Fair Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was lovely and fair…
Here’s mine:
Fair Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was lovely and fair
Had a spouse who’d gone heaven knows where.
She suspected foul play.
She’s the victim, I’d say:
An affair in his lair caused her scare.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Affair Limerick, Battle of the Sexes, Cheating Spouse, Crime, Foul Play, Husband Wife Limerick, Infidelity Humor, Marital Relationships, Marriage Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A gal who was lovely and fair
accepted an interesting dare
she married for money
and called him her honey
and now they are quite a rich pair
OK…Begging forgiveness in advance from all the ladies, here’s mine:
A gal who was lovely and fair
Had some long blond curly hair.
She was a fine young lass
With a nice little ass
And did I mention, she also had a nice pair.
You can unleash your scorn now
A guy who was lovely and fair
Was often subject to doubt and dispare
He fell in love with himself
Which was not good for his health
And he started going downhill when he lost all his hair
A gal who was lovely and fair
In her world had nary a care
Till the sad day arrived
Into badness she dived
With piercings, tattoos and shaved hair
A girl who was lovely and fair?
He wondered if she had a spare,
because with Viagra,
he’d flow like Niagara.
To waste this would just be unfair.
A gal who was lovely and fair,
Wed a prince, an actual heir
But soon, what the heck?
She was touring Quebec!
O Canada! Why’d we go there?
A gal who was lovely and fair
had a quite intense stare.
Her eyes were like lasers
Her touch just like tasers
No wonder her lovers were rare.
A gal who was lovely and fair
bought bath salts to soak in elsewhere.
With one little sniff,
she dreamed of a cliff
and dove in her tub unaware.
A girl who was lovely and fair
dyed her hair red for a dare
despite the red thatch,
collar and cuffs didn’t match
and her fella did nothing but swear
A girl who was lovely and fair
got a job as a family’s au pair.
She gave birth to a child
of the “Gov’, now reviled.
‘He’ll be back’ ‘though, so please don’t despair.
COVER UP!
A gal who was lovely and fair
Went around with her top half all bare.
She was grabbed by police
Who said ‘This stunt must cease!
You really should grow longer hair.’
A gal who is lovely and fair,
has a website where I can share,
my verse and my wit,
but I’m so full of shit,
she can probably smell me from there.
A gal who is lovely and fair
With locks of long, wavy hair
Takes her lim’ricks wheree’er she goes
Like her rep, her hair just a-grows
Look out! She’s off on a tear!
Personalities, news and weather
She posts them separately and together
Entertainment it seems
Fulfills all her dreams
Her disposition is as light as a feather.
It’s really hard to laugh at politics
We do it to keep from killing the dicks
Who can so easily abuse us
And believe they can use us
When they’re nothing but useless pricks.
I wish I could think it was funny
That they arrange to steal all of our money
They should be in jail
And never get bail
But for them, life is nothing but sunny.
Thanks to Mad, we can giggle
She’ll poke, prod and wiggle
To get words to rhyme
Matching metres every time!
Wish I could be patient and not jiggle!
A lass who was lovely and fair
Knelt down so to offer this prayer
“Dear Lord, through your grace
give the devil a chase
for this gent is just too debonair.”
Though she tried not to notice his charm
His green eyes had the pow’r to disarm
the most innocent maid
with his daring charade.
She awakened, dismayed, in his arm.
A gal who was lovely and fair
Had the temper of a mean grisly bear
She went for a ride
Was pulled over to the side
And to the trooper she went on a tear.
Now the trooper was no wimp for sure
He took all he could possibly endure
Though the gal huffed and puffed
She had her wrists quickly cuffed
And found herself deep in manure.
A gal who was lovely and fair
Didn’t fret when she lost all her hair.
Since, transgendered to male,
Though his scalp now is pale,
Low-maintenance baldness lends flare.
A gal who was lovely and fair
Worked as a concessionaire,
With goods contraband,
And fine sleight of hand,
She quickly became a millionaire
All the publicity and glare
Made the IRS get in her hair
They plotted, they planned
And lo! caught her offhand
Turning a blind eye to laissez faire
Our gal full of spunk and dare,
Did manage to evade their snare,
Based now in Seychelles,
Heading some cartels,
She lives there, a fair billionaire
A gal who was lovely and fair
Longed for a beau fine an’ debonair
But the dishy were rubbishy
Uppish , even swishy,
So she wed a crusty ol’ billionaire!
A gal who was lovely and fair
Told the guy in the director’s chair
“For this role I would pose
In your room with no clothes
On my back, with my legs in the air.”
A gal who was lovely and fair
Just didn’t like washing her hair.
It got so entangled
And wiry and brambled
That Sparrows began nesting there.
A gal who was lovely and fair
Often liked to lure men to her lair
She dampened her vest
And puffed out her chest
Then lay with her legs in the air.
Oops, cheeks flaming now!
Hm … never wrote a limerick before.
a gal who was lovely and fair…
cried terribly after loosing her hair
each strand was pulled out
by a real lout
who was otherwise a cute kid
(now half way through this I concluded that I needed to google limerick)
but obviously had issues with his id
what would SFreud say today heaven forbid
if he looked down from above
to see them in love
funnier things have happened you know
A gal who was lovely and fair
Always wore dresses that were “barely there”;
Said she, when asked why:
“It’s true, I’m shy,
– but I like to make the men stare.”
