Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STATE or ESTATE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 27, 2021)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using STATE or ESTATE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CO-WORKERS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CO-WORKERS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on March 28, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 27, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my State/Estate-rhyme limerick:
My neighbor was fined and then jailed.
“I will NOT wear a mask he had wailed!”
“It’s not up for debate,”
Said the judge. “In this state,
We follow the rules, and you’re nailed.”
And here’s my Co-Workers-themed limerick:
My cubicle-mate just resigned.
I’m relieved; he’s a boor unrefined,
Who chomps coffee beans — gross!
Glad to say “Adios!”
(Enough bitching! It’s back to the grind.)
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Co-Workers Limerick, Competition Limerick, Courthouse Humor, Cubicle Humor, Employment Humor, Job Humor, Judge Humor, Law And Order, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Masks Humor, Neighbors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
My new co-worker rushed in today.
She said, “I’m prepared to obey!
“That boss is so sweet,
This will sure be a treat”
(Her perspective will soon go away)
My co-worker always was cold.
Drove me crazy! I had to be bold.
So I made it my mission
To build a partition
By the thermostat I then controlled.
Alaska’s an interesting state;
It’s mountains and glaciers are great.
While cold comes too soon,
By the middle of June
Those 2 a.m. sunsets you’ll hate.
He continues to bluster and prate
About making America great.
Well, you know about Don.
He’ll forever go on,
Even when he’ll be lying in state.
Republicans just couldn’t wait
To determine America’s fate
By scratching the itch
Of the super-rich
Who say, “Please don’t tax my estate!”
Tiny, yet convenient
Rhode Island’s a beautiful state.
The scenery’s utterly great.
And wherever you’re going,
It’s a pleasure in knowing
There’s no chance in hell you’ll be late.
Tunnel engineer’s pay is soaring.
All his co-workers are adoring
What he does on the job,
But he says with a sob
That his everyday life is boring.
The French restaurant’s meal was a treat.
Coq au vin was a cul’nary feat.
That fine dish, I must state,
Magnifique, not just great,
But was lacking McDonald’s pommes frites.
A Tour Of Manhattan
New York is a wonderful state.
Everything ’bout it is great.
There is light at the end
Of the tunnel, my friend.
Cuz that’s where the prostitutes wait.
My assistant is clumsy and fat.
Today on my laptop he sat,
Knocked over my cup
And would not wipe it up…
It’s lucky for him he’s a cat.
OOPS! Meter Error! (L2)
A Tour Of Manhattan
New York is a wonderful state.
Just everything ’bout it is great.
There is light at the end
Of the tunnel, my friend.
Cuz that’s where the prostitutes wait.
His palaver puts me in a state,
His excuses for lateness do grate;
So what should be his fate?
Oh just show him the gate,
And please find me a new office mate!
Don’t hold it against me and smirk.
I never did go out to work.
I have a long list
Of benefits missed.
Like co-workers. Such a great perk!
He has lived on a gorgeous estate
With three gardens and tall iron gate,
But the master’s away
And there’s no one to play,
So he sits in the dog-house to wait.
The company’s e-mail did ask:
“Which team member’s up to the task?”
“Ha-ha!” my response;
To this day, it still haunts.
“Reply all” – there’s no way to mask.
Once you have made it, you buy an estate,
When you grow richer, you purchase its mate;
Skip the third – use your means
Or some really bold schemes
To finally reach that hot Fourth Estate!
Up there on the 25th floor,
There’s a cubicle back by the door.
Since coffee was near,
We would gather and hear
What sounded to us like a snore.
The UNTIMELY death of my Grandmother Kate
Left quite a fortune for me from her Estate
The MOURNING of the will, from her dying
I overslept, without even trying…
And this then ironically made us BOTH LATE!
COW-POKE!
For cow-workers, here’s one to, home about, write
Mine stole a steer, then told a lie that was white
When the news said ‘herd immunity’
He thought that he heard impunity
Do 2 WRONGS (spelling & stealing) that cow-tow to ACCEPTANCE make a RITE?
Saw my co-worker’s pay check by chance.
I thought I’d go into a trance!
Now she makes more than me!
She’s as dumb as a tree.
She thinks that a laptop’s a dance.
My new co-worker works very hard.
Her allegiance I can’t disregard.
Now I won’t have to tell
All the damn personnel
“Sign this card” “Sign this card. “Sign this card”
My lucky co-workers, with whom
I frequently meet over Zoom,
get the sight and the sound
but the smell of my hound
is contained in the bounds of this room.
I’m a lady from Jersey with class.
I drink wine from a Waterford glass.
I own a estate.
Which of course, is first-rate.
And I don’t have to pump my own gas.
That great tenor and I are a team.
We’re an opera fan’s fondest dream.
Our performance is swell,
After working like hell
On duets that must end with a scream.
“Fare thee well, cruel world. Life’s too tough.
I am beaten. Enough is enough.
I bequeath my estate
To my dog. Let my fate
Be a warning – No! Wait! It’s a bluff!”
“The cleaner is pregnant again,”
Laughs Joe. “Yeah? What’s that? #10?”
Replies John with a wink,
Leaving cups in the sink
And spilled tea on the counter. Arrrrgh! Men!
In these days of Covidian doom
There’s a silver edge lining the gloom:
The folks we’re employing
Are far less annoying
When miles away on a Zoom.
I love seeing Trump’s latest fate
as fugitive in Florida state,
an overpaid Walmart greeter
who waves to fend off the skeeters
while creditors parse his estate.
