Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GRIN or CHAGRIN at the end of any one line
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GRIN or CHAGRIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to POLICE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best POLICE-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 5, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 4, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my GRIN-Rhyme limerick:
“You’re meeting my folks, so be nice.
Please pretend that you’re sugar and spice.
That’s a smirk; not a grin.
Can’t you smile? Lose the gin
And behave, or you won’t see them twice.”
And here’s my POLICE-Themed limerick:
A fellow was sick of the grind
And desp’rate to go and unwind.
But relaxing was hard;
He was always on guard,
Cuz a cop never knows what he’ll find.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Cop Limerick, Dating Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Police Humor, Writing Prompts
University men acquiesced not to be pushy;
But compared to cops they’re just wussies;
Then when a professional lady,
Looks for a desirable matey,
Male equals are no more than pussies.
Prejudicial Dismissal ~
There once was a dark, stormy knight,
Whose defense wasn’t quite watertight,
But strong chin and cute grin
Were a sure bet to win—
For the judge, it was love at first cite.
Grinn and Finn: Mob Clowns ~
I shouldn’t have let them come in,
But they gave me that silly clown grin;
Then I lost my head
Fearing I’d soon be dead,
So I slipped them a quick Mickey Finn.
Wanderland ~
When my brain starts to go on the fritz,
At the office, at home, or the Ritz,
I start wandring around
And I’ve often been found
By police, though they can’t find my wits.
Thinking of Trump makes me grin:
I imagine glass walls caving in
And that fat flabby ass
Exposed, belching gas
That ignites and devours his kin.
Pastor said I’ve committed a sin
But, jeepers! It sure made me spin
So now I need pills
For my unrighteous ills
Cause it really hurts bad when I grin
The Chief Of Police is my lover
He whispered,”My sweet you’ll discover:
I am always at work
My post I won’t shirk
And I’m notably great under cover”
When dancing, I swing and I spin
But my pastor said, “Dear that’s a sin”
There is no one to blame
Now I’m drowning in shame
And I feel such cha cha cha cha grin
I stare at the scale with chagrin,
It confirms that I’m still too thin,
But most high calorie foods,
Not good, research concludes,
Be healthy or curvy? Can’t win!
I’ll react with more than chagrin
If the Dems don’t once again win.
I won’t go very far,
Just to the nearest bar,
And drown all my sorrows in gin.
Come watch the rainbow pinwheel spin
Such fun, I break out in a grin.
The wind blew it quite fast,
Lovely color contrast.
Escape from cares; what might have been.
He looked at her, gave a charming grin,
Come on, babe, one kiss isn’t a sin.
Not much more to say,
She learned the hard way.
If you won’t finish, never begin.
Witness
The officer then took the stand
He pointed him out with his hand
And said with a grin
The wages of sin
Should be that he’s going to get canned
My Joe’s been committing a sin!
(Something tells me I’ll just never win)
And here’s how I know
That he’s one big fat schmo:
I detected a sly subtle grin
Last night, when my Siamese twin
Overdid it with Beefeater Gin,
She and I both got smashed.
Now, hung over, abashed,
We’ve a mutual sense of chagrin.
When you’re drunk, heading back from the bar,
And a trooper pulls over your car,
There’s no point in insisting
You’re sober; resisting
Arrest just won’t get you that far.
Nice one Mad! Here’s my attempt :
THE MARATHON
The marathon she wanted to win
with a broken leg she had to grin
she walked with such grace
at such a cool pace
disappointed to lose what a sin
22042019/MK
The Mueller report is now done
and out (minus pages–a ton?),
and Trump can just grin
behind his chagrin
and yell to his base that he won.
The Wise Man approached with a grin
Said “Cheating is not a true sin”
“If your very sweet wife
Causes unneeded strife
Get a back up; it’s known as win win”
My “hubby” said “Keep up that grin”
“When you bet, take it under the chin”
“If you win or you lose
Never get the sad blues
What’s important, is just that you win”
The “facts of life” made Bobby grin
When I told him “They’re never a sin”
He seemed very glad
And asked, “By the way, Dad
Just when does this fun all begin?”
“The Exorcist” sure made me grin!
That movie got under my skin!
I told people I know
“You must go see this show;
It will really just make your head spin”
It was silent, not even a grin!
