Archive for the ‘Battle of the Sexes’ Category

It’s “Stupid Toy Day” Oh Boy! (Limerick)

Monday, December 16th, 2024

Happy “Stupid Toy Day,” which is celebrated on December 16.

This short verse might sound sexist to some,
So I risk being told I am dumb:
I think men (“grown-up” boys)
Are more prone to like toys
That are daft. (Oy, I should have kept mum.)

Dear FB Friend-Requester (Limerick)

Friday, November 8th, 2024

To the “doctor” who wants to be pals:
All your “follows” on Facebook are gals.
Plus “your” pics look too dishy.
Both factors seem fishy.
Go phish in some other locales!

Dear Facebook Friend-Requester (Limerick)

Thursday, August 15th, 2024

I’m amazingly popular with “male” bot “surgeons.” (Also “generals.”) Hence this limerick:

My dear friend-request sender, I vet
All such queries. The answer is NYET!
Why my thundering NO?
Cuz I’d bet lots of dough
That your Doc-Surgeon bio’s all wet!

The Shrieker (Limerick)

Friday, May 17th, 2024

A young woman who talks a blue streak,
Has a voice that’s a maddening shriek.
But although she is yappy,
Her hubby seems happy.
(It must help that the man’s an antique.)

*****UPDATE: CURRENT LIMERICK-OFF DEADLINE EXTENDED INDEFINITELY***** (See Details Below in my May 29th Comment.) Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SLIP or SLIPPED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: New Date TBA)

Saturday, May 4th, 2024

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SLIP or SLIPPED at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DECEIT, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DECEIT-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
BOTTLE, DARK, GUITAR, RELEASE, SCOLD.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa, and use any other variant of the random words. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 2, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 1, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SLIP or SLIPPED-Rhyme Limerick:

The young oboist tried not to slip
While adjusting her reed; a small snip
Was essential — that’s all!
The reed cracked! Did she bawl?
No, she still kept a stiff upper lip.

And here’s my DECEIT-Themed Limerick:

You have taken advantage of me,
Yet again, said a gal to “pal” Leigh.
I’m feeling abused,
Betrayed and misused,
And I’m betting a court will agree.

You’ve frequently borrowed my spouse
To repair things that break in your house.
It appears that “repair”
Is code for “affair.”
How dare you have sex with that louse!

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

Do not bottle up feelings, we’re told,
But that sort of advice leaves me cold.
Were my feelings released
I’d turn into a beast;
An express-it-all, ornery scold.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Bad Taste? (Limerick)

Saturday, April 27th, 2024

“Tell me, why are you dating that bum?”
Said a gal to her strict-vegan chum.
“Yes, that fellow’s no saint,
But the man sure can paint!
Plus the guy has a very green thumb.”

A Hairy Tale (Limerick)

Friday, April 19th, 2024

I went gray at a premature age,
But embraced it and hoped to look sage.
For a lawyer sans penis
Back then? Mars v. Venus!
Young, female, and short — NOT the rage!

The Unbearable Air (Limerick)

Saturday, March 23rd, 2024

An old woman kept humming an air;
A refrain that her spouse could not bear.
“Stop that racket!” he shrieked.
She refused, so he freaked.
Will she do it again? Alas, NE’ER!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SHOT or SHOTS at the end of any one line.(Submission Deadline: April 6, 2024)

Saturday, March 9th, 2024

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SHOT or SHOTS at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PICTURES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PICTURE-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
AMUSING, DOCTOR, NEUROTIC, POSTPONE, VANITY.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 7, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 6, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SHOT or SHOTS-Rhyme Limerick:

“That damn bartender’s AWOL,” said Scott
To his prep cook. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
“Though I’ve never mixed drinks,
I can do it, methinks,
So I gladly will give it a shot.”

