Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: WRAP or RAP at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 21, 2021)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using WRAP or RAP at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to MOODS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best MOOD-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on August 22, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 21, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my WRAP or RAP-rhyme limerick:
A worker caught taking a nap
Succeeded at beating the rap:
“My cubicle mate
Caused my somnolent state;
He’s a terribly boring young chap.”
And here’s my MOOD-themed limerick:
A woman whose boss was capricious
Found his mood swings pernicious and vicious.
But HR took his side,
Implying she’d lied.
Soon thereafter he died — death suspicious.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Boredom, Boss Humor, Career Humor, Competition Limerick, Cubicle Humor, HR Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Mood Humor, Mood Limerick, Mood Swings, Murder Limerick, Nap Humor, Personnel Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Sleep & Insomnia Humor, Sleep Limerick, Workplace & Career Humor, Workplace Limerick, Writing Prompts
Ah Hah! “wifey” dear, you’ve been drinking!
Can’t fool me, you really are stinking!
Because of your mood,
I can only conclude
You’re back to that habit of thinking.
I used to be one mature chap.
Never liked all that babyish crap.
But now I’ve regressed.
And completely obsessed
With that groovy and cool bubble wrap.
Lots of nutrients, clappity clap.
No cholesterol, slappity slap.
Tastes real cool with jelly.
Satisfaction in belly.
And that’s what we call white bread rap.
van Beethoven said he was busy.
Ludwig’s life was too much in a tizzy.
He was not in the mood
To compose an etude,
But he did write a nice song für Lisi.
The Bagatelle in a minor WoO 59 nicknamed “Für Elise” is one of Ludwig van Beethoven’s best known works.
Rudy, I’m honored! Between you and me, I am much older than I look.
Beethoven DID write that for me. We were an “item”
Are you sure that you don’t have the clap?
I’m not just one gullible chap.
Oh, Babe, that was great.
But it’s gettin real late.
Gotta go. See you soon. That’s a wrap.
I write lim’ricks when I’m in the mood
They’re my idle mind’s word-snacking food
If they don’t rhyme I whine
till they do, then feel fine
But if Mad doesn’t rate them I’m screwed.
If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s rap,
That mindless, unmusical pap.
The name would be better
With one extra letter;
It shouild be referred to as ‘crap’.
With lust, I began to unwrap
The beautiful girl on my lap.
But I got so aroused
That my passion was doused
By a ‘premature’ sort of mishap.
Napoléon hotly pursued
Her, and often did things rather lewd.
But she ceased to excite,
And he’d say “Not tonight,
Joséphine, I am not in the mood.”
The farmer deserves to be booed.
His dairy production is crude.
His yogurt tastes funky.
His milk pours out chunky.
And his cattle sound off their bad mooed.
One thing I know about dudes
It’s easy to improve their moods
Just show a few snaps
Of some girls without wraps
But make sure the guys aren’t prudes
On the subject of puns, readers waffle.
Some will groan; others say, “They’re unlawful!”
I’ll confess to the rap,
Cuz it’s just so much flap.
But you’d think it would make me falafel.
Now sometimes, when I’m in the mood
I do life-drawing class (I’m no prude).
But the model looks stressed
Fully dressed, – unimpressed
That I choose to paint Him while I’m nude.
Today he is feeling such lust,
He knows very soon that he must
See if wife’s in the mood.
He’ll suggest something lewd,
And hope that his wife gets his thrust.
Should we put a wrap
on the contemporary rap
Oh surely not to stifle
maybe just a little muffle
some still call rock ‘n roll crap
Theme MOOD
When the atmosphere
is cool and clear
and the time is right
you just might
shed a courageous tear
It’s not really how it appears.
Every person I see interferes.
Just because I don’t grin,
The truth is I’ve been
In this mood for the last 50 years.
When my feelings are tied to a tether,
Pulling this way and that way together,
That’s a hitch or a glitch,
I’m not sure which is which,
But my mood all depends on the whether.
Glenn Miller, he was in the mood,
While Ellington often would brood
In an indigo vein.
And though they were twain,
They both were with rhythm imbued.
Hey Bill, will you stop all that gawking!
For fitness, you ought to go walking.
Don’t mean to me rude,
But to lift my bad mood,
Please shut your big mouth and stop talking.
The director said, “Joe that’s a wrap
Let me take this chance to recap
There’s many a factor
That makes a good actor
Of which you possess nary a scrap”
As I slipped through the fun park today
I could feel all my blues slide away,
And a few bad mood swings
Settled down to good things, –
Took me up, in a roundabout way .
For the most part, my sweetie’s real kind,
But now and then, she is inclined
To be in a bad mood,
It’s a cinch to conclude,
When she says those 2 words: “never mind.”
Their boss, in a very bad mood,
Decided to light up his brood.
Attendees relate
An accountant could state
The number of asses he chewed.
The typical “not in the mood”
Goes back to a mindset imbued
With grievances that
Drop desires to flat;
Translation: nobody gets screwed.
