Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DUMP at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 1, 2019)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DUMP at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CUISINE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CUISINE-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 2, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 1, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my DUMP-Rhyme limerick:
We found a cute house we adored,
And it’s one we can even afford.
But our plans hit a bump;
It’s one mile from a dump,
So when wind hits, the smell is unt’ward.
And here’s my CUISINE-related limerick:
A young fellow was spilling the beans:
“My sister’s been feeding her greens
To the dog and the cat.”
She was called on the mat
And then caught with cuisine in her jeans.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Home Buying, Home Shopping, House Buying, House Shopping, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Odor Limerick, Odors, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
No Peas, Please ~
There once was a man who ate borscht
In a primeval, dark Russian forscht,
With gristle and gruel,
And black-bear Irish stewl,
But never with English peas porscht!
I confess I love Indian curry,
But sometimes I do worry,
For it can be hot,
But I care not a jot
Save you can’t make it in a hurry.
She said that she cooked fine cuisine
And was known as the “Cordon Bleu Queen”
Yet she didn’t know why
People started to cry
When she served them her “Steak a la Trine”
My Sweetie Pie, I’ll never dump
She sure makes my heart go “thump thump”
This gal is unique
Not to mention real chic
And she’s also a nice piece of rump
My finest ideas about Trump
Often come when I’m taking a dump.
The resemblance, you see,
Fills my psyche with glee
When I look in the bowl at the lump.
‘Bout cooking, Jim always will boast
Claims he’s known as “The Great Global Host”
He creates foreign dishes
Says “Everyone wishes
They could sample his famous French Toast”
Just go ahead; call me a lump!
Cuz everyone says I’m a grump!
I took a spray can
Wrapped it tight in Saran
(Didn’t care. Threw it right in the dump)
My friend’s really a chump,
And to boot also a frump,
But it’s clear
I love her dear,
But still she should be in a dump.
Some like their foods spicy and hot,
They crave and they eat them a lot.
I love really strong spice,
And hot peppers- so nice!
But alas, my stomach does not.
He placed his gargantuan rump
On the solid-gold toilet. Said Trump,
On inspecting the haul,
“That’s the greatest of all!
Liz Taylor was right: What a dump!”
Sweet Elouise is my voisine
And she dines on the finest cuisine
But when put to the test
Really what she does best
Is a platter of fried aubergine.
When people go vegan, they shout it.
Their food’s never butchered; they sprout it.
With tofu and grains,
they’ve unfettered their veins.
If only they’d shut up about it!
(I kid! I’m vegan!)
Famous lines here I will dump.
My favorite is Marty’s “What hump?”
I could pick on the Prez
‘Cause whatever he says
Comes not from his head but his rump.
An ass or a bum’s now a rump
Use that word and please don’t be a grump
Cuz “Politically Correct”
Deserves some respect
So remember, say “landfill” not dump
My girlfriend and I in the kitchen
Make a sauce that we both find bewitchin’.
In this recipe French
She behaves like a wench
And I peel off her layers of stitchin’.
“1975”
The Teamsters were facing a slump
Their leader was one crooked chump
People wondered just why
The famed FBI
Never looked for him right in the dump
The latest in haute cuisine
According to FOOD magazine
Is to dine in the nude
But beware of the food
If you drop it, where has it been?
We were harangued by the sommelier
Who insisted the Chateau Montpelier,
But that Burgundy’s nose
Smells like old stocking toes
So we went with the Rue de Chevalier.
Only we have the finest produce,
The others a sad lame excuse.
Our Michelin stars
Vouch for how good we are
Which isn’t so hard to deduce.
The latest trend in food
Is dining in the nude.
It’s best not to buffet
If you’re a bit stuffy,
And be warned if you’re a prude.
There’s one player I think we should dump,
And that’s that fellow called Trump.
He’s not as good as he thinks
And in playing these links
You’ve gotta give the ball a good whump.
