Vain Limerick
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was terribly vain…
Here’s mine:
Vain Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was terribly vain
Was obsessed with his looks on the wane.
He considered a nip
And a tuck, but did zip.
Said “I haven’t got time for the pain.”
(My apologies to Carly Simon.)
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
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Tags: Carly Simon, Obsession Verse, Pain Limerick, Physical Appearance, Plastic Surgery, Poetry & Prompts, Vanity Humor, Writing Prompts
A man who was terribly vain
loved to flash his incredible mane
one day it fell out
from his head not his snout
so good looks he could no longer feign
A man who was terribly vain
whose body was really quite plain
he stripped for his girl
but couldn’t unfurl
“No wait, please, do let me explain”
A man who was terribly vain
Accessorized with top hat and cane
His monocle and watch fob
Completed the snow job
But barefoot, he still looked insane.
A man who was terribly vain
had State secrets stored in his brain
He thought himself great
but this terrible trait
got him thrown violently from a train
A gal who was terribly vain
threw a bowling ball right down the lane
It missed all the pins
so she kicked in the shins
her date who now walks with a cane.
A gal who was terribly vain
Liked to live in the fast lane
So she “sang” for her suppers
And her downers and uppers
Now she’s totally blown out her brain
A man who was terribly vain
Had appetites he struggled to constrain
H’d come home late at night
With his eyes lit up bright
Courtesy of champagne, cocaine and butane.
A man who was terribly vain
Was sung about on Carly’s refrain
She always kept us guessin’
But now we know it was David Geffen –
What a letdown and how very mundane.
These are wonderful! Please keep them coming. Thanks!
A man who was terribly vain
thought he looked like Michael Caine.
He preened and he primped
til he looked like a chimp
and danced like Margot Fonteyn.
A man who was terribly vain,
Spent his life in search of cocaine.
Like a wolf on the prowl
He’d holler and howl
To bolster his ego; insane!
A man who was terribly vain
Had a lunch date with Shirley MacLaine
She said, “There’s another
“In fact, he’s my brother!
“Who makes you look awfully plain…”
A man who was terribly vain
Thought looking while jogging inane
He needed to focus
Ignoring his locus
One day he got creamed by a train
A man who was terribly vain
At the sight of gray dyed his manly mane.
But the hue went askew
From his brown to true blue,
Which he finds heroic, hardly inane.
A man who was terribly vain
Refused to go out in the rain,
After hours of care
Spent preening his hair,
His magnificent mane to retain.
A man who was terribly vain,
Said “oldness is all in the brain.”
He survived 98 years,
on cigars and beers,
and outlived that darn Jack LaLanne.
A man who was terribly vain
Lay writhing in terrible pain
It seems his refection
gave him an erection
and it shattered his mirror once again
A man who was terribly vain,
is no more the young ladies’ swain.
Because his savior faire,
along with his hair,
have both disappeared down the drain.
These are just delightful! Thanks, and please keep them coming!
A man who was terribly vain
Would never come in from the rain
When his friends asked him why
He would utter a sigh
“I look good when I’m wet,” he’d explain
A man who was terribly vain
Would steadily sing this refrain:
“I look so damn good
I think that I should
Peek into my mirror again!”
A man who was terribly vain
Carried on, with his wife on the wane,
With his new lady love,
Who made videos of
His failed presidential campaign.
A man who was terribly vain
was equally just as insane.
He’s quite loonie-toonie,
thinks himself George Cloony
when he ain’t even suave as John Wayne.
Liked the nod to Carly Simon
How not when you’re rhymin’?
But is “You’re so vain”
as clever as Mad Kane?
If ‘no’ you say, then I’m in.
A man who was terribly vain
Had a rug for a mane
The wind hard it blew
My how that rug flew
He now wears a hat for the shame.
A man who was terribly vain
Was forced to carry a cane
His leg had been shot
When he was stoned on some pot
And swore never to smoke again
A man who was terribly vain
Was also clumsy; his name was Wayne.
He fell off some lass
While enjoying some ass
And swore he’d never do it againe.
A man who was terribly vain
thought he needed a spanking new name
when faced with the change,
paperwork so deranged,
he decided to keep it the same
bahahaha. I had to read this because of your comment on poet’s united “I sure hope I didn’t write this limerick in vain” – haha. This is smart.
Thanks everyone for your comments and fun limericks. Please keep your verse coming!