Listen To Your Therapist! “Mood Elevators”
“Your doldrums are very extreme.
Take this medicine ; you will just beam.
Have ten doses a day.
Please strictly obey.
It’s a cure-all that’s known as “Ice Cream”
There are three kinds of music, – no question
Namely Good, Bad, and Country-n-Western.
Not exclusive to Rap, –
Two of Three contain crap.
It depends on your taste and perception.
At my best, I’m all sweetness and light.
In this mood I’m as high as a kite.
But beware when I growl,
For my mood has turned foul,
And my bark is no match for my bite
By the light of the silvery moon
I transform not a moment too soon.
And the girl in my arms,
With the loss of my charms,
Takes this opportune moment to swoon.
That’s a ‘wolfish’ mood limerick. Should have made that clearer. Sorry.
One endeavours to weather life’s storm
With a stiff upper lip as one’s norm.
With an unruffled calm,
With good grace, wit, and charm.
Irritation? No! Very bad form.
The mood of the Englishman as portrayed by David Niven.
“Lycanthropic? How dare you! That’s rude.
You’re implying I’m coming unglued.
So, I howl at the moon.
Don’t be so picayune!
Where’s the harm if it lightens my mood?”
Modern sandwiches really are crap,
Designed for the calorie gap.
My own lunchtime mission
Is snackly nutrition
With plenty of veg. That’s a wrap!
My limerick is due today.
But on vacation, I just want to lay.
So here is some pap
and I’ll call it a wrap.
My Trump pieces were stale anyway.
“Hey my darling, are you in the mood?
Testosterone fully imbued?”
“Yes I am!”, my reply …
“How I love D-I-Y,
The best way for a man to get screwed!”
Vice President Burr laid a trap,
A venomous screed full of crap.
Though the duel broke the law,
And all Weehawken saw,
The murderer still beat the rap.
And speaking of rap, you should know
That the duel is just part of the show
Where the great Lin Manuel
Saw a story to tell
That would make him huge pile of dough.
Divorcee found her cervix was capped,
filled with cobwebs and dust and more trapped.
ex-spouse was a jerk,
now married nice clerk.
Undercover and happily wrapped.
On a day in which nothing is wrong,
I sing a real light-hearted song.
But if I see Rick,
My mood changes quick.
Cuz his “long stories short” are too long.
When my mood ring is bright flaming red,
Then nary a tear do I shed.
Bad moods turn it blue.
And then it tends to
Leave a big mark on somebody’s head.
Lisi –you beat me to the punch! (“great” minds think like? Either that or we’re stuck in the seventies?) Now I like your mood ring better than my mood ring.
Though my mood ring is now an antique,
I still wear it (my friends say it’s chic).
That the color each day
Is primarily gray,
Simply means I’m approaching my pique.
(We’ve got a potential saga here. Tolkien, eat your heart out).
Sjaan: LOL !!
If you’d like a career in rap,
You can’t be a pro in a snap.
You must forget grammar.
Think more about clamor.
Do not finish ONE sentence, ‘ole chap.
OR
If you’d like a career in rap,
You can’t be a pro in a snap.
Forget about grammar.
Think more about clamor.
Don’t get stuck in “complete sentence trap”
Will she be in the mood for a wrap,
At that place with the good brew on tap?
No, she’ll spout with a sneer,
“I just never touch beer,
And I don’t eat that pap – not a scrap!”
I’m a woman of contrasting moods,
And for each I wear colorful snoods;
It’s puce, red or yellow
When I have to bellow,
And soft green when I savor good foods.
A one word change (improvement?) in Line 5 of my 4:25pm limerick
Will she be in the mood for a wrap,
At that place with the good brew on tap?
No, she’ll spout with a sneer,
“I just never touch beer,
And I don’t eat that crap – not a scrap!”
Avoiding a musical trap,
She’s not playing country or rap.
The guests there tonight
Want it fluffy and light;
So bring on that old disco crap!
In Beckett’s short play about Krapp,
The actor on stage has to rap
With his very last tapes;
While the audience gapes,
Or else, is just taking a nap.
When the workmates around you are glum
You can disintegrate their ho-hum
By dropping your panties
And showing those anti’s
Your bright smiley-face painted Bum.
Variation of this was sent to AWAD
He’s always been circumlocutional.
That’s legal and quite constitutional.
He’s got a vile rap
And can’t shut his trap.
Trump really needs care institutional.
The froggies and toadies don’t stop.
When they dance to the beat of the bop.
And those webbed feet sure tap
When they groove to good rap.
Cause they all love to hippity hop.
We find wealth readily at The Gap,
with the clothes over priced and then wrapped.
In the cart it all goes,
and boy money sure flows.
They’ll be back in a week for more crap!
We find wealth readily at The Gap,
with the clothes over priced then a wrap.
In the cart is all goes,
and boy money sur flows.
They’ll be back in a week for more crap!
Slight change.
A Little Known Fact
Albert Einstein was very aware
That his intellect surely was rare.
