Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PLOT at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: May 1, 2021)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using PLOT at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DRONES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DRONE-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 2, 2021 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 1, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my PLOT-rhyme limerick:
A woman at work on a plot
For a book that she hoped would be hot,
Read an excerpt aloud
To a writers’ group crowd.
Someone scoffed: “Is the author a bot?”
And here’s my DRONE-themed Two-Verse limerick:
“I do NOT want to own a damn drone,
No matter how easily flown.
It’s the last thing I’d buy,
And I can’t fathom why
You keep spamming me. Leave me alone!“How I got on your list, I don’t know.
Was my email supplied by a foe?
May your sales and drones crash!
And here’s a hot flash:
Do NOT hold your breath for my dough!”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bot Humor, Competition Limerick, Drone Humor, Drone Limerick, Email Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Money & Finance Humor, Plot Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Spam, Spam Humor, Spam Limerick, Writers Groups, Writing & Publishing Humor, Writing Prompts
I surely was “Lost In Translation”.
I needed much more information.
I quickly forgot
This film with no plot.
Which causes this boring summation.
I must tell you my true-to-life plot.
It’s simple, I thought he was hot.
But he had PMS
Which caused me much stress.
And on our twelfth night, he was caught.
Like the classic author Charles Dickens
Be an ‘eagle’ and write not like chickens…
Like pudding in a pot
To enhance a stale plot
You must ‘stir’ it until the plot thickens!
Contemplating my burial plot
Somewhat morbid to think how I’ll rot…
There’s not need to bereave
Just be faithful, believe!
Some may think it’s the end, but it’s not…
He snored, and it sure made me groan.
My dream was to sleep all alone.
But the night that we parted,
My insomnia started.
Seems I missed his real sickening drone.
Bought a drone, just to spy on my neighbor
Should have know that I’d fall on my sabre…
All my spying did bring
Was handcuffs from a ‘sting’
And this earned me 5 years of hard labor…
To write funny books, (on the whole)
You must be aware of your goal.
Your real silly plot
Has to hit the right spot.
And your readers must smile and then LOL.
Talk of drones has left me the fence…
It can end with some weird recompense
Pizza drone, in mishap
Ended up in my lap…
A nice un-intended consequence!
The Valley Girl loves some Chipotle
so she has it delivered remotely.
She orders by phone
and they send it by drone.
Is it easy? Oh yeah, fer shure, tot’lly!
Here in Snobbytown folks have a lot
Of money to get the best spot.
In a graveyard that’s ritzy.
Real fancy and glitzy.
They’re just plotzing to get a good plot.
A “GRAPH”IC NOVEL
That Einstein guy’s math was so hot,
But his novel was certainly not.
Though it strongly declared
That E’s m c-squared,
That made a predictable plot.
A “GRAPH”IC NOVEL (corrected website)
That Einstein guy’s math was so hot,
But his novel was certainly not.
Though it strongly declared
That E’s m c-squared,
That made a predictable plot.
Please insert “on” prior to “the fence” in my last one – “on”-est mistake…
The Predator
He hosted her out on his yacht
Of course that was just a bon mot
When he said, “Come see!”
“This magical key!”
But that was a part of his plot
Making time with a lass he found hot
He cheated, and then he got caught
He leapt off the deck
Hit his head. Broke his neck
They buried the fool in a plot
Who cares if “The curtains are blue,
With a splash of a light purple hue?”
That just ain’t no plot.
Not one person was shot.
And that is this week’s book review.
They walked to the sacrosanct spot
To bury the dearly-loved Scott.
A hot chick strolled by.
They gave her the eye.
And somehow, they all lost the plot.
A gardening book I just bought
Was cheap, didn’t cost a whole lot.
But the garden he had
Was quite small, made me mad
‘Cause it didn’t have much of a plot.
“A Catch 22”
A movie I watch quite a lot
Is “Groundhog Day” (I’m in a spot).
Cuz I MUST figure out
What this flick is about.
Ev’ry day it’s the very same plot.
Help from my fellow limerickers….please! (anyone?)
A book is a treasure, why not
Read “Finnegans Wake”, (hits the spot).
That’s not really true,
So I’m begging of you:
Tell me what in the hell is the plot?
(Several years ago, I did attempt to read it)
Ali Baba, the hero? I think not…
Morgiana foiled the thieves’ every plot
The Arabian Folk Tale
Breakfast nook, now does prevail…
“Open Sesame’s” now a fresh bagel spot!
So it’s Big Government’s subtle plot
Could it be for the best? No, it’s not…
Join the big, loud parade
Once all drink the kool-aid…
Take a sip. Never mind. Get the shot….
Flying saucers have gone out of style.
They scared us for quite a long while.
Those Martians (don’t holler)
Have gotten much smaller.
They’re now using drones, so don’t smile.
Whenever I sit all alone,
I get up and pick up my phone.
But whom can I call?
They say, one and all,
I always just natter and drone.
Hey Lisi,
I’m here for the rescue.
Your novel by Joyce is a bore,
Try reading a book you’ll adore.
With just eight hundred pages,
It drones for the ages.
Read Mann’s Magic Mountain, a snore.
Rudy, I just looked it up. Oh my heavens!
Dear Rudy, I sure won’t read that.
The novel is just too darn “fat”
And your mention of “drone”
Wiped me out of the zone.
I’ve decided on “Cat In The Hat”
Hi Lisi,
So, it’s cats that you truly adore
Check out “Goldfinger”. You’ll get one more.
In its wonderful plot
Our James Bond hits the spot
As he plays with Ms. Pussy Galore.
Or you could get the video.
Hi Mad,
Please remove the apostrophe (I’ve been using too many of them lately) from the above line “In it’s wonderful plot”. It should read “its”.
Thanks
***
Done.
Rudy!! Naughty Naughty!
Oh, Rudy, you’ve made me so shocked!
Can’t see “Goldfinger” ; mommy has blocked
All films with a plot
In which ladies are hot.
And she told me Ms. G. was well-stocked.
Plot
My autobot hatched a great plot;
When I was just out of earshot
Montserrat to Bangkok
Stealing jewels to hock;
I’m still reeling from the aftershock.
Drone
I decided to go fly my drone;
But discovered I wasn’t alone
In a free-flying zone
I dethroned Corleone…
and incited a revolución!
My Dear Lisi, it’s starting to look
Like you’re trying by hook or by crook,
To scheme and to plot.
Do I read ? Do I not?
I’ll concede that I once read a book.
Dear Rudy, you’re right; what a brain!
I too read one book, but in vain.
Couldn’t grasp the deep plot,
Which hurt me a lot.
The title was, “See Dick See Jane”
Oh, Honey Bee, love how you moan.
You’re the sexiest insect I’ve known.
You’re lean and you’re mean.
I’m forever your queen.
Let’s be Mr. and Mrs. B. Drone.
C’mon QAnon, whaddya got?
What’s the latest pedo-vamp plot?
Is Joe Biden a clone,
a hologram on the phone,
or is he a Trump-controlled bot?
Could your local delivery guy
Be replaced by a thing that can fly?
Might you order by phone
Pizza drop-off by drone?
I think not. That’s just pie in the sky.
Robbers Looting two Royalty Zones
(Later Caught by Police using Drones)
Tried to Hide their hot Gear
in a Hothouse. It’s Clear! –
Thieves in Glass houses Shouldn’t stow Thrones.
Mad, would you please delete my earlier Limerick. April 19. 9.54am. Thanks.
*********
Done.
What A Deal !
Dear, I went to see Mr. McGee.
Asked ’bout nice plots for you and for me.
He said, “Every plot
Will cost you a lot;
Buy 2 and and then get the third free.”
The on-line professor just drones,
His students return to their phones;
They’re woke and they joke,
Enjoy a quick toke,
While that science prof prattles ’bout bones.
