Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SET/BeSET/UpSET the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 12, 2021)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SET or BeSET or UpSET at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TRENDS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TRENDS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 13, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 12, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SET or BeSET or UpSET-rhyme limerick:
I need all the sleep I can get,
But I can’t get to sleep on a bet.
(Or a bed, for that matter.)
I blame all the chatter
My brain conjures up. I’m beset.
And here’s my TRENDS-themed limerick:
If I tried to be cool, I would fail.
Trends are nothing I ever would hail.
If I wear something “in,”
It has probably been
Purchased decades ago … and on sale.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brain Humor, Brain Limerick, Clothes Shopping, Clothing Humor, Competition Limerick, Fad Humor, Insomnia Humor, Insomnia Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Shopping Humor, Sleep & Insomnia Humor, Sleep Limerick, Trends Humor, Writing Prompts
“Ida’s Beauty Salon” (set and trend)
I’ll be getting a nice wash and set.
In the dryer, I’ll wear a black net.
Then use rollers each night,
And make sure they’re real tight.
(A trend I shall never forget)
Met a girl with a really nice set…
“Are you game?!”, was her challenge – coquet?
Somewhat ‘off’ with my moves
On one’s guard, it behooves
Mated me in 5 moves – best chess yet!
As Dinner guests walked through the door
my dog just threw up on the floor.
And was I upset?
Quite frankly, You Bet!
Then the dog grinned and threw up some more.
a crazy trend: “Big Hair”
We teased and we teased with much care.
Tommy asked, “What the hell is in there?”
I said, “My pet bees
Are completely at ease,
And have found a good home in my hair.
My old truck with its weird wobbly wend,
(unlike others that steer where you send),
Bucked the trend of a bend
and’s beyond a big mend.
Now it’s Totaled I must phone a friend.
Hi Mad,
I once before submitted this as a “plot” limerick. Let’s see if it does better as “trend” entry.
My octogenarian friend
Has come to an untimely end.
He rests in his plot,
And I worry a lot.
He might have begun a new trend.
Are you sheep that you follow the trends?
Be eccentric and serve your own ends!
Mix and match retro-chic.
You’ll inspire fits of pique –
And rejoice when your outfit offends.
A young Russian woman, Lisette,
Acquired a huge bear as a pet.
She took it to play
In the forest one day.
Has she ever been seen again? Nyet!
Said Don Junior, “When Dad gets upset,
It’s time to the Congress beset.
He gives me the job
Of creating a mob,
While he finds a cute pussy to pet.”
There was a young fellow called Brett
Who had sex with a whole string quartet,
First and second violin,
Then viola, straight in,
Then the cellist completed the set.
Like Arthur’s great quest for the Grail,
Democracy’s trend is to fail.
Why let poor people vote?
‘Round the polls, dig a moat!
Say Republicans, “Let ’em eat kale.”
“Both my husbands have died, but there’s Rhett,”
Said Scarlett, “so why get upset?
I shall put on a garment
Which turns on that varmint;
My charms make for game, match and set.”
Today, wearing pants is old hat;
With Zoom, there is no need for that.
We can now scratch our balls
While on conference calls;
All hint of decorum’s gone ‘splat.’
Beset with some problems aesthetic,
I’ve found I’ve become most prophetic;
I’ve won a big bet
That my friends are all set
To demean my coiffure quite synthetic!
“Not ready for wedded bliss”
My darling, you made me upset
When you said, “Me and yous gonna’ get
Soon married, us two
Is ones of the few
Whom falled in love rights when weez met.”
The pandemic created new trends,
Like streaming from unlikely ends;
Virtual classes,
Zooms for the masses,
It even created new friends!
The former guy’s really upset;
His wonderful blog hasn’t met
The threshold of views
Like the one people use
To ask about finding a pet.
Mad: Today at 12:02 PM: “Not ready for wedded bliss”
Line 5 …..Could you please change “Whom falled in love rights when we’s met
to: Whom falled in love rights when weez met.”
Thank you,
Lisi
Whispered Adam to Eve at the end,
“I’m so glad you are MORE than a friend.”
Then the earth began quaking —
Their apple tree shaking —
And they feared they had started a trend.
The hippies wore sandals, (real flat)
They often would say, “where it’s at”
I also remember
That day in November.
I still keep my pills in my hat.