You can go in your posh limousine
To eat Michelin starred haute cuisine
Though here at our diner
There’s no burger finer,
But it’s not the place “to be seen”.
If you use the rhyming word Dump,
Its a shoe in to match it with Trump…
In his tweets to gain yardage
He’s twittering garbage,
So plump to dump grump Trump the chump.
At Winterfell, Sansa the queen
Would import all her food from Mereen.
And Daenerys’s dragon
Would fly in a flagon
Of Scotch – The Macallan 18.
One day as he ran, Forrest Gump
Said, “Ah hope ah don’t hit a speed bump.
Ah could trip, ah could fall,
And that sure would hurt, y’all;
If ah see one, ah’d better just jump.”
Oops sorry, forgot to use the word! Revise as follows:
One day as he ran, Forrest Gump
Said, “Ah hope ah don’t hit a speed bump.
Ah could trip, ah could fall,
And that sure would hurt, y’all;
If ah see one, this road race ah’ll dump.”
This week Mad Kane’s rhyme word is “Dump.”
It’s possible rhyme words are plump.
And yet I feel queasy
’cause it’s way to easy
to pinch nose and follow with “Trump.”
His mouth is an always-full dump
that Twitter refuses to pump.
I’d say “Hey diddle diddle,
time for a riddle!”
But yeah, you know the answer is Trump…
“Lunch At The Trump Tower”
I learned something ’bout which I shall write
And it surely is not a delight
When you order “high class”
You can bet your sweet ass
That you’re done after one single bite
When cooking, I have so much fun!
And my kitchen is carefully run!
Preparation’s a breeze
I do it with ease
When the smoke alarm buzzes, it’s done
Good lobster will always enhance
An evening that’s made for romance
I serve it a lot
And I never forgot
How they taught me to do “The Tap Dance”
He arrived at my door; what a schlump!
He looked like the ultimate chump!
NO MORE blind dates!
With unqualified mates!
Who look like they live in a dump!
“Dining At Trump’s” additional limerick (cuisine theme and “dump”)
I learned something ’bout which I shall write
And it surely is not a delight
When you order high class
You can bet your sweet ass
That you’re done after one single bite
We both know that this place ain’t no dump
It was planned by the great Donald Trump!
Now it’s time for sweet tea
We all wait with such glee
Till The Donald, cries, “ONLY ONE LUMP!”
The White House? A terrible dump!
Impressive to bumpkins, not Trump!
Refurbish the shed,
goldplate the damn head,
or you’ll get Guccis right up your rump!
“He’s a grump and a chump and a gump,
An old frump over-plump in the rump.
Now, who’s that fat lump?”
That’s a riddle to stump –
I give up in despair, and just slump.
The White House is lacking in flair
When champion sports teams are there.
It’s Big Macs and fries
For just some of their guys;
The rest skipped the whole, dumb affair.
Her beau she decided to dump
For one who would make her pulse jump.
Accomplished – you bet!
Such excitement she’d get;
Along with that cute, little bump.
Fine dining, though light on the purse;
But service has gotten much worse.
We waited so long,
That our feeling was strong
Their wait staff arrived in a hearse.
“In Love With John” (acrostic: cuisine theme)
F antastic! I’m cooking for John!
I went to “La Cuisine Est Bon”
L ots of real fancy food
E very dish sets a mood
T omorrow we’re having Mignon
“Oh Gertrude! What picturesque meat!
You’ve certainly cooked me a treat”
“For you, John, it’s kibble
It is quite a good nibble
This pork roast’s for Facebook, my Sweet”
(minor change: “In Love With John” acrostic (L5)
F antastic! I’m cooking for John!
I went to “La Cuisine Est Bon”
L ots of real fancy food
E v’ry dish sets a mood
T onight we’ll be having Mignon
The economy’s in quite a slump
And it surely is puzzling to Trump
Seems no one is buying
Cuz most folks are trying
To think of a lim’rik with dump
Not wanting to appear much too rude
Those addicted it seems to fast food,
The effect they should rate
Of a much smaller plate,
And smaller portions that rating include.