This multi-skilled chap
Also sang real cool rap.
And his stage name was EMC Square.
Al Capone was a very strong chap.
He could lift heavy weights in a snap.
When he aimed for much more,
We must never ignore
His invention of “Gangsta Wrist Wrap”
“With amour I am wholly consumed.
Which is why I am groomed and perfumed.
“Oh, so you’re in the mood?”
“As you see, I am nude.
When I’m naked, the mood is assumed.”
There once was a lawyer named Rudy
Whose cash flow was making him moody.
“Lord Trump, it’s no joke;
Pay my fees or I’m broke!”
The reply: “Stick those bills up your booty!”
A nutritionist in fact-finding mood
Decried alphabet soup as a food
“Avoid eating vowels,
they will clog up your bowels, –
likewise consonants, eg: es-chewed.
Trump’s MAGA brigade has a chap
Who’s busy producing a cap.
It’s silver, not red,
That’s adorning each head;
With Reynolds providing the Wrap.
Yes, I’m in the mood for a nap;
Good book on my lap, comfy wrap;
I doze and I dream,
Then wake to a scream-
“Last stop, folks – and please mind the gap!”
Last Tuesday, I rushed to my shrink.
Told him, “Doc, I am just on the brink.”
My mood was so grim
He said, “My dear Jim
You look like I need a strong drink.”
Third times a charm?
We find lots of rich folks at the Gap,
with the clothes over priced then a wrap.
In the cart it all goes,
and boy money sure flows.
They’ll be back in a week for more crap!
The mood of all seniors: Sublime!
Up the ladder of joy we all climb.
We’re so full of glee.
Because we can pee
And sneeze and laugh at the same time.
A Different L5 of above limerick
The mood of all seniors: Sublime!
Up the ladder of joy, we all climb.
We’re so full of glee.
Because we can pee
Sneeze, laugh, and cough at the same time.
Agamemnon had said quite enough,
And Achilles stumped off in a huff.
Jesses both, they would brood
And maintain their bad mood
Till the time came for Ach’ to get tough.
Sorry, missed out the ‘i’ in jessies. (Brit slang for oversensitive males.)
Agamemnon had said quite enough,
And Achilles stumped off in a huff.
Jessies both, they would brood
And maintain their bad mood
Till the time came for Ach’ to get tough.
The Senior Curmudgeon Speaks:
“I’m too old to get into rap.
Don’t care, cause that hip-hop is crap.
Used to party and drink.
At the girls, I would wink.
But now “Happy Hour’s” a nap.”
Anything crude you sing
I can sing cruder
I can sing anything cruder than you
—lost lyric by Irving Berlin
They say writing’s a character shaper.
That’s just bullshit and gaseous vapor.
I say it’s just crap
Which I carefully wrap
In some “Charmin”, that soft toilet paper.
Commercial director he rapped,
“have shoulders exposed, get girl snapped.
The tension increased,
director a beast.
Outfit in burlap relief to unstrap.
We all love the “Chinese Buffet”
The best part’s the won-ton “display”
The noodle’s the wrap.
Their cooked in a snap.
And are eaten by Jews Christmas Day.
When a well-dressed and handsome young chap,
On the privy door gave a sharp rap,
It opened, and Jane
Said, “God, you again.
Can’t a girl have some peace for a nap?”
When Dad died Mum felt really moody;
The obit she read was quite rude. He
Had died in July;
But the typesetter guy,
Told folk that he had died in Judy.
A moll in a stole, stole a wrap
Which she gave to her favourite chap
But the chap was a mole, –
To reduce his parole
Grassed her up, – now she’s taking the rap.
Always side by side, me and my “hon”
But sometimes I feel I should run.
I get a slight clue
When she feels a bit blue,
When I notice she’s holding a gun.
Baristas say difficult rap,
like half a decafe hold the frapp.
It’s half of the craft,
for being the staffed.
And Starbucks can caffeinate map.
“Put On A Happy Face”
I’m so happy, I can’t wait to run
And delight at the bright shiny sun.
I smile all day long,
Sing a real jolly song.
But I’m mis’rable, so it ain’t fun.
Beethoven dropped in from hereafter
Met Glenn Miller, (but snubbed Frank Sinatra)
Glenn got Lud’ In The Mood
Then co-opted the dude, –
They came up with Moonlight Serenata.
My homework demands concentration,
Requiring much dedication.
And I know in a snap
When the back round is rap,
I sure need a good education.
She was wearing a nice dress and wrap
When her man went and set off a scrap:
“An ensemble like that
Makes your butt look less fat!”
Now he’s learned to shut firmly his yap.
Prince Hamlet, his mood apoplectic
And worried by this dialectic:
Of whether to be
Or of troubles be free,
Lived a life that was surely most hectic.
Angry Rappers: “Where the “F” is the melody?”
I’ve got my own theory ’bout rap.
All that shouting’s because of a sap
Who wrote all the tunes,
But preferred the saloons.
Didn’t show. What a self-centered chap!