Happy logophiles could get upset,
Or feel sad for a word like “abet,”
So accursed is its fate
To develop from “bait,”
And be dragged through the mud even yet.
Those “pointy toed” shoes were real neat.
They sure made my wardrobe complete.
Though they matched all my clothes,
They squeezed up my toes.
And now, I can write with my feet.
Every day after odds have been set,
The old gambler thinks richer he’ll get.
If I ask, “Think you’ll win?”
He will flash a big grin,
And of course his reply is, “You bet!”
Colonoscopies give you such gas!
And oh! all that crap you must pass!
Yet I don’t get upset
Till that moment I get
A camera shoved up my ass.
Truth: Harms Road on the North Shore in Illinois runs through 4 towns.
I did not make up the name! (check it out)
“Following All The Health Rules”
I shop at “Fresh Foods From The Farms”
On the corner of Glenview and Harms.
The cashier wears a net,
But what gets me upset:
She has chimpanzee hair on her arms.
Mad, would you please delete my Limerick at May 30. – 1.01pm. Thanks.
****
From Mad:
Done.
If you’re unfamiliar with the term in the penultimate line, it refers to a standard concrete mix.
(two verses)
My Poured concrete Batch (not too wet)
was about to “go off” (that means Set)
when my wife (from afar)
yelled “Get in the car!
My water just broke – but don’t fret”.
I’ve Since fixed the problems beset,
– took me Days with jackhammer and sweat,
and our newly born Son
we have named “Four-Two-One”
to be sure that we never forget.
A hustler, whose business was down
Found a trend that would give her renown.
She knew what they’d like,
Got her ass on a bike,
And peddles* it all around town.
*or “pedals” if you prefer
At my party a dancer named Judy
Did ignore terpsichorean duty.
That got us upset.
We did not even get
A choreographed shake of her booty.
In giant game of chess on the grass
A black Bishop, to Queen, made a pass.
She scoffed “Mitre known, ‘pet’
– take your hands off my ‘set’
or I’ll Have my white knight lance your ass.
The Piercing Trend
I’m highly allergic to bees.
They hide and they swarm in the trees.
With a ring in my nose,
I forgot my past woes,
Till I burst out a really loud sneeze.
Hey, Terry!
Not to put a damper on your ‘celebrations’ but jellies set, concrete cures. You will, no doubt, point out to me that it’s very difficult to build off jellies, as they wobble, but I thought I’d just mention it.
******
From Mad:
Even assuming Terry were to be interested in this “correction,” (and I wouldn’t personally make such an assumption) your correction seems to be incorrect:
Concrete DOES also set.
Hi Mad,
In my 5/30 9:10 p.m. submission, I really meant the last word to be “booty” not “bootie”
Please correct.
Thanks
*********
Done, but please see my newly announced policy (posted today at 1:55 pm) about edits. Thanks.
Almost all of us get real upset
‘Bout this failure we’d rather forget:
“I’ll just have one piece
Or I’ll be real obese”
Never happens! It’s one huge regret.
Mad:
The above limerick, line 2 has the wrong pronoun.
It should not be: ‘Bout this failure they’d rather forget:
It should be: ‘Bout this failure we’d rather forget:
Could you please change that for me?
Thank you,
Lisi
***
From Mad:
Done, but please see my newly announced policy (posted today at 1:55 pm) about edits. Thanks.
Message to All about Two Worrisome Trends:
1. I’ve been noticing an ever-increasing number of requests for edits from an ever-increasing number of people. These requests not only create a lot of work for me, but they also create a fair amount of clutter.
So in the future, just post your corrected version with the words “Corrected Version” on top.
2. During the last few contests, I’ve noticed several people posting unsolicited (and in many cases unwelcome) suggestions and corrections regarding other people’s limericks.
While I like to encourage interaction among all of you, such comments when unwelcome can be annoying. So from now on, unless (because of a personal relationship or an actual request for advice) you are fairly sure your advice is welcome, please don’t give it.
Thanks!
I was teased by the kids in “my group”
When they did that, my head would just droop.
This hurdle, upsetting.
I always was fretting.
I could hula, but just couldn’t hoop.
With airliners starting to fill,
Some passengers just need to chill.
But those who reject
Masking rules can expect
A fine-looking F.A.A. bill.
I keep an old Peeve as a pet,
Plus a Gripe that I bought off the ‘net.