Forgive me, this is not an attack on our finest ally! We have the same problems here … it’s the human condition, not the country! Doug UK.
The U.S. – MORE than 50 to shew!
Conditions that run through and through:
Anxiety, hate,
Self-loathing, all states –
And greed, just to name but a few.
My colleagues are one of a kind,
To the ethic of work, how they’re blind!
It’s such a tear-jerker
This team are co-shirkers,
‘I’m all right Jack”s the way they’re designed.
We all know someone like this:
I’ve got to get out of this room!
My co-worker’s always in bloom.
I cough and I sneeze.
I am never at ease.
She is known as “Miss Too Much Perfume”.
In break rooms and hallways he’d lurk
And leer with a lecherous smirk.
He creeped and appalled
As the dirtbag they called
“That NSFW jerk”.
As a wordsmith of no fixed abode
I am sometimes in text overload.
To offset this estate –
Synonym: constipate –
I embark on the less travelled road.
Those lawyers, were dealing in slime.
What they did for Trump was a crime.
Those co-workers-at-law,
Whom the whole nation saw,
Should now be in jail doing time.
Flo visits her boyfriend in New Jersey
I’m so happy to see you dear Flo.
Let us have a nosh after the show.
In this great “Garden State”
Not a soul has to wait.
There’s a diner wherever you go.”
Can there really be any debate
That the COVID mortality rate
Would have been lots, lots lower
(From the bug spreading slower)
Had things not been left up to each state?
Kirk, at work, is a jerk – always shirking
His duties, and eerily lurking
Around me – and Kate,
Who’s my cubicle mate,
Reeks like skunk and is constantly smirking.
I am oft in a meditative state,
Cogitating on fortune and fate.
But for Fate’s fickle hand
I’d possess wealth and land.
As it is, I have neither – to date.
Outside on a summertime date,
They reposed in an amorous state.
However, some jerk
Put his cell phone to work;
Then posted on sites they would hate.
Hi Mad – could you please change line 1 of my post above to read:
“Outside on a summertime date,”
Thanks, Dave
********
Done.
This actually happened at my job about 10 years ago. I couldn’t believe it
I had a good reason to brood.
My co-worker surely was rude.
She stole all my lunch.
I just needed to munch.
Then she offered me some of my food.
With co-workers there for a treat,
The birthday guy sat in his seat
And managed to blow
All the candles aglow.
Then smoke alarms added their bleat.
Postcard from CEO who scarpered with his new secretary and the pension fund.
Fellow workers, good colleagues and all,
Be advised, I am having a ball!
I’ll return, in due course,
Without guilt or remorse,
Maybe this year? No! Prob’ly next fall.
The office party.
Christmas parties are famously dire.
Disinhibited drunken desire
Forms designs on pert busts.
Secretarial lusts
Call a holiday truce and ceasefire.
It’s a pain, yet you always will see
(And I swear, it’s a sure guarantee)
That ev-er-y state
Has a 10 hour wait
At the “I’d Rather Die” D.M.V.”
The Magnificent Estate
Take this quiz, why not give it a whirl?
Get a map, and then slowly unfurl.
Now find the estate
That’s enchantingly great
Which is owned by a real funny girl.
Jane bequeathed me a stunning estate.
Which was elegant, charming, (so great).
It could have been mine,
But I had to decline.
Cause I can’t even clean my own plate.
Archie Angel, my boss, loves to yell
At Zebub (better known as B. L.).
The evil plot thickens,
When in walks Lil Dickens —
The worst of my workmates from hell.
I can now unequivoc’lly state,
I have put on some un-needed weight;
My jeans are too tight,
Must do something right;
I shall dine from a much smaller plate!
My boyfriend is in a bad state,
It’s probably something he ate;
But foods that are liable
To make him less viable,
I’ve not cooked for him – not to date!
Maryland: famous for the best crabs in the U.S.
‘Ole Maryland just can’t be beat.
On the cold days or even in heat.
It’s the “crab-loving” state.
But it’s not really great.
When you itch from the kind you don’t eat.
Edward Grim, now resigned to his fate,
Forced a smile as he thought of his mate.
Things were fine up until
He let slip, in his will,
He’d bequeathed him his bloody estate.
Old Peter who lives in Lake Placid
Takes daily a dose of antacid.
His doctor did state,
“In bed you’ll be great”.
But Peter’s old peter stayed flaccid.
Hello Mad,
If you have a moment, would you please change Line 5 of the limerick I submitted today at 2:22pm to: I shall dine from a much smaller plate! I think it sounds more pompously amusing. Thanks
******
Done.
A profound (now renowned) Potentate
Heaped some lard on whatever he ate
Now he soon grew so FAT
That when STANDING he SAT
His “stroll’s” now a “roll” ‘round his Estate!
“Alexa” I asked way too late,
“Would you have a lim’rick to state?”
The thing that came out
Had me beaming, no doubt;
It made all my worst ones seem great.
A co-worker took my lunch
All you heard was a loud crunch
I watched her real hard
I pumped up my arm part
And gave her a knockout punch
Items were brought from an estate
There was even a nice pair of skates
They were put on quick
She did a new trick
She was thrown through a very old gate
The executrix of the estate
Was clearly second-rate.
She burned the will,
Sent heirs a bill,
And demanded a full rebate.
In defence of my honour, I state,
That the tale I’m about to relate,
Is the truth. And I claim
I took nowt from this dame.