I prefer to be under the wraps,
but happens when feet in the straps.
No woman does crave,
but probably shave.
If ‘tending her annual pap.
missed the final ‘s’
I prefer to be under the wraps,
but happens when feet in the straps.
No woman does crave,
but probably shave.
If ‘tending her annual paps.
And Speaking About Moods:
Can’t believe this, you never would guess.
There’s a sign on our door, (what a mess!)
Right smack in the center
It says, “Do Not Enter
Turn Around. Go Away. PMS”
“I was plagued by a toffee-nosed prude –
For disporting myself in the nude –
Till she joined me one day,
In my natal display,
And declaimed, ‘How it brightens one’s mood!’”
I’m aware that I overuse nude
As a suitable rhyme word for mood.
I refuse to use crap,
As a rhyme word for rap,
But must work out a way to use lewd.
Replaces August 11. 9.50am
A moll stole a stole (it’s a wrap)
Which she sold to a girl with a chap.
But the chap was a mole
And the wrap the moll stole
was set by the mole as a trap.
There’s talk that I’m very unkind.
Most people say that I’m inclined
To be moody and gloomy,
Yet if they truly knew me,
I punch them, but just in my mind.
Said the spider, “You’re now in my trap,
And these silks all around you I’ll wrap.”
Said the fly, “Don’t be hasty!
I’m really not tasty;
For lunch I just ate some dog crap.”
I’m Notorious Steve, here’s my rap:
I love strippers who dance in my lap.
I entice ’em with verse,
And my poems are terse;
Just five lines, then I grab, and they slap.
My uncle is one stingy chap.
His presents are second-hand crap.
He re-gifts all that trash.
And saves all his cash.
Then uses a newspaper wrap.
This One Is Better
My uncle is one stingy chap.
His presents are second-hand crap.
He goes to the “thrift”
Then buys you a gift.
Which he covers in newspaper wrap.
A woman was down in the dumps
(She’d been dating a series of chumps).
But the cure for her ills
Wasn’t in any pills;
She just sprang for a new pair of pumps.
When my wife found receipts for massage,
Her suspicions I couldn’t dislodge.
“There was no happy ending!”
I said, but she’s sending
My clothes to me in the garage.
My old tree surgeon, one Woodrow Tapp,
Who fixed trees, using gauze and a wrap,
Almost barking, once said
(his words stick in my head),
“If you don’t think it’s blood, you’re a sap!”
(Tapp cared so much for xylem,
Trees became his asylum.)
The German philosopher Hegel
And his countryman Friedrich von Schlegel,
In the mood for debate
About what they just ate:
“Was it lox that they had on their bagel.”
Confusion when shallow in yap,
is talker a vapid young chap?
inspect then reflect,
select hope correct.
Then scrap or to cousin, we’ll wrap.
“When I’m angry I know what to do,”
Said Donald, “to stop feeling blue.
I gather some friends
And some porn stars (all 10’s),
And together we stage a nice coup.”
For his jaw-dropping lightning-speed rap
They stood up and applauded the chap.
If you need explanations
A standing ovation’s
A vertical very long clap.
Hopefully better.
Confusion when shallow with rap,
is singer a vapid young chap?
Inspect then reflect,
It sounds incorrect.
If frank, it is really just crap.
Did clearly confused our dear Kane,
and really did mess with her brain.
I’ll try much less pap,
may even learn rap.
Less nebulous thoughts you can train.
It’s essential that ev’ry one knows.
Listen up, guys, cause here’s how it goes:
Get outta my face.
I need lots a’ space.
I’m wearin’ my real grouchy clothes.
It’s her birthday, but still I don’t know
How to “pretty up” gifts like a pro.
Yet there’s no need for wrap
And all of that crap.
Cuz there’s something called “bag with a bow.”
You buy someone a gift that’s real neat.
You feel it just cannot be beat.
The hell with the wrap,
And that real fancy crap.
Just remember to keep the receipt.
It’s always a lift to my mood
To see girls at the beach going nude.
At such beautiful sights
No one fusses or fights;
We’d have peace if swimsuits we eschewed.
With a beat and a stomp and a clap,
“We Will Rock You” went wild in a snap.
Although what’s it all mean,
If God can’t save the Queen,
Who created Bohemian Rhap?
Covid Cops.
A detective with questions to ask
Said do not interfere with my task.
You’ve been caught, cut the crap
You’ll be taking the rap
For robbing a bank with no mask.
It’s been a confusing ordeal.
Don’t know if I ever will heal.
Someone stole my mood ring,
In May of last Spring.
Since then, I don’t know how I feel.
Poe would clap o’er his ears a wool cap,
When his nerd of a bird spoiled his nap.
“In my haven, old raven,
You crave misbehavin’,
But jeez,” he cried, “PLEASE! No more rap!”
She had set up the room for her Tim
Moody music, – romantic’ly dim.
Then got stoned in the nude,
Woke up with some dude
Who said “Tim couldn’t make it , – I’m Jim!”