I let them run loose,
Hoping they’ll reproduce,
‘Cause I’d like to collect the whole set.
“The New Owner Of Coffeebucks”
“Here’s your coffee, do not drink it slow.
Nothin’ like a real quick cup ‘a joe.
Close that laptop, my friend.
We don’t care for that trend.
Your time is now up, so please go”
New Trends for Covid
A new way of touching’s the key.
It works for my “hubby” and me.
No more feelings of dread.
When we’re both in the bed,
We have sex that is fully hands-free.
Another Covid trend: Zoom
We watched Angela’s wedding on Zoom.
She looked like a flower in bloom.
But the truth must be told.
And I hope I’m not bold.
I just could not stand her perfume.
It seems the game we are set
Is “How Much Can I Get?”
But to really live,
How much can you give?
As you can’t take it with you as yet.
This game could be the end of the set
And thus my best ever score yet,
Well heavens above,
Three times six love,
Just get in balls over the net.
It seems there’s a harrowing trend
To suggest some make an amend
To their new ditty
To make it more witty,
Though to do so may well offend.
Terry,
When I posted my comment it was meant as no more than a tease. Given what I know of you from your limericks and your response to Rudy, I gambled that you would ‘get it’ for the reasons I stated above. If I’m wrong then I apologise. Not for anything would I offend you. Why would I? You write some great limericks and display a lovely sense of humour. If you do wish to reply, please don’t feel the need to do so publicly – best keep out of it, eh? If you send something to Mad, I’m sure she will be more than happy to send it on. Sorry to embroil you.
Tony
PS At the risk of being misunderstood again, I think you were scraping the bottom of your barrel toward the end of the fortniight just gone, though. T
Three triplets, Sal, Connie and Bet,
With me formed a sex-mad quartet.
We were so great in bed
That all four of us wed –
You never break up a great set.
Oh, how fitting that ‘Trends’ is our theme.
There’s a new mood a breaking, t’would seem
I’d best watch what I say
Lest my sense go astray.
If it weren’t for the laughter, I’d scream.
If you’re given lemons …
Said a TRENDY young vicar called Ross,
“I love Easter buns with a cross.
But the girls’ pancake race
This year won’t take place,
‘cos for pancakes I don’t give a toss.”
“I really like beer,” explained Brett,
“And her knockers were quite a good set.
Back then no cell phones
Saw me jumping her bones,
So why are you Dems so upset?”
“I’m worried about some new trends,
And request that your acts you please cleanse,”
Said MadKane to her writers.
“Quit being such blighters;
To snipe or to edit offends!”
We must all note Mad’s “worrisome trends”
And think “how can we make amends”
Don’t rely on hindsight
Get the first time write right
or (as Mad asked) append and resend.
(From a guilty one).
Trends
All day, I would kiss her and hold’er.
Time flies, now my baby is older.
So fast, they do grow.
But you have to let go.
My pet rock is now a huge boulder.
Hi Tony
I think we’re cementing a solid relationship here:-
Tony, thank you for being upfront
My broad shoulders can well take the brunt.
I ignored your “set” lure
And Mad’s posted her cure
So I’ve no need to call you again!
(All in jest mate).
Thanks, Terry! A jest was all it was, and being a fellow Brit, I felt sure you wouldn’t take it as anything else. Disapointed you didn’t have a witty reposte, though. I was hoping you’d develop the jelly theme. Cheers! T
Terry, I’m catching up:
Oh, dear me, I am slow off the block.
Sorry, Tel, I’m still reeling from shock.
What a let-down. I’m dull –
And so easy to gull –
And, of course, now, I’m thinking, ‘Bol – lock!’
The table was beautifully set.
All the placements were properly met.
I forgot to buy food.
They all left, (called me “rude”)
It sure was the best Christmas yet.
Summer vacation time
It’s safe to say I’m upset
I’m leaving town on a jet
Still packing to do
And bills to pay too
But clothes are still on the line wet!
“Just a little mixed-up: Trying trendy food, 1980’s style”
“I have ordered for me and for you.
Glad you made it to “Cuisine That’s New”
The Blackened Red Fish
Sounds like such a nice dish.
And our waitress is Tara Miss Who”
Corrected Version:
“A Very Popular 1950’s Trend”
I was teased by the kids in my “group”
When they did that, my head would just droop.
This hurdle, upsetting.
