A Limerick Affair
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
“I’m sorry I had an affair” …
Here’s mine:
A Limerick Affair
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I’m sorry I had an affair,”
Said a man to his wife in despair.
“Please forgive me — I’m bad.”
She said, “Never, you cad.”
“I warned you before — I don’t share.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Affair Limerick, Battle of the Sexes, Cheating Spouse, Marriage Limerick, Married Couple Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
that is totally cute!
A man thought his wife was a cheat
she said “It’s only you in my sheets”
she assured him she’s true
he thought “what can I do?”
even lying she makes my heart beat!
“I’m sorry I had an affair”,
But frankly I really don’t care,
You drove me to drink,
Like your shit didn’t stink,
Now she can have that and your pair.
I’m sorry I had an affair
just because you weren’t there.
When I needed to eat,
this girl was so sweet:
she fed me a chocolate eclair.
The Wife’s Rationale
I’m sorry I had an affair,
But you just didn’t seem to care.
Glad I got your attention;
That was my intention.
Ignore me again? Don’t you dare!
I’m sorry I had an affair.
But admit, Dear, it’s really quite rare.
Don’t be so possessive!
It’s not that excessive,
Once a fortnight, my talents to share!
I’m sorry I had an affair.
I was horny and you weren’t there.
I can see that you’re mad,
Please don’t tell me I’m bad.
My fingers sufficed without care!
I’m sorry I had an affair
But the chick had a wonderful pair
She drove me delirious
You can see it was serious
Did I mention her firm derrière?
I’m sorry I had an affair
Not just one but a pair
My dream to do two
Was driving me cuckoo
So I brought them both to my lair
I’m sorry I had an affair,
and for the white stuff I left everywhere.
I drank too much rye,
I guess that is why,
I did that to your Teddy Bear.
I’m sorry I had an affair.
But she had the most beautiful hair.
And brown were her eyes
and her smile, a surprise.
Seemed I should do more than just stare.
REMEMBERING THE BOBBITTS
“I’m sorry I had an affair,
Never again, Honey- Honest! I swear!”
But he’d raped and abused her
The jury excused her
For’ severing contact’- down to pubic hair!
These limericks are great fun! Thanks and please keep them coming!
I’m sorry I had an affair;
Self-esteem was in need of repair;
You treat me like dirt
You pathetic sea squirt
So get used to late night solitaire!
I’m sorry I had an affair;
Guess I’m not just a tired old mare;
Have you given some thought
To the fact that I’m sought
For my qualities winning and rare?
…
No of course, you have learned not a thing;
You think marriage is simply a ring;
Well to hell with all this,
If indifference and bliss
are the choices, I’ll stick with my fling!
I’m sorry I had an affair
With two twinkies and one hairy bear.
I’m guess I’m a slut,
But do you know what?
So’s my wife, so why should I care?!
*
I’m sorry I had an affair,
But it wasn’t my fault, I swear,
For from across the room
I was espied by the groom
Who led us on our path from there.
*
I’m sorry I had an affair,
Wrecking my career, car, and hair.
Well, that was my spouse,
Who now owns the house.
And me? Something to remember down there.
*
I’m sorry I had an affair,
For it was just tea I planned to share.
But I saw a wink
And before I could blink
We had to act as we were both bare.
I’m really enjoying these. Thanks, and please keep them coming!
I’m sorry I had an affair,
with the red-headed girl over there.
Next time I’ll know better,
and brush off my sweater,
or date someone with your color hair.
I’m sorry I had an affair
That doesn’t mean I won’t go and share
When I’m feeling the urge
It’s a treat just to splurge
On a young piece of candy–so there!
I’m sorry I had an affair
I guess it was due to a scare
A little aging will do it
But I can say, “Screw it!”
Cuz my young lover humps like a hare.
I came to this limerick so late that I feel it’s all been said (even though I haven’t read them all). So I can’t imagine I can come up with something new. But I’ll try:
I’m sorry I had an affair
I was real far away – over there!
I was on the next street
and then she grabbed my meat
and gave me a terrible glare
So I had to do it, you see
I was afraid what she’d do to me
Our neighbor is nuts
and I didn’t have the guts
to refuse (even though I had to pee).
I’m sorry I had an affair,
I just wish people wouldn’t stare.
A girl with a beard
may seem pretty wierd.
But she’s a step up from that old mare.
I”m sorry I had an affair.
Highly unlikely as we’re both in daycare.
She said please make it hurt
and don’t prematurely squirt
othewise, I’ll pull out your short hairs.
I’m sorry I had an affair.
It all stated when I began to stare.
One thing led to another
And soon we were under the covers.
I’ll let your dirty mind take it from there.
What a wonderful selection of limericks. Thanks everyone, and please keep them coming!