We were spellbound, (a soft violin)
Even though so intense
It sure made no sense
That we couldn’t hear “sis” drop that pin
First sight, when out for a swim
A glimpse of triangular fin
Somethings not right,
Is that a Great White?
Your last, that wide toothy grin
Don’t give me that Cheshire Cat grin
I know you’ve committed a sin
Don’t blame the puppies
It’s you ate the cookies
Your chance of forgiveness is slim
I must say that cop was sure vexed
Not to mention extremely perplexed
When he said, “Stop right now!”
John said, “Sir, I’ll avow
But I’m rushing so send me a text”
My girlfriend sure knows “where it’s at”
Word for word, she has got it down pat!
When a cop comes her way
She’ll repeatedly say:
“I didn’t know I couldn’t DO that”
The cops these days sure aren’t svelte
(And with many of them I have dealt)
You can run away fast
Their momentum won’t last
Due to all of that shit on their belt.
This report just gets under my skin!
I can’t even force one small grin!
Why do lawyers keep using
Them words so confusing
Like “The Corpse Of Delecti’s Within”
A Minor Revision: L5
This report just gets under my skin!
I cannot even force one small grin!
Why do lawyers keep using
Them words so confusing
Like “The Corpse Of Delecti’s Now In”
OOPS!
My girlfriend sure knows “where it’s at”
Word for word, she has got it down pat!
When a cop comes her way
She’ll repeatedly say:
“Did not realize I couldn’t do that”
A Playboy was born…
Most magazines boring within,
One started uncovering skin.
As models undressed,
Reservations expressed
Were met with “Just bare it and grin.”
Now, much to our nation’s chagrin,
The Donald is spinning his “win”.
You’d think that the jerk
Would just show up for work;
Without all this loony bin din.
With kudos to one from the past
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
If I had bigger ear I’d fuck it
The nuptial’s about to begin
And the bride has a baby within
Then after she’s wed
She must go straight ahead
To live at the Inn Of Chagrin
S omeone found out about my dark sin
(H ow it happened, I just can’t begin)
A man in a bar
M ade me feel like a star
E v’ry day I feel pangs of chagrin
(acrostic)
Al Capone sure had one cunning grin
Handled all of his work from “within”
Using all of his wits
He put out the “hits”
Then paid with the wages of sin
Better
Al Capone sure had one cunning grin
Handled all of the work from “within”
Using solely his wits
He put out the “hits”
Then paid with the wages of sin
“A T.V. Quiz” (guess who)
All over the world we tuned in
To the guy with a prominent chin
His “bits” were amusing
We weren’t caught snoozing
He bestowed us an ear-to-ear grin!
(hint: J.L.)
“Mad,” I said, “I’ve committed no crimes;
Still, I’ll have to sit out a few times.
There’s no cop on my tail –
I’m just troubled and pale;
I’ll be back when I feel up to rhymes.”
Now my life is a little more stable,
And at last I’ve returned, now I’m able.
If I state with a grin,
“I won’t say where I’ve been,”
Will I still have an “in” at your table?
It could be worse, but what if
The police broke in, caught a whiff
They’d arrest in a flash
If they found her pot stash
And caught Grandma smoking a spliff
Sheesh! ~ (modified from a 2014 Limerick-Off)
To walk my dog, I bought a leash
With a collar which had quick-releash,
But I fell on my keesh
And lost all of my teesh
as it snagged when he chased the poleesh.
His mood is much worse than chagrin,
From a gigantic cleft in his chin;
The hole is so deep
It ruins his sleep,
When the mites and the bedbugs crawl in.
A gambler, his face in a grin,
Took a gal to his place for some sin.
Well-known as a joker,
He started to poke ‘er
And quipped as he did: “I’m all in!”
As I walk my big dog through the city,
The joy on her face is so pretty!
The expression it’s in
Is… well, not quite a grin:
It’s more like a Smile of Great Pittie.
Those hummingbirds have a big grin
They fly backwards and make my head spin!
I wondered just why
So I asked Chirp Chirp Guy
And he said “So we’ll know where we’ve been”
I had such an ear-to- ear grin
When I found my old story book tin
From Munich I hail
And just loved this old tale:
“I Am Sam Yes I Am Yes Ich Bin”
We’re exactly alike: me and Lynn
We fool everyone (giggle and grin)
One Christmas of late
We got something so great!
Called A Bicycle Built For A Twin
The siren was blaring, UNREAL!