I always was fretting.
I could hula, but just couldn’t hoop.
‘Morning Tony (11.30am ish here)
Not since Schooldays have I been called Tel
All those mem’ries were quiet as a bel.
My old mindset’s set
to improve now I ‘get’
Tony’s Rules, – Lim’rick substance must Gel.
Written a couple of years ago for the then incumbent President…
Trumps overriding Presidential thematic
Is being partisan and undemocratic,
Like his common trend
Of pardoning a friend,
And his grasp of the truth is erratic.
Another even earlier when World despots were conniving jobs for life…
If Mr. Trump could have his own way
President for Life he would stay.
A troubling trend
World-wide to wend
With no way to say “Just No Way!”
Still another Trumpian treat though recently penned…
Trump was not a little upset
When he lost to Biden, and yet
Most could see through
His inane ballyhoo
Save for the “Storm the Capitol” Set.
The latest trend in food
Is dining in the nude.
It’s best not to buffet
If you’re a bit stuffy,
And be warned if you are a prude.
In and then out of fashion,
From ho-hum to a raging passion.
If you’re quick off the mark
With the latest spark
You can really do well if you cash in.
Morning, Terry! So where then are you?
My first guess would be Aus. If that’s true,
I would need a Lear jet
Just to watch the sun set.
I’m assuming the time was a clue?
As for calling you Tel, I presumed.
Should I not have? If so, I’m consumed
With remorse. Je regret.
Are you very upset?
If you are, I can have me entombed.
They got busy inside her Corvette;
The results, though, she came to regret
‘Cause the guy’s a buffoon.
He went off way too soon,
And he took much too long to reset.
Because Grandma adored fashion trends,
On her deathbed she tied up loose ends.
“I’m not leaving this earth,”
Said she without mirth,
“‘Til I’m wearing designer Depends.”
I shall no longer get real upset
‘Bout all of the things I regret.
I’ll be taking a course
To end all remorse,
Called “Remembering How To Forget”
G’day Tony
Spot On, Tony Yes, – I’m down under.
There’s a myth I would render asunder
I’m attempting to end
An old rumour’s trend, –
“All they do is get pissed and then chunder”.
I’ve no problem with ‘Tel’ so don’t fear,
‘just not Commonly heard over here.
Now excuse while I set
up my bar and go get
this past Month’s 23rd crate of beer.
My cockney French accent’s obscene
I’m sure you would know wot I mean.
If your trending to French
Then I’m on the bench,
Tête-à-tête elsewhere. God Save The Queen!
Trends and Set: “The Mickey Mouse Club”
This girl was a terrible threat.
The heartbreak, we’ll never forget.
We have never recovered
Since our boyfriends discovered
“Annette” with the really big set.
There’s a saying I’d like to forget.
It’s so stupid, it gets me upset.
If “You are what you eat”
Then I’d be a nice meat,
Inside a real crispy baguette.
Well, G’day, mate! Yes, do get your beer.
Don’t let talking to me interfere.
Once they’re chilled, you’ll be set –
Nothing like a cold wet.
So, you’re native, or migrant from here?
I’m relieved – very much so, so cheers! –
But still curious. How many years? (Since you were called Tel)
I’m surprised that the trend
Isn’t common your end.
Diminution so often endears.
Oh, no worries, re French. Je t’adore,
But I do it for fun, not to bore.
Don’t we all, you will say,
Quick to spot the word play
And Her Majesty thanks you, I’m sure
When cast for a porn movie fling,
An actor decided to bring
Some fun to the set;
But the laughter he’d get
Was all about one little thing.
He never would follow the trends
In order to hang with his friends.
But having grown old,
His new purchase was bold:
An E-bike for making amends.
1950’s: Trend
With all of its ups and its downs,
Life gives you occasional frowns.
Although an ordeal,
We all knew that was real,
Cuz the yo-yos popped up in the towns.
Corrected Limerick
Trends, 1950’s
With all of its ups and its downs,
Life gives us occasional frowns.
Although an ordeal,
We found out that was real
When the yo-yo’s popped up in the towns.
“My darling, my cutsey coquette,
Please listen and don’t be upset:
I noticed last night
When the moon was so bright,
That you’re really a reddish brunette”
G’day Tone
To explain without further ado, –
Ten-Pound-Pom! – I was Of the last few.
Suez trend? Not agape!
