Prone Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A guy who was frequently prone…
or
A gal who was frequently prone…
Here’s mine:
Prone Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A guy who was frequently prone
To gamble with cash from a loan,
Dealt with lenders who whack
When you don’t pay them back.
Now he’s prone in cement, grave unknown.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Borrowing Money, Debt Humor, Gambling Limerick, Gangsters, Lender Verse, Limerick Contest, Loans & Borrowing, Mafia, Money & Finance Humor, Murder Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A guy who was frequently prone
To lay hands where the sun never shone
Tried for GOP nod
But the victims, by God
Were too plenty for him to atone!
A gal who was frequently prone
To talking too long on the phone
Found her ear had adhered
And it really looked weird,
People said ‘We just don’t like her tone.’
*
A gal who was frequently prone
To memory gaps when alone
Had diamonds to view
Dashed off with a few
Now cell describes more than a phone.
A guy who was frequently prone
To buying an empty ice cream cone
Once got a scoop
Let his johnson droop
Finding American Pie isn’t the only thing you can bone
A guy who was frequently prone
To indulge his caprices alone
Now has lots of new friends
On a website he tends,
Which is pricey, but lacking in tone.
A guy who was frequently prone
Had a wife who wouldn’t leave him alone
Wanting him all the time
Even if it meant supine
He never got any rest for his poor old bone
**Maybe it’s just me and Pat, but I think you may have opened the floodgates for dirty limericks (is there really any other kind?).
A guy who was frequently prone
to big mistakes – causes unknown –
took the wrong wife
and messed up his life
Now he’s happier living alone.
A gal who was frequently prone,
Would frequently moan and then groan:
“The guys in this town
Are getting me down
By constantly paying to bone.”
A guy who was frequently prone
To rhyming which made others groan
Attempted a rhyme
Promptly charged with a crime
The judge said he’s bad to the bone
A gal who was frequently prone
To hysterical fits on the phone,
Calls her mom in a swoon,
“Is B-Bert a balloon?
He c-constantly asks to be blown!”
A gal who was frequently prone
To coming home very late all alone
Her dad had a fit
And mom pulled a snit
They said when you’re late use the phone
A guy who was frequently prone
To lecture his flock to atone
Found that living in glass
Can be dangerous, as
It breaks when you cast the first stone
A guy who was frequently prone
To do all those things when alone
That the Bible proclaims
We should all do with dames
Says “I’m not a kid now.” (Full groan.)
A guy who was frequently prone
To lying face down when alone
Said, “It may not show class
When exposing my ass,
But it beats out what else could be shown.”
In my earlier submission, if possible, I’d like to change “stylish” in L5 to “pricey” if possible.
(Note from Mad Kane: I’ve made your change.)
Just getting my tacky one out of the way:
A gal who was frequently prone
To engaging in sex on the phone
Found repeat business hard
Since her number was barred
By the women whose husbands she’d blown.
Konrad– I see you used the same rhyme scheme — but yours is funnier:)
A guy who was frequently prone
Would plank in his house, all alone.
Then he opened his doors
To guests from all shores;
He provides room and board. (Now you’ll groan.)
A guy who was frequently prone
To avoiding tough questions was thrown
In the midst of his mess
Cause she’d kept the damn dress!
By an intern, his hopes were now blown.
Well, if we’re going there…
A gal who was frequently prone
To lie on her back and to moan
Her choice of careers
Appalled many peers
But man was she giving good phone
A gal who is frequently prone
Takes all of her jobs just by phone
High-priced call girl she is,
Call and give her your biz!
She’ll come ministrate soon on YOUR bone!
–A radio promo in a less repressive society.
A man who was frequently prone
To wear clothes that were clumsily sewn
Was often abashed
When his privates were flashed,
But through no conscious fault of his own.
A man who was frequently prone
To sitting all day on the throne,
Said, “It’s great to be king,
But there’s only one thing:
It’s a toilet, and I’m in Bayonne.”
A man who was frequently prone
Decided he’d like his own clone.
When asked to say why,
He replied, “One more I
And I would not mind being alone.”
A man who was frequently prone
Said, “The purpose of life can’t be known.
In the absence of facts,
I say why not relax
Down here on the ground like a stone?”
A guy who was frequently prone
To acts caused by testosterone
Denied all those acts
In spite of the facts.
Now he stays home with glory, alone.
A guy who was frequently prone,
Lived his life as if on a high throne.
He loved to be fed big, fat grapes,
One at a time–(the egoistic, big ape)
While he jabbered all day on the phone!
A guy who was frequently prone
To air slogans like gaudy cologne
Has just passed the baton
To his fellow don juan
Who’s as rank as a rotting old bone.