So I had to make one cool sweet deal!
I said, “Officer, please
I am sure not a tease
Hop right in you bad boy; cop a feel”
There’s a breakout to report, Sarge
That clairvoyant we held on a charge
The diminutive guy
Just waved us goodbye
There’s now a small medium at large
The White House zoo
A gorilla with bright orange skin
And a vast hippopotamus chin –
Can you guess who I meant?
Yes, it’s your President!
(Did I mention his crocodile grin ?)
Superman’s got a new hobby
He robs guests in the Radisson lobby
He dons a red cape
And make his escape
Pursued by an Oxford Street bobby
The liberal socialist woke folk make me grin;
To forgive $50,000 in student debt their all in;
Student debt I paid off like a fool,
Missed out on this givernment tool,
Suing for reparations is where I’ll begin.
Democratic socialist is an oxymoron;
It’s a self serving name that is but a con;
They claim this status with a snarky grin,
They rip on Christians so it’s not a sin,
But ask about failures of socialism and they’re gone.
Hatred of our country makes Lefties driven;
Even death row inmates the right to vote should be given;
But police officers are rebelling,
Without law enforcement crime is not quelling,
Lefty loon administrators allow criminals easy livin’.
A cop pulled me over, it’s true,
When I’d had a martini or two.
(Maybe three…maybe five…)
I said, “I’m drood to guyve!”
Now alas! Like that trooper, I’m blue.
When asked why he’d wed Ann Boleyn
Though the Pope had declared it a sin,
“She’s terrific in bed,
And she loves giving head”,
Replied Henry the Eighth with a grin.
(Any resemblance to a real person is purely coincidental.)
A whining Republican bleater
Whose limericks tended to teeter
Complained with chagrin
“How come I don’t win?”
It’s simple – incompetent meter.
(Three from the Allgar archives)
The hooker was sexy and sweet
And was strutting her stuff on the street.
When I asked her the price,
I was busted for vice
I’d accosted a cop on the beat.
************
They were frolicking in the back seat
Like a bitch and a mongrel in heat
When a sudden bright light
Gave the couple a fright.
“My turn next”, said the cop on the beat.
************
She was moonlighting from the police
As a hooker called “Mistress Felice”,
Blonde below and above,
And he murmured: “I love
A fair cop”, as he nibbled her fleece.
The Donald loves copping a feel.
“Grab a pussy, and hear how they squeal!”
But he’s now doing time
For a sexual crime;
He was feeling a cop – no appeal.
Three Chins are Smarter than One ~
“Little pigs, little pigs, let me in,”
Said the wolf to the three pigs he’d skin.
“Though we like you a lot
We must answer you, ‘Not
by the hair of our chinny chagrin!’ ”
For the Rest of the Story, see
Nursery Rhyme
So happy! I’m wearing a grin!
I’m ecstatic; my head’s in a spin!
I’ve been bowling ten years
(Always come home in tears)
Hooray! I just knocked down one pin!
I weigh 200 pounds, (what a sin)
What I’d do just to wear a small grin
Then last week bought a scale
Labeled “Tell A Tall Tale”
Now I’m half of that weight. Yeah! I’m thin!
“1999”
In New Jersey, I ached with chagrin
(Disowned by each one of my kin)
Of supposedly “good” shows
I did not watch “Sopranos”
A flaw known as “Eighth Deadly Sin”
another version of “1999”
In New Jersey I ached with chagrin
(Disowned by each one of my kin)
Out of all of the bad shows
I hated “Sopranos”
A disgrace known as “Eighth Deadly Sin”
When I sleep, I feel warmth on my skin
When I wake, I am fraught with chagrin
My days are a fright
I just can’t wait for night
I can deal with the yang, not the yin
“This visit,” sighed Grandad, “was nice,
But I fear that I won’t see you twice.
Since I’m headed back ‘in,'”
He confessed with chagrin,
“Let me give you a bit of advice:
If you’d rather not see the police,
Don’t extort, rob, solicit or fleece;
Don’t receive stolen goods;
Don’t get pally with hoods,
And refrain from disturbing the peace.
Think three times before buying a gun –”
But I stopped him before he was done:
“That’s enough! Shut your jaw!
I’m not scared of the law —
Just don’t make me give up all my fun!”
Remember Regan from the Exorcist?