A gal who was lovely and fair
With long golden flowing hair,
Was rescued from her tower,
By a prince of great power
Who used her hair as a stair.
A gal who was lovely and fair,
had strawberry scent in her hair,
and nice melons to boot,
a real passion fruit,
but now she is shaped like a pear.
it is always cool to read you.
fun one.
A gal who was lovely and fair
To others seemed quite debonair.
She really was shy,
Never slept with a guy
But only her old Teddy Bear.
This is so much fun to read.
You certainly know how to get everyone’s rhyme going!
Great way to start the week.
Nice one!
A gal who was lovely and fair
Drew men who felt licensed to stare.
So she carried a sign
That read “My body’s MINE —
Show respect or risk hospital care!”
A gal who was lovely and fair
Liked luring men into her dark lair
The cruel dominatrix
With her whip gave them flicks
And they went home with welts everywhere.
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. And please keep them coming!
A gal who was lovely and fair
Was always completely unaware
She strolled down the street
To a rock n roll beat
Completely and utterly bare
a gal who was lovely and fair
was courted because of her hair
’twas golden and long
the subject of songs
but her face, it did give them a scare
A gal who was lovely and fair
Caught heck when she let down her hair
Men they would hound her
Rudely surround her
And that’s why she shaved her head bare!
A girl who was lovely and fair
said, “I really could give a care,”
which grammatically errs
but it’s what she prefers,
“cuz I speak quite well English,” she’ll swear.
A gal who was lovely and fair
Often posed like a star on the stair,
Until one day she crashed
And that pretty face smashed,
Now her smile is, alas, rather rare.
A gal who was lovely and fair
Always strolled with her midriff a’ bare,
The gents of the town
Couldn’t help but look down,
But the matron did nothing but glare.
a gal who was lovely and fair
once dated a man on a-dare
far below standard
for ugly he’s branded
but love came along with a flare
lol. i try. far short but…
A girl who was lovely and fair
Gave all her young boyfriends a scare
She behaved like a bitch
And said she was a witch
Soon none of the fellows was there
…………..
A girl who was lovely and fair
Did remarkable things with her hair
Dyed it red white and blue
Then she got a tattoo
But I’m not going to tell you just where
…………..
Thank you for your comment thanking me on my site.
It is we who should say thank you for organizing this and giving us an opportunity to test our limerick skills!
A gal who was lovely and fair
In love with a pilot might dare
To ask for a date.
She’ll just have to wait.
Her fate is still up in the air.
A girl who was lovely & fair
ran through the city all bare.
The townsfolk were shocked
then later mocked
’cause she was red everywhere.
A gal who was lovely and fair
Was a difficult person to scare.
Broken mirrors bring fears
Of seven bad years?
On reflection, she just didn’t care.
A gal who was lovely and fair,
Caught sunning her rear in fresh air,
Laughed; pulled up pink bloomers.
Her watchers heard rumors
She liked it when locals would stare.
A gal who was lovely and fair
Grew used to how people would stare.
She vowed she’d be mayor
And all would obey ‘er;
She’d delegate, nude, from her chair.
A gal who was lovely and fair…
“To eat?” asked the third, Baby bear.
“We love Goldilocks
In her cute little frocks,”
Mused Papa, “Though she broke your chair.”
“But why did she run to the wood?
I’ll leave her alone, if we should,
But she sure smelled tasty!”
“Son, let’s not be hasty,”
Sighed Mama: “It’s hard to be ‘good’…”
A gal who was lovely and fair
And an ape with much bodily hair,
With a dignified carriage,
Would consummate marriage
A thousand feet high in the air.
A gal who was lovely and fair
What others thought, she didn’t care
She wore her paisley maxi
And hailed a yellow taxi
With not a penny to pay the fare
:)
Yea.. no match for yours, Madeleine.. but I tried.. :)
I enjoyed your limerick so much..so beautiful…
Thanks for joining in the Poetry Potluck WK 43 which I am hosting for the first time… hope you have liked it too…. and wish to see you again…
Shashi
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
A gal who was lovely and fair,
once found a dead frog in her hair.
She jumped all about
and started to shout;
get it out, I don’t like that thing there.
Mike
A gal who was lovely and fair,
Neglected her face and her hair.
She spent her life giving,
And now she is living
With beauty and laughter to spare!
A gal who was lovely and fair
Thought she could dance like old Fred Astaire.
But out on the floor
Her cut was a bore,
And ended each eve in a chair!
A gal who was lovely and fair
Wished her freckles would just disappear.
But there they all sat,
While she cursed and she spat,
And so now she has ugly to spare!
A gal who was lovely and fair
Was a judge you could never compare.
She’d give equal voice,
And make such a choice
That both parties found justice to spare!
A gal who was lovely and fair
Put mustard and dill in her hair!
She used this new goo
Instead of shampoo
So the men would all not stop and stare!
Thanks again everyone for your delightful limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over, and you can view the Limerick of the Week Winner’s list here.
But you can still have fun writing limericks. In fact, a new Limerick-Off challenge has just been posted.
Hope to see you all there!