Archive for the ‘Animal & Pet Humor’ Category
Thursday, February 27th, 2014
Here are my entries in the Washington Post Style Invitational’s good/bad/ugly contest:
Good: While walking through a wildlife preserve, you encounter a crane.
Bad: It’s moving toward you, getting too close for comfort.
Ugly: A man in a hard hat yells, “Whoops!”
Good: You get a great sounding job and are promised tons of bread.
Bad: The job turns out to be boring.
Ugly: You’re paid in actual bread.
Good: You and your spouse like to dance, so you sign up for swing.
Bad: You enter the club and hate the music.
Ugly: The dancing is horizontal.
Good: You’ve earned an MS in Zoology.
Bad: Despite your credentials, finding a job is tough.
Ugly: You’re finally working in a real zoo … a New York deli.
You can find the entertaining winners list (which doesn’t include me) here.
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Dancing Humor, Employment Humor, Outdoors Humor, Washington Post Style Invitational, Wildlife Humor, Zoology Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Contests, Dance Humor, Outdoors Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | Comments Off on The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
Sunday, December 1st, 2013
I rarely write science-related limericks. But I just couldn’t resist this headline: “‘Humans evolved after a female chimpanzee mated with a pig’: Extraordinary claim made by American geneticist.”
In A Pig’s Eye!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You might ask how a masculine pig
Got a chimp that was female to dig
Him enough to have sex.
I’m guessing a hex,
Using feathers and maybe a fig.
Tags: Animal Verse, Bawdy Humor, Chimpanzee Limerick, Evolution Humor, Genetics Limerick Chimp Humor, Pig Humor, Science Humor, Scientific Research
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Limericks, Science Humor | 16 Comments »
Wednesday, October 30th, 2013
If being wrapped in pythons would enhance your massage experience, do I have a spa for you! Get yourself right over to the Bali Heritage Reflexology and Spa in Jakarta, Indonesia, which claims that snake-draping combats stress.
A Spa To Hiss (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Oh joy! Here’s a spa to avoid:
When massaging you, snakes are deployed.
Yes, they drape you in snakes,
Claiming fear aids your aches.
You feel great … right until you’re destroyed.
Tags: Animal Verse, Fear Humor, Health Limericks, Indonesia, Massage Humor, Pythons, Relaxation Humor, Snake Limericks, Spa Humor, Stress Humor, Therapy Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Anxiety & Stress, Behavior & Personality, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, October 6th, 2013
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman encountered a snake…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here are my two limericks:
Snake Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman encountered a snake
And wondered just what it would take
To catch it and kill it,
Then drizzle and grill it,
Or perhaps add some pastry and bake.
and
A woman encountered a snake–
Not a reptile — a man on the make.
In response to his hype,
She said, “I know your type.
Your style is I give and you take.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
UPDATE: October 21 is Reptile Awareness Day.
Tags: Animals Poetry, Battle of the Sexes, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, October Holidays, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Poetry, Reptile Awareness Day, Snake Limericks, Writing Prompts
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 67 Comments »
Saturday, September 14th, 2013
I wrote this limerick in sympathy for the poor blobfish, recently declared to be the “world’s ugliest animal” and named the mascot for the Ugly Animal Preservation Society:
Limerick Ode To The Blobfish
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I am NOT that bad looking a fish,”
Said the blobfish, a fish that ain’t swish.
“And it hurts when you smugly
Keep calling me ‘ugly,’
Though it beats being somebody’s dish.”
Tags: Animal Limerick, Blobfish, Fish Humor, Food Verse, Lookism Humor, Ugly Animal Preservation Society, Ugly Animals
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks | 25 Comments »
Saturday, February 2nd, 2013
Limerick Ode To Groundhog Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s an animal hogging the news
And casting a shadow on views.
It’s the groundhog, of course:
Our annual source
Of featherbrained seasonal clues.
Happy Groundhog Day! (February 2nd.) And for more groundhog poetry, visit DVerse Poets.
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, February Holidays, Groundhog Day, Groundhog Humor, Odd Holidays, Punxsutawney Phil, Seasonal Humor, Spring Poetry, Weather Forecast, Weather Humor, Winter Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Holiday Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 18 Comments »
Wednesday, January 9th, 2013
The 9-1-1 emergency number has become so common, you’d think people would know when (and when not) to use it. But apparently not.
How NOT To Use 9-1-1 (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The 9-1-1 number is meant
For a notably urgent event.
Don’t call to report
A stale pizza or torte…
Or hamsters that breed sans consent.
(Using 911 to report a lion sighting in Virginia is probably okay … even if it turns out to be just a labradoodle groomed to look like a lion.)
Tags: 911 Calls, Animal & Pet Humor, Cops & Police, Crime & Punishment Humor, Emergency Calls, Emergency Line Limerick, Food Verse, Hamster Humor, Labradoodle Humor, Lion Humor, Pizza Humor, Policeman Verse, Telephone Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Telephone Humor | Comments Off on How NOT To Use 9-1-1 (Limerick)
Wednesday, October 24th, 2012
Congratulations to Denise Dresner on the publication of her limerick book, Cat Limericks. Here are some sample limericks from her book:
A fabulous feline called Cleo
Loved Carnival time down in Rio.