A guy who was frequently prone
Developed an itchy shinbone.
He reached down and scratched,
But his head got detached
When rising up under his tombstone.
A guy who was frequently prone
To watch TCM all alone
Skipped films like Jurassic
Park to watch all the classic
Old movies that starred Franchot Tone.
A guy who was frequently prone
To play till the thing was full grown
Said, “I cannot abide
To watch it subside.
All play and no work makes me moan.”
A guy who was frequently prone
To partake of too much provolone
Figured out that the breeze
From all of that cheese
Was likely what kept him alone.
A guy who was frequently prone
To ponder the known and unknown
Knew he knew what he knew
What was false, what was true,
But not what was chiseled in stone.
A guy who was frequently prone
to scream and sob and moan
every night he did drench
in aftershave stench
too bad, the old boy was alone.
A guy who was frequently prone
To throw the proverbial first stone
Got caught in a lie
Which he tried to deny
And for which he will have to atone.
A guy who was frequently prone
To bootleg and bribe and condone
Behavior most cruel
To guard gangland rule
Had his tombstone engraved: Al Capone.
A guy who was frequently prone
To wet dreams as he dozed in the zone
In daylight discovered
His pj’s were covered
With seeds he’d unconsciously sown.
A gal who was frequently prone
To a French existentialist tone
Hung out with Camus
And Jean-Paul Sartre, too.
To her friends, she was known as Simone.
A gal who was frequently prone
To pretend with an orgasmic groan
Found when Harry met Sally
She caused fans to rally
And mimic her Meg Ryan moan.
A gal who was frequently prone
To sing songs (her name: Patti Lupone)
In her role as Evita,
Argentine senorita,
Won the heart of “patrie” and Peron.
OMGosh, poor chap. We were in town on Saturday and saw 2 loan shark businesses on the high street! Bravo again Madeleine!
I will have a think about this first line…
A gal who was frequently prone
To chatting for hours on the phone
Heard her hubby complain
(Though his words were in vain)
That she’d likely end up all alone.
A guy who was frequently prone
Lay face down in the mud all alone
He’d gone clubbing that night
Now he looked quite a sight
And the smell clearly wasn’t cologne
A guy who was frequently prone
To make sexy remarks on the phone
Was shocked to his gristle
At the blast of a whistle
And his burst ear-drum caused him to moan
A guy who was frequently prone
To ride until finally thrown
This rodeo clown
Got up when knocked down
But sadly broke his collar bone
A gal who was frequently prone
To put off, delay and postpone
She found her true calling
The Department of Stalling
At a bank, refinancing your loan
Rubber-Band Regret
A guy who was frequently prone
to gain cash that others had blown
spent a small fortune on
rubber-bands, with a yawn.
“I’d invested if only I’d known.”
(click the link on my site to learn who spent all this money on rubber bands…)
I made a second (only slightly different) version to try rhyming in Spanish…
A guy who was frequently prone
to gain cash that others had blown
spent a small fortune on
rubber-bands, with a yawn.
“Esto me hace un papelon?”
(there should be an accent over the o in papelon, but I can’t get the usual command to work on blogger…)
A man who was frequently prone
To puns that would make people groan
Was oddly perplexed
To be so undersexed
And to spend all his evenings alone.
A gal who was frequently prone
To spending her nights all alone
Would fuss with her hair
Thinking someone would care
Until by the wind it was blown
A guy who was frequently prone
To play what he called his “trombone”
His sliding and playing
Was rather dismaying
As was his pet name: sexophone.
A gal who was frequently prone
Whenever a mirror was shown
To ask, am I fairest
Till finally, embarassed
The mirror said: no, you old crone
A guy who was frequently prone
was happy his seed had been sown.
His girl had said no
but she gave him the go
when he found her erogenous zone.
ha, i scare you…smiles.
a gal who was frequently prone
to choke over dinner on bones
kept clear of chicken
still finger lickin
she cooked them in nuggets at home
A guy who was frequently prone
To practice a midnight trombone,
One morn woke to find
His slide realigned
By person or persons unknown.
A guy wo was frequently prone
To breaking his large funny bone
Could not stand a joke
No, our humorless bloke
Lived life in a laugther free zone
A guy who was frequently prone
To be anxious was home all alone
And began hearing things.
Is it critters with wings?
Nah, it’s only some killer homegrown.
A gal who was frequently prone
To a louder than usual moan
Thanked her man for the tip,
An old sure-fire lip-zip.
He said humbly, “My part’s overblown.”
A guy who was frequently prone
To eat chicken wings down to the bone
Surprisingly swallowed
A bone less than hollow
And squawked like a cockatoo flown.