The inventor of girdles got crap
For his work, was an unhappy chap.
Got NO recognition,
Which curbed his ambition.
People said that he got a bum wrap.
The transgression (transmitting the clap)
Cries out for a culprit – some sap
Who’ll fess up to the crime
But not me – not this time!
No, look elsewhere. I won’t take the rap.
Disquietude ne’er makes me brood.
Yet the calm times can make me unglued.
I can smile when I’m sad
And yet sulk when I’m glad.
Thus, my moods often get misconstrued.
I’m moon-struck with joy every day.
No matter the season. It’s May!
But then late at night
With his silvery light
That old devil gloom comes my way.
Hey Coleridge, please show me the map
Where that ill wind did die and entrap
That old, ancient ship
On its long ocean trip
That inspired your mariner’s rap.
It looks like I sure won’t adapt.
And not only that, I feel trapped.
I’m warning you : RUN!
This plight won’t be fun.
The chain on my mood swing just snapped.
My darling, we’d better forego.
Our ride to that wonderful show.
I was just in the mood.
Don’t mean to be rude.
But that was 5 minutes ago.
I’m someone who always feels crappy.
Watch out! I’m exceedingly snappy.
So gloomy am I
That I think I will die.
Then SUDDENLY! I’m real unhappy.
Loud bangs on my door, – Rap! Rap! Rap!
Interrupting my afternoon nap.
Again, – a loud din
Yelling “Please let me in,
I’m in desperate need of a Crap”.
Just an hour remaining on “wrap,”
And I’ve just woken up from a nap!
Like the hare in the fable,
I slept; now some knave’ll
Surpass me here on the last lap!
*************
From Mad Kane:
Your limerick sent me flying to my calendar to double-check. Whew! This contest runs for another week. The deadline is NEXT Saturday, August 21.
In the olden days, young and madcap,
For hours a girl I could zap.
On and on without limits!
Now after two minutes,
My willy proclaims, “That’s a wrap.”
To Mad:
Oops! That’s what a nap does to my brain. Should I resubmit next Saturday or can we pretend?
**********
From Mad:
LOL! Pretending is fine.
A gate-crasher was screaming some rap
and was told to calm down, – “Shut your trap.
We don’t need a loud din,
and you’re not allowed in
So just bugger off now there’s a good chap”.
f you want to know just how I feel
I suggest we go out for a meal.
Then to get my mood randy
You can start with fine brandy
While we dine at the Ritz, that’s the deal.
Mrs. Lincoln came home from the theatre
Distraught, with just one thought that steeled her:
“I can stay in this house;
Andrew Johnson won’t grouse.”
But alas, she soon needed a realtor.
As I sink in the pit of despair
I cry out, “Is there nobody there?”
No surprise, no replies –
No one’s there, damn their eyes!
I’m compelled to conclude life’s unfair.
This is what happens when you read Dostoevsky.
You have questions regarding my mood
And are wondering why I’m so rude?
Shall I give you the gist
As to why I am pissed?
Well, today I got royally screwed.
When my mood starts to swing, please beware.
I can go from a smile to a glare
At the drop of a hat –
In the midst of a chat –
Till the tablets kick in, I’m a bear.
Sometimes I just feel in that mood
To tear off my clothes and get nude
I once got off scot free
When I streaked on TV
So I tried it again and got sued.
How Are You?
I’m in a real poor mental state.
Ev’ry person on Earth I just hate.
I’m filled up with rage.
I can’t stand my old age.
To sum it all up, life is great.
Only verbs can get tense, and have moods
As a means of conveying the ‘tudes
Of their subjects. ‘Do this!’
‘Can’t be sure – hit and miss.’
‘It’s a statement of fact.’ This concludes.
Here’s “real poop” on that unshaven maven,
Surname Poe, with a crow in his haven:
Corax, so full of crap,
On Ed’s chamber would rap.
(That’s the stuff that’s been purged from “The Raven”).
I am frequently told that I’m rude
For disporting myself in the nude.
“You should give it a try,”
Is my saucy reply.
“You could do with improving your mood.”
I went to a concert today.
Wasn’t great, so I’d call it “okay.”
The music was rap.
But I need a recap.
Cuz I just need to know, “What he say?”
The strict grammarians among you may be tsk, tsking, so I’ve made abetter effort.
Verbs are subject to changing their moods,
No surprise in such vigorous dudes.
These convey, “Go do this!”
“Can’t be sure – hit and miss.”
“It’s a statement of fact.” This concludes
I KNOW none of Y’ALL is a nerd.
We’re GO’nna fly HIGH like a bird.
See THIS here is rap,
So everyone CLAP.
Please comPLY it’s the LIMerick word.
I just purchased some fresh petit pois
And know nothing of avoirdupois.*
Weighing peas is a pain
And I’m not in that vein.
That’s simply too boring pour moi.
*French pronunciation, s’il vous plais.
Her mood – always sunny and bright.
Whenever his isn’t quite right,
She knows what to say
Resurrecting the day;
Along with his spirit at night.
