There once was a newlywed rhino
Who discovered her mate was a wino.
“We’re endangered,” she’d curse.
“Your damn wine makes it worse!”
“White wine’s fine,” he replied. “I’m albino.”
(My first rhino limerick is here. It’s included in the International Poetry Anthology For Rhino in a Shrinking World.)
Happy World Rhino Day! (September 22)
A zoo worker fouled her own nest
By planting false rumors with zest;
That some birds were at large
Cuz the fellow in charge
Told the penguins: “You’re free. Go fly west.”
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BARK or EMBARK at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SPRING, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SPRING-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 15, 2018 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you four full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 14, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
“Why were canines allowed on that ark?”
Whined a woman whose dog-fear was stark.
Then she jumped up and bawled,
When a pooch-owner drawled:
“Sawyer’s bite is far worse than his bark.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
A doctor would frequently treat
His patients as if they were meat.
“My patients are pigs,”
He’d proclaim from his digs
Near a farm, which was piglet replete.
Happy National Pig Day!
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using REST or WREST or ARREST at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GUILT, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best guilt-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on October 1, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 30, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A fellow attempting to rest,
Told his girlfriend, “Your parrot’s a pest!
“So it’s him or it’s me!”
“I’m setting you free,”
She responded, “Go find a new nest!”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
UPDATE 5 (September 2) — On the off chance that anyone is still interested, I’ll be resuming my Limerick-Off challenges on September 17.
UPDATE 4 — AUGUST 20: I’m making progress and hoping to resume my Limerick-Offs mid-September. In the meantime, feel free to continue writing “train” rhyme limericks and limericks with any of these themes: GARDENING, DOCTORS, SUMMER FUN, &/OR CAFFEINE.
UPDATE 3 — AUGUST 5: Limerick contest results will CONTINUE to be delayed while I continue to recuperate from wrist surgery. (My apologies! But unfortunately, lots of physical therapy is required!) In the meantime, here’s YET ANOTHER theme for your limericks: CAFFEINE.
UPDATE 2 — JULY 21: Limerick contest results will CONTINUE to be delayed while I recuperate from emergency wrist surgery. In the meantime, here’s YET ANOTHER theme for your limericks: SUMMER FUN.
July 7 UPDATE: Limerick contest results will be delayed while I recuperate from emergency wrist surgery. In the meantime, here’s another theme for your limericks: DOCTORS.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TRAIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GARDENING, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best GARDEN-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on July 9, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 8, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A man was attempting to train
His young pooch to pee fast in the rain.
The obstreperous pet
Just adored getting wet,
So it lingered – dry clothes down the drain.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
A farmer who tried to produce
A plausible, timely excuse
For gambling away
His nest egg, today
Came up empty, self-cooking his goose.
Happy Goose Day! (September 29)
When I miss a big day, I’ve regrets,
And I’m tempted to spew epithets.
Nearly failed to relay
It’s “World Elephant Day,”
But an elephant never forgets.
*****
Elephant Appreciation Day falls on September 22.
It’s Lion Day. Give a big roar!
Categorical praise is in store
For the king of the jungle.
And kindly don’t bungle
This message: Show hunters the door.
Happy World Snake Day! (July 16)
A man was beginning to grasp
The danger of bites from an asp.
A thought bubble snaked
Through his brainwaves half-baked:
“Pet asp? I’m an ass!” — his last gasp!
It’s time for a string of rhymed words
To acknowledge this day for the birds.
And to those who cry foul
With an anti-lim howl,
How dare you insult lim’rick nerds!
There are three separate bird days, that I know of: Bird Day, National Bird Day and Migratory Bird Day
Bird Day is today, May 4. National Bird Day falls on January 5. And Migratory Bird Day is celebrated on the second Saturday in May.
Though it’s springtime, the temp’rature’s low.
It’s damp, and the wind’s all a-blow.
And I swear that I heard
These words chirped by a bird:
“For THIS I flew north? I hate snow!”
While many admire the spider,
To be candid, I can not abide ’er.
When I spied ’er last night,
I eyed ’er with fright
And begged hubby to please outside guide ’er.
(March 14th is National Save A Spider Day.)
Happy National Mutt Day! (It’s celebrated twice a year, on December 2nd and July 31.)
Today we must cherish the mutt.
Mongrels matter, no if, and, or but.
Purebred dogs may be chic,
But each mixed breed’s unique.
It’s clear cut. Walk yours proudly and strut.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using TEND or ATTEND or PRETEND at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner early on November 29, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full two weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, November 28 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A horseman refused to attend
Any weddings, detesting the trend
Of his friends getting married
And ending up harried:
“It’s time for this nightmare to end!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Just in time for National Cat Day (Oct 29):
Dear cat, you can’t dupe me with purr-bull,
And you don’t deserve anything herbal.
No treats and no pity,
Felonious kitty!
I’ve proof that you’ve eaten my gerbil.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using ROAD or RODE or ROWED at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
Said a sandal-clad man on the road
To his newly bought country abode,
“Though I don’t mean to quibble,
I just felt a nibble.
Could my toes have encountered a toad?”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
You can stop badgering me: I’ve written a National Badger Day limerick.
Though I don’t mean to badger or nag,
Your attention has started to lag
When it comes to my craze
For animal days.
My proof? Where’s your “Badger Day” flag?
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either CHOW or CIAO at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A woman said “Ciao!” to her chow
When she heard it emit a meow.
She was vexed and upset;
Though her vet swore her pet,
Was a canine, that gal had a cow.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
“Sex with a duck” is bound to come up when the Limerick-Off rhyme word is “duck.” But I certainly didn’t expect a Facebook limerick argument over duck sex and animal rights.
Here was my light-hearted response to the dueling limerick writers:
I think sex with a duck would be foolish,
While sex with foie gras would be ghoulish.
With your species, please stick.
All else would be sick.
I’m strict about that, even mulish.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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