Hi Lisi, you’ve read about Janey.
She was fond-a that creepy Dick Cheney.
Their top secret plot
To soon tie the knot?
It showed that they were’t too brainy.
Rudy: The REAL story:
Miss Janey became even cuter.
Felt Cheney, would most surely suit’er.
At the end of the plot,
He no longer seemed hot.
She heard he was not a straight shooter.
Sunny, permit me to play with your limerick a little.
The chef du cuisine simply drones.
The kitchen staff run* to their phones.
They chat and and they joke,
Enjoy a quick toke;
While that chef prattles on about scones.
*I know that it should be “runs”, but that’s how young people talk nowadays.
Hey Lisi,
Cheney’s not a straight shooter, you say.
Are you hinting that he might be gay?
Well, he does lie a lot.
But when he’s in his plot.
It really won’t matter, no way.
Drone flew by, I found him so punny…
Without sting, and he makes no honey
Still impressive IT
Architecturally…
A ‘real buzz’ that makes my day sunny!
If impressed by high tech, hold the phone!
They’re now Thoro-good ‘Bad to the Bone’…
Rob a bank, distantly
Shoot your ‘ex’, privately…
A nefarious-ly new SIN-Drone!
Talk of drones has left me on the fence
It can end with some weird recompense
Pizza drone, in mishap
Landed right in my lap
A nice un-intended consequence!
Said drone owner to marketing guy:
“Catchy name, ham it up, please the eye!”
Poverty now forsaken
He now brings home the bacon…
The blades ‘squeal’ with delight, “When Pigs Fly!”
Rudy, that’s not what I meant! My limerick had nothing to do with Cheney’s
“preferences” (and who would care anyway?) Here’s my next limerick to clear things up.
Dear Rudy, that wasn’t the case.
Go back 15 years and retrace.
My “straight-shooter” plot
Had to do with a SHOT
That his hunting friend got in the face.
(case closed)
“Obsessed With “Finnegans Wake”
“Mr. Joyce! What a wonderful plot!
Not a thing in this world you forgot!”
“Did I write a book?
Well, look-a-ty look!
It must have been all of that pot”.
I’m starting to feel quite suspicious
Of ‘friends’ who do think it auspicious
To hatch a base plot,
And glom lim’ricks I’ve got;
It could be considered malicious.
No names mentioned
********
I sure hope this is fiction!
It once was my grandmother’s plot,
With pebbles and sand and wood rot;
It’s now a fine playground
Where little feet run ’round;
My grandchildren like it a lot!
Bought a drone, claimed could unclog my plumbing
Sent it down and could hear the thing humming…
My insurance airtight
I was ‘covered’, alright…
What’s worse is I DID see it coming!
Oh Mad, sorry … eye problems again. In April 19th 11:11am entry I erroneously repeated the word them – 2nd line.
******
Fixed.
I have chosen my burial plot
Where what’s left of old Tony will rot.
Since my name means, ‘Unknown’,
There will be no gravestone.
Once I’m gone, only X marks the spot
The advertisement said, “Buy A Plot!”
As a writer I thought, ‘Well, why not?’
I was blocked and in need.
“Did this advert’ mislead?”
Was the headline when salesman was shot.
Conversations may frequently drone
And take on a too literal tone,
Or step on some toes,
Unintended, cause woes.
So, I’ll now be still as a stone.
(The defense rests)
“I confess, I had had one or two,
And assumed, since it buzzed as it flew,
That the drone was a bug
Raised on steroids. Which drug
Has a rep’ for enhancing – construe?”
“So you shot it?” “Damn right! Wouldn’t you?”
“It was harmless!” “Okay – but who knew?
I had visions of wings,
And of poisonous stings.
And not one to take chances, I slew.”
Just a note on my limerick above – today 1:45 – the first line reads ‘The adVERtisement …” as we would pronounce it in the UK and not as it is pronounced in the US, ‘adverTISEment.
“No, not me, I don’t do any work –
And don’t think for a moment I shirk.
I’m on standby all day.
If the queen wants her way,
I’ll be first in the queue – s’why I lurk.”
“People tell me I’m losing the plot.
No, I can’t recall who, I’ve forgot’.
They go on about wills –
Yes, I’ve taken my pills –
And they think I’m worth more, but I’m not.”
“When arrested, I stressed I was not
An accomplice, nor part of the plot.
To suggest … I, the brains?
It’s too silly! It strains
Incredulity. Careful! That’s hot!”
“Tell me, what is your name, little boy?”
“Nigel.” “What is the name of your toy?”
“Catapult. With these stones
I can shoot down your drones.
My new game is called, ‘Seek and Destroy’.”
“I’m considered the queen’s bit of rough.
Her go to for fun when life’s tough.
We don’t talk very much,
We’re too busy for such.
And besides, she quite likes that I’m gruff.”
The commercial said, “Hey! Buy A Plot!”
As a writer I thought, ‘Well, why not?’
I was blocked and in need.
“Did this advert’ mislead?”
Was the headline when salesman got shot.
The US version.
In the night, they were in quite a spot
In thick fog in a bog, – lost the plot.
Weather foul (on the whole)
they could not find the hole
They’d prepared for the guy they’d just shot.
Although gone, she was strangely alert.
Still a nudge, even under the dirt.
Right there at her plot.
It was carved, “You cannot
Come visit me wearing that shirt.”
A part of my bagpipes has “blown”
I have fixed it, with mud and a stone
to hold it in place
while I get “off my face” –
It’s my Bong with a Song, AND a
Drone!
better
Although gone, she was strangely alert.
Still a nudge, even under the dirt.
Right there at her plot,
A voice said, “Do not
Come visit me wearing that shirt.”
I love it, Lisi! Really made me chuckle. Thank you.
So’s this:
I have chosen my burial plot
Where what’s left of old Tony will rot.
Seems my name means, ‘Unknown’,
So, no marker or stone.
Once I’m gone, only X marks the spot.
“Boy meets girl has been done. We need plot!”
“What if boy loves girl’s mum, cos she’s hot?
Then the father, ignored,
Kills them all cos he’s bored—”
“Okay, now I’m on board—” “Then gets shot?”
“It’s too tame. You were doing so well.
Sex and murder, all great. That will sell.
But the ending – it’s lame.
Try again – up your game.”
“He’s redeemed by a vision of hell.”
Rudy: definition of straight shooter: a person who is honest and forthright
Dear Rudy, you’re sure a straight shooter.
I looked it up on my computer.
I did not scheme a plot,
Or hope you’d get caught.
I taught English; do you need a tutor?
(Second definition of straight shooter: a vice president who goes hunting
and shoots his friend in the face) LOL
A mother right down to the bone
She’d lecture, she’d scold and she’d drone.
She called every day
And then passed away.
Her grave, she regrets, has no phone
Here he comes! He is still in the “zone” !
How I wish he would leave me alone!
He babbles and babbles,
And gabbles and gabbles,
And he drones and he drones ’bout his drone.
Hey Lisi,
I thought that your case had been closed.
Your client was never deposed.
On appeal you now drone
“Dismiss or postpone!
Cheney’s preference can not be exposed.”
A third definition of “straight shooter” might be a straight person doing some shooting, as opposed to a gay person doing so. ( English)
I too was a teacher (briefly), and you know what is said about us? “Those who can,— do. Those who can’t,— teach”
For Lisi and Rudy and any other interested Limerick-Offer:
I thought I’d jump into the “what does ‘straight shooter’ mean” fray with my own limerick:
“Straight shooter” has too many meanings:
Could mean “gun skills” or “anti-gay leanings.”
Someone “honest,” “forthright,”
“Wrestler skilled at a fight” —
It’s even a “crack pipe” — my gleanings.