Said a guy who was frequently prone
To mix up the Rhine and the Rhone,
When I see a French river
I get all a-quiver–
A vowel movement all of my own.
A guy who was frequently prone
To speak in a dull monotone
Said, I…am…so…glad
To…see…you…but…sad
That…you…have…to…leave…now…for…Boulogne.
A man who was frequently prone
To inhabit his own twilight zone,
With upper lip curling
Snarled, “Don’t call me Serling!
I’m his extraterrestrial clone.”
A gal who was frequently prone
To sail from the port of Bayonne
Her trips to Bermuda
Were all shoulda, coulda
Alas, she kept sailing alone
A guy who was frequently prone
to name calling and throwing stones
Had one tossed back
Thought he was under attack
and realized his freedom had flown
A man who was frequently prone,
Or supine (the facts are not known),
Arose or sat down
With a jubilant frown,
Then strummed on his alto trombone.
A gal who was frequently prone
From indulging in much Côtes du Rhône
Raised a glass (in a dream)
At a bistro in Nîmes,
While asleep on the floor in Bayonne.
Madeleine, I love your limerick this week – it’s grim and funny all at once. By the way, you inspired today’s economic limerick:
A risk manager, naturally prone
To deny an improvident loan,
Heard the boss say: “We’re wishin’
To cut this position;
Not that of the loan, but your own.”
A guy who was frequently prone
To work his trombone to the bone
They call him the stallion
But he’s hardly Italian
Though he worships the works of Stallone
A gal who was frequently prone
To cruises that paddled the Rhone
Till bugs found her bateau–
bit her tete to her toe–
and turned her fair skin a deep jaune.
A guy who was frequently prone
whenever he talked on the phone,
found reception quite poor
from his spot on the floor,
so made it a Skype-only zone.
A guy who was frequently prone
To violating the neutral zone
Got captured by Kirk
And went quite bezerk
But was sedated by the Dr called Bones
A gal who was frequently prone
To listen to voices alone
The Maid of Orlean
Could have used Thorazine
Or a covenant arc, poor old Joan
A gal who was frequently prone
To show off to rich men alone
Said, “My furs are all sable
And I set a fine table.
What else would you like to be shown?”
A guy who was frequently prone
to text on his cellular phone
in his car, pressed his luck,
till he met with a truck –
now his only text’s carved in his stone.
A guy who was frequently prone
to farting said, “I’m too well-known
for my passing of gas,
so I’ll cover my ass
by wearing a lot of cologne!”
A guy who was frequently prone
To toot on his flute a wrong tune
Heard his wife say. “It’s not
As if I wed a Scot
Whose pipers intention’lly drone!”
A guy who was frequently prone
Liked to live practically on throne
Gets his head cut off some time soon
Prone on the ground
now headless and alone
Shashi
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Whispers Buddha Song
At Twitter @VerseEveryDay
A guy who was frequently prone
To say “you shall rip what I’ve sewn”
His apparel designers
Made clothes just for minors
He knew they’d be quickly outgrown
I was inspired by Surreal
A guy who was frequently prone
To pronounce “You shall reap what I’ve sown”
Married several times over
Though naught were in clover
Now he’s plenty of time to bemoan
A guy who was frequently prone
To setting his laws into stone
He loved burning bushes
And carving cartouches
He taught us to read them in tone
A guy who was frequently prone
To experience sex on his own
Sighed, “I can’t find this spot
That, I’ve heard, gets ’em hot,
Though I’ve found an erroneous zone.”
A gal who was frequently prone,
Conducted her business by phone.
This saucy sweet honey,
Made plenty of money.
Her pricing you see was “Per Moan”.
A gal who was frequently prone
to spend her life texting on phone
didn’t see the train coming,
the crash it was numbing,
she now resides beneath her headstone.
A guy who was frequently prone
to visiting the pub late all alone
used to tell his wife lies
until she sent her spies.
He was forced for his sins to atone.
A girl, who was frequently prone,
Was amazed how her business had grown.
“I’m flat out at work”
She said with a smirk,
“I’m helping the wild oats to be sown.”
A girl, who was frequently prone,
Was seldom in that position alone.
“Most, of course,
Prefer intercourse,
But others are happy to be blown.”
A king who was frequently prone
Had a very uncomfortable throne
He was caught lying down
Then he lost his gold crown
Now his rein short and unknown.
Thanks so much everyone for your wonderful limericks! This has been a hard-fought contest, but it’s finally over. And the winner is…
You can find out who won Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mention winners here: Limerick of the Week 39.
But you can still have fun with limericks. A new Limerick-Off has already begun right here: High Limerick. I hope to see you all over there!