Correction
I just purchased some fresh petit pois
And know nothing of avoirdupois.*
Weighing peas is a pain
And I’m not in that vein.
That’s simply too boring pour moi.
*French pronunciation, s’il vous plait.
There is usually more than one rapper, thus a change in L5
I went to a concert today.
Wasn’t great, so I’ll call it “okay”
The music was rap,
But I need a recap.
Cuz I just want to know, “What’d they say?”
Some packaging uses this crap;
Just pop one and you’ll hear a snap.
If sheets are in doubles,
Start pounding those bubbles;
And you will have beaten the wrap.
Some geezer who thought he could rap
Stood up on the stage like a sap.
Excitement would spike
When they cut off his mike;
Igniting a thunderous clap.
Oh “Hon” there’s a wonderful show.
I got tickets; we’re in the first row.
It’s called “Binary Rap”
We’ll be there in a snap.
And it’s called “The Outrageous Yo! Yo! .
I try, do my best, then I shout.
And gift wrapping’s what it’s about.
My struggle to wrap
Sure feels like a trap.
Ev’ry time, there’s a part peeking out.
He’s in a cantankerous mood:
“I’m hungry – now where is my food?
They can’t see me frown,
But the staff let me down.
Full litter box? Carpets are screwed…”
“In the Mood,” an old song by Glenn Miller,
In its time was a real lady killer.
When they struck up that tune,
It made all the girls swoon,
Except one who just laughed: Phyllis Diller.
In the Arctic, folk wear a fur wrap,
Which comes from the critters they trap.
Fur tickles the skin
So each man has a grin
When he pulls on his fur-lined jock strap.
In the Arctic, folk wear a fur wrap,
Except for one pious young chap.
Since fur tickles his skin
And to grin is a sin –
He never goes out, the poor sap.
Someone came to the door and tap-tapped.
When I didn’t respond, he rap-rapped!
“Don’t pretend you’re not in.
You’re surrounded. We win.”
If he’s telling the truth, I’m trap-trapped.
“Though I flap and I flap and I flap,”
Said the penguin, “at flying I’m crap.
I’ll be stuck where it’s cold
My whole life till I’m old,
And my mind around that I can’t wrap.”
The con-man called Ron was quite sad
Cos the con Ron tried on had gone bad:
The ‘victim’ of Ron
Was a much better con
Who conned Ron then conned Ron’s Mom and Dad.
“I’m the best at this quest” said the chap,
as he opened the sealed paper wrap
With its plans for the day
That the wind blew away.
He’s revised his last words to “Oh Crap!”
Don’t give me that look all forlorn
It’s already five minutes past dawn
And you’ve not chopped the wood
Or done half what you should, –
And before you get fed, mow the lawn.
We have all sorts of moods, – it’s so true,
So why just one colour (that’s Blue)
To describe how we feel
Could be Mustard or Teal
Tangerine or light Green, – I’ve no clue.
That thoroughly modern gal Millie’s
A fan, and she roots for the Phillies.
She just as a yen
To watch those young men.
The Yankees? They give her the willies.
Sorry, another correction. (has in line3)
That thoroughly modern gal Millie’s
A fan, and she roots for the Phillies.
She just has a yen
To watch those young men.
The Yankees? They give her the willies.
Ms. Lewinsky did visit her Billy
And often would just willy-nilly
Get into a mood
To do something lewd
And play with the President’s willy.
All because of a minor mishap,
I’ve been tossed on Life’s heap. I’m now scrap.
Had the minor behaved,
Then I might have been saved.
As it is, I’m now taking the rap.
Back again with our vigorous dudes.
I neglected their other two moods.
“Oh, I wish I were dead!”
“Was it something I said?”
You will know to which each one alludes.
Schadenfreude: The Positive Side.
I’ve been tossed on the scrapheap of life.
Lost it all – favour, fortune, and wife.
But what brightens my mood,
Should depression intrude,
Is the thought that misfortune is rife.
Said Columbus, “I don’t like this map;
All the way ’round the world oceans wrap.
I’ll put to the test
This idea and sail west;
On the way we’ll give natives the clap.”
In the fifties, it wasn’t the wrap.
Or the bubble gum, (poppity snap)
It could have been Snider,
Or Mantle, that “slider”
Either one gave your stack a zip zap.
(A 1950’s Collector’s Obsession)
When egged on to be snotty or mean,
A good mood helps me keep my nose clean.
Left with egg on my face,
Is a tacky disgrace,
But less messy than venting my spleen.
“Yes, we naturists keep our good mood
By parading around in the nude.
We found life in the buff
Satisfaction enough,
And we’re all disinclined to be rude.”
Once more to that baseball limerick.
To the ballgame she brought them some lilies
‘Cause she loved all those handsome young Phillies.
She had a real yen
To watch all those men.
The Yankees? They gave her the willies.
Moods
Don’t be blue if your “guy” says, “We’re done.”
Don’t be sad if you feel life’s not fun.
If you want lots of pity,
Simply put on a ditty.