The cops said “We’ll go for confession,
Did you see that evil expression”?
“You can wipe off that grin,
We saw your head spin,
You’re arrested and charged with possession”
Chagrin-Grin-Grinning Away ~
An angel said, “Don’t go therein.”
Then came news, “Let the census begin.”
And next, with chagrin,
Heard, “No room at the inn.”
Joseph took lots of news on the chin.
A hippy midwife called Lynn
Told me home birthing was ‘in’
Failed duty of care,
Forgot gas and air
Said “You’ll have to bear it and grin”!
From the moment we’re born we begin
To live life as a sure-fire win
But when we get old
We need to be bold
If we still have our teeth, we should grin.
We called ourselves “South Town’s Go Getters”
We hurriedly stole 50 sweaters
When the fuzz came in view
The gang screamed “F U”
Copper said we “must use all the letters”
S o much better to have a big grin
M any heartaches are best left within
I n a crowd or a bar
L eave your troubles afar
E v’ry day is a challenge you’ll win
acrostic
Creepy hair huffing Joe Biden is finally in;
Is this to Kamala Harris’ chagrin?
But this radical anti gun big wig,
Is actually a licensed gun carrying pig,
She can blow Joe, uh, shoot Joe to win.
Mayor Pete who is from South Bend;
Is endeavoring to break the straight trend;
With husband Chasten and a grin,
He seems to think if he will win,
That the presidency of white men he’ll again end?
Poor Mayor Pete wants to battle with Pence;
By attacking him for his Christian preference;
But Pence with a grin,
Just ignores him,
Because the issue with gays is past tense.
“The Bern” campaigns without ever a grin;
Anger, hatred, depression are apparently in;
Racist, xenophobe, homophobe, misogynist;
Is only a very small partial list,
Of the campaign dementia
he spews hoping to win.
The Donald is President still;
Denying congressional will.
No need for chagrin,
Here’s what he should win:
His mug on a three-dollar bill.
I admit that I speed as I drive
And always those damn cops arrive
Your license they’ll run
Then they’ll take out their gun
Cuz you stole candy when you were five
Jenna’s a cop who will nail ya
While working her beat in Centralia
If speeding’s your crime,
This would be the one time
You don’t want to see Jenna tail ya.
“bad POT luck”
Cop stopped me; I started to cower
Clearly knowing he executes power
That night I was high
And he said, “By the by,
You were going just two miles an hour”
Stop Me If You’ve Seen This One (Clown Noir) ~
It’s fun when art imitates art.
The Avengers took Clown Noir to heart
When Julian Chagrin
With his very large grin
Played the evil mime’s co-starring part.
In a late 1960’s release,
With a cameo played by John Cleese,
Steed and Tara would star
In defeating Clowns Noir:
The Avengers cooked all of their geese.
At Police School I started to shout
When the “teach” said “There won’t be much doubt
That you might just get shot
It will sure hurt a lot”
(At that moment I left and copped out)
Cop stopped me; I sure was afraid
He took out his gun and his blade
Asked, “Where Were You At EIGHT??
And I told him real straight:
“I think I was in the third grade”
a slightly modified version of a previous acrostic limerick in L5
S o much better to have a big grin
M any heartaches are best left within
I n a crowd or a bar
L eave your troubles afar
E v’ry day there’s a challenge to win
The Pastor have an evil grin
When he saw the large bottle of gin
He drunk it down fast
Hoping that it would last
Then realized, it was a terrible sin
He dressed up like the police
Though he was a no good thief
Gave out tickets by the dozen
Gave one to his cousin
Next, he dressed like an indian chief
The pastor had an evil grin
When he saw the large bottle of gin
He drunk it down fast
Hoping that it would last
Then realized, it was a terrible sin
A Republican flunky named Flynn
Stoked a mob with a lunatic grin.
“Lock her up!” was his cry
As the lies he let fly.
When does HIS stretch in prison begin?
With his sermon about to begin
The priest had to suppress a huge grin
Cos just minutes ago
Out the back with a pro
He’d committed a cardinal sin
Cop stopped me; I then started crying
Accused me of “clearly defying”
He asked, “Are you drinking?”
I sure wasn’t thinking
Politely I asked, “Are you buying?”
I felt that my life was all through!
Then I thought of a cool thing to do:
When that cop says I’m speeding
Instead of my pleading
I’ll inform him that he’s speeding too.