There was a fellow named George
On food he always would gorge.
He’d eat and he’d eat
Even when he’s replete,
Then he found he’d have to disgorge.
You’re fat. You should go on a diet.
Don’t eat the food if you fry it.
Make your own pledge
To eat much more veg
And exercise. Why don’t you try it.
There once was a man named Dillow
Who was soft and as squish as a pillow.
The problem was food,
And not to be rude
The more he ate, the more he would billow.
The man with the very large waist
Ate all his food with incredible haste.
He gobbled his pies,
His burgers and fries
And then burped in very bad taste.
Most others have some respect
For their office elect.
No not Mr Trump,
Throws the rules in the dump,
To unfortunate chilling effect.
“Feel the Bern” has hit a bump;
With Biden in, his polling took a dump;
But there is no real drama,
Nobody wants to return to Obama,
Biden was no more than Obama”s chump.
We need a “First Husband”
to save the nation;
Not Kamala Harris’ hubby for our salvation;
But husband Chasten will be the hump,
If Mayor Pete can attract Bernie’s dump,
M.A.S.S. hats-Make America Same Sexuation!
People ask “What is Nouvelle Cuisine?”
Then they find out just what it does mean:
They pay lots of dough
And then notice they throw
It away, cuz they’re still feelin’ lean
“Diet Cuisine”
For a diet, you always should try
To remember these rules and comply:
Eat all veggies you please
Go and try some of these:
Onion soup, carrot cake, pumpkin pie.
A treat which is always enjoyed
Are crabs! (Just don’t get too annoyed)
You must break them in half
Even get a good laugh
But the other kind, you should avoid
I have frequently wondered how Trump,
Who, possessed of a sizable rump
And comportment so haughty
Approaches the potty
When driven to take a large dump.
When dining in China, I’m faced
With a quandary: Whether to taste
The still-squiggling fish
That they’ll plop on my dish
Or head for McDonald’s post haste.
“Italian Gourmet Husbands: It’s Never QUITE Right”
I know that it isn’t my fault
But Giuseppe will never exalt
My delectable sauce
Cuz he thinks he’s the boss
And he always says, “Needs Pincha Salt”
“I like food with a bit of a crunch,”
Said the Cyclops one day while at lunch.
“For Odysseus’ men
I’ve a powerful yen;
Like Lay’s chips, I could eat a whole bunch.”
What’s the finest cuisine? It’s Chinese;
Ev’rybody who tries it agrees.
Plus, their rest’rants are best
If you have this request:
“Can you open on Christmas Day, please?”
So your wordplay today needs a “Dump,”
And I gave my forehead a good thump.
But I’m stuck in a rut.
‘Though I thought so hard, but
I can only envision “Dump Trump.”
True happiness cannot be bought
And that is a very sad thought
But buying sweet cake
Will lessen the ache
And then you won’t be so distraught
The first day of marriage, my “sweet”
Said, “You’ll cook all the food that I eat”
So I gave him raw beef
And said “Here ‘ya go Chief!”
It’s your hamburger. Bon Appetit”
I forgot an ingredient. Damn!
Now how can I make a nice lamb!
(Then remembered my aunt)
Who said, “Never say CAN’T ;
When befuddled, just throw in some Spam”
“Home-Grown Cuisine”
Calm down, sweetie pie, do not panic
The meal on your plate is organic
I know you’re suspicious
But this food is delicious
(I’m famous for being botanic)
Or To Be A Bit “Fancier”
Calm down, sweetie pie, do not panic
The meal on your plate is organic
I know you’re suspicious
But this food is delicious
(I’m known as “Ms. Princess Botanic”)
The grumpy young man got dumped
When he stole his girlfriend’s red pumps
He struts and he swaged
Realized he’s been tag
As a cross dresser and a lame chump
The pantry chef was making two cuisines
Suddenly he ran to the latrine
He played in his pants
And started to dance
Then got caught in a mixing machine
Asserting a heritage Elizabeth Warren took a dump;
Of woodland tribes she squatted against a stump;
But as a phony she didn’t know to check,
The vegetation and ended up a wreck,
With poison ivy all over her wrinkly white rump.
