Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TEASE or TEAS or TEES at the end of any one line
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TEASE or TEAS or TEES at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to EGO, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best EGO-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 29, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 28, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A gal who loved flirting with guys
Indulged in behavior unwise.
She would do a striptease
And then mockingly squeeze
Their crown jew’ls. In the ground she now lies.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Battle of Sexes, Competition Limerick, Crime, Dating, Flirting, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Stripping Humor, Writing Prompts
She had called with an offer to tease
Which involved getting down on her knees.
So he jumped in his car.
But he didn’t get far ―
His misfortune was losing his keys.
Narcissism, megalomania,
Mixed with childishness, spite, egomania;
He boasts every day
“I’m a genius – hey,
There was never a President brainier!”
Mar-a-Lago: surrounded by tees,
The hooker was down on her knees.
But she laughed when he stood
And presented his “wood” –
It was roughly the size of a bee’s.
What is E go, ? I ASKED Doctor FREUD
With my ISS ues he SEEMED so ann OYED !
He PAT ted his BACK
Then said “NEV er come BACK !
Your MIND, Dear is ONE great big VOID”
“You put your balls on the tees.”
He said, “Excuse me, please?”
“Your only goal,
put the ball in the hole.
Now, give your wood a good squeeze.”
It’s important that you never tease
Yellow jackets, or hornets or bees.
Unlike crooked politicians,
Who hold high positions-
Those you must never appease.
He wears tighty-whities and tees,
He wants every hot babe he sees,
Big breasted gals who amuse,
Not the only ones he screws:
Our narcissistic Commander-in-Sleaze.
She really was quite a cruel tease,
She touched him all over to please.
She did more than Carpe Diem,
But then she would leave ‘im,
With nothing but his hand to appease.
A dolphin is often a tease
Leaping up high from the seas
Then down in a splash
That’s right, not a crash
For few are as graceful as these!
“First, a massage,” the President said,
“Then your job is to give me great head.”
Though she searched all around,
No dick could be found,
So she massaged his ego instead.
Spring means ditching our sweaters for tees,
Showing ankles and calves — perhaps knees —
And, alone in the grass
With a lad or a lass,
Joining in with the birds and the bees.
When he says “I’m the best! Did you ever
Know anyone my kind of clever?”
I won’t spew, gag, or fart;
With my hand on my heart,
I’ll say “No, Mr. President. Never.”
My WIFE says that I’M a real TEASE
‘Cause I KID her each TIME that she PEES
When WE’RE in our BED
I FEEL so much DREAD
That damn PISS squirts all O ver my KNEES
With the GALS I am KNOWN as a TEASE
Till I MET my dear LOVE ly Lou ISE
Be FORE I said, “BOO”
She KNEW what to DO
And JUST got right DOWN on her KNEES
At the beauty salon, I said “Please:
I need highlights, a trim, and a tease.”
Now, my hair’s full of mats,
Like a nest full of rats.
On my head there’s a hive full of bees!
I suspect that the famed Sigmund Freud
Would with me be profoundly annoyed.
My id has gone wild.
My virtue, defiled.
My ego? It’s underemployed.
The whole rat-pack of Trump’s appointees
Have been chosen for their expertise
In destroying, for fun,
The departments they run.
Pruitt? Perry? DeVos? Oh, puh-lease!
NOT A DUPLICATE
My E go was SAD ly de STROYED
At my SES sion with DOC tor S. FREUD
He said, “NEV er come BACK
I’ll CUT you no SLACK
Your MIND, Dude, is ONE great big VOID”
MY TODDLING TOWN
I KNOW people CALL me a TEASE
But THIS is real CRU cial, so PLEASE !
You MUST listen WELL
I JUST have to TELL
You, Don’t MOVE to Chic A go, you’ll FREEZE !
Please en JOY these ass ORT ed fine TEAS
Do MES tic ? per HAPS Canton ESE?
We’ve ADD ed some WEED
To as SURE that in DEED
You’ll come BACK and re QUEST a re PRISE
If you’re human, you need to be right,
Someone tells you you’re wrong, it’s a slight.
Despite tiptoes and tact,
Watch the ego react
Every time, and defensively fight.
Who CARES about E go and ID?
I LEARNED all that CRAP as a KID
I’s a NEW gener A tion
For GET “repu TA tion”
And en JOY all that STUFF Mom for BID !
I cannot find me cat, Joe.
The closet? The bathroom? Er, no.
‘e takes lots of pride
In ‘is skill to ‘ide.
I always ahsk, “Where did ‘e go?”
Burlesque queen, Lorenza von Tease
Could divest on a flying trapeze.
And her breasts, warmed at heights,
Flying close to the lights,
Were deliciously cooled by the breeze.
In the BED room our SHTICK is to “TEASE”
But SOME times he JUST cannot “PLEASE”
A GAL surely KNOWS
As the OLD adage GOES:
“With SEX there are NO guaran TEES”
Three fledglings nest high in a tree.
