Edible Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man was attempting to eat…
or
A gal was attempting to eat…
Here’s mine, which I hope doesn’t describe your Thanksgiving dinner:
Edible Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man was attempting to eat
When he spotted a mouse near his seat.
So he smashed down his foot,
And the mouse went kaput,
As his kid cried, “You killed little Pete!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Children Limerick, Food Humor, Food Verse, Mice Humor, Parenting Humor, Pets Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Thanksgiving, Writing Prompts
A gal was attempting to eat
A pizza she thought was a treat
She decided to pass
Godfather’s? How crass.
Herman Cain had just groped her teat.
A man was attempting to eat
Fish and chips while he walked down a street,
When along came a gull
With one thought in its skull
And his meal was at once incomplete.
A man was attempting to eat
A doughnut, that was oh so sweet
Being of generation X
He thought it better than sex
So he gave all his friends a Tweet.
A man was attempting to eat,
Not with his hands, but his feet,
When he mistook his toe
For a hunk of Boursault*,
Which made him the joke on the street.
*Boursault is a soft French cheese
A man was attempting to eat
A plate of spaghetti that wasn’t very neat
The strands slipped and slid
Meatballs went into a skid
Though famished he conceded defeat
A man was attempting to eat
As if it was some fancy treat
Some gator with fries
Though now he denies
And says that it was chicken feet
A man was attempting to eat
Heard his phone ring to the usual beat.
He picked it up
Forgetting his pup
Who thought it was a tasty treat
A man was attempting to eat
His mother-in-law, Margarite.
After much finger licking’
He said, “Tastes like chicken.”
His fingers, he meant, not her feet.
Is there a reason why my entry isn’t posting? And others are? Thanks.
NOTE FROM MAD KANE: There’s a delay on everyone’s first post which must be hand-approved by me. After that, your posts should go up immediately, assuming you sign in with the same name and email address. Thanks for joining in, Elizabeth! Your limerick has now been approved and is visible to all. :)
A gal was attempting to eat
She searched for a free treat
She found one
But it was no fun
A guy who is just chicken feed
Hank
A man was attempting to eat
Some supper with Mondrian, Piet.
“Help yourself to the Edam.
Your kids? I won’t feed ’em.
Remember, the meal’s Dutch treat.”
A man was attempting to eat
A dinosaur buried in peat
He could manage the ears
But it ended in tears
When he finally choked on the feet.
A man was attempting to eat
a bad itch he did have on his feet
He took off his shoes
He had nothing to lose
but his friend who abandoned his seat.
A man was attempting to eat
In the mess hall, the usual treat.
He started to tingle
When he saw on a shingle
What his fellow GI’s would excrete.
A man was attempting to eat
something he thought would be sweet
to his surprise it was bitter
his mouth cringed and he started to jitter
then fell right out of his seat
A man was attempting to eat,
But his lady prefered to stay neat.
They shared a hot shower.
He made her bud flower.
And after a rinsing, repeat?
A man was attempting to eat
Himself — He bent down to his feet,
But somehow his mouth
On its journey down south
And his groin never managed to meet.
A gal was attempting to eat
A sword which measured three feet
She found it quite hard
to swallow a yard
So had to resort to a cheat
She hid the blade down her side
’cause she couldn’t get it to glide
down her gullet with ease.
The circus said, “Please.”
And fired her because she lied.
A gal was attempting to eat,
In a bistro, a plate of pommes frites.
While drinking some rouge,she
Spilled wine–a deluge, oui,
That turned her blouse color to beet.
A man was attempting to eat
But ON each try, met with defeat;
Last night’s dinner at noon
Fin’ly downed with a spoon:
That’s what happens when you use your feet.
A man was attempting to eat
A snake, starting off with its feet.
He grumbled, “This bet
Won’t defeat me just yet!” —
A misjudgement conceived in conceit.
A man was attempting to eat
A taco he bought on the street.
He’s someone I follow
On Twitter. Each swallow
Was widely proclaimed in a tweet.
A gal was attempting to eat,
But said, “Thank you, I’m more than replete.” —
As her mammy contrived.
But when ice-cream arrived
She was looking for house-slaves to beat.
A man was attempting to eat
In his car, driving home down the street.
In a ’68 Cougar,
A big juicy booger
He nibbled with manners discreet.
A gal was attempting to eat
Adorned herself pretty looking neat
Played hard to get
Much to her regret
Ended hungry just shuffling her feet
A large baby attempting to eat
While strapped into a restraining seat
Got into a mood
And threw all her food
Now the van’s rear is topped with a sheet.
A man was attempting to eat
At Le Restaurant Jean B. Lafitte,
But his face became pallid
When part of the salad
Got up and walked off on six feet.
(This actually happened to me.)
A gal was attempting to eat
a roast turkey made without meat.
It looked like a bird
but was sculpted bean curd
held together with bits of whole wheat.
Happy Thanksgiving (from a longterm vegetarian.)
A gal was attempting to eat
At a state fair campaign meet ‘n’ greet.
She swallowed a corn dog
With appetite whole hog
Eliciting many a tweet.
A man was attempting to eat
A bicycle – yes, quite a feat;
When he choked on a pedal,
I fear what he said’ll
Be thought too obscene to repeat.
See: Metal Eating 80 Year Old
Eyeuw! Poor Pete!
A man was attempting to eat
A few dozen dogs to compete
In Nathan’s traditional
But hardly nutritional
Mid summer hot gluttony heat
Not to influence anyone, but so far I like Dr. Goose’s the best, followed not to closely by Schechter’s tweet.
A man was attempting to eat
When his wife hollered out, “Trick or treat!”
It was then he took note
She held open her tote
So he thoughtfully offered his meat.