We give a long loud harrumph
To the system elected Don Trump.
It’s corrupt to the core,
Partisan and bad law,
And should be thrown in the dump.
Most hospital food is real fancy
Don’t worry; it isn’t so chancy
They serve kidney stone soup
With intestinal goop
(However, it might make you ancy)
The “Food Channel’s” sure a disgrace!
When they feature that real stupid race!
A winner’s proclaimed
The losers feel shamed
And end up with egg on their face!
A guy who was dumb as a stump
Took his gal to a landfill to hump.
She had too much panache
To make love among trash.
The result: he got dumped at the dump.
What I wonder while taking a dump:
If your jawline is sporting a lump
On just one side, not both,
Why are doctors so loath
To define your disease as a mump?
Here’s a challenge that’s certain to stump:
Do not use, in a lim’rick for “dump,”
The verbs “take,” “jilt” or “stink” —
And do not even think
Of referring to Tr*** or his r***.
I weighed all of three hundred and six
It was something I sure had to fix!
Fine’ly Chinese cuisine
Made me real svelte and lean
Cuz I just couldn’t eat with those sticks
Don’t eat pastry — not even the best:
Though it’s easy to chew and digest,
A quick road it will find
To your paunch or behind,
And forevermore there it will rest.
When fine cuisine’s tasty and nice
Beware! Here is real sound advice:
Look for spices you like
(You might just take a hike)
If the pepper mill’s big, so’s the price!
correction of meter! (L1)
My weight was three hundred and six
It was something I sure had to fix!
Fine’ly Chinese cuisine
Made me real svelte and lean
Cuz I just couldn’t eat with those sticks!
“Deadly ACROSTIC Cuisine”
C hristina became very ill
L ost her balance and got a bad chill
(A ll plucked from the sand)
M ollusk slime should be banned
S he rushed home. Got in bed. Took a pill.
Martha Stewart said, “What good thing
When the food on your plate has some zing.
Around here it’s all bland,
Almost everything’s canned;
That’s the trouble with time at Sing Sing.”
S top dreaming of ice cream and cake
A nd pretending your joints don’t all ache.
L eave chocolate and beer
A nd try lettuce, my dear —
D rop those pounds, for your well-being’s sake!
Apparently true, though referring to buns rather than patties.
This story is eminently spreadable,
That McDonalds food is incredible…
A hamburger clump,
Found at the dump,
A year on was perfectly edible.
To the tune of William Tell Overture finale.
To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump.
With the Trump, with the Trump, with the Trump, Trump, Trump.
To the dump with the Trump
A national slump?
Aaaagh, to the dump? Dump Trump!
Our relationship ends today
Unless you do it my way.
All you ignorant schlump,
Put the probes in the dump…
That’s all that I have to say.
To eat with your feet is just rude,
It’s barbaric, revolting and crude.
But I’ve got to try it
as part of my diet
Instead of meat I’ll eat toe food
Chinese “take out” is always so nice
It’s delicious and has such great spice
Yet sometimes you freak
And just let out a shriek
When you see they’ve forgotten the rice
I feel that I’m now at that stage
When I’m torn between passion and rage
Although women are fine
I’ve decided on wine
Cuz it always gets better with age
Our second grade teacher, Miss Frump
Had a brain that was clearly a stump
Her fav’rite diversions
Were “learning excursions”
To towns where we’d study a dump
Apologies for a typo yesterday. The Martha Stewart one should read,
Martha Stewart said, “What a good thing
When the food on your plate has some zing.
Around here it’s all bland,
Almost everything’s canned;
That’s the trouble with time at Sing Sing.”
“OH YUK”
Eating “whole foods” and seeds made me quake
Grains and seaweed sure gave me an ache
And when I tried flax
I just couldn’t relax
Turning vegan was one huge missed steak!