It was handed to me on a plate.
Ah, the wonder of words! Agitate:
Meaning, create an unsettled state.
But one asks, “Is that kind –
To unsettle a mind?”
And if, “No.” then, ameliorate.
“Do you think it was something I ate?”
“Hard to tell. We’ve done tests, now we wait.
Not to trouble your calm –
I don’t wish to alarm –
Have you settled your bills and estate?”
Solitude is an arid estate,
And one misses a close inti-mate.
One can manage alone –
Please don’t think I bemoan –
But the sap has been rising of late.
Solitude is an arid estate,
And one misses a close inti-mate.
One can manage alone –
Please don’t think I bemoan –
But the sap has been rising of late.
P’raps an advert? ‘A hermit desires
A companion to stoke certain fires.
One who’ll share his intent,
With some time off for Lent,
And who’ll give him a break when he tires.’
Ah, the wonder of words! Aggravate:
Meaning, irk or annoy; irritate.
Colleagues do that, don’t they?
Don’t you think they should pay?
Have your vengeance today. Instigate!
More, ‘the wonder of words!’ Cogitate:
Meaning, ponder, reflect, meditate.
For our mantra today,
Let us focus on Fay.
She will help us achieve mellow-state.
Said a girl, “What I know of the date,
I’m afraid — it is not very great.
I think that trees make them
And somehow men take them;
But why and what for I can’t state.”
Let’s consider the blood-sucking tick.
When gorged it is half an inch thick.
If squeezed in this state
By yourself, or a mate,
It explodes. It’s a great party trick.
I’ve a sensitive friend known as Kate,
Who fears water – whatever its state.
So at Val d’Isere
She had mal de mer
Whilst skiing – that’s something I’d hate.
I said to my butler McGuire,
“To what in life do you aspire?”
“A Lord would be great,
With a landscaped estate;
But I’ll probably just make Esquire.”
Mad, when you have a moment, please remove the one above. I felt the ending was too lame.
Widow Murphy surveyed her estate,
The bequest of her husband, now late.
“Forty years I endured,
Left his life uninsured.
Please excuse while I quietly deflate.”
****
Done.
Report to L. Nortman Mystery Tours:
The map you provided was great —
I managed to breach the estate!
Found Barb — now a granny —
Home watching her Fanny.
(It’s old, but still not out of date).
Though my reaction was quite vitriolic
Her removal of “If God” was symbolic
Our Creator’s here to stay
So I can’t ‘meter’ half-way…
Co-worker wordplay just ain’t symbiotic!
On account of her “God-Like” aversion
My ‘co’ seems more obsessed with perversion…
She can REPENT for her crimes
If done CONTRITELY, in rhymes
And with PRAYERS, there’s still hope for CONVERSION!
Some discussion may help to illumine
Her critique and poetic acumen
‘Co’ was in a bad mood
And I’m forced to conclude
That she’s worthy of flaws, and still human!
Censorship is not very becoming
And in this day and age it’s just numbing
My ‘co’ feigned Debonair
But it’s really not fair
And it won’t stop the limericks from coming!
For Sjaan:
I knew that she had an estate.
So, for fun, I tried hard to create
A mystery quiz.
You sure are a whiz.
“Out of date?” Well, I sure can relate!
Hi Mad! Lost the plot on the two above. Please delete when you have a moment. Sorry!
*******
Done.
I work on a farm. My co-workers,
All dress in niqabs and brown burkas.
These clothes, from the East,
Upset ev’ry beast –
My co-workers are all cow irkers.
Justice League running round in a flap,
Wonder Woman, The Flash, Aquachap.
Superman asks The Bat,
“What goes on? What’s the mat’?”
“It’s Green Lantern. His charger’s gone—” Zap!
A co-worker limerick.
Ah, another fine word! Castigate:
Means, admonish, chastise, or berate.
“For the last time! Take heed!
You may NOT sow your seed
During work hours. Now send in Ms State!”
Might I claim a crafty twofer?
(We drove cross country, 1988) “The Texas Adventure”
Here’s a fact that is perfectly true.
It’s a story that might make you blue.
Routing Texas, (the state)
Is only real great,
If you’ve 2 months with nothing to do.
One time in a terrible state
Of pure anger I wished to abate,
I joined a Retreat
Where I’d love, pray, and eat.
But the cost of it made me irate.
another quiz for Sjaan:
It’s a place where the Orioles play.
If you go there, you might want to stay.
And this Eastern state
Is not really great,
If you don’t like the taste of Old Bay.
Legal pot wasn’t up for debate
Where he lived, and he just couldn’t wait.
Since he wanted to groove,
He decided to move.
Now he lives in a mellower state.
Who can solve THIS one?
This singer has gone very far.
He’s a dashing and cool superstar.
New York is his state.
Mad and Mark think he’s great.
He just loves you the way that you are.
My whole oeuvre is great far beyond rhymes.
With a touch of sheer genius at some times.
And I humbly must state,
Though it’s hubris I hate,
That my rhymes are much better than Sondheim’s.
Justice League’s running round in a flap,
Wonder Woman, The Flash, Aquachap.
Superman asks The Bat,
“What goes on? What’s the mat’?”
“Seems Green Lantern’s ring charger’s gone—” Zap!
“Listen up! Fellow workers, I state,
Economics have settled our fate.
From today – hear me out –
We must now do for nowt
What we once did for wages. Just wait
I’m not finished. There’ll be no debate.