Uh, uh, Ms. Mad. Your limerick does not qualify for this contest. Where’s the droning plot or the plotting drone?
Uh, uh, Lisi we have to abide
That our boss is now tanning our hide.
I don’t know how she got
The news of our plot
That grief unto her would betide.
*****
from MBK:
You mean I can’t play dictator and give myself a prize? What a disappointment!
PS “Straight Shooter” really does have all those meanings I included in my limerick … plus a rather gross one I felt best to omit. (Hint: “Urban Dictionary”)
My dear friend from New Jersey wrote the beautiful musical score to this
“Guess The Movie” I will not give away his name (:
A lawnmower sure hit the spot,
When he realized that’s all that he’s got.
He can’t drive a car,
Yet he has to go far.
Finds his brother, and that is the plot.
“Chicago Senior Living”
I live in a wonderful spot.
Must tell you some things that it’s got:
A charming cafe,
An evening buffet,
And a waiting room just for your plot.
Mad: above limerick, L3:
Could you please change “A little cafe” to: A charming cafe
Thank you,
Lisi
********
Done.
Mad: Thanks very much for doing that for me, but I just noticed it had a rhyming error: cafe and buffet.
The only other thing I could think of was this:
“Chicago Senior Living”
I live in a wonderful spot.
Must tell you some things that it’s got:
A book club each week,
A charming boutique,
And a waiting room just for your plot.
*****
Ah, I should have caught that myself.
My octogenarian friend
Has come to an untimely end.
He rests in his plot,
And I worry a lot.
He might have begun a new trend.
At the risk of intruding, but following the trend:
A gay cowboy heard word on the lot
The new film had a gunslinger plot.
“They want red-blooded guys
At whom women make eyes.”
“Well, that kind of straight shooter I’m not.”
And would that be, “The Straight Story”, Lisi?
Just a word to the wise about plot.
People think that it’s story. It’s not.
Plot is what, story how
And the why. Got it now?
Excellent! So, we’re all hot to trot?
I’m inclined to talk piffle and drone.
It’s a failing, I know, but I’m prone.
No, I don’t mean face down,
That would make me a clown.
I mean gabbing till most people groan.
In the past, you heard ‘eye in the sky’,
It meant chopper with camera guy.
Now the chopper’s defunct
And the camera guy’s junked
And replaced by a drone that can fly.
Said a hack on creating a plot:
“I put in to my work all I’ve got.
When it starts to mature,
Then I add more manure.
And that’s how I come up with this rot.”
Kudos to Tony and to my friend Angelo Badalamenti who was nominated for a Golden Globe for the musical score to “Straight Story”
Dear Tony, congrats, you sure got
The right answer, (this movie was shot
In the Midwest, however,
It droned on, wasn’t clever)
The music just outshined the plot.
I knew about the film, Lisi – hadn’t watched it, as it didn’t appeal – but I had to Google the title as I couldn’t recall it. Is that cheating? LOL
PS. I just realised that it came out in 1999, so maybe I can be forgiven? X
Tony, if at some point you would like to “see” it, close your eyes and just listen to the music (:
Now my limerick:
I decidedly wasn’t amused
‘Bout this movie where ev’ry one boozed.
With nary a plot,
It made me smoke pot,
Which made me more dazed and confused.
Mad: Above limerick L5
Could you please change: Then was even more dazed and confused to
Which made me more dazed and confused.
Thank you, Lisi
******
Done.
“The Novelist”
I’m writing a novel in stages.
It will be the best book of the ages.
I think that the plot
Will be dazz-a-ling hot.
So far, I have numbered the pages.
With apologies to Mr. Shakespeare…
Hamlet’s reading a book that he got —
Which he says he’s enjoying a lot —
About Yorick, alas!
As a read, it’s first-class
And he really is digging the plot.
Ms. Macbeth was the wife of a Scot
Who contrived a nefarious plot
To kill Duncan, the king.
Her dog saw the whole thing.
“You’re a BAD dog!” she said. “Out, damned Spot!”
Courtly Jestures ~
There once was a dark, stormy knight,
who schemed with his cohorts all night.
Once “Get it?” “Good.” “Got
it,” confirmed mischief’s plot
it meant drinking and jokes till daylight.
Flights of Fancy ~
A king who was bored on the throne
started spying by flying a drone,
but when he caught the Queen
doing something obscene,
she made sure it was never more flown.
Snort My Dust
Quelle surprise! No cremains in the urn,
yet his family had money to burn.
Though they paid quite a lot,
no one wanted a plot
so they snorted a line, each in turn.
It’s a Bird. It’s a Plane. It’s Neighborman! ~
Never throw stones at a drone
for something there is in that moan
which proves friendly neighbors
abhor fencing labors
and keep friends by staying alone.
My new business with drones – I’m a STAR!
I can wax cars remotely, afar
But when a client complained
My waxing business then waned…
He ‘refuffed’ me, as did I, his car
‘Rebuffed’ – sorry…
acrostic
Donny Johnson just mumbles away,
Reflecting upon his drab day.
Once he starts rambling on,
(Nodding off), I say, “Don
Enough of that babble, OKAY?”
Last eve’ning I laughingly caught ‘er.
With something I jokingly bought’er.
With her head held up high,
She searched for a spy.
So eager to use her drone squatter.
With his catapult loaded for drone,
Nigel aims and releases his stone.
Lunch is served! Pizza pie!
Manna dropped from the sky.
Sad to say, Nigell’s dining alone.
If you never have flown your own drone,
Then its thrills and its spills are unknown.
True, it doesn’t compare
With a Spitfire, mid-air,
But it’s tops in the low flying zone.
Mad, would you oblige, please, and replace the last line of the first limerick above with, – Sad to say, Nigell’s dining alone. Thank you.
**********
Done.
All began with just one little drone.
Now I own a whole fleet. How I’ve grown!
What’s my secret? Blackmail.
Let me tell you the tale,
Then we’ll get to your payment, padrone.
I’ve relinquished the Edsel I own,
In exchange for a nice, compact drone.
Warn the Regs, “FLY UNMANNED!”
Which is what I have planned.
They say nothing about an old crone.
It’s the loss of hard work I bemoan.
I miss grunting, and writing on stone.
With the advent of apps,
All I do is take naps.
And my drone? Flown alone by my phone.
Took a “speed-reading” course, (phew, I’m shot).
I read 95 books on the spot.
It was sure a great class.
But I flunked, cuz, alas
I couldn’t remember the plot.
The part of the beach that was sought,
Would hide them from view, so they thought.
But during their tryst,
Came a drone through the mist;
Its lenses unraveled their plot.
Qui my job, now it’s houses I’m painting
Had my wife at me: “Oh-no-you-ain’t-ing!”
With 10 drones that can spray
I now turn work away
With some rich folks my wife’s now acquainting
So my house-keeping drones sprayed each day
But one day I got carried away
Ten at once was too much
I’m now losing my touch
My (ex-)client Joe Brown’s now Joe Gray…
When my drone ‘Sir Veillance’ makes his rounds
He Sir Vei’s my Estate and its grounds
Sometimes his roaming eyes
Spots my neighbor and spies…
Let to lawsuit key phrase: “Out of Bounds!”
My best drone innovation thought yet
Espresso, on the go, we’re all set…
Hot or iced, made ‘my way’
Once got mine on the highway
If a car, this brainstorm’s a Corvette!
Rent-A-Drone had one left – chimney sweep!
Thought I’d IM-press my wife with up-keep
Blade selection I made
Was inDUSTrial grade
Here I stand, soot and bricks, I’m knee-deep…
Not exactly what I expected:
Wrote a book with an intricate plot.
For “highbrows” to read on a yacht.
My publisher gushed,
And speedily rushed
To display it at “Books For A Tot”.