From Guatemala a poor child is dragged;
At the USA border CNN bragged;
Their typical news dump,
For every liberal chump,
Despite all their knowledge their ratings have sagged.
At the end of the journey the poor child died;
However about the reason CNN lied;
They did want to dump,
The blame onto Trump,
They couldn’t sell the lie no matter how hard they tried.
Has Donald been cooking the books?
Irrefutably, that’s how it looks.
Refusing to show
Tax returns? Well, you know,
That’s the standard procedure for crooks.
There’s a restaurant in Paris that calls
Their chief dish by a name that appals:
“Les couilles présidentielles”.
A meal to entrance? Hell,
It translates as “The President’s balls”.
B esides all the nutritive part,
E ating legumes can be a fine art:
A s a key to success,
N othing else can impress
S o much as a finely tuned fart.
“Whose Job Is It, Anyway?” (acrostic)
T onight I am sure in a slump
R efusing to get off my rump
A nd my wife is real cross
S he just thinks she’s my boss
“H igh And Mighty” won’t tackle the dump
It seems the Commander-in-Chief
Is a liar, a cheat and a thief.
The sooner Don Trump
Is removed to the dump,
The sooner his stay will be brief.
YEAH!
The day I got out of my slump
Was so thrilling, for joy I did jump
With cuisine, I’m just lost
So I went and I tossed
All my cook books right down in the dump
A ball player in a bad slump
Tossed all his bats in the dump
He had a good cry
As the pigeons flew by
“That’s a fowl bawl,” said the ump.
My chair is just sick of my rump
Even called me “illiterate chump”
For one week, haven’t slept
I’ve just sat here and wept
Cuz I don’t have a lim’rik for dump
Cover up!, cover up!, cover up!;
Is being yelled by every liberal shlup;
For transparency, President Donald Trump,
Ordered a declassified public document dump,
Still, the Democrap socialist haters will not shut up!
“But is this a cover up of a crime?
Or just some more Democrap slime;
It’s the constitution Libs want to dump,
Because at the polls they’re afraid of The Trump,
Wire Beto’s jaws shut and run ‘em as a mime.
“The White House is really a dump,”
Says our President, Donald J. Trump.
“And while Vlad is great fun,
My true love’s Kim Jong Un,”
POTUS tweets, as our hearts go kerthump.
“Grandma’s Cuisine”
In the 50’s I always pursued
Grandma’s cooking; it heightened my mood
I never would panic
Cuz the meals were organic
(Another word for them was “food”)
“Senior Cuisine”
When young, it was such a delight
To eat ev’ry morsel in sight
But now I am old
And the doctor just told
Me I’m now allowed only one bite
My wife said, “There is a synonymy
‘Tween recession and failing economy”
She may be real smart
But she ain’t got the art
Of ev’ry day, simple gastronomy
Here at school there’s a class: “News and Views”
And our Prof said we must all peruse
The book “Chinese Food”
So we’d all be imbued
With the manners and habits of Jews
Last night we tried nouvelle cuisine
But the portions, boy were they mean
Forked out loads of dosh
For pretentious nosh
Tomorrow it’s the staff canteen!
correction of meter!
In the 50’s I always pursued
Grandma’s cooking; it heightened my mood!
There was no need to panic
Cuz the meals were organic
(Great dinners, known widely as “food”)
Mark looked at her glass and said “Gad!
What an awful drink YOU almost had!
The French may cook frogs;
Balinese may roast dogs —
But you just can’t drink ladybugs, Mad!”
As we jogged down the street past the dump,
I heard a most ominous thump:
The stench of decay
Made my partner first sway,
Then stagger, then fall on his rump.
“Mama’s Learning English”
For dinner we had a-spaghetti
At 3 o’clock it was a-ready
Sue-a came home at four
There was-a no more
She was crying and very up-settie
“Poisson Chef” was never the same
That night it was truly a shame!