She actually tried to finagle
While hiding her phone with a kegel.
Convincing a cop
Who was making the stop
That thing in her hand was a bagel.
The cops are a theatrical bunch
They put on plays during lunch
With Shakespeare preferred
It’s Richard the Third
A detective playing a hunch
I once went on a date with a cop
Who’d a penchant for women on top
But when his truncheon
Failed to function
You could say the whole thing was a flop
Flatfoot
The things cons will do for a fin
A cop slipped and fell with chagrin
But he took a dive
And thus stayed alive
Until his wife asked “Where’ve you been?”
More royal shenanigans
Nell said to Charles with a grin
“Are you sure it’s the right hole that you’re in,
I haven’t consented
‘Cos gel’s not invented,
Does this guarantee there’s no kin”?
“Sobriety Test”
Cop said, in a way that was stern
“I want you to walk and then turn”
I said, “Please be a dear
Can you just hold my beer?”
He said “NO” (Gee some guys never learn)
The cops of the world keep the peace
Yet my query will just never cease
If they’re all so respected
And the finest selected
Why do criminals hate the police?
Those darn in-laws get under my skin!
When I see them, I’m filled with chagrin!
With my wife made a deal
For our Thanksgiving meal
We’ll invite all the kith, not the kin
Is the prisoner feeling unwell?
Has he no info to tell
Just have no illusions
He got those contusions
By falling down in his cell
An oldie adapted…
Tired of living a life of vice
She went to her priest for advice
‘You must give up your sin’
He said with a grin
‘But one last performance would be nice’.
My girl-friend complained “It’s a sin,
Infidelity!” Me, with a grin:
“But we just had great sex.”
She replied, “You need specs –
You just fucked my identical twin!”
Donald Junior displays, with a grin,
Yet another dead animal skin.
It is really too bad
That it isn’t his Dad
That the murderous creep has done in.
The cop came real fast and then whisked
Me away; for his life he had risked
I told a big fib
Have to say I was glib
(But oh, how I love to be frisked)
She glanced at me with a sly grin
I must tell you it made my head spin!
She saunters here oft
Her curves (Oh so soft)
‘Round the block a few times she has been
The prices are truly a sin
At the famous expensive “Brie Inn”
They pretend to be nice
Just like sugar and spice
And they give you that real cheesy grin
The Gestapo are not very nice;
They steal children, and treat them like lice,
Violating the young …
Ooops! A slip of the tongue –
By “Gestapo”, of course, I meant ICE.
Miss Dorothy felt much chagrin
Mostly due to the spot she was in
But The Wizard, with glee
Was so happy that he
Gave a watch to the man made of tin.
“Somewhere Over The Rainbow” (modified)
Miss Dorothy felt great chagrin
(A frightening place she was in)
But The Wizard, with glee
Was so happy that he
Gave a watch to the man made of tin
The policeman wore only a grin
On the photo his captain turned in.
They had caught him red-handed.
The indictment? Quite candid.
It was ‘On The Job COP-ulating’.
“Sound Advice”
My pal always has a big grin
Says, “Think Positive! It’s a Win Win!
“Start each day with a smile
Knowing all of the while
That you’ll end it with Beefeater Gin”
“Senior Beauty”
For me everyday is a win!
I look in the mirror and grin!
My face isn’t wrinkled
And not one bit crinkled
I just have “relaxing-type” skin
The Cheshire was resting its chin
On its paws. It said, ‘Let us begin!’
It declared crazy stuff
Then it cried out, ‘Enough!’
And it disappeared down to its grin.
Oops – brain lapse – obviously both the it’s in the Cheshire Cat limerick above should be its
*****
Fixed.
“Sound Advice” Revision
My pal always has a wide grin
He says “Life is just one big win win”
“Start each day with a smile
Knowing all of the while
That you’ll end it with Beefeater Gin”
G et a grip; just chill out; now begin:
R elaxing’s a sure way to win
I f you feel inner pain
E scape from the rain
F or goodness sake, put on a grin!