If you’re wise, you’ll be grateful. Don’t hate
Me and don’t think me cruel.
Ha, ha, ha! April fool!
There’s a party tonight. Don’t be late.”
I think I’ve been sleeping too late.
I don’t even know today’s date.
It’s been 63 years!
Yet this perked up my ears:
Are you sure that Alaska’s a state?
Dropping your co-worker in the doo-doo. (Sorry, no. That was last week.)
“Asked a question, this worker won’t state
Plain and simple, he’ll prevaricate.
He will often regale
With a Canterbury tale,
Which is why our deliveries are late.”
Another twofer?
00ps! meter error (3/18 1:26 PM on blog)
another mystery tour
Those Ravens, they sure love to play,
In a place I will not give away.
But this Mid-Eastern state,
May not be so great
For the folks who don’t care for Old Bay.
The grounds have a wonderful feel;
Inside, all the rooms are ideal.
Superb and first-rate
This fantastic estate;
I’m dreaming and no, it’s not real.
Note to Nortman:
Billy Joel and Maryland, too!
Yes, I’m too smart for Mensa. it’s true.
And poor Streisand’s estate?
Well, it’s merely third-rate.
This I know cuz I own Malibu.
Note to self:
(Should I ‘fess up, or prevaricate?
Ack! I’m in an ambivalent state.
Lies, I know, are uncouth.
Should I just tell the truth —
Without Google, I don’t know the date?)
I laugh when I think of my ‘team.’
They come “ready for work”, they beam,
But give them a task,
Lo, just as I ask,
They’ll mask and retreat from the scene!
Silence of the Lambs ~
Deep silence fell over the crowd
when the boss started thinking aloud.
Phones came to a stop—
you could hear a pin drop—
for his mind was as blank as a shroud.
They call it the Evergreen State;
The Space Needle’s standing up straight.
With days turning clear,
You can spot Mount Rainier;
Its wine should be next to your plate.
Mad:
Could you please delete the above answers from from me?
That say “very good, Sjaa!E?
you”
That’s it. I don’t know what happened
That’s it
Thank you ,Lisi
***********
Done.
My colleagues and I are young roisters;
We like to drink champagne with oysters;
But often we’re loud,
Of that I’m not proud,
‘Cause we all do work at the Cloisters!
On the eve of the annual fete,
Which is held on Lord Gelding’s estate,
Lady Gelding ran nude,
And was hotly pursued
By her lover, Long John: but that’s fate.
On the eve of the annual fete,
Which is held on Lord Gelding’s estate,
Lady Gelding ran nude,
And was hotly pursued
By her lover, Long John: but that’s fate.
Breaking news from the annual fete.
Seems Lord Gelding is somewhat irate.
“Bad enough you run nude …
Damn it all! It’s just rude
To leave all the arrangements to Kate.”
Can a man take a hand in his fate,
Or determine his final estate?
They of cynical slant
Might advance, “No, he can’t.
He is stuck with what’s put on his plate.”
Can a man take a hand in his fate,
Or determine his final estate?
They of cynical slant
Might advance, “No, he can’t.
He is stuck with what’s put on his plate.”
“On the other hand, maybe, with plan.
It depends very much on the man.
It may be very few
Can make dreaming come true,
But with help from good colleagues, some can.”
” O O O O OK”
I’m so happy, I’m screamin’ “Yipee!”
We are red, but it don’t bother me.
In this great southern state
For 10 whole days straight
No tornados have hit. Golly Gee!
(and the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain)
You can’t under-state or over-state
When real estate IS a REAL ESTATE
To understand the curb appeal
The REAL-ly LARGE ones are UN-real
So UN-real, you CAN’T exaggerate!
My thesis could use a good peer SOUNDING BOARD
Sought out my ‘co’ – “HARSH CRITIQUE,” I implored!
Midway through lead paragraph
It became my own epitaph…
Came snoring & snort from my peer, SOUNDING BORED!
Cow-Poke II
Said my ‘co’, in steer pilferer’s plight
“My alibi sounded ‘almost’ contrite…”
Was the case open-shut, frog-ass tight?
Or was the ‘bull’, like the steer, black-and-white?
Be the judge – can what steer-ed wrong now turn right?!?
Has the standard of MAD limerick ‘quality’
Been replaced and out-paced by sheer ‘quantity’?
Although we LOVE the assortment
From Tony H an Ms. Nortman
It’s a conundrum we can call PARODY!
Our salesmen are miserable guys.
All their revenue numbers are lies.
They imbibe to excess.
And promiscuous? Yes.
But there’s worse: they steal office supplies.
Another Idea
I’m real happy and so full of glee.
Oklahoma’s the right place to be!
Cuz in this Sooner state,
For 10 whole days straight,
No tornados have visited me.
If ‘magic’ words could rhyme and duplicate
Then 1, 2, 4, 8 – “WOW!”, I’ proudly state
Like knocked down sloops or Santa’s elves
These AUTO-RIX could write themselves!
“Two”, left-alone [but so right-together…], could Lim’rick Procreate!
Sjaan: The answer (s) to this quiz is a CITY , not a state. If you name just one of the cities, then I give up :)
I’m in love with a girl from this state.
Her name’s Mary, and boy! she is great.
Someday, we will Mary.
Her ring I shall carry.
I’m so Mary, can’t wait for that date.