And here’s my Picture-Themed Limerick:

“Gotta rush to the bookshop. I’m late!
I am meeting another blind date.
And that chick better look
Like her pic, or I’ll book
It, cuz boy, am I sick of pic-bait!”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

An old woman who loved to complain,
Was neurotic and stubborn and vain.
When her doctor prescribed
Her a cane, the gal gibed:
“That will ruin my look. Where’s your brain?”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Sisterly Advice (Limerick)

Thursday, March 7th, 2024

“Is that fellow the best you can get?
I’m concerned and perplexed and upset,
Also worried and puzzled.
The guy should be muzzled!
You want a wild beast? Get a pet!”

Flinging Suspicions (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 6th, 2024

“I’m convinced that my spouse had a fling,
Though he told me he’s done no such thing.
I believed him, at first,
But that bubble soon burst;
He came home the next day bearing bling.”

Gunning For Trouble? (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 28th, 2024

“At the moment we met, I was charmed.
But my mood swiftly moved to alarmed
When my date turned irate
Without cause, while she ate,
As she brandished hard proof she was armed.”

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: WRY or RYE or AWRY at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 9, 2024)

Saturday, February 10th, 2024

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using WRY or RYE or AWRY at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TEETH, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TOOTH/TEETH-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
LOOK, MESSY, PROOF, RIDDLE, UNFAIR.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 10, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 9, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my WRY or RYE or AWRY-Rhyme Limerick:

Mary’s husband, an insecure guy,
Often asked her, “Is something awry?”
For he feared that his bride
Would soon cast him aside,
Whenever he heard his wife sigh.

“Nothing’s wrong,” she would always reply.
Until one day, she let out a cry,
Saying (weary with rage)
“That damn query’s not sage!
Ask it just one more time, and you DIE!”

Here’s my TOOTH/TEETH-Themed Limerick:

“On your X-rays, I’m seeing decay,”
Said the dentist. “You’ve quite an array
Of molars that must
Be attended to. Just
Pay this sizeable invoice today.”

And here’s my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

“Your article’s riddled with flaws.
Did you proof this? Please look at this clause:
It runs on forever.
So publish this? Never!
Your writing endeavor? Lost cause!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Hazy Gazing (Limerick)

Saturday, February 3rd, 2024

Hubby Mark will readily admit that this is true:

My dear husband, at times, will just stare,
His gaze seemingly fixed on mere air.
What has captured his eye?
The rapture? A fly?
He’s not scared, so I’d guess … not a bear.

I’m Fairly Sure This Never Happened (Limerick)

Friday, January 26th, 2024

A comedian’s gal-fans are reeling
From the news that he’s “guilty of dealing.”
They’re in shock! (His deliv’ry
Can make them feel quiv’ry.)
But at least they’re assured he’s appealing.

The Temptress (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2024

The temptress exclaimed, “Take a lick.
But hurry! You must make it quick,
Or I’ll eat it alone.
Hey, you’ve broken my cone.
Ice cream’s melting all over your… Ick!

Joke-Telling Jen (Limerick)

Friday, January 19th, 2024

A witty old gal nicknamed Jen
Would enjoy telling jokes now and then.
When her spouse failed to get
Jenny’s jests, she would fret
And say, “Laugh, or I’ll tell it again!”

Drumming Up Decadence (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 15th, 2023

What’s my excuse for posting this limerick? It’s November 15th, National Drumming Day.

A drummer had hoped to ensnare
An au pair in a sordid affair:
“Your breasts are so sweet.
May I fondle each teat?”
“You’ve some pair,” she said. “Beat it! No! Ne’er!”

A Close Call (Limerick)

Friday, September 29th, 2023

A musician enjoying a fling
With a gal, almost bought her a ring.
What changed the man’s mind?
He was saddened to find
She mistakenly thinks she can sing.

The Confession (Limerick)

Wednesday, September 27th, 2023

Said a gal to her closest friend Jean:
“Did you sleep with my boyfriend? Come clean!”
Jean confessed: “Don’t be pissed!
I told him, ‘Desist!’
Seems his language skills aren’t too keen.”