I’d better not see any Tackle-Tightening in the 50 Year Old Virgin.
Note to George Clooney: Tell the truth: Were you REALLY just joking, when you said you got your balls “unwrinkled”?
It seems I write unprintable limericks: I entered this year’s Washington Post Invitational limerick contest, and this one ended up in the Washington Post’s “cozy little shelter under the radar.”
Lusty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Kindly expedite. Speed is a must.
Do it quick as you can — that’s my thrust.
Cuz I cannot express
What a sizable mess
Lack of dispatch would make of my lust.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was very obsessed…*
or
A woman was very obsessed…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Obsessive Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was very obsessed
With getting enough nightly rest.
His reason makes sense:
Lack of sleep made him tense
Which, alas, left him sexually hard-pressed.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was known for his flash…*
or
A gal who was known for her flash…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Flashy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was known for his flash
Wore only a violet sash.
He fell into a pool,
Soaked his blue-purple tulle—
Seems his outfit made rather a splash.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Here’s some cool news! I entered the 2012 Saline (MI) Celtic Festival Limerick Contest with my “Limerick Ode to a Kilt-Wearing Man.” Well it turns out that I won first prize in the Master Class (over 25) category.
I couldn’t attend the festival, but it sure sounds like a fun yearly event.
Here’s my winning limerick:
Limerick Ode to a Kilt-Wearing Man
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was very well built,
Was naked except for his kilt.
He was flouting the regs,
As he flaunted his legs,
And willed certain parts not to wilt.
I’ve noticed that many otherwise diversified poets don’t write limericks, and that many limerick writers tend to specialize, generally avoiding other verse forms. I wonder if this explains the former:
The Neglected Limerick (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The lim’rick is often neglected
By poets who deem it infected
With lewdness beneath them.
It’s time to unsheathe them,
Wielding limericks clearly erected.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was planning to wed…*
or
A woman was planning to wed…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Wedded Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was planning to wed
A gal rather awful in bed.
When he gave her a sex book,
Her answer was textbook.
So he married the author instead.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Yet Another Valentine’s Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
St. Valentine’s Day can be risky
Cuz the men folk do tend to get frisky.
And watch out for the pious:
They sure like to try us
Before and yes after their whiskey.
*****
St. Valentine’s Day
may be over in theory–
never in spirit.
I strongly support stem cell research. But that doesn’t mean I won’t mock it. After all, science article titles like this are impossible to resist: Stem Cells Build a Better Rat Penis.
Waxing Silly About Science (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Is your rat penis painfully small?
There’s help for you — here’s who to call:
A Doc at Tulane —
His team will explain
How stem cells can make that thing tall.
This woman is clearly a creative criminal:
DENVER — A 36-year-old woman was charged Wednesday after punching, scratching and sliding her buttocks against a painting worth more than $30 million, authorities in Colorado said.
Carmen Tisch is accused of pulling her pants down to rub up against the work, an oil-on-canvas called “1957-J no.2”, by the late abstract expressionist artist Clyfford Still.
The Critical Ass
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Some critics can be rather tough
On art they don’t like, even rough.
But to rub your nude ass
On it seems rather crass.
Her defense? She was trying to buff.
Limerick Ode To The Derrière
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Whatever you call a behind,
Be it fanny or tush, I don’t mind.
Ass will do just as well.
Rump and buttocks are swell,
Just so long as they work as designed.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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