My sister said, “Trump is high-tech
And writes books like a well-versed exec.”
Claimed his newest one’s “hot”
With a fabulous plot,
Called, “State Facts Before Fact Finders Check”.
“Every drone is a man put to grass—”
“Or a woman.” “Please, Stan, let it pass.”
“Women count just as much.”
“I’ve no quarrel, as such –
Though a girl’s got a much nicer arse.”
If you aren’t familiar with Monty Python’s Life of Brian, this may confuse. (The nice arse observation is all me.)
As I sail through the air – I’ve been thrown –
Followed down to the ground by a drone,
Things begin to make sense.
When she said, “I’ll dispense
With a lawyer’s expense.” Should’ve known.
The dullards I work with – such bores!
All their monotone rants about chores
Like their timesheets, their filing
And in-boxes piling
Induce in me nothing but snores!
The clots some folks got from the shot
Have hit only a few – not a lot.
Yet some dopes – their views aided
By Fox – are persuaded
The shot is some Faucian plot.
Hubby died, the poor man; that was that.
After 50 long years, not one spat.
Yet right at his plot,
It said, “I cannot
Keep lying, and yes, you looked fat.”
The Newest Novel: “Foreseeing The Future”
“The Donald” sure wasn’t a quitter.
So pompous, he loved all that glitter.
In a real fancy spot,
He inscribed on his plot:
My eulogy’s published on Twitter.
An old writer, confessing to murder,
Cried, “You can’t know how long I’ve endured her!”
Since he thought he ought not
Yet unearth the whole plot,
Simply said, in few words, “I interred her.”
She thought they were friends – they were not!
They purloined her well-crafted plot;
She toiled on another,
Showed it to her brother
Who said: “Sis, what it takes, you’ve not got.”
(Fiction)
Yacht-Sea Limerick:
One a whim, never sailed, bought a YACHT!
A Caribbean course did I plot
I got tonic’d & gin’d
And 3 sheets to the wind…
It’s been slow, ‘cause I know just one ‘knot’…
“Unmanned”
Miss Drone spoke in such a sad tone,
As she cried to her pal with a moan:
“My dear friend, Suzanne,
If I just had a man,
Then I wouldn’t feel so all alone.”
just a tad modification in L5
My sister said, “Trump is high-tech,
And writes books like a well-versed exec.”
Claims his new one is “hot”
With a fabulous plot:
Called “State Facts Before Fact Checkers Check”
This one’s easy
The gaslights are no longer hot.
The pictures are not in their spot.
Is this woman insane?
Can someone explain?
Is Greg’ry the beast of the plot?
A Movie Quadrilogy Quiz
The Bates Motel sure ain’t the spot
To take a nice shower, (real hot)
Cuz dear Norman’s mother
Is not like another.
And that is the gist of the plot
A love affair sure hits the spot,
When your husband is gone, (Don’t Get Caught!)
He went out to play poker.
Boy, he’d love to chok’er
And a KEY is the key to the plot.
A window is just the right spot
To spy on a man who forgot
To pull down his shade.
That mistake he sure made.
And the end, he was caught; that’s the plot.
New York is the scene of the plot.
The upper West side is the spot.
Maria feels pretty,
Later on, she feels shitty
Cuz at the end, Tony gets shot.
Mad: i made a big mistake in my quadrilogy movie quiz, just above.
It was supposed to read: To pull down his shade…….not to pull up his shade.
Could you please change that for me? (verse 3, line 3)
Thank you,
Lisi
*****
Done.
If there be fruit in this spot,
Feel free to eat but not the lot.
Feel free to weed,
But of bees please heed
And leave some flowers in this plot.
I don’t care what you might think,
I think your views really stink.
Sane you are not;
You’ve in truth lost the plot
And I think your mind’s on the blink
alternate last line…
And I think you should see a shrink.
He’d lost it, was having a spate
Of anger, re: tardy date.
Complete lost the plot,
In anger besot
At barely two minutes late.
The new way not to get hurt
Is to use a drone for your dirt.
Under nights dark veil
You can spy and surveil,
Maim or kill by the force you exert.
The queen and the drones are on a date,
Which one will win and seal his fate?
High, high in the sky,
The highest to fly
Is the drone who’ll get to mate.
Donald Trump is one of those drones,
Who on and on continuously moans.
Of the things that he’d fix
How many? Well nix,
But still he harps on with his groans.
Dear Lisi, It could be a shade
Of the kind that is currently made
That comes down from the top
Or else up ↑ it can pop
From the bottom, spies’ eyes to evade.
(not a contest entry, obviously)
My allotment is quite a small plot
Though I surprisingly grow quite a lot.
Permaculturally
I’m very happy to be
Helping climate change a wee jot.
We all know there’s a real living drone;
It’s a bee that can’t live on his own.
By his sisters he’s fed,
Mates just once, then drops dead!
Does the drone see that coming? Unknown.
Spare a thought for that apian drone
Who can’t live for a day on his own,
Won’t go out to find food,
Can’t take care of the brood –
He must stalk the new queen where she’s flown.
As I fly from the roof – I’ve been thrown –
My descent is recorded by drone.
As the drop gathers pace
Something falls into place.
“I’d be much better off on my own.”
I have purchased my burial plot
Where old Tony will rest when he’s not.
I will leave as I came,
Without fortune or fame,
And the marker will read, “Off I trot.”
Those who wish may send flowers.
“Do they covet and wish you were late?
Will your wealth go to people you hate?
Thwart their hopes! We’ve a plot
To secrete what you’ve got.
Only X marks the spot. It’s your fait ‘.”
The inscription read, “So, here I lie.
Happy now? Please don’t stand there and cry!
You were part of the plot,
And were glad to get shot.
What you wanted you got – so did I.”
“Every penny I owned, for a fee,
Has been sent on ahead, as you’ll see.
And – you’ll like this a lot –
It’s a family plot:
I’ve reserved you the spot next to me.”
“While you schemed with your lover, I too,
Counter schemed – and my plans are for two.
Let’s uncover my plot.
Will you like? I think not.
You’re to join me and rot. I screwed you!”
In the UK, to get shot of something, or someone, means to get rid of it/them.
A response to Sue Dulley: Dear Sue,
I have read what you wrote. I feel shame.
But be fair, am I really to blame?
Nature made me a drone.
That I can’t cope alone,
Is, by her, set in stone. What’s her aim?
I’m the lover Ma Nature designed,
And I live with the role I’m assigned.
When my queen feels her oats,
I must burn all my boats,
And, consigned to my fate, be inclined.
Matt Gaetz said a devious plot,
Was why he was recently caught,
His life now in shreds
And who cares if some feds,
Say that underage girls can’t be bought?
A drone limerick as it might be written by Martin Scorsese or Francis Ford Coppola.
“Hey, there, Frank! What’s wid you?” “It’s my day.”
“Has the queen made the call?” “I’m in play.”
“Geez, that’s great!” “Yeah! Goodbye.”
“Ain’t youz noivous?” “No, why?”
“Well at least you’ll die happy.” “I’ll say!”
I am indebted tp Sue Dulley for the above limerick. Were it not for her informative efforts I would still be ignorant of the mating habits of bees, and of the role and lifestyle of the drones. Thanks, Sue.
Now our kid is no longer a tot
And has long since relinquished his cot,
All his toys (yes, the lot!)
He’s just dumped on the plot.
All he wants is an iphone and ‘bot.
The queen, that most key of all key bees,
Commands a whole army of she-bees
Who do all the work,
While the drones, who just shirk
And have sex are, you’ve guessed it, the he-bees.
I am grateful that Nature saw fit
Not to make me a drone. I would quit
On day one. I want life
To be fun and a wife
Who, once sated in love, will acquit.
For the hen-pecked husbands of the world.