On the platter he looked
At the fish (under cooked)
Who then jumped up and told him his name
S imply speaking, if I had one wish
U nmistakably it would be fish
S ome veggies be’d nice
H owever, the rice
I s the key to this Japanese dish
(acrostic)
By making some food in a flurry
The cook got a raise in a hurry
From her Indian boss
For a fabulous sauce.
And she did it by favoring curry.
“Oh Harry”, said the young Duchess Meghan,
“I’ve decided we’re going to go vegan.”
“Now listen here Meg,
I eat meat and two veg,”
And what’s this I hear about ‘We can?'”
So you’re the best POTUS since Abe,
Now’s your chance to free the new slave,
For those poor in the dump
A living wage you will plump,
For their free Medicare, you will rave.
The only reason she is with you
Is you’ve got a dollar or two.
She’ll give you the bump
And unceremoniously dump
If you really get in the stew.
He loved to play the connoisseur
Of fine food; a right bon viveur
Though he’d never confess
When no one to impress
It’s a Maccy D he’d prefer
We ate at the “Rise And Shine Stop”
For breakfast, it’s “cream of the crop”
No luxury’s spared
All the food is prepared
With a snap and a crackle and pop
In France they eat liver paté;
Indonesia is known for satay.
But go to Manhattan,
And soon you’ll be battin’
A thousand in every café.
This nation’s cuisine is a joke.
Eat too much and too young you will croak:
Processed sugar, carbs, fat
(A caloric glut, that)
And to wash it all down ― Diet Coke.
The Tower of one Mr Trump
Is having a bit of a slump.
Tenant treatment’s appalling
And the values are falling…
Is it slowly becoming a dump?
Did Lincoln lie like the Trump?
Whilst married, did he chase after rump?
Did he cheat on his tax?
Was his honesty lax?
Was be building a moral dump?
You act much like a schlump
Or else an annoying chump
Of you I’ll be free
Symbolically
Once I take a sizable dump
“My Husband The Grump”
Right there at the Cook County dump
Throwing out all his dinner was “grump”
I just said, “Darling, Pete
Since “You are what you eat”
“Here’s your Friday night supper, roast rump”
Tell me, what shall I do with this boy?
He’s no longer a fun little toy
I think I will dump
The sad little chump
Yep, he’s Kondoed – he brings me no joy
I just made the decision to dump
Half my too-many clothes, but don’t jump
To conclusions I’ll choose
To purge half of my shoes
For I ask you: what good is one pump?
He announced his intention to dump
His poor wife, “You’re a bit of a frump.
I deserve someone hotter.” She
Then won the lottery.
Guess who’s now out on his rump?
Each evening, as darkness approaches
See them scurry about, all the roaches
What a friendly old dump,
Even rats, nice and plump
Come on out just to say buenos noches!
My friend lost his dentures today,
Which is terrible for a gourmet.
His chewing was ruthless,
But now that he’s toothless
His favored cuisine is “Purée.”
A TRIP TO THE DARK SIDE
Quasimodo was known for his hump
Which gave him a prominent rump.
It earned him respects
When he had anal sex,
But it hindered when he took a dump.
That damn vichyssoise has a bad smell
There are leeks in there (PHEW) I can tell
Do not give me cold soup
It looks just like goop
Even worse, took me 10 tries to spell
Jerry GoNad-ler is far more than a fool;
He acts more like the nick name of a mule;
Better to serve the nation, chump;
By go watching bears at a dump;
An do something constructive like play with his tool.
With him should go watermelon head;
You know Adam Schiff, the political inbred;
His truthfulness is in the dump,
Making assertions dumber than a stump,
And return only if he can speak honestly instead.
There is nothing rhymes better with dump
Than a word that will def’nitly trump
Any other I knew
Just look up at line 2
And you’ll see that I’m out of my slump
A slightly modified version of “Vichyssoise”
There’s some vichyssoise here; I can tell it
Is loaded with leeks; I can smell it
Do not give me cold soup
It reminds me of goop
And it took me 10 tries just to spell it
Correction of a previous limerick!