( Mary Christmas)
Mad: above limerick: line 5 Instead of “Well be Mary, I know it’s our fate” to
I’m so Mary, can’t wait for that date.
Thank you,
Lisi
*******
Done.
Don’t buy pre-shredded cheese, I will state
To my wife. It is something I hate.
It’s lacking in flavor,
So do me a favor;
Let me shred cheese myself, which is grate.
Busy Bee, being busy, stays late,
Making efforts to cross pollinate.
Her promotion assured,
And her toilette restored,
She returns to her humble estate.
“You’re too eager! Please procrastinate.
You will have to forgo my estate.
I’ll admit I’ve been ill,
But my heart’s beating still
So, please colour me tardy, not late.”
My new co-worker simply won’t do.
His name’s TONY, he sure makes me blue.
He’s not part of the team,
And that just makes me scream.
He writes limericks all the day through.
Nick’s habit – to gossip and mock;
Some members were “dumb as a rock.”
The headset he wore
On the cubicle floor
Allowed him to stand up and talk.
Comeuppance was headed his way;
The folks in I.T. had their say.
His image was shown
On a gag site that’s known
For “Assholes Anonymous Day”.
Mother Nature does surely think out-of-the-box
She gives March such a BURST with those lilacs and flox
As we co-habituate
With new Spring in our gate
She chauffeurs us with “VERN” in her sleek “EQUINOX!
Whoops – please make that ‘’phlox’ in #121
!
********
No. Since you know how to write limericks, but insist on submitting NON-limericks, I won’t be providing any such assistance.
MBK
I don’t want to be labeled an ingrate;
Writing lim’ricks is currently my fate;
I compose ev’ry day,
On the ‘throne’, in the hay,
And surprise! – I’m in really a good state.
Oops, sorry Mad – in Line 2 it should be lim’ricks.
If you can, please correct it. Thanks!
********
Done.
Illinois is a real famous state.
Yet our Governors can’t “get it straight”.
How many you ask,
Have been taken to task?
The answer is four out of eight.
(corruption charges: true)
Oops! I think it was 4 out of 8.
Could you please change “The answer is 5 out of 8” to “The answer is 4 out of eight? Thank you, Mad.
****
Done.
The Beavers and Ducks in this state
Have fans that will never relate.
They squabble and curse
Over whose team is worse;
Exception: our governor, Kate.
Driving Miss Daisy [Mad]…
Mother Nature thinks into the box
To fill them with lilacs and phlox
As we co-habituate
She drives Spring through our gate
With pal Vern and her green Equinox!
(non) Limerick (un)Defined?
Why is lim’rick license so maligned?
Can the ‘longs’ have max 10 or max 9?
Is up to twelve such a stretch
That a mad judge would likely wretch?
Eaten words, just like rules, sometimes bind…
**************
From now on, only bona fide attempts to write real limericks will be permitted to appear in the comments. A deliberate addition of extra syllables in an effort to “invent a new form of limerick” will not get past “moderation.”
MBK
Master Wild, you have not been maligned.
(Had it been up to me, you’d be fined.)
Castigated? Mayhap:
But the fact is, dear chap,
Your attempts to subvert were declined.
Master Wild, you are missing the point.
Take deep breath and put nose back in joint.
The lim’ form had been fired
Long before you were sired,
Your attempts to exceed disappoint.
Any twit, Master Wild, can ignore:
But the trick is to master the score.
Thrice times three, twice times three –
Come on, try it with me –
And the last like the first two before.
It’s Dactylic trimeter by name.
Now you’ve got it, try playing the game.
Get a grip! Train your mind –
We are cruel to be kind –
And no more of your nonsense. For shame!
Join the dipsticks – think dickheads – debate.
Air your views and opinions. Deflate
Their balloons and declare,
“You’re buffoons! You lack flair,
So, give up and forswear, and don’t state!”
Mad, would you replace the period with an exclamation point after state, please, in the limerick above. I think it should be emphatic. Thank you.
*****
Done.
Join the dipsticks – think dickheads – debate.
Air your views and opinions. Deflate
Their balloons and declare,
“You’re buffoons! You lack flair,
So, desist and forswear! (Means, don’t state.)”
Sorry, but I didn’t want there to be any misunderstanding.
P’raps like me, you’ve a low dipstick bar.
I’d say ‘threshold’ but that wouldn’t scan.
I get somewhat irate –
You might think, ‘Stressed out state,’
And these days I don’t limbo so well.
Whenever my office-mates gather
At break-time for coffee and blather,
I add my two cents
Which are brief but intense,
And do I get bored with it? Rather!
My ex boyfriend you ought to ignore.
He would rave about things I deplore,
And whatever he’d state
Would be brimming with hate;
That’s why he is my boyfriend no more!
His girlfriend in Rome was exquisite.
Years later he goes back to visit;
She has gained quite some weight,
(Life’s good on her estate),
So he cries: “Ciao, it’s you, yes! – or is it?”
Hawaii – our 50th state;
“Aloha” you’ll hear at the gate.
While beaches and sun
Offer plenty of fun,
Perhaps getting lei’d is your fate.
The Geography Expert
Oh, Hon, what a beautiful night!
The stars are just twinkling so bright!
Glad we’re not in a state.
Cuz all 50 I hate.
(North Dakota’s in Canada, right?)
Have you read this new book called, “State Guide?”
It says, “Ev-er-y state has its pride.
So learn ’bout your state.
And you best get it straight.
