Archive for the ‘Animal & Pet Humor’ Category
Thursday, October 25th, 2007
I’m an insomniac and I must admit to taking a bit of solace at learning from a podcast that “zebrafish – a common aquarium pet – can have a genetic mutation linked to sleep problems.”
That calls for a limerick, don’t you think?
Fishing for Company
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I can’t sleep. I don’t know what to do.
Troubling thoughts seem to come, right on cue.
But my iPod distracts me
With news that attracts me:
“Sometimes fish get insomnia too.”
(You can find more of my pets and animals humor here and my health humor here.)
Tags: Animals, Fish Humor, Insomnia Humor, iPod, Scientific Research, Sleeplessness, Zebrafish Limerick
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Limericks, Science Humor, Sleep & Insomnia Humor | 4 Comments »
Sunday, October 21st, 2007
These two horse-related poems were loosely inspired by this week’s Totally Optional Prompt:
First, a limerick:
A Horse of A Different Color
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are folks who succumb to a weakness
For races like Belmont and Preakness.
But there’s only one horse
Race I’ll bet on—the course
To the White House—a sign of my geekness?
And now, a haiku about New York City:
Trumpeting cars horns.
Clip-clopping carriage horses.
Central Park Sunday.
(You can find more of my horse humor here.)
Tags: Belmont Stakes, Central Park, Horse Humor, Horse Racing, New York, Political Horse Race, Preakness Stakes, Triple Crown
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Haiku & Senryu, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Outdoors Humor, Queens Verse & Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Sports Humor | 17 Comments »
Sunday, July 15th, 2007
May I Please Have Your Paw In Marriage? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Is your schnauzer in love with your collie?
Jolly England can help you, by golly:
Canine weddings—dog marriage
I’d never disparage.
But prenups? Now that would be folly.
Fine Feathers, a farm in the Staffordshire Moorlands, is offering pet “weddings” for people who want their dog, cat, or farm animal to marry its mate. I found this gem of an oddball story in the weird news feeds, which are regularly updated on my offbeat news page.
(You can find more of my dog and animal related poems and humor here and my marriage humour here.)
NOTE ABOUT THE UPDATE: I decided I didn’t like the last line of my limerick and have replaced it with a new one. (The old one was “But please don’t let ferns marry holly.”)
Tags: Animal Verse, Animal Weddings, Canine Poems, Collie, Dog Humor, Jolly England, Pet Limericks, Pet Marriage, Schnauzer
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Social Satire | 7 Comments »
Tuesday, June 26th, 2007
Cashing In With “Doggie da Vincis” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A dog trainer needed some cash,
So she dreamed up a plan—made a splash:
Teaching dogs how to paint
Abstract art. Great they ain’t,
Though their pictures make mine look like trash.
According to a June 2007 AP news story, Mary Stadelbacher, a dog trainer from Salisbury, Maryland, taught three dogs how to hold a paint brush and paint abstract art. The “doggie da Vincis” are being featured in a Salisbury University art gallery and also have a line of greeting cards.
I must admit to being conflicted about this story. On the one hand, it strikes me as utterly absurd and makes me feel bad for artists who paint actual art. On the other hand, those dogs sure as hell paint a lot better than I can.
(You can find more of my dog and animal related verse and humor here and my money humor here.)
Tags: Abstract Art Satire, Animal Training, Canine Poems, Dog Painters, Dog Trainers, Doggie da Vincis, Dogs Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Art Humor / Verse, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Social Satire, Weird News Snark | 9 Comments »
Monday, June 18th, 2007
A Lamb On The Lam (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A lamb on the lam in the City
Of New York, which most clearly has pity:
The lamb escapee
Said, “You ain’t eating me!”
He was pardoned, and so ends this ditty.
I couldn’t resist writing a limerick about the seven-month-old lamb that escaped a live-animal market in The Bronx, New York and led police on a several block chase before it was captured. Animal lovers will be glad to know that instead of being returned to the market, it was delivered to an animal sanctuary.