She’d join the parade
Dressed in full masquerade
And dance through the streets with great brio!
*****
There once was a cat from Menorca
Whose favorite poet was Lorca;
She’d lie on the beach
Her books within reach
And amaze the occasional gawker!
*****
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Cat Humor, Cat Limericks, Denise Dresner, Limerick Books
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Books, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Monday, October 15th, 2012
I swear that this limerick is based on an actual news item: Artist makes music with bird droppings in Liverpool.
Mucked Up Music (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Just what is a person to do
When creative ideas are few?
If your muse flew the coop,
Here’s an int’resting scoop:
Compose music by using bird poo.
Tags: Animals Poetry, Artists, Bird Droppings, Bird Humor, Bird Poo, Composers, Creativity, Inspiration, Music Humor & Verse
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Creativity Verse, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Music Poems | 11 Comments »
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012
In Honor Of World Animal Day, celebrated annually on October 4th, here are three endangered species limericks: Limerick Odes to the Tasmanian Forester Roo, the Hippopotamus, and the African Wild Ass. (I previously posted my Rhino limerick, which is included in the International Poetry Anthology For Rhino in a Shrinking World.)
Limerick Ode To The Tasmanian Forester Roo
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Tasmanian Forester Roo
Is endangered. So here’s what to do:
Sign petitions. Give cash.
Host a fund-raising bash,
Else its time on this earth will be through.
Limerick Ode To The Hippopotamus
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When I look at a hippo I wonder:
What’s the size of its herbivore plunder?
At three point five tons,
It clearly outguns
Any crops as it tears them asunder.
Limerick Ode To The African Wild Ass
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The African Wild Ass, alas,
Is at risk. It may soon come to pass
That the last one dies out.
It’s endangered, no doubt.
This horse-cousin may vanish en masse.
UPDATE: February 15 is Hippo Day and Endangered Species Day falls on the third Friday of May.
Tags: African Wild Ass, Animal & Pet Humor, Animal Verse, Endangered Species, Endangered Species Day, Extinct Animals, February Holidays, Hippo, Hippo Day, Hippopotamus, May Holidays, Odd Holidays, Rhino, Tasmanian Forester Roo, World Animal Day
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays | 10 Comments »
Sunday, September 30th, 2012
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman displayed her dismay…*
or
A fellow displayed his dismay…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Dismay
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman displayed her dismay
At her pug, who refused to obey.
She’d hound him and bray,
Till her pet ran away.
‘Tis no wonder her dog would not stay.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Dog Limerick, Dog Verse, Limerick Contest, Pet Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Pug Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 80 Comments »
Friday, September 21st, 2012
Tomorrow, September 22nd, is World Rhino Day. And I’m very pleased to announce that my Limerick Ode To The Rhinoceros is included in the International Poetry Anthology For Rhino in a Shrinking World. And that it was one of five of the anthology’s poems read at a World Rhino Day celebration in Grahamstown, South Africa.
Limerick Ode To The Rhinoceros
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The rhino appears prehistoric,
With a diet that’s vega-caloric.
It’s endangered, alas.
Laws to save it must pass.
This would make all its lovers euphoric.
UPDATE: May 1 is Save The Rhino Day.
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Animal Verse, May Holidays, Odd Holidays, Poetry Anthologies, Rhino In A Shrinking World, Rhinoceros Limerick, Save The Rhino Day, September Holidays, World Rhino Day
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Books, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Poetry Books | 14 Comments »
Sunday, June 24th, 2012
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was putting on airs…*
or
A fellow was putting on airs…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Airs
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was putting on airs
And attracting a whole lot of stares.
She puffed and she preened,
Till from warnings she gleaned
That behind her were lurking three bears.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Bears Humor, Behavior Humor, Limerick Contest, Outdoors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Wild Animals Poetry, Wildlife Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Outdoors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 122 Comments »
Thursday, June 21st, 2012
I’ve been known to lash out against people who drive red cars:
Now I’m no scientist or statistician. I have no idea whether the color red inspires insanity in drivers, or if bad drivers are genetically attracted to it. All I know is that whenever I see a driver doing something spectacularly stupid, he’s doing it in a flaming red automobile.
But after reading this article about red cars and bird poop, I’m starting to feel a bit sorry for those drivers:
Research in five cities found 18 per cent of red cars were marked with deposits, followed by blue (14 per cent), black (11 per cent) and white (seven per cent).
For the cleanest ride, the best advice, appropriately, is to go green – just one per cent of that colour was smeared.
But even pity can’t stop me from writing this limerick:
This Limerick’s For The Birds
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s a riveting fact about birds,
Which is likely to trigger foul words:
They like dropping their poo
Upon autos whose hue
Is red — their pet target for turds.
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Animal Verse, Bad Drivers, Bird Droppings, Bird Humor, Birds, Car & Driving Humor, Red Cars, Statistics Humor, Surveys
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Car & Driving Humor | 4 Comments »
Saturday, May 19th, 2012
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who tried to persuade…*
or
A fellow who tried to persuade…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Unpersuasive Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who tried to persuade
A banker to come to her aid
Got no help with a loan—
Not so much as a bone.