If you don’t, I will come tan your hide”
An ode to the Golden Gate state:
Its wonders are truly first-rate.
Mt. Shasta, The Bay,
Then on down through LA;
Where silicone valleys conflate.
Year:1963 Subject: State Abbreviations.
Used to live in a state that had class.
Then entered those real mean “Top Brass”
They said MA’s your state!
I remember that date:
When I no longer went to High Mass.
Our lim’ricks have always been nice
And coated with sugar and spice.
But I really hate
That I now must state
There’s trouble in our Paradise.
The Mikado Redux
We’re three little maidens, are we.
Three street workers, out for a fee.
Without long delays
Sir Sullivan pays,
But Gilbert, he gets it for free.
A Sadder Version. The Trauma Of State Abbreviations: 1963
Used to live in a state that had class.
Then entered the real mean “Top Brass”
They said “M.A.’s your state.”
I was merely age eight.
And I never again went to Mass.
Message for Clay Wild:
From now on, only bona fide attempts to write real limericks will be permitted to appear in the comments. In other words, the deliberate addition of extra syllables in an effort to “invent a new form of limerick” will not get past “moderation.”
MBK
Mad: My limerick, written today at 5:20 is rather confusing.
Line 3 reads, They said, “MA’s your state”
Could you please change that to: They said “M.A.’s your state.”
Those 2 periods might clear that up.
Thank you, Lisi
*****
Done.
A prankster who knows all the tricks,
Embarrassment’s part of his mix.
This joker from work
Summed it up with a smirk:
“I go where there’s dumb they won’t fix.”
As the song goes: “State Street, That Great Street”
(Chicago Senior Living)
I am never imbued with dismay.
Cuz “The Frail Home” is not far away.
Take the bus that’s on State.
There is never a wait.
Then get off when you sniff the Ben-Gay.
He moved to an ocean estate;
Surrounded by walls with a gate.
Regarding the past,
Here’s hoping at last
Indictments determine his fate.
Polly’s penchant to prattle and prate,
Was this worker’s most mem’rable trait;
And those with desks near her,
Swore they could still hear her,
Long after she’d moved out of state.
I am covered with shame and confusion. Limericks are, of course, written in ANAPAESTS not DACTYLS. I am a Wally! (That’s a UK euphemism for dipstick, which is also a UK euphemism for something worse.) I hang my head in shame – don’t worry, it won’t last – and publish a corrected version of the last limerick of my rebuke.
Anapaestic trimeter by name.
Now you’ve got it, try playing the game.
Get a grip! Train your mind –
We are cruel to be kind –
And no more of your nonsense. For shame!
I would like to emphatic’ly state
That my co-workers make me irate.
There are bores by the score,
Gossips, whackos, and more —
Of bozos, a genuine spate.
For Lisi:
This weekend I put down my slate
And from lim’ricks endured a brief spate,
But today I do see
You are asking of me
To find Mary, her city, her state.
So I’m searching the Mary land map —
Even using my Where’s Waldo app —
But I’m bound to misstate
Mary’s marital fete,
For between my two ears there’s a gap.
Mary, Mary…Contrary? Oh damn.
Is she proud? Does she own a small lamb?
Was a “sweep” her best mate?
Is “The Virgin” her state?
Madly mired in Marys, I am.
But, dear traveler, unless I am erring,
And my “do” is more “done” than it’s derring,
I am in the wrong state,
And this thing on my plate
Called blue crab, smells a lot like red herring.
Three frat boys from Washington State
Decided to open the gate
Of a rancher’s corral.
His security gal
Had drone shots – the sheriff said “Great!”
Items were bought from an estate
There was even a nice pair of skates
They were put on quick
She did a new trick
She was thrown through a very old gate
A co-worker ate my lunch
All you heard was a loud crunch
I watched her real hard
Then, pumped my arm part
And gave her a knockout punch
My family would move state-to-state;
Some lousy while others were great.
That’s back in the day;
Now each year I can say
Our car has the very same plate.
“Advice For The New Co-Worker”
“I’d like you to be my good friend
So there’s something you must comprehend:
To do well at this place
Pose that “hard-working” face
And remember the key word “PRETEND”
Too Numb (da da dum) to Relate
Her strict ways, mixed with mine, don’t conflate
Puts me OFF-ten in emulous state
Her opinion and mine
Do diverge, and that’s fine
Is it FETE (more wordplay) or just FATE?!?
Meddling (Gold) at the Oh-LIMP-Picks
Tony, to a fault, loves to meddle
My ‘co’, we’ve a score, yet to settle…
But when ‘tered in the ‘test
Mad K will (’spite detest…)
Both cede and concede the Gold Medal!
***********
FYI “meddle” doesn’t rhyme with “medal.”
Nor does “test” rhyme with detest.
MBK
Sjaan: The answer to my Mary Puzzle is primarily Chicago and Philadelphia.
“The Strange Case Of Mary, Merry, and Marry”
From New York to Chicago, I came.
Heard 3 words that all sounded the same.
But they’ve got diff’rent meanings!!
Yet, because of their leanings,
The town folks just put me to shame!
Now, “marry” is when you unite.
And “merry” is just sheer delight.
And cute little” Mary”
Whose moods never vary
Is a girl who is pretty and bright.
So why do folks say words this way?
I don’t know, but it’s turnin’ me gray.
If it gets any worse,
I’ll just do the reverse
And move back to the Barnegat Bay.