(You can find more of my animal humor and verse here and more of my food humor and poetry here.)
Tags: Animal Limerick, Animal Lovers, Food Limerick, Lamb, New York City Limerick, Pardon Limerick, Police Limerick, Sheep, The Bronx
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Weird News Snark | 2 Comments »
Sunday, June 10th, 2007
I love animals, so I can understand why pet owners sometimes get a bit carried away. But this takes the kibble:
Yoga for What???
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There is yoga for doggies, I swear—
Caught a canine-filled class on the air;
Watched the owners and pets
Stretch and pose in their sweats—
Cosmic moolah they must have to spare.
UPDATE: Happy “International Yoga Day!” (June 21)
UPDATE 2: I finally have proof that I didn’t make dog yoga (doga) up.
Tags: Canine Humor, Canine Yoga, Dog Humor, Dog Owners, Dog Yoga, Doga, International Day of Yoga, International Yoga Day, June Holidays, Pet Owners, World Yoga Day
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, New Age Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Social Satire | 6 Comments »
Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
Only In Queens, New York (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Wanna ride?” says a cop on the force.
I decline, though politely, of course.
I am tired, it’s true,
But my joints do not rue
My refusal. He’s riding a horse.
(True story: A New York City cop on horseback offered me a ride after I complimented him on his beautiful (and gigantic) horse. Though tempted for roughly a nano-second, I took pity on my back and said a cowardly “no thanks.”)
Tags: Animal Verse, Cop Limerick, Horse Humor, Horseback Riding, New York City Cops, Police Force Poem, Policeman Verse, Queens New York Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Queens Verse & Humor | 16 Comments »
Friday, April 13th, 2007
A Doggone Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“It’s so cute!” said the child, with delight.
“You can’t have it,” said Mom. “Puppies bite.
It’s adorable, true,
But dogs nip, bark, and chew,
And your Daddy will cower in fright.”
UPDATE: Happy National Puppy Day! (March 23rd)
Tags: Animal Satire, Child Humor, Family Fun, March Holidays, National Puppy Day, Odd Holidays, Parental Humor, Pet Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Children Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Limericks, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Odd Holidays, Relationship Humor | 2 Comments »
Monday, March 5th, 2007
Dog Days Of Roofing
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Our roofers must enter your yard,
But their access is blocked by your guard—
That gargantuan Doberman,
Feared by most sober men—
And boozing pre-roofing is barred.
Tags: Animal Satire, Booze Humor, Canine Humor, Construction Humor, Contractors Humor, Dog Humor, Home Repair Humor, House Repairs, Pets Verse, Roofing Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Food & Drink Humor, House & Home Humor, Real Estate Humor | Comments Off on Dog Days Of Roofing
Friday, February 16th, 2007
Here’s another limerick about our recent New York snow and ice storm:
The Up Side Of Winter
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Outside our abode, it ain’t nice;
There’s snow on the ground and there’s ice.
But I’m snug in my house—
Just me and my spouse
And our mouse. Leave this haven? No dice!
Tags: Home, House, Ice, Marriage, Seasons, Snow, Snow Poetry, Storm, Weather Humor, Winter
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Computer Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, House & Home Humor, Marriage Humor, Outdoors Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | Comments Off on The Up Side Of Winter
Monday, January 15th, 2007
Marriage Catch
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Said the fellow, “I need some advice.
Tell me how I can catch me some mice,
Cause my wife saw some lurk
By the fridge—went berserk!
Till I catch ’em, my sex life’s on ice.”
(My marriage humor is collected here.)
Tags: Marriage Humor, Mice Humor, Sex Humor, Vermin Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor | 11 Comments »
Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007
Appearances Count (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Her appearance took all by surprise,
For her hair had succumbed to some dyes.
Her lush tresses, once red,
Were now turquoise instead.
Say goodbye to that Westminster prize!
(For those who aren’t familiar with the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, it’s a prestigious international dog show and competition, held annually at Madison Square Garden in New York City. It dates all the way back to 1877.)
(My pet and animal humor is here.)