A man was attempting to eat
While singing “I knew it complete”
Since he wasn’t a star
The bread in his jar
Didn’t rise. He was saddened, but sweet
A man was attempting to eat
While hungry dogs begged at his feet
Some folks deplored it
But most just ignored it
He slipped all the puppies a treat.
A man was attempting to eat,
but he didn’t want anything sweet,
He decided on salad
while his wife sang a ballad
about sharing some ice-cream – Dutch treat!
A man was attempting to eat
A daunting variety of meat
This churrascaria
Acidized his urea
And now he has gout in his feet
A gal was attempting to eat
A salty and chocolaty treat
When she noticed her thighs
Had doubled in size
She ate it anyway- tout de suite!
A man was attempting to eat
Whipped cream from a pretty girl’s feet
He tickled her toes
Took a foot in the nose
And cried out with a whimpering bleat
A man was attempting to eat
when he noticed dead flies at his feet;
he scooped them right up
and into his cup
to add crunch to his microwaved treat!
A man was attempting to eat
His desire a morsel très sweet
After searching the cupboard
“No treats here!” he blubbered
And departed head hung in defeat.
A gal was attempting to eat
Something secret she could not repeat
It was long as a tote
Wouldn’t fit down her throat
Jalapeno kielbasa’s not everyone’s treat.
A gal was attempting to eat
A delight she could not repeat
It was long and real hard
Had to swallow it with lard
But a record she set with her feat.
A gal was attempting to eat
A length of spaghetti – six feet;
She forgot that to coil it
She’d first have to boil it,
Now she’s had to move up from petite.
A man was attempting to eat
with his family who was so elite,
With his spoon on his right,
and his fork of sight
He destroyed his pie, made of mince-meat!
A man was attempting to eat
As he tried to get up from his seat
His plate contents fell
And he shouted Oh hell!
As he stood with his food on his feet.
A gal was attempting to eat
An entire menu complete.
She progressed from the fish
To the main menu dish
With her eye on the most tempting treat.
a man was attempting to eat
when taken by the aroma of feet
in trying the cheese
he found it to please
so it must be the sole of his meat
A gal was attempting to eat
A thing some refer to as meat.
“I feel some unease
Down here on my knees —
And should we be out in the street?”
A man was attempting to eat
His foes, vegan book-read elite,
By dissing their toppings
As sissified droppings —
Real cowboys like guy piles (all meat).
It’s always fun visiting your blog. Hopefully, in the near future, (my novel will be published and) I will have more time to play!
A man was attempting to eat
A very young bird, all a-tweet.
“I know who is sassy,
But she is my lassie.
I never would eat Parakeet!”
A man was attempting to eat
Outside in the cold and the sleet.
“Food’s cold,” he complained,
As he icily reigned
O’er his guests who soon got cold feet.
A man was attempting to eat
A good friend who lived down the street.
It’s easy to bungle
Your meal in the jungle.
Just make sure your neighbors are sweet.
A guy was attempting to eat
A sheep’s head. He thought, “Not much meat!
“I think that in future
“I’ll ask that nice butcher
“To leave them attached to the feet.”
A man was attempting to eat
So much that he fell through his seat
Got stuck in the frame
His gut was to blame
You could say he was no athlete.
I have always enjoyed reading your limericks… and this one was beautiful. I did try before but I think I will give it a miss this time…
Shashi
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Whispers Sights
At Twitter @VerseEveryDay
A man was attempting to eat
Da standard Thanksgiving Day treat–
Da white turkey breast
And all of de rest
In the end, he conceded de feet.
A man was attempting to eat
A drumstick — he liked the dark meat–
When a well-meaning guest
Who’d been served from the breast
Warned him, “Dark meat will make you excrete.”
A man was attempting to eat
What he shot, since it’s always a treat
To feast on one’s labors.
So why did his neighbors
All laugh? He was dining on skeet.
very cute!
A man was attempting to eat
With a banker who worked on Wall Street.
“Please let me explain,”
He said, sipping champagne,
“It stimulates growth when I cheat.”
A man was attempting to eat
Two rectangular pastries: a treat.
When harassed on their shape,
He replied, mouth agape,
“Simple: pies, sir, are square.” Clear defeat.
A man is attempting to eat
But meets with a constant defeat
Our Tantalus tries
But as much as he vies
The fruit and the water retreat
A gal was attempting to eat,
But then took a look at her seat.
She’d eaten too much,
And was now out of touch
With the toes at the end of her feet!
A fellow was trying to eat
Habanero-laced pancakes, a treat
That he chewed up too well
And was burning in Hell
Where the devil just turned up the heat.
A fellow was trying to eat
Things acquired from a bet. He’d been beat!
They divided a cow.
The lost bet explains how
She got steaks, he got teats and de feet.
A man was attempting to eat
a sandwich with brown luncheon meat
and cheese that was green
‘cause he knew the latrine
was just a short distance to beat.
A gal was attempting to eat
A hot brät from the guy down the street.
“Yes, of his, it’s my first,
Though I’ve tasted much wurst.
I’m convinced you won’t beat this man’s meat.”
A man was attempting to eat
Without an exposure to heat
He can’t stand the kitchen
It gets him to itchin’
So he cooks all his food in his suite
A man was attempting to eat
While tapping a beat with his feet
His rhythm and blues
Came out of his shoes
Without getting up from his seat
A man was attempting to eat
Whatever was under his feet
No maggot or worm
Could make this guy squirm
No termite or beetle too sweet
Thanks so much everyone for your delightful limericks and kind comments. This Limerick-Off is officially over. Who won? The winners list is here: Limerick of the Week 37.
But don’t worry, more limerick-challenge fun has already begun. You can find a new Limerick-Off here: Spent Limerick.