Here at work, don’t talk church, or your leisure
Politics, out-of-bounds, for good measure
We’re all MUM(s), silence RAINS…
But nobody complains
We’re ‘on mute’, save for FLOWERS & WEATHER!
************
FYI “weather” doesn’t rhyme with either “leisure” or “measure.”
Author’s LIE-SCENTS
My frustration is now at its peak
It’s just ONE perfect lim’rick I seek…
Just sent one, thought it great
In reply, Mad did state:
That I stink, I smell bad, AND I reek!
Tony H just contritely admitted
That he ‘Wallied’ a word he’d omitted
You DID faux pas with DACTYLS
Are the wheels off your axles?!?
With forgiveness, my “co”, you’re acquitted!
**************
FYI dactyls doesn’t rhyme with axles.
Nor does admitted rhyme with omitted. (Hint: Both are “mitted.”)
A Blockbuster lives in this state;
The very last one, I’ll relate.
It’s right here in Bend;
With a fun, local trend:
The VHS film-watching date.
“Must be said, Master Clay, you’re a treasure,
Though you still have to master the measure.
I’m relieved that you state,
‘You’re forgiven, old mate.’
So, no pistols at dawn at my leisure?”
“When it comes to the last, let me go.
I am telling you now, so you’ll know.
Do not resuscitate.
I’ve arranged my estate,
And it’s gone on ahead. So, no dough.”
Once again to Lord Gelding’s estate.
Seems Long John has succumbed to his fate.
He won’t chase anymore.
G has evened the score.
John will be very sore. He can’t mate.
I was in the mood for a saga:
On the eve of the annual fete,
Which is held on Lord Gelding’s estate,
Lady Gelding ran nude,
And was hotly pursued
By her lover, Long John: but that’s fate.
Breaking news from the annual fete.
Seems Lord Gelding is somewhat irate.
“Bad enough you run nude …
Damn it all! It’s just rude
To foist all the arrangements on Kate.”
Once again to Lord Gelding’s estate.
Seems Long John has succumbed to his fate.
He won’t chase anymore.
G has evened the score.
John will be very sore – he can’t mate.
In the annals of country estates,
Earls are known to think highly of fetes.
If you value your life,
Take a run at his wife,
But ‘Oy vey!’ if his gala’s in straits.
Lisi — Thanks for the heads-up. Now that my head’s up, I can better bay at the Barnegat moon :)
If it’s merry to marry young Mary,
Is it hairy to hurry old Harry?
Just suppose the two mate,
And they form a new state
With more Marys and Harrys? How scary!
I once was just WILD about Harry,
But Clay on my mind now does tarry.
He really does grate.
He’s in a bad state.
Clay’s wild, and his nonsense does carry.
Co-worker and State (double)
My co-worker’s never dismayed.
And claims that’s the reason she’s stayed.
She will constantly state
“This job is so great,
I do nothing and still I get paid.”
I live in the great state, New York.
Champagne I will herewith uncork.
Our traditions are great.
No myths, I must state.
Our kids are still brought by the stork.
Sjaan: This is how a U.S. Easterner would re-write your limerick:
Is it merry to marry young Mary?
I don’t think so, cuz Mary’s too hairy.
If she finds a nice mate,
And they form a new state,
All that hair will beget it too scary.
(All manners of speech very (:
In the East, Mary rhymes with hairy.
Merry rhymes with cherry.
Marry rhymes with carry.)
They flock to this southernmost state;
Unmasked, thereby challenging fate.
With overflow crowds,
There is hope that the clouds
Would drench them, both early and late.
Population stats brought up to date,
Was one misantrope’s happiest state.
His old heart filled with joy,
And he hollered, “Oh boy!
Nearly eight billion people to hate!”
Our office assistant was great;
She came from a northeastern state.
She’d talk about “caahs”,
Her favorite “baahs”
And that baseball team Yankee fans hate.
I sat in the lunchroom, and PHEW !
(So happy that half the day’s through)
I longed for some peace.
Then my co-worker, Reese
Said “Hi, What ja doin? What’s new?
Better
I sat in the lunchroom and PHEW !
(Glad half of my work day was through.)
I longed for some peace,
Enter co-worker Reese,
With that , “Hi, How ya doin’? What’s new?”
So, the world’s in a terrible state.
It’s polluted with carbon and hate.
On the bright side, it’s Spring.
This won’t change anything,
But it might take our minds off our fate.
Or …
So, the world’s in a terrible state.
It’s polluted with carbon and hate.
On the bright side, it’s Spring.
This won’t change anything,
But it puts us in mind of our fete.
Can a man, if he’s crafty, cheat fate?
Some might argue, “He can’t. No debate.”
Californians aver –
And I think I concur –
He can have a good try in this state.”
Cydnee’s Leaving
I heard that you’re leaving, dear Cyd.
You are sweet and a really good kid.
Well, here’s a big kiss.
I surely will miss
All that work that you just never did.
Facilities people would say
They’d share in some laughter each day.
It might be a tune
Someone’s trying to croon;
Or a marketer “showing the way”.
My heart is not full of deep hate;
My tensions do start to abate;
The world’s now my oyster,
I’ll be a good roister,
Just follow me in my great state!
Oops! I’m having some eye problems currently. Line 1 – hate, not hat.
Sorry, and thanks for correcting!
************
Hope you’re eyes are doing better soon!
I just happened to spot it as it went up on my blog, which is how I managed
to fix it before you had a chance to ask me to.