Taylor Swift’s got a song for each one.
OR
Don’t be blue if your guy says, “We’re done.”
Don’t be sad, if you feel life’s not fun.
Grim emotions are strong.
But you will get along.
Taylor Swift’s got a song for each one.
Mood Advice
If you’re happy as happy can be,
And your life is just filled up with glee,
To remain in that bent
And for life, be content,
Stay away from that ‘Ole D.M.V.
Moods: Fear: a bit extreme
As a girl, I was often afraid.
Mama said, “If your bed is unmade,
You’ll sure be upset,
And make you regret
The reason for not getting laid.”
Do Not forget The Boys!
As a boy, I was often afraid.
Mama said, “If your bed is unmade,
You’ll sure be upset.
And make you regret
The reason for not getting laid.”
Correction from Aug. 14th at 12:34 PM
“My darling, we’ll have to forego
Our ride to that wonderful show.
I was just in the mood.
Don’t mean to be rude:
But that was 5 minutes ago.”
Regretful Moods
Most people do just what they choose.
Just like me, but I still get the blues.
I often regret
And think, “Why’d I get
Those ridiculous, freaky tattoos?”
another regretful mood
I’ve been sorting out all of my “stuff”.
Which reminds me, at times, life is tough.
Was the cause all my drinking?
What the hell was I thinking?
Isn’t one husband really enough?
By permission of RL.
I remember that Lewinski dame,
Who by oral tradition gained fame,
As the girl who got screwed
For a president’s mood
When he hotly denied. Oh, for shame!
A blonde got knocked up. Some poor sap
Did the deed and is taking the rap.
But it’s easy to see
What went wrong, because she
Used a cervical collar, not cap.
Ms. Sjaan often does have the knack
To make me feel I’m just a hack.
I’m in a foul mood.
She’s simply too g-o-o-o-d.
I think I’ll just go hit the sack.
A painter one day got the itch
For something that could make him rich.
To his canvas he dashed
And some paint he just splashed.
“Great Art” they would call all his kitsch.
“I’m In The Mood For Love”
“My darling, I’ve come here to clear you.
No longer, will all our friends fear you.
Don’t be such a sap.
Why’d you take the damn rap?
I simply just want to be near you.”
Though I can’t make its lyrics out clearly,
The repeat of its beat I love dearly;
Love the whomp and the whap,
And the riffing in rap,
Plus the way it all rhymes! Sometimes…nearly.
Moods
I’m trying to end your confusion.
So here is my real wise conclusion:
You have to forget ‘er
If in time, you’re not better,
You might want to bask in delusion.
from 10:47 today, a slight change:
“I’m In The Mood For Love”
My darling, I rushed here to clear you.
So all of our friends will not fear you.
Stop being a sap!
Why’d you take the damn rap?
I simply just want to be near you.
You’ll see Me where the doorway’s recessed, –
Hear me chime happy tunes if caressed.
But the kids when they play
push my buttons all day
It’s no wonder I’m feeling depressed.
Hi, Rudy. G-o-o-o-d one!
I’ve been mooed at, pooh-poohed at, and booed.
I’ve been shushed and shut up. I’ve been shooed.
Now I’m beating up yolks,
With limerick folks,
So, of course, I expect to get gooed.
(Sorry, Mad. I understand. No scrabble points for gooed. Or mooed?).
“Moods” Fright
I have finished “The Millionaire’s Wife”.
But now I am feeling much strife.
At this moment in time,
Things are sure not sublime.
I’ll be scared for the rest of my life.
(“The Millionaire’s Wife” author, Shalini Boland) Keep a light on (:
Mood: Fright better
I’m done reading “The Millionaire’s Wife”
But now I am feeling much strife.
I was frightened to death.
I kept holding my breath.
I’ll be scared for the rest of my life.
(“The Millionaire’s Wife” by Shalini Boland) Keep the light on (:
Moods: Frustration And Confusion
This circumstance makes me so mad!
It’s the worst gift I ever have had!
From my not-so-smart daughter,
It’s pure powdered water.
It’s killing me: What do I add?
Felt sorry for “Scarface”, (that sap).
So I bought him a black Hoodlum Cap.
Found a nice bloody bow.
For the Syndicate Show.
And the paper, of course, gansta’ wrap.
Boy! Was that poorly-written! (sorry) This is what I meant:
“A Present For Al Capone”
Felt sorry for “Scarface”, (that sap.)
So I bought him a Syndicate Cap.
Found a nice bloody bow,
So he’d open it slow.
And the paper, of course: gansta’ wrap.
He found it was dreadfully rude
To find her in such a foul mood
Whatever he tried
His attempts were defied
By a woman who thought
He was crude
He saw her one day
With a girl
Her head seemed to be
In a whirl
Laughing and dancing
The two were romancing
An oyster had polished a pearl
***********
From Mad Kane
Welcome back, Kay!!!
Opposite Moods
B.B. King who was famous for “Blues”,
Sang songs with real sorrowful views.