The “Fish Chef” was never the same
Since that night, (oh my gosh what a shame)
On that platter he looked
At the trout (under cooked)
Who then jumped up and told him its name
My love life is sure in a slump.
Can’t figure it out, gee, I’m stumped!
I’m ever so nice,
but they never call twice,
could it be because I love Trump?
All of my life I’ve been plump,
weight loss has long left me stumped.
All day I work out,
so I won’t be so stout,
but I’m hungry, which makes me a grump!
I’ve taken my clothes to the dump!
I’m tired of looking the frump!
Lots of cash, I’ll be dropping,
’cause now I’ll go shopping,
to give my new wardrobe a bump!
A woman who hailed from Duneen,
was known for eclectic cuisine.
She cooked without spice,
and it didn’t taste nice,
BYO was the sign on the screen.
A woman from south of Duneen,
had a rather unusual cuisine.
Guests would fill up their bellies,
get a case of the smellies,
’cause she cooked using nothing but beans!
The motel was truly a dump,
The mattress, though clean, had a lump.
The bathroom door got stuck,
And then- just my luck,
The curtain rod fell, made me jump.
My wife gets our meals from a jar
But they really don’t get very far
When she claims she is “cooking”
I catch her not looking
And steal them to work on my car.
For some reason, they all taste like lead
And give people a feeling of dread
But I told her, “My Dear
You must never have fear
Cuz you compensate for it in bed”
another twist on same theme
My wife sure did not have a “plan”
Cuz she served all my meals from a can
They went right to the floor
(As to not start a “war”)
Then the doggie just sniffed them and ran
I was in an extrem’ly bad mood
And wow, did I come home and brood
I tried “haute cuisine”
Thought I’d feel like a queen
But it sure didn’t taste like hot food
“Back To A Better Slump Dump”
There ain’t nothin’ rhymes better with dump
Than a word that will def’nitly trump
Any others I knew
Just look up at line 2
And you’ll note I am out of a slump
“My cooking,” said Chef Boyardee,
“Is the toast of New York and Paree.
Ravioli in cans
That you eat with your hands
Goes so well with a vintage Chablis.”
This Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
A trucker set out for Pahrump*
With a full load of hot dogs to dump.
But his rig got too hot
And blew up on the spot
‘Cause they’re Ball Parks — you cook them, they plump.
* It’s in Nevada. Really.
Said Anton, a consummate foodie,
“My dishes are things of great beauty;
They’re gorgeous, nutritious,
Gourmet and delicious,
But always just end up as doodie.”
On a lump on a bump of a stump
A hornet said, taking a dump,
“You don’t know abuse
Til you’ve dropped a deuce
With a prick sticking out of your rump!”
There’s a chef who likes venting his spleen
On TV; whilst preparing cuisine.
And his language I fear
Means no knighthood next year.
You can’t say “F… off” to the Queen.
There was a young chef from East Sheen,
Who developed a “minceur” cuisine.
The meal was so small,
It was no meal at all!
One spaghetto and half a sardine.
A lassie frae auld Aberdeen
Lay doon wi’ a lad on the green.
She developed a bump;
The predictable dump.
And noo she’s expecting a wean.
Gimme burgers, fried chicken and bread.
And french fries to keep me well-fed.
I don’t care if I’m plump,
All those healthfoods I’ll dump
And I’ll keep eating crap till I’m …………
On his deathbed, an old chap called Jake
Said, “Wifey, my last wish I’ll make.
Can I just have a try
Of that freshly-baked pie?
She said, “No you can’t – that’s for the wake.”
” Cuisine At Its Worst”
Those “food courts” are not really fun
You can’t have a meal and then run
You must watch people eat
Till they’re out of their seat
Then go grab a chair quick when they’re done
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 323. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Fan.
Plague of termites is having a ball
Eating everything up. People call
Every smart aleck pest
By a name they suggest
Is quite apt: It’s a big gnaw-it-all.