Mad
Re-working a previously submitted limerick:
“Legal reefer? The prospects aren’t great,”
Said my neighbor, who just couldn’t wait.
Wanting things to improve,
He decided to move.
Now he lives in a mellower state.
In the 50’s my teacher was great.
We learned facts about ev-er-y state.
60 years have gone by,
And I wonder just why
I can’t recall all 48.
With the ad’s astronomical rate,
You’d think all the facts would be straight.
To the makers of Jeep,
Here’s a thought you can keep:
The U.P.’s a part of that state!
(Jeep’s 2021 Super Bowl ad featuring Bruce Springsteen showed
an outline of the U.S. that left out Michigan’s Upper Peninsula).
It’s been a long-standing debate;
What is the most beautiful state?
Attempts to beseech
A respondent from each,
One answered “In bed with my mate.”
An Epic
King Richard, we’ve learned from a source,
Would trade his own crown for a horse.
And I must relate
That this head of state
Had ulterior motives, of course.
His co-worker, Richmond the Earl
Suggested he just get a girl
For conjugal pleasures
And that he take measures
To woo Lady Anne, a real pearl.
But Shakespeare and I took great pain.
Together we’ve worked to explain
That the king was not bound
To stop horsing around.
He was not in a sound “give-in vein”. *
So how does this sad tale now end?
Your ear to our moral please lend.
Show those horses the door,
And zoophilia abhor.
Together we’ll work on this, friend.
Willie originally wrote “not in the giving vein”, but I overruled him.
“Oh, how English! A Spring garden fete.
We’ll pretend we’re a country estate.
We’ll have strawberries and cream,
Chill champagne in the stream,
And get Harry and Megan to wait.” (As on tables.)
We decided to move far away,
Where the deer and the antelope play.
So we moved to a state
That sure wasn’t great,
Cuz the skies were real cloudy all day.
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
Our management team is the worst;
Its “expertise” rarely dispersed.
Their mission in life
Is the stoking of strife;
Though butt-smooching always comes first.
On a whim, I decided to find
A home where the folks were real kind.
So I moved to a state
Which just wasn’t my fate
Cause Georgia was still on my mind.
“Swanee River” (must be over 65 to swim there)
It is time that I move far away,
Where the sun will be shining all day.
So I found me a state
That’s my absolute fate!
It’s the place where the real old folks stay.
There was a young chemist called Bess
Who, to her co-workers’ distress,
Farted CO2, N,
CH4, H, and then
Finished off with some pure H2S.
Real (Boy) Limerick
Pinnochio’s gone – fatal contusion
Bled to death – from his nasal protrusion
Cause of death at his estate?
FIB or LIE was the debate…
He now ‘lies in state’ (of confusion…)
As the Dog Show results were unfurled
My co’s Rot ATE the champ, whose hair curled
What a dastardly move
But it just goes to prove
That it’s still just a dog-eat-dog world!
(Corrected version, please…)
My co-actor Joe once made the news
For missing lines and earning some boos
And since his bladder was weak
He was fired, so to apeak…
For not minding his Pees and his Cues!
“Regarding this film, let me state:
My goal was to showcase a trait
That humans possess
When they wish to express
Their love – or just screwing a date.”
(art film director in front of the committee)
And yes, it’s Pinocchio – sorry…..
(Suez Crisis of 2021)
I pity the captain in charge
Of that paralyzed freighter or barge
With a length that’s as great
As the whole Empire State
Building’s tall; eighty-eight feet too large.
In Diana, I’d a ho indescribable
Now my Maine Missouri’s is that I’m liable
Because for fathering a state
Mary landed half my estate
Utah what it said in the Bible.
In Diana, I’d a ho indescribable
Now my Maine Missouri’s that I’m liable
Because for fathering a state
Mary landed half my estate
Utah what it said in the Bible.
Jason messed up a post from his phone
And forgot that he wasn’t alone;
He cursed till his date
Was in such a bad state
That she made him walk home on his own.
Marge strolls in every day around eight.
Never once does Enrico berate.
When I asked him, “Hey, Boss!
Don’t you ever get cross?”
He just smiled and said, ‘Hardly, of late.”
“There’s no cheating The Fates, that’s the rub.”
So the pessimist says down the pub.
But the optimist states,
“One might trade with The Fates,
If one finds them a suitable sub’.”
If you play fast and loose with The Bard,
Like young Rudy, then be on your guard.
You’ll be roused from your peace
By the Shakespeare police,
And, most likely, be feathered and tarred.
Just kidding, Rudy. Just kidding.
My grades and my test scores were great,
But my dad didn’t tithe or donate
To Yale, Harvard, or Brown.
That whole lot turned me down,
So I guess I’ll be going to State.
Topical entry:
The new law from Georgia the state
Brings back all our old racist hate.
Give out voting rights
To only rich whites?
Let’s stop this before it’s too late!
Those folks on the 21st floor
Decided to even the score.
Their break room was bare;
Chairs and tables not there.
Now our bathroom stalls – nary a door.
A Final Note
Our people are in a sad state.
This year, there will not be a plate
Of maror, (bitter herbs)
Which, in sorrow, disturbs
The believers who say, “It was fate”
Many people are in a sad state.
And this year, will not eagerly wait
To attend Sunday Mass
The truth is, alas,
The turnout will vastly abate.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 466. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Tax.
The devil confided in me
He really would like to be free
To go to a show
On Broadway, you know.
A sheep in wolf’s clothing is he.