I came down ‘round the Cape
In the back half of ‘72.
We’re becoming a Lim’rick chat Fest
Do you think we should give it a rest, –
(Lest we get Mad upset,
which I’m sure we’d regret)
And get back in the comp with our best.
The trend has been slow global warming.
But why do we find that alarming?
Let’s get a new goal.
Start thinking “North Pole”!
An igloo for two would be charming.
That question of whether to be—
Or not, and of troubles be free,
Has never beset,
Nor ever has let
The fardels I bear bother me.
(Fardels? Don’t ask me. Ask Shakespeare.)
Trend and upset
Genealogy is the new trend
To find cousins and such in the end.
But don’t get upset,
If the one you might get,
Is named Mitch McConnell, dear friend.
The Australian Ballet’s been in town
With a dance trend that brought on a frown.
But try to be kind.
You must keep in mind,
At home they must dance upside down.
I write Lim’ricks galore on my Qwerty.
Such a trend that last week I wrote thirty.
I’d say most are quite clean,
and a few are pristine, –
but the Rest are incredibly dirty.
Of course! Cheers, Terry.
I often don’t notice the threat,
Which now I do slightly regret.
Safety took a back seat,
Now the fact is concrete:
In my ways I’m apparently set …
My new Trend is to pedal my tandem,
Chatting Up lovely ladies at random.
One I met at the fair
Had a very nice pair
So we rode to my place where I manned ‘em.
“The trend is your friend”? That’s not true.
Don’t believe me? Then here’s what to do:
Read what’s trending on Twitter.
You’ll find that stuff’s fitter
For flushing, since most of it’s poo.
If you want to be trendy and “in,”
Then it’s clear you’ll be needing “glass skin.”
It’s a translucent mask.
“Will it break?” You might ask.
Well, it could — so be sure not to grin.
Covid “Trends”
I never have been condescending.
I don’t brag, but this message I’m sending:
As a daily routine,
I used soap, (felt real clean)
And way way before it was trending.
Trends: Guys Wearing Earrings
“I’ve known you for so many years
‘Bout time that you looked like your peers”
“Keep it under wraps, Hank,
I gotta be frank:
My wife well, she don’t have pierced ears.”
Trends: Guys Wearing Earrings, part 2
“Hey Joey! you look like a star!
I see that you’ve come very far!
That earring looks “fab”
“Keep it under wraps, Tab:
I found it last night in my car”
When all day at a hot stove I sweat,
And my spouse comes home late, I’m upset.
So I pile up his plate,
Watch him chew, then say, “Wait.
The dog isn’t through with that yet.”
“Sad Senior Trends” (Welcome to over 65)
I thought that beset meant upset.
I was wrong, and I started to fret.
But now that I know,
I sure feel like a pro.
In 2 seconds, I’ll prob’ly forget.
An acute lack of self regulation
Of my trend to excess degustation,
Caused my ear-splitting farte
(from a Great A-La-Carte)
That won me a standing ovation.
Set/Reset/Upset
Our Donald is very upset
He feels that he’s totally beset
And tennis is out.
Without any doubt
He’ll be beaten match, game and set!
Trends:
Our Donald must now make amends
For setting up dubious trends.
He’s got to take action
To our satisfaction
So we see how the tragedy ends.
One day in my mirror I met,
A visage I’ll never forget.
Yes, shock like no other —
I’ve turned into Mother!
(I wonder if she’d be upset).
The QAnon hive mind have met.
A new August date has been set.
They say, “It’s a must!
It’s August or bust!
No more rolling back date!” (wanna bet?)
Chad, you beat me to it by a few minutes…
Our country is sorely beset
By these Q nuts. They’re crazy, you bet!
‘Twould be awesome if they
Were all taken away
By a guy with a butterfly net.
A revised version of my 5/30 9;10 pm limerick:
I once met a dancer, a cutie,
Who ignored terpsichorean duty.
That got me upset.
I did not even get
A choreographed shake of her booty.
The Most ANNOYING Trend Ever!
For lunch, you are meeting Annette.
In one minute, Annette starts to get
Her phone, get her back.
Reach into your sack,
And start reading the Daily Gazette.
I think Mad Kane might be upset,
‘cos her limerick comp.is beset,
By what seems a TREND –
Of “Chat–with–a–friend”
On topics that haven’t been set.