So, as far as my wife is concerned,
She’s a queen and her love must be earned.
I’m no more than a drone:
If I so much as groan
She’ll be straight on the phone, and I’m burned.
The Dronefather: A Chronicle In Three Parts
“Hey, there, Frank! What’s wid you?” “It’s my day.”
“Has the queen made the call?” “I’m in play.”
“Geez, that’s great!” “Yeah. Goodbye.”
“Ain’t youz noivous?” “No, why?”
“Well at least you’ll die happy.” “I’ll say!”
“Hey, your majesty! What’s on your mind?”
“It’s your turn, Frankie boy. Have you dined?
One long night of pure fun
And then, once we are done,
You’ll be buried with honour.” “How kind.”
“Frankie boy did his duty – and how!
But that’s past and we bury him now.
Frankie played his best game.
He was called and he came.
So, remember his name and kowtow.”
poetic license in L5 (drone and plot)
This play really ain’t got no plot.
So boring, you’d rather be shot.
You sit and you drone.
You’re in “sleepy-time” zone.
As you wait and you wait for GoDOT.
Lawyer Sidney droned on of a plot;
Now her rep’s irretrievably shot.
“Hugo Chávez! Rigged votes!
It was fraudulent, totes!”
Did it make any sense? Not a jot.
“Oh, it’s great to be queen. Is it shit!
I get shtupped a few times and that’s it.
From then on, it’s all eggs.
Useful dames and those dregs.
Lazy bastards! It gets on my tit!”
Hey Lisi! Found your friend’s film score on YouTube, so Ill let you know whan I’ve listened to it. Waiting for GoDOT? What were you thinking? Poetic licence, my eye. Poetic liberty, more like. LOL (And imagine a winking emoji.)
double duty……poetic license in L5
This play really ain’t got no plot.
So boring, you’d rather be shot.
You sit and you drone.
You’re in “sleepy-time” zone.
As you wait and you wait for GoDOT.
“Life was good, I admit. Had it all.
Waited on, hand and foot, had a ball.
Then this broad waltzes in
Say’s, ‘Him, him, him, and him,
And the rest can be dumped.’ “Did we bawl!”
“I have read what you wrote, and I’m shamed:
But I ask, “Is it fair that I’m blamed?”
Nature made me a drone.
So, I can’t cope alone.
I just live for the day I’m inflamed.
JUST A JOKE !!!! “Politically Incorrect”
No Jews are allowed in this spot.
Don’t go there, you might just be caught.
Corpus Christi’s the place.
Where they don’t leave a trace,
When they throw you right into a plot.
sorry, Mad:
above limerick L5 …..I left out “you”
It should be: When they throw you right into a plot.
Could you please change that for me?
Thank you,
Lisi
****
Fixed
Said the Queen to prospective drone beau
“I’m impressed with what you have to show…”
With some unplanned compunction
From a wardrobe malfunction
He was caught, quite red-faced, ‘flying low’…
A new sport that’s become my new ‘jones’…
We engage every time my friend phones
Battles rage in the sky
Feel the rush, get the high…
‘LAST in flight’ is the goal – Game of Drones!
We’ve A, B, C, D, E, & F bees…
And a phrase that perplexes is “Bee’s Knees”?!?
When one flies way too near
It can fill us with fear
Male drones give both He-bees and G-bees!
The buzz about bees is they’re hairy…
Bee-have ‘round bee-hives ‘cause they’re scary
It may come with surprise
They have hair on their eyes!
And they fly faster than the Tooth Fairy!
My pet fly hit a drone, bad collision…
On his back, 6 legs up, blurry vision…
[You could hear a pin drop
Then came laughter, non-stop]
“911, my fly’s down!” Bad decision…
Bees have 5 eyes. (an interesting fact)
A honey bee, (known as a drone)
Went to see Doctor Optomezone.
Yeah! he had 20/20.
That sure is aplenty.
Plus one sixty more near the bone.
Re: Movie Quadrilogy. (Missed Friday night at the movies, so I’m catching the Saturday matinee:)
“Dear Ms. Nortman, I see you’ve an itch,
To make movies. I like ev’ry pitch.
I won’t buy the whole lot
(Number four lacks a plot)
But I’ll take one through three. Fondly, Hitch.”
(Loved your synopses!)
In response to your gratitude, Tony,
Good work with the limericks droney,
On which topic – please
Let’s encourage the bees
To keep doing their job, making hone-y.
My Admission Of Dumbness:
Dear Hitchy, I really cannot
Truly think that I only forgot
To explain number four
Did you really ignore
That not ONE of them spells out a plot?
Have you heard of the Gunpowder Plot?
It’s a thing Britons never forgot.
Each Fifth of November
(The way I remember)
They burn stuff on some empty lot.
‘Course, fireworks are part of the plot,
Charred potatoes and probably pot,
And a doll called a Guy
Wearing Grandad’s old tie
Gets cremated right there on the spot.
Sjaan: I see that you like “Hitch”
In order to change your mind, I have written another bad one:
Oh, yuk! think about all those turds
In this film, custom made for all nerds.
This movie has got
Only one simple plot,
To sum it up: ten million birds.
Sjaan: Just spoke with Alfred. He claims he did not write me that limerick.
You did! He told me a secret.
Alfred Hitchcock, in all of his glory,
Looked over his huge inventory.
Yet his fav-or-ite plot
Which outdid all the lot,
Was the classic and great “West Side Story”
Al Hitchcock made movies, a lot.
His “Rope” had me tied in a knot.
And “Notorious” Ms. “Marnie”,
“Suspicion”ed of blarney
Took “Thirty-nine Steps” to her “Family Plot”
So, why can’t “suspicion” be a verb? Or has my Poet’s License expired?
And if the last line has an extra beat, blame Hitchcock.
There’s an opera, believe it or not,
That’s saddled with some horsey plot
About cowboys, not kings.
When the fat lady sings
It”s over, thank God. Thanks as lot.
“An opera with cowboys? You jest!”
“Don’t you know ‘La fanciulla del West’
With its horse-opera plot?
You might like it a lot.
Puccini still thinks it’s his best.”
No credit for this one, Sue. I came up with it just before I fell asleep last night. Still, being Brits, I suppose it was inevitable that we’d both go there.
“Mister Fawkes – of The Gunpowder plot?
Still, that’s all in the past – is it not?
Now, the fireworks display,
If you’ll just come this way.
You’ve presumably planned something hot?”
As suggested by Sue:
“What’s the recipe?” “You’re asking me?
I don’t know. I’m a drone type of bee.
I love honey – I do.
How’s it made? Not a clue!
I’m just glad it’s on tap and all free.”
I’ve watched many movies by Hitch.
My life they did greatly enrich.
Someone droned in my ear
To make sure I would hear
That Hitch was a son of a female canine.
Breaking some rules in deference to political correctness.
“It was doomed from the start, was it not?
There were too many in on the plot.
Always said it would fail.
Now we languish in jail
And our teachers are smoking our pot!”
“I see now where I made my mistake.
Made car maintenance clear, not opaque.”
“The insurance?” “A lot!”
“So, an ‘Accident’ plot.”
“Which is why she chose ‘fixing’ the brake.”
“Criticism from morning till night.
‘Lazy!’ ‘Useless!’ ‘Ungrateful!’ All right!
P’raps we’re all of those things –
We don’t even have stings –
But Ma made us for lovin’, not fight.”
Men! Beware of the widow in black.
Her M.O.? To beguile in the sack.
It’s her dastardly plot
To take all that you’ve got,
And you won’t be around to take back.
Since my client is accused of this crime,
And, convicted, will have to do time,
State must prove that the plot
Was conceived – it was not –
By my client who was six at the time.
A detectorist scanning a plot
Was convinced he’d at last found the spot
Where the treasure’s nearby,
(Cuz his dials never lie)
But he’d bargained for more than he got!