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Canine Humor, Dog Humor, Madison Square Garden, Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Entertainment Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks | Comments Off on Appearances Count
Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
Where’s The Beef?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A butcher once had quite a beef.
His grievance? A meat-stealing thief,
A man who, when caught,
Claimed the beef had been bought.
‘Twas a story that beggared belief.
Tags: Beef, Butcher, Criminals, Food Verse, Law Humor, Meat, Theft
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Business Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, November 21st, 2006
Ode To Autumn
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The most colorful season of all
Is autumn, which many call fall.
It’s the time when leaves die
In a feast for the eye,
And fat turkeys await their last call.
Tags: Holidays, Leaf Peakers, Northeast Travel, November Holidays, Seasonal Verse, Thanksgiving, Turkey Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Holiday Humor, Limericks, Outdoors Humor | 4 Comments »
Thursday, October 26th, 2006
Being a feminist, even a moderate feminist like me, can make it tough to dodge duties unsuited to the squeamish. In my case, squirrel removal.
Like most people, I prefer my squirrels outdoors. So I wasn’t exactly pleased when a squirrel decided to invade my turf. One morning last winter, when I was barely awake and shuffling down our basement stairs, something with a bushy tail flashed past me, mere inches from my toes. So I ask you, what’s a feminist to do? Yell hysterically? Scream for help? Well, … yes. I also scrambled up the steps, slammed the door, and told myself the squirrel would find its own way out.
For the next few hours I wondered what my squirrel was up to. I even tried to talk myself into marching downstairs and facing him down. Or creeping downstairs and checking things out. Or opening the cellar door just a crack, peering down the steps, and shutting the door fast before the squirrel became suspicious.
What kind of feminist was I, I asked myself, as I paced a floor above the intruder. Surely Gloria Steinem would stand her ground against a tiny rodent. Thank goodness I wasn’t famous enough to be a Rush Limbaugh target. “Femi-Nazi hypocritical wimp Madeleine Begun Kane is ascared of a wee little squirrel,” he’d surely say if he knew I existed. … (A Squirrely Lesson is continued here.)
UPDATE: Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day, January 21st!
Tags: Basement, Cellar, Exterminators, Femi-Nazi Humor, Feminism Humor, Home Ownership, Husband Wife Humor, January Holidays, Odd Holidays, Rush Limbaugh, Squirrel Appreciation Day, Squirrel Humor, Trapping Animals
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Feminist Satire, House & Home Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Marriage Humor, Odd Holidays, Relationship Humor | 15 Comments »
Monday, October 9th, 2006
If you’re a feline fan who’s very allergic to cats (as I am) and you’re very rich (as I’m not,) scientists have come to your rescue with genetically altered cats:
Ode To Genetically Altered Cats
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Do cats make you suffer and wheeze?
There’s a cure for some real hefty fees:
A kitty whose genes
Are swept allergen clean.
You can kiss and it won’t make you sneeze.
Tags: Allergens, Allergy Humor, Biotech, Cat Genes, Cat Humor, Cats Humor, Feline, Health Satire, Hypoallergenic Cats, Kittens, Pet Humor, Scientific Advances
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Limericks, Science Humor | 7 Comments »
Friday, August 11th, 2006
I read recently that elegant dog garb and pricey canine day-care are “in” these days. Frankly, I was pleased to learn this. For until I acquired this seemingly frivolous bit of information, I was seriously concerned about my parents.
My mom and dad bought a toy poodle nearly a decade ago and, almost immediately, my mother took to her knitting. Multi-colored dog coats. Stylish woolen sweaters. Pixie the poodle dressed better than I do.
I wasn’t worried, at first. I just assumed that my mother’s knitting was part of a plot to garner grandchildren. Her unspoken message? “If you and your brother don’t give me a reason to knit booties, I’ll simply knit doggy-wear instead. … (A Poodle Tale is continued here.)
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Dog Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Father Humor, Grandchild Humor, Mother Humor, Parent Humor, Pet Humor, Poodle Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Children Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Relationship Humor | 2 Comments »