How is it that one cigarette
Can make Health Nazis get so upset?
Wish they’d mind their own beeswax.
I hate pious pleas. (Tax
Them? Sure, but let me play roulette.)
Don’t assume, if it’s trending on Twitter,
That it’s surely a real home run hitter–
Because hashtag abuse,
As a form of misuse,
Sometimes masks the true pick of the litter.
Hi Bob (Turvey)
Your remarks? Undeniably true, –
Note “Tone” and I quit ‘round June 2.
We regret you’re upset
‘though Mad’s Theme/Rhymes were met
(Only just), – Now I’m chatting with You!
For Terry, Bob, Tony, Rudy, and anyone else interested in interactive limericks:
I’ve no problem with “friend” interaction,
As long as it’s NOT a distraction
From your efforts to score
With lims I adore.
(I’d hate to see contest inaction.)
I called in on my hot next door neighbour.
She makes Cocktails we both love to savour
When She said “Come in pet”
Then showed me her set,
The evening took on a new Flavour.
A trendy young man back in Frisco
Attended an elegant Disco.
He drank Dubonnet,
Since that was très gai,
And for sex he would always use Crisco.
Noted quotes that we ought to forget:
“These are implants — you like my new set?”
“I said CAKE? I meant BREAD!”
“I will not lose my head.”
Famous words of Marie Antoinette.
My platform-heeled boots are like bricks,
And my high-waisted jeans (I have pics!)
Flap-flap-flap as I stride
As they’re half a yard wide.
My excuse is, it’s ’76!
For those who think tennis is boring,
Here’a a point that you may be ignoring:
If you stay in each set,
There’s a chance you can get
An abundance of love without scoring.
The tornado book follows a trend
Of suspense books that oftentimes tend
To give a surprise.
If readers are wise,
They’ll expect there’s a twist at the end.
*********
from Mad Kane:
Kirk, your limerick indeed has a nice “twist at the end.” But alas, since you were awarded an Honorable Mention for this limerick way back in 2015, it isn’t eligible for an award this time around.
Through my house, sporting bedhead, I roam.
Around noon I find toothbrush and comb.
I enjoy a loud yawn;
Later I might log on.
It’s the trend we call “working from home.”
As Hemingway wisely surmises
It’s true that “the sun also rises”.
But d’you wanna bet
That it also will set?
Old Ernest might have some surprises.
Ms. Kane, you’re with lim’ricks beset,
And this ain’t the end of it yet.
So, on one of your oboes
Please play Villa-Lobos.
You’d like that much better, I’ll bet.
“Do the Russians hold much of your debt?”
Asked the newsman. The Dolt looked upset.
He flushed bright orange-red.
Just one word, though, he said:
An emphatic, definitive “Nyet!”
I’m not a gal who’ll condescend
To follow each strange fashion trend,
But thigh-high black boots
Or wispy swim suits,
Yes please to my body append!
A conductor I knew led a set
Of arias at the great Met;
His ‘friends’ came to view him
And shocked, stayed to boo him;
They’d thought him a great New York Met!
“A wonderful man I have met.
He never will make me upset.
There’s never a struggle,
He just wants to snuggle.”
How nice for you Sue! (wanna’ bet?”)
Said our Grandma, once trending toward fat,
“I will soon put the kibosh on that!”
Then began right away
Walking five miles a day.
Now we have no idea where she’s at.
Summer Vacation: New York
If you visit New York via jet,
Upon landing, you may get upset.
Without even knowing
The place you’ll be going,
The cabbie will put you in debt.
Two ladies, Yvonne and Yvette,
In the sack are a perfect matched set.
They are double the fun.
And in fact, when I’m done,
I need more than just one cigarette.
I have a wide choice of tea blends;
I savor Earl Grey with my friends;
I drink chai, rose, Pu Ehr,
Also jasmine and pear,
But fave Lipton’s needs no flavor trends!
Grammar Lesson
You should never say, “Please come and set.”
Here’s a rule, just incase you forget:
“You can set your blonde hair,
Or sit in a chair,
But don’t sit in a shvitz, cause you’ll sweat.
Corrected Version of Above Limerick: Don’t Set Down!
You should never say, “Please come and set.”
Here’s a rule, just in case you forget:
“You can set your blonde hair,
Whilst you sit in a chair,
But don’t sit in a shvitz, cuz you’ll sweat.”