With apologies to Irving Berlin and everyone who ever sang that fine song:
“The song is ended, but the melody lingers on” to which my limerick does Not refer! (but was sparked by the line).
I regret that I’ve stumbled upon
a new “song” that just whines on and on.
Its Drone (well intending)
Just seems never ending
And the Malady Still lingers on.
Mad, would you please delete my Limerick at April 25, 6.01? Thanks.
*****
Done.
Lesson five: How to thicken the plot.
Add betrayal, connivance and S.W.A.T.
Stir these elements well,
Sprinkle romance – that’s swell –
And if possible, fold in a yacht.
In a grot on the isle of Capri,
Lived a dwarf and a handsome fair-y.
Now we get to the plot:
Dwarf was gay, fairy not.
All pointers say dwarf wasn’t Happ-y.
Sorry, Mad. Please delete the earlier version, six above at April 25 06:08am. Thank you.
****
Done.
“Ah, the joy of the well-thickened plot!
Does it fail to enthral? I think not.
As it builds from its start,
It enraptures the heart,
Its denouement perfection. What, what?”
The Publishing Committee:
Mr. Magic, you sure persevered
In writing a book, yet it’s weird.
Though we all loved the plot,
Thought it sure hit the spot.
But where is it? It just disappeared.
Gourmet food is the theme of my plot;
I will find in the fridge what I’ve got;
Yes, inspired, I will cook
Before writing my book;
Then I’ll eat some fine meals while I jot!
A book that my school teacher penned
Is one that I must recommend.
While writing the plot,
He was suddenly shot.
It’s called, “Starting Point, Middle, No End.”
Though this book called, “Cremation” was hot,
I must tell you I surely will not
Recommend it at all,
It just didn’t enthrall.
And I don’t care for books with no plot!
Toy store owners are asking themselves
About drones, so each one of them delves
Into records of sales,
And the trend that prevails
Is that drones have been flying off shelves.
Fragile campers in woods, deep and dense
Wolves and grizzlies and greed, self-defense
Murder myst’ry the plot
Twists and turns, like a knot
Safe to say, story line was ‘in tents’!
Redford, Newman were great in ‘The Sting’
A-Awards, seven fold, did it bring
The best part of the plot
Is when both men were shot
Loved the finger-to-nose ‘signal thing’!
“The Scholarly Publishing Company” (a discussion)
“This book is called “Fancy Motel”
‘Bout hookers with rich clientele.
It ain’t got no plot.
Let’s give it a shot.
Undisputedly! This one will sell.”
Talk of myst’ries, all done with great style
Agatha is the Queen of ‘beguile’…
Ever shifting the plot
Edge of seat’s all I got…
Glued to screen, no one uses the aisle!
Mad would you please delete my Limerick at April 25. – 10.30am. Thanks (sorry).
*******
Done
The large drone I tried out in the shop?
Not the best idea, – drone lost a prop.
The guy who works there
Used to have quite long hair
Now he’s sporting a very short crop.
Ev’ry time that he fought with Denise,
The neighbors would call the police.
One day he was shot.
And etched on his plot:
“I Am Finally Resting In Peace.”
“I express my opinions!” “You drone.
Once you spent seven hours on the phone.”
“I was setting him right.”
“Yes, it took you all night.
And your parting shot?” “My, how time’s flown.”
“So, he bought you a burial plot
For your first anniversary? Not
Romantic, is he?”
“No. What’s worrying me
Is his, ‘Strike while the iron is hot.’”
“Just ignore him. He’s losing the plot.”
“Truth to tell, he was never that hot.
But he’s going down hill
Since he went on the pill.
All the blood concentrates in one spot.”
I’m doing my best to keep up, Lisi.
I like Hitchcock, but, “Some Like It Hot”
Is a favourite. A wonderful plot.
Add to that Ms Monroe –
Just the thought makes me glow.
Would I drag up? I would – like a shot!
I’m advised that my fairy / grot plot
Is gay dwarfist. I say, “It is not!”
Fairies, handsome and straight,
Can still be your best mate,
Whether tallish or painfully squat.
Thirty – fifteen, Rudy. Your serve.
The best seller my wife went and wrought
Was the upshot of lessons I taught.
Even gave her the plot –
Yes, I know. I’m a clot.
Now I lie here and rot. Who’d have thought?
“It’s your standard utility plot.
Girl meets boy, boy meets girl, thinks, ‘She’s hot!’
Here’s the twist: she’s a whale,
He’s a shark.” “Doomed to fail?”
“It’s a romantic tale. Of course not!”
Two Ghosts At A Graveside
“I can pinpoint my fatal mistake.
I got hooked by a dame on the make.”
“It’s a very nice plot.”
“I should think so! She’s got
All my money, the Pollock—” “It’s fake.”
Two Ghosts At A Graveside
“I can pinpoint my fatal mistake.
I got hooked by a dame on the make.”
“It’s a very nice plot.”
“I should think so! She’s got
All my money, the Pollock—” “It’s fake.”
“You don’t say!” “I do say. It’s a dud.”
“Well, I’m blessed! She’ll be pissed. My name’s mud.
Will she visit the plot?”
“Might – to tell you, ‘Go rot!’”
“So, no chance of avoiding bad blood?”
“I was there when Don Carlos got shot.
I knew everyone named in the plot.
I did not hang around.
I don’t want to be found,
So, I’m here where it’s warm, but not hot.”
Looking smart with their dirks in their hose.
The bag-pipers all swagger in rows.
The sporrans and kilts;
The pipes’ skirl (with its lilts),
and the drones all bring tingles to toes.
I can hear, – in the distance, they come,
With their moaning and droning and drum.
As the pipers draw near
The crowds all disappear
Cuz they’re all unimpressed, – ‘cept my Mum!
Apples fall off a tree quite a lot,
And gravity’s in on the plot.
So, there’s little disputin’
It was Isaac Newton
Concocting that sauce sold by Mott.
I gave my last scone to a crone,
No “thanks” but I heard a low drone;
“Without clotted cream,
I never would dream
Of eating this – I prefer pone!”
It was time to decide on a plot.
We went looking for just the right spot.
Ev’rybody there lay
Just six feet away.
Were we worried? Most certainly not.
Hey Tony,
Talk of fairies is so impolite,
And dwarfish jokes simply are shite.
So, I say with a sigh,
Your droning won’t fly.
Instead, you can go fly a kite.
Luv ya just the same.
Fault! Second service?
We searched for a real lonely spot.
As for money, we’d didd-a-ly squat.
We looked all around,
And finally found
A very dirt-cheap timeshare plot.
Mister Landesman, come banter with me.
We might win the ‘Award Repartee’.
Though I know I am prone,
I will try not to drone
And whatever will be, will bee.
(Sorry, Sjaan. I just assumed you were finished with it.)
Tony! I can help you keep up! Ready?
A movie, exceedingly fine,
Is “Sideways”, it’s all about wine.
With a very cute plot,
You simply cannot
Now, Tony, fill in the last line.
Have actually seen this one, Lisi.
Compromise with the fruit of the vine?
That’s the message I got about wine.
They did spice up the plot,
With Jack’s antics – a lot,
But Miles’ romance with Maya was fine.
Here is something you don’t see a lot.
An etching I happened to spot:
“Here lies my Granny
She had a big fanny,
And both of them fit in one plot”
Oh boy — a Lisi game! Do we down a shot of Pinot Noir with every syllable we write in answer to “you simply cannot”?
Believe Miles prefers sex over wine?
Not think, “this guy lacks more than just spine”?
Conclude Miles is no bore
As he drones with each pour?
Watch ’em drink and not likewise incline?
I once knew a droner so boring,
He’d spend all his days by outpouring
The most humdrum of stuff.