Yet Elvis sure swayed,
And was never dismayed.
But you had to “lay offa” his shoes.
Messrs. Kellogg, I had one for “wrap”.
But it turned out to be total crap.
I don’t care for your ad.
It sure makes me sad.
Cuz it doesn’t pop, crackle, and snap.
The Grim Reaper, a devious chap,
Very rarely arrives with a clap
Of ear splitting thunder
To tear you asunder.
He’ll come with a soft, quiet rap.
King Richard, it gives me some pain,
To explain that he was in the vein
To beg for a horse.
We knew that, of course.
Will Shakespeare once made that quite plain.
Think About It.
If you’re living your life on the skids,
Right now, is the time for the “rids”.
Some perceive in a snap
That this art known as rap.
Might give hope to some very poor kids.
Rap and mood. (Bitterness)
All because of a minor mishap,
I’ve been tossed on Life’s heap. I’m now scrap.
Had the minor behaved,
Then I might have been saved.
As it is, I’m now taking the rap.
Oh, the minor has been reprimanded
For not doing as he was commanded,
But the underaged brute
Was perceived as quite cute,
So, ‘twas my head, not his was demanded.
“Every Other Saturday”
A smart lim’riker isn’t a sap.
And wise to that “last-minute trap”.
When it’s 4, Eastern time,
There’s no reason for rhyme.
They can hear Mad’leine call it “a wrap”.
At the pyramid, with a loud snap,
A mummy woke up from his nap.
To people there staring,
Their rock n’ roll blaring,
He said, “I would rather hear wrap.”
If you were to tell me the news
That Mssrs. Travolta and Cruise
Wanted to rap
About spiritual crap,
I couldn’t possibly choose.
Sometimes my doorbell will sing;
Sometimes it won’t do a thing;
Sometimes it’s cheery;
Sometimes it’s dreary —
I shouldn’t have bought a Mood Ring.
I felt sorry for Witless, my chap.
When he just couldn’t wait to unwrap.
His fam-i-ly tree.
But so shaken was he
To discover that he was the sap.
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
To dream of the Prince is a trap
Said Ella, my wardrobe is crap
And now darn it all
I’ve torn my best shawl
There’s a rip in my new burlap wrap
Moods and Rap: a double
“Forever Young” by “J-Z” , One of The Most Famous Rappers
“Forever Young” sure makes you cry.
You listen, then give out a sigh.
It’s a bittersweet rap.
“J-Z” is the chap
Who sings it, (one talented guy).
Let’s Be More Precise In L5 ( Moods and Rap, Double)
He doesn’t “sing” it, he “raps” it.
“Forever Young” sure makes you cry.
You listen, then give out a sigh.
It’s a bittersweet rap.
“J-Z” is the chap
Who raps it, (one talented guy).
(good original video)
There once was a gerbil named Trudy
Who said, feeling anxious and moody,
“This tunnel’s a fright,
It’s dark and it’s tight,
And it stinks to high heaven of doodie!”
In the dark of the night came a tap
That turned into a thunderous rap
I shook and I shivered
And soon I delivered
A small portion of well let’s leave that
My fingers are itching to play,
My body is ready to sway;
My feet will soon tap
And my voice will now rap;
Another sweet musical day!
Forgive me, but here it is with a one-word change in Line 5
My fingers are itching to play,
My body is ready to sway;
My feet will soon tap
And my voice will now rap;
Another cacophonous day!
I’ve devised a surprise for my chap
When he gets to our spot on the map.
As we meet and caress
He’ll discover no dress
Just my best birthday suit and a wrap.
“Even-tempered?” “Annoyingly so.
When I’m itching to fight, he says, ‘No!
We should talk these things through.’”
“Ouch! So, what do you do?”
“Then I grab something heavy and throw.”
“It’s not moody to suddenly snap!
I get tense when I don’t get my nap.
Like I’ve told you before,
I don’t mean to get sore,
But the mood comes upon me – and zap!”
“How frustrating. He does this a lot?”
“All the time – for a while it was hot.
Now I think, ‘Not again.
This could drive me insane.’”
“Only one thing to do ….” “Take the shot!”
“Josephine! We’ve been through this before.
When I’m planning campaigns, you’re a chore.
If I win, you’re my treat.
But tonight, it’s defeat.
So, I can’t get it up, I’m too sore.”
In Afghanistan, women are grieving
That American soldiers are leaving.
“You gave us these rights,
Now you turn out the lights?”
They complain. “We were dumb for believing.”
Does our planet experience emotion?
Hence the blues of the sky and the ocean.
Both are sad that mankind
Has polluted and mined
And has not shown more care and devotion.
“I get mad when a girl is a teaser,”
Said Trump, “so I grab her and squeeze her.
They should show some respect
For the things I expect,
For I’m greater than Julius Caesar.”
You don’t know how much it affects ya
To hear “nevermore” til it wrecks ya
There’s no chamber rap
Or that strange raven crap;
It’s just my defective Alexa.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 476. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Loon.