No bucks for her horse bus’ness. Nayed!
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bank Humor, Banking Limerick, Business Loan Humor, Horse Humor, Limerick Contest, Loans & Borrowing, Money & Finance Humor, Persuasion Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Business Humor, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 112 Comments »
Tuesday, April 17th, 2012
Are you all ready for National Pet Owners Independence Day?
A gal who’d been cleaning was jarred
By some leaves just dragged in from her yard.
Displaying a broom,
She yelled, “Sweep up this room!”
To her dog. (Guess she’s working too hard.)
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Animal Verse, April Holidays, Backyard, Dog Verse, Dogs Humor, Household Chores, Household tools, Pet Owners, Pet Owners Independence Day, Spring Cleaning, Stress Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Anxiety & Stress, Behavior & Personality, Chores Humor, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays | 6 Comments »
Tuesday, April 10th, 2012
A horseback-riding reader asked me to write a tax-related limerick. Here’s what I came up with:
Reining In Your Returns (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
To the folks who find horseback transcendent,
Please beware, you could be a defendant,
If when doing your tax,
You err to the max
By declaring your horse a “dependent.”
Tags: Animal Verse, Dependents, Financial Poetry, Horse Humor, Horseback Riding, Income Tax Humor, IRS, Money & Finance Humor, Tax Filing Humor, Tax Poetry
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Tax & IRS Satire | 12 Comments »
Wednesday, January 25th, 2012
I strongly support stem cell research. But that doesn’t mean I won’t mock it. After all, science article titles like this are impossible to resist: Stem Cells Build a Better Rat Penis.
Waxing Silly About Science (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Is your rat penis painfully small?
There’s help for you — here’s who to call:
A Doc at Tulane —
His team will explain
How stem cells can make that thing tall.
Tags: Animal Verse, Bawdy Humor, Medical Studies Humor, Medicine, Men's Health, Penis Humor, Rats Humor, Research Limerick, Science Verse, ScienceNow, Stem Cell Research, Tulane
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Bawdy Limericks, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks, Science Humor | 7 Comments »
Monday, December 26th, 2011
This “torment your pet frog” video, which features an iPad screen depicting tasty-looking insects, reminded me of an old humor column of mine:
Bugged By Ads
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you saw what looked like an insect on your television screen, what weapon would you reach for? A wad of tissues, perhaps? Okay, let’s make the bug more menacing than your average house invader — let’s make it a cockroach.
I’m guessing you’d grab a sacrificial magazine, roll it up, and take a swing at the screen. A swing strong enough to demolish the roach (you hope), while leaving your TV set more or less intact.
I’m also guessing you’d avoid guaranteed glass shatterers like hammers, drills, and chain saws. And up till this very moment, I would have sworn that a motorcycle helmet would sit atop the no-no list. Apparently, I was wrong.
A Tampa, Florida woman actually threw a motorcycle helmet at a TV screen roach. Overkill? I’d say so. Especially when you consider that:
1. The helmet trashed her screen; and
2. Her TV screen was cockroach-free.
No, I’m not talking about an LSD-crazed youth doing battle with hallucinated insects. I’m talking about a grown and presumably sober person who (along with other TV viewers) was suckered by Orkin Pest Control’s all too realistic ad featuring an animated roach crawling across the screen.
Like many others who were taken in by Orkin’s ad campaign, this Tampa woman was determined to kill the roach. Unfortunately, the only thing she managed to kill was her television set.
End of story? Of course not. This happened in the USA where people, including our helmet-wielding woman, want to be compensated for their injuries.
Now I’m a recovering lawyer and I used to handle my share of civil … and uncivil … litigation. So you might ask me what I’d do if I were consulted by the owner of a TV set destroyed by a motorcycle helmet aimed at a nonexistent roach.
Being a cautious and thorough attorney, I’d carefully evaluate the case by asking questions like:
1. Your one-of-a-kind, irreplaceable helmet was badly dented, right?
2. Have you had full body x-rays to check for internal TV screen glass shards?
3. How’s the helmet flinging-induced carpal tunnel syndrome progressing?
4. Why aren’t you seeking treatment for your extremely painful ducking to avoid glass-induced whiplash?
Orkin doesn’t appear to be worried about litigation. In fact, Orkin’s treating the whole matter with a sense of humor. It even ran an Orkin “Got Me” drawing at its (Orkin.com) Web site, asking viewers to describe (by April 30th) how its “fake out” cockroach crawling across the screen ad campaign “got” them. According to the submission information, “ALL ENTRANTS will be placed in a random drawing for a BRAND NEW TELEVISION.”
I was planning to email an entry myself, but I had a bit of a mishap: The roach that adorns Orkin’s submit button looked so real, I threw my shoe at it and broke my computer screen.
Tags: Advertising Humor, Frogs Humor, Insect and Bug Humor, Insects, iPad Aps, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Litigation Humor, Marketing Humor, Orkin Pest Control, Roaches Humor, Video Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Insect Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Marketing Humor | 3 Comments »