But that wasn’t enough,
So he’d fill in the night hours snoring.
Sure Sjaan. Are you buying? I have another movie quiz.
(a classic)
So troubled and crazy was he.
Travis Bickle was weird as can be.
We went to his plot.
Put him down quite a lot.
And a voice said, “You Talkin to Me?”
Chicago Senior Living..(me included)
We gals want a guy who is hot.
A man who can hit our right spot.
It’s slim pickings, we know,
But still we all go
And talk dirty right next to a plot.
Here’s a plot in the form of a quiz
When can you ‘do’ the same as ‘it’ is?
Here’s a clue, take a shot
In a pot or your plot…
If you guessed ‘plant’ a ‘plant’, you’re a whiz!
For Lisi and ravis Bickle.
Travis frightened the life out of me.
To placate him I trebled his fee.
He’d no grasp of the plot.
Dumped me miles from the spot
Where I actually wanted to be.
With so little to see on TV,
I decided to entertain me.
So, I ordered a drone
With a mount for my phone,
And watch porn every night with no fee.
Hat off to you, Clay. That’s clever.
Here you go, Lisi – and Sjaan. Rudy?
Okay Lisi, my turn. Here’s the plot.
Writer, artist and waitress – she’s hot!
Writer’s nuts but has heart.
Rescues artist – good start –
But a hit with the waitress he’s not.
My daughter thinks Covid’s a plot
To obliterate freedoms we’ve got.
She reacts with defiance
Each time I say science:
I wish I could cure what she’s caught.
Sadly, she’s not alone.
Many think this pandemic’s a plot
To obliterate freedoms we’ve got.
They react with defiance
Each time they hear “science”:
I doubt we can cure what they’ve caught.
Hey Tony,
I really can’t say that I hanker
To engage in a battle of banter.
Am I all alone
Refusing to drone
Pouring words from a verbiage decanter?
No, I get it. You don’t want to blurt:
You’re invited in case you felt hurt
At being left out, not
To goad. I’ve no plot.
To your wish, as you see, I’m alert.
Re Tony’s movie quiz:
The writer is leery of threats,
From sunrise to sunset, he frets.
(I’m just glad they did not
Kill the dog in this plot).
That’s my guess — it’s as good as it gets.
Yes, indeedy! Full marks to you, Sjaan.
It’s a first class, superlative yarn.
Lovely plot within plot –
‘Served more wins than it got,
But that’s Oscars and showbiz, gosh darn!
Dear Sjaan, you are making me blue.
You got it with hardly a clue.
Didn’t know of a plot
“Bout a waitress that’s hot.
I grant you a four star review.
The Case of the Clay Pot?
Clay’s riddle at first made me frown
(just a furrow — a smile upsidedown).
Then at last came a thought;
I’ve uncovered his plot —
He’s transplanted a verb and a noun!
Dear Lisi, I’d never be blue,
Were I as prolific as you,
As you chart dot-to-dot
Sundry ways to use “plot”
While to rhyme word and theme remain true.
Hey guys, here’s a flat guarantee.
This set-in-stone place has no fee.
When you’re put in your plot,
It’s gonna’ be hot.
Cuz, remember, you get laid for free.
I make them easy Tony, (LOL) and Sjaan, thank you.
He thinks he’s alive, but he’s not.
Has no clue that he’s really been shot.
Look for color of red,
You might grasp that he’s dead.
In this fabulous twist of a plot.
“Ford’s Theater”
I was married to Abraham Lincoln.
One day, I said, “Abe, I’ve been thinkin’
You might miss the plot,
Cuz I heard you’ll be shot.”
(Soon after, he started a-shrinkin’)
Good old Brucie, I think. Am I right?
The Sixth Sense, Shyamalan, M Night.
Not a clue has he got –
He’s not in on the plot.
Doesn’t know he got shot in the fight.
I thought I’d made ‘As Good As It Gets’ easy. LOL (Great film if you haven’t seen it.
They had strolled through the fields (quite a way)
‘Came across an old barn full of hay.
They made love on that plot
Though they knew they should not,
But ran back there the very next day.
They made love on the top of a mount’in
Fully gorged from their drink from the fount’in
of youth, that old crones
Oft bemoan with long drones,
Yet they did it five times (but who’s countin’?)
Oops, sorry Mad. Would you please correct “whose” to “who’s” thanks. Hi
*******
Done.
I don’t want to see a damned drone,
Invasion, I cannot condone!
They hover and they spy,
My gun’s target bull’s eye.
I just want to be left alone.
Mr. Hokey H. Pokey would shout:
“Hey, gravediggers, what’s this about?
I’m here in a plot,
It can’t be the right spot.
Cuz my left foot is still stickin’ out.
She screwed the hired hand quite a lot
And one day in the garden, guess what ?
The hand (still with hard’n)
Shot by husband in garden
is now fertilising her plot.
(But not in the preferred manner!)
Hi Mad,
Found a typo in my 4/26 11:26 am limerick.
Line 3 should read “So, there’s little disputin’ ”
I left out the “s” in “there’s”
Please fix.
Thanks,
Rudy
********
Done.
That biblical nebbish named Lot
Had a wife who would give him much grot.
She just wouldn’t halt
‘Til she turned into salt
And now seasons in Sodom her plot.
You’re writing a bio of Lot?
The luckiest man he was not.
But I’d bet my last buck,
You don’t need any luck
I wish you instead lotsa plot.
Hey Mad,
What took you so long?
Thanks,
Rudy
*******
LOL!
Old Lot had that thing with his daughter
Which the bible says nobody oughta.
Could that be the reason
For a droning long season
Of smiting and sanctified slaughter?
I’ve been having much fun with my drone.
Filmed a very hot gran with my phone.
Now my nightly delight,
As she strips every night
I drink beer and eat pizza calzone.
From the look of concern on his face
I could tell I’m not long for this place.
“How to put this? You’ve got
Maybe time for one plot –
But I’d start with the ending, in case …”
At the read-through, the bears said, “This plot
Is contrived. Goldilocks?” “Yes – it’s rot!
Where’s the fresh air – the trees?
And this porridge – per-lease!
Much more likely they’re all smoking pot.”
When it comes time to shuffle away,
I shan’t bleat or my welcome outstay.
I’ve reserved my own plot
It’s a nice shady spot –
I’m not ready to move in today!
Each thought that the other was hot,
Shared a love which their kinsfolk did not,
So they secretly wed,
Then got laid and got dead,
And right there, pretty well, is the plot.
Here’s a story I never forgot.
Listen close, I’m revealing a lot.
All windmills are bad,
Which makes him real sad.
And that is the intricate plot.
(anyone?)
That long path I do carefully plot,
From the wings to the Steinway I trot;
I give maestro the eye,
Then my hands do comply,
And we play great concerti – we’re hot!
My dear kid was quite long on the phone;
He was planning some fun with his drone.
With pure teenage guile,
And innocent smile,
He disabled my car that’s on loan!
Lisi, is it “Don Quixote’? And what about the other one, up above? Starts,
‘He thinks he’s alive, but he’s not.’ It’s above your Abraham lincoln one. I answered, in limerick form, The Sixth Sense. I’m desperate to know if I wsa right. Well. not desperate, but …
LOL, Tony
Hey Tony,
Try “Man of La Mancha”.
Rudy
Who is?
Said an actor, “I muffed a few cues;
Then my stagecraft I started to lose.
My lines I forgot
And I messed up the plot.
I retired on account of the boos.”
VERB/NOUN Challenge! Are you ‘game’ for a ‘game’?!?
Verb/Noun Game: dance the dance, talk the talk
Pet your pet, bear a bear, squawk a squawk
Dream a dream, plot a plot
Judge a judge, knot a knot
Cheat a cheat, fool a fool, walk the walk!