(acrostic)
L ose that sadness; just put on a grin
A nd set out to feel joy from within
U nder stress you’ll pull through
G etting pleasure anew
H ave a chuckle. Chill out. It’s no sin
(acrostic)
Mad: line 4, above limerick acrostic:
Could you please change Giving pleasure anew to Getting pleasure anew
Thank You….Lisi
******
Done
Much to the prodigal son’s chagrin
Though he was (by minutes) next of kin
When the will was read
He’d been scorned, instead
The whole lot went to his younger twin
She’s not what you’d call an English Rose
With her evil eyes and crooked nose
A warty chin
A wicked grin
Kids run and hide wherever she goes
Consider the state that I’m in.
Disappointed and full of chagrin
At the affront
Of the worst ever witch-hunt
That the whole world has ever seen.
“What busyness are you in?”
Lao Tzu asked with a grin.
He said, “I teach people
To find God as their steeple.”
Lao Tzu said, “You’ll never win.”
He gave a hideous grin
When it finally dawned upon him
That against most projection
He’d won the election
And Hillary had conceded his win.
I was fat, now I am slim,
And I want to go for a swim.
My skin now loosely falls
And its sight just appals…
I guess I’ll just bare it and grin.
The first of the day’s teas
Left him relaxed and at ease.
He gave a cha grin
As he settled in,
Thinking, “Work will now be a breeze.”
Jeremy was visibly distraught,
He was entangled deep in a rort.
As it transpired,
The scam had backfired,
And he was the one who was caught
Hi Mad,
Maybe that last one should probably have “joke” changed to “scam” to make it a bit more criminal/policy… is policy a word? (Meaning to do with Police, not Policy as in Jeremy’s intent to fleece people).
***
I made that change from joke to scam.
Not sure if ‘affray’ is a crime in the US
Bayeux gendarmes had grilled him all day
Though the suspect had nothing to say
Because of his scratching
The Tapestry needs patching
He was booked for causing a fray
Determined, and nothing would stop ‘er
(Although it may sound quite improper)
Now protected from harm
She used her sweet charm
And slept ev’ry night with a copper
Dear Father, I’m filled with chagrin
My confessional prayer shall begin:
“It has been one whole day
Since I’ve had a good lay
And tonight I’ll be rockin, in sin”
another version
Dear Father, I’m filled with chagrin
My confessional plea shall begin:
“Last night I got laid
And today I have prayed
To repeat my original sin”
Mad; L5 of above limerick should read: To repeat my original sin, not
To redo my original sin
Could you change that for me, please?
Lisi
********
Done.
What’s it like making love to a twin?
Let me tell you, he said with a grin
One at a time is OK
But my favourite way
Is one on top, one below, win win.
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
The bent cop said, “I want double.
Pay up, or there will be trouble.”
We said, “We can’t pay.”
He said, “Have your own way.”
Now he’s under a whole pile of rubble.
There once was a Chief of Police
Who tried to spread love and have peace…
If you buy that tale,
I’ve swampland for sale
And a couple of golden egg geese.
The surgeon downed three shots of gin
As his patient looked on with chagrin
Said he: “This small step
Is an alcohol prep,
And your surgery now can begin.”
The mom said, “I know where you’ve been,”
To her kid who looked guilty as sin.
“You chose to partake
Of my devil’s food cake —
I can tell by your shit eating grin.”
Grumpy explained he was grumpy
‘Cause his little member was stumpy;
He’d feel great chagrin
When asked, “Is it in?”
Just like his twin brother Trumpy.
P olice work as hard as can be
E v’ry day they protect you and me
R ide around; always check
K illers aren’t on deck
S tandard issue: all donuts are free
(acrostic)
Sergeant Callahan sure did his best
All the people in town were impressed
After years on the force
Without any remorse
Left his gig. It was time for arrest.
“My First Prom: Age 16”
That cocktail sure made my head spin!
I got dizzy, could not even grin!
Then after a rest
I made one more request:
Ordered “Kool-Aid On Rocks, Pinch Of Gin”
The suspect tried hard to explain
But the cop said it all was in vain:
“I’m strong, I’m a jock,
I carry a Glock;
Why would I bother my brain?”
On vacation, I paddle and grin
In warm seawater up to my chin —
But if I were a cuke,
I’d be wanting to puke
And would wail: “What a pickle I’m in!”
A pompous policeman named Myron
Would make drivers stop with his siren
And issue citations
With long recitations
From Yeats, Shelley, Joyce, Keats and Byron.
Well I completely lost my rag
As he’d let the cat out of the bag.
We were to do a stake-out
And there isn’t a doubt
We’d have got the whole gang with their swag.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 321. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Crank.