TRENDS: Driverless Cars
A driverless car I can see.
I’m happy as happy can be.
I’m walking on air,
And saying a prayer:
“Please pack up and go, D.M.V.”
The man got really upset
When the dog wore his silhouette
He snatched it off fast
Even his face mask
So, now he’s living with regret
I thought my bell-bottoms were in
But they never hit the trend
So, I toss them aside
Then tried to survive
The joke was, my pants were to thin
TRENDS
They sat side by side, as they read
Their texts to each other instead
Of speaking, because,
Just why should they pause
And bother with “turning a head?”
A variation (improvement?) on the limerick submitted 6/7 1:09pm.
I’ve aged. and I won’t condescend
To embrace ev’ry new fashion trend;
But thigh high black boots
Or tiny swim suits?
I confess, I’d just love to append!
A nurse in Ohio was set
On proving the vaccine’s a threat.
But claims it’s magnetic
Are weak and pathetic:
The key’s clearly stuck on by sweat.
For me, these day’s trends are unknown.
Cuz I “live” in that old people zone.
Tried to call up my tutor,
To help FIND my computer,
But I misplaced my rotary phone.
911? There’s been a….misunderstanding!
Concerned that my hammer might split it,
His instructions were very explicit, –
“I’ll use Both hands to set,
(a mistake could cause debt)
Wait till I nod my head and then Hit it.”
The pangolin’s skin is all scaly,
It roams the savanna quite gaily,
But it gets all upset
If it struggles to get
All the termites and ants it craves daily.
A limerick comper from Dorset
Took his birthplace and struggled to force it
To the form of ‘Dor-SET’
So the comp rules were met,
Which was bold, but I couldn’t endorse it.
A couple became Facebook friends
And shared all the most recent trends
But the distance was long
Tween Perth and Hong Kong
So he said “I just see what she sends”
DiscomBobulated after his fall
Mister Dumpty does nothing but bawl
about being upset
that he’s now an omelette,
and he’s driving us all up the wall!
“Us” being the Men of the King,
beset with Hump’s moans while we sing
our New rhyme, now trending
(‘bout Failure and Mending)
in a Blog comp’ via Google or Bing.
Advice For “Untrendy” Parents: a son to mother dialogue:
“You’re a Digital What? and a Who?”
“I just told you Ma, Hey! Where were you?”
“I was kidding, dear son,
Ya know? Having some fun!”
(Just smile if you ain’t got a clue.)
The Corrected Verse Of Above Limerick:
“You’re a Digital What? and a Who?”
“I just told you, Ma, Hey! Where were you?”
“I was kidding, dear son.
Merely havin’ some fun!”
(Just smile if you don’t have a clue)
I remember a popular Trend
Where you’d Post a “nice” Card to a Friend
From a Real shopping Centre
(not Facebook & Enter)
Buy a Stamp, – Lick and Stick it, then Send.
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
Mama quite doesn’t get it, but she’s trying.
TRENDS
“My son, please stop calling me “frail”
You should know that I always prevail”
(Took a pic on her phone
She was sure in the zone.
And then sent it to me in the mail)
Hopeful improvement of earlier version (June 10, 1.09 pm)
DiscomBobulated after his fall
Mister Dumpty does nothing but bawl
about Being upset
that he’s now an omelette,
and he’s driving us all up the wall!
“Us” Being the Men of the King,
beset with Hump’s moans while we sing
‘Bout Failure and Mending,
in a Kids rhyme, not Trending
on this Blog comp’ (via Google or Bing).
Once again, Mama still doesn’t quite “get it”
TRENDS
“My son, I’ve got great expertize.
This Google thing’s really a breeze.
And before their reply,
I make sure that I
Always type in a “Thank You” and “Please”
Going a little too far with Covid Precautiions
It was really a wonderful scene.
Our “Zoom” class reunion was keen.
But when we saw Steve,
We couldn’t believe
He was wiping bleach over his screen.
To Tony Holmes.
‘Seen no Lim’s from you Tone, ‘you OK?
Mad’ Didn’t mean give it away.
So Please do come back, –
With at Least one wise crack
and Get back on Trend, – By today!!
There’s a word that I mustn’t forget,
Here’s line two and I’ve not used it yet,
So I must find the time
To employ it to rhyme,
Because that’s how the comp rules were set.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 471. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Quest.