Clay, now you’re just showing off – but hats off to you anyway.
Tony – I’m sure you’re up for a little challenge…(as are others).
There are a number of noun/verb ‘words’ you can ‘word’ and ‘’rhymes’ you an ‘rhyme’!
Have some FUN with it! The trick, for now, is to work ‘plot’ or a drone theme into it….
We could pen heavy tomes about bones
Or write novels ‘bout spy’s with “trick” phones.
Maybe nail-biting stuff
‘bout the rough and the tough.
But no, – we just moan about drones.
Tony:
The man of La Mancha is Don Quixote. (I think?)
And yes, It’s “The Sixth Sense”
Don’t be desperate. LOL
Lisi
Lisi,
I wasn’t terribly desperate – yet. And I said Don Quixote because you said story not film or play. I’m too literal sometimes. Man of La Mancha was the stage musical derived from the book, but of course, you knew that. LOL to you, too.
“They’re assassins!” “Shut up or get shot!”
“I’m just trying to help!” “Well, you’re not.
This is Disney, you dope.
They want laughter and hope—”
“So-o, assassins could rescue the plot.”
Right-wingers, they say it’s a plot
To curb our meat eating, it’s not
Part of Biden’s great plan
Just another con, man!
Fox viewers, so easily fraught.
While a lit critic often opines,
About nuance (and stuff) he divines
As he explicates plot,
Lim’rick writers say, “Rot!
We’ll assess the whole mess in five lines.”
In a very short time we can tell
He’d be under her magical spell.
A musical plot
(In Paree it was shot)
Ah, yes! I remember it well.
Just what is this strugg-ling girl’s fate?
Does she fancy a petulant mate?
In this musical plot,
I simply will not
Reveal anymore. Just You Wait.
a 3 movie quiz
I admit, Jim I surely am blue.
Don’t know when my real date is due.
There is more than one plot.
But give it a shot.
I was happy until there was you.
(just try)
Storm at sea wrecked our charts, – took the lot
Blown away, fair to say “lost the plot”
Now we’re in a fine mess
We must send SOS
dot dot Dot, dash dash Dash, dot dot Dot.
Oh dear, there’s one more movie quiz.
The only apt subject there is?
Am I all alone
In feeling a drone
Squelshed only by taking a whizz?
Game of Noun/Verb (NV) – RU Game?!?
Game of ‘NV’ is on, unabated…
So much FUN, ‘rhyme’ a ‘rhyme’, I’m elated!
Young and old, man or ‘bot
It’s an NV-ous plot
I can ‘state’ in each ‘state’ what’s been stated
Phone a phone just to not be alone…
Dog a dog ‘bout a ‘chewed-to-be’ drone?
Ban a ban, whip a whip
Drink a drink, sip a sip
Look a look, lock a lock, loan a loan!
To drone on ‘bout a drone – it’s a ‘bot…
Tie a tie, if loose ends, knot a knot
Befriend a friend is a stretch…
Plan a plan, sketch a sketch
In the END, you can END – what a plot!
Clay, I’ve tried but all attempts get s far and fizzle out. I must yield the field to you.
Oops. Another typo. April 29, 8:11 pm
Squelched, not Squelshed .
Sorry,
Rudy
Lisi, this is my guess for your ‘magical, musical plot’. I’m ponderin’ the others.
I thought at first – but I was wrong,
I knew the name – and, yes, that song.
‘Gigi!’ I’d not forgot
Back then, a naughty plot.
Maurice, Caron – it’s been so long.
Lisi, my guess for the third film. Number two? Not a cluse.
For the third, Robert Preston, I think.
Plays the Music Man, life on the brink.
Naughty conman, the plot,
Who gets tied in Love’s knot.
And The Beatles hijack in the blink ….
“Am I Blue: Just to trick you. No one would know from “Am I Blue”
Ethel Waters.
What if I said “What is this flower girl’s fate.? Not in “the 3”
Then you will know.
Gigi: correct: you are very smart
Music Man: yes, you are very Very smart.
“When is my real date due: from “Due Date”
Golly Gee, I’m in such a good mood.
I finally won’t get unglued.
Gonna’ see Bubbie’s plot.
And today, she cannot
Make an effort to stuff me with food.
Seeing stars, he’s commencing to swoon —
“Wanda June” “Paper Moon” “Brigadoon”!
Rudy’s reeling with thoughts,
As he’s starting to plotz,
Fearing next it might be “Name That Tune.”
Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.)
Ms. Mad’
Would you kindly delete my submission of 4/29 at 11:11am. I think this incarnation holds together better: Thanks!
My old friend sent me plot after plot
Which I read, then completely forgot;
Unlike Christie or Steel
They hold little appeal;
An adept fiction writer – she’s not!
**********
from Mad:
The only other version of this I could find was on April 19, 2021 at 11:11 am, so I deleted that one.
He devised a nefarious plot;
His mean twists and shrewd turns can’t be topped.
As I read, my hands shook,
I can’t wait for the book.
No comped copy for me? Heck, it flopped!
Thanks Med – of course it was 4/19. Let’s see, what excuse can I give for the typo? “The rain washed away the date” doesn’t cut it!
Hey Sjaan,
Only one tune I know that’s got class,
“Lacrimosa” from Mozart’s sung Mass.
It gives me the jones,
And it never drones.
On that you can bet your sweet ass.
Rodney Dangerfield: Nov.22, 1921-Oct. 5, 2004
“”Just Happened To Come Upon His Plot”
I assuredly did not object
To this marker, I didn’t expect.
At poor Rodney’s plot,
It read, “I could not
Just take anymore disrespect.
Mad: a last minute request:
Could you please delete my “Mel Blanc” limerick?
Thank You, Lisi
********
Done.
An old sailor (a once drunken sot),
Thought “I’ll read that old book I’ve still got “
In his quest to get sober
Re-read “…..Red October “
And was fully submerged in the plot.
A drone is an idle male bee.
Some humans are like that – e.g.
There’s Senator M*nch*n
Who’s always out lunchin’ …
With Democrats? No, GOP!
The “Pillow Guy” drones on and on;
All semblance of reason is gone.
His conspiracy theory
Is mindlessly dreary,
And now only swallowed by Don.
At the junction, the cause for delay
Rushed right past us and anger held sway.
“It’s a mob.” “That’s a lot!”
“And they’ve all lost the plot –
At the moment, they’ve riot of way.”
In his vegetable patch, he grew pot,
But the Council declared “You must not,
Or we’ll have you evicted!”
The culprit predicted:
“I fear I’ll be losing the plot.”
I fear that my brain’s turned to stone, –
Badly Needs a new line ‘bout a drone.
But with little time left
I think it’s bereft
So I’ll sleep, – it’s my lim’rick free zone.
“A Look Into The Future”
All due to his spouse’s insistence.
(In light of his dogged persistence)
Etched at Donald Trump’s plot
It said, “I will rot
Because of my massive resistance.”
“A Look Into The Future” (part 2)
It didn’t take much of a brain.
And no body had to explain.
That at Donald Trump’s plot
It said “I will not
Admit it’s my loss and your gain.”
When someone is placed in the ground you
Are consoled by the grievers around you.
Yet at this start-ling plot,
We found the true spot.
And yelled, “Waldo! “we finally found you”
I was shocked by a very rude sight.
Who wrote this was surely not bright.
It said, “Find Your Plot
At The On-The-Nose Spot
To Visit Old People, Turn Right”
At first, I was very perplexed.
Soon after I surely was vexed.
On my ex-husband’s plot,
It said, “I forgot
To tell you dear Sue, you are next”
My atheist friend, dearest Flo.
Was buried a long time ago.
Someone wrote on her plot,
“Right here she will rot,
All dressed up, but no where to go”
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 468. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Tool.