This explains why Trump’s ego’s times three.
With cacophonous tweets
Each one greedy for treats
Crying me, me me me, me me me!
When Black Widow Nellie’s on heat
Every male on her menu is sweet.
She will put them at ease,
With some tickle and tease,
Then it’s consummate nuptials – and eat.
BEDROOM RHYMING PROBLEM
In the BED room, my “SHTICK” is to TEASE
But my LAST guy? (he JUST couldn’t “PLEASE”)
But NOW I feel GLAD
Cause I’ve PUT in an AD
For some WILL ing, and HOT nomin EES
Would be experts should learn the three ‘Tees’
If they’re eager to ravish and please.
Titillation, technique –
These will make them go weak –
And then tenderness; these are the keys.
Three fledglings nest high in a tree.
See how tiny Trump’s hands seem to be.
Like two wings, he will flap them,
Yet can’t reach to clap them.
“Come see, I can fly, look at me!”
MY TODDLING TOWN PART TWO
I KNOW people CALL me a TEASE
But THIS is real CRU cial, so PLEASE !
Just TAKE my ad VICE
I’ll SAY it real NICE:
“In Chic A go, your ASS will just FREEZE”
Mad. Flawed L3. Please substitute the following:
Like two wings, he will flap them,
Thank you. Byron
*****
From MBK: Done.
WRONG TENSE CORRECTION
Who CARES about E go and ID?
I LEARNED all that CRAP as a KID
So JUST go hog WILD
You’re no LONG er a CHILD
But DON’T tell your MOM (God for BID)
NOT A DUPLICATE (changing “BUT” to “SO”)
In the BED room my “SHTICK” is to TEASE
But my LAST guy? (He JUST couldn’t PLEASE)
So NOW I feel GLAD
Cause I PUT in an AD
For some WILL ing and HOT nomin EES
A minor improvement
Burlesque queen, Lorenza von Tease
Could divest on a flying trapeze.
And her breasts, warmed at heights,
Soaring close to the lights,
Were deliciously cooled in the breeze.
With impeachment our only appease
the Comey tome’s only a tease.
Let’s put down the book
and give Cohen’s files a look.
That’s where we can get all the sleaze!
A shy debutante from Oswego
fell in love with the sailor Tashtego –
part of his appeal
was not being real,
and plus, he didn’t have a big ego
You could HAVE a per PET ual SNEEZE
Or fall DOWN and get BAD bloody KNEES
But on DOC tor’s day OFF
Just STI fle your COUGH
Cause they’re ALL real en GROSSED in their TEES
There was more than a smidgen of sleaze
in our hot drinks campaign in Belize:
the girls of the night –
all the fabric stretched tight –
Remember? That big Teas Tees Tease?
(Yes, I had a President in mind when I wrote this some time back.)
Pride’s Hyde ~
The once was a man of such pride,
That he pushed everybody aside.
A haughty bald-ego
Was his sole amigo.
No Jekyll beneath his thick Hyde.
If we’re working with rhymes about ‘tease’
Then we have to involve a chemise.
But how to import it
I haven’t yet thought it;
P’rhaps I’m lacking the right exper-tease?
If we’re working with rhymes about ‘tease’
Then we have to involve a chemise.
But how to import it
I haven’t yet thought it;
I’m bereft of the right exper-tease.
Fifth line was off. Tut, tut.
A poet who’s rhyming with ‘Tease’
Might have thoughts on including ‘Chemise’.
He could substitute ‘Shift’,
If he’s lacking the gift,
Or take pains to acquire exper-tease.
That works better!
One GIRL I’d in CES santly TEASE
Was Miss “F” who would AL ways get “D’S”
I MEN tioned Pearl HARBOR
And SAID dumb Miss FAR ber:
“What a SHAME for them BOMBED Japan ESE”
“BROOKLYNEESE” (true)
My BUD dy from BROOK lyn I TEASE
When SPEAK ing (his TEACH er a GREES)
Well, SOME of his SKILLS
Just GIVE me the CHILLS
He REAL ly says, “ONES, twos and TREES”
In spite of his manifold pleas,
Arabella continued to tease.
He was raised then knocked back –
Oh, this girl had the knack –
But was never allowed to appease.
In spite of his manifold pleas,
Arabella continued to tease.
She would raise, then knock back –
Oh, this girl had the knack –
Still ignoring his cries to appease.
I might still be pushing my luck; but hey ho, I’m licenced.
If you suffer from courtship dis-ease,
Try observing the birds and the bees.
Whether feral or tame,
They know how to inflame;
Watch them tantalize, tickle and tease.
(this is better)
My BUD dy from Crown HEIGHTS I just TEASE
With his SPEAK ing that WEIRD “Brooklyn EES”
This REAL crazy SPEECH
Is WAY out of REACH
When he MEN tions those “ONE’S two’s and TREES”
I research old age and disease,
But it’s grim, so I joke and I tease.
My new study’s complex;
It involves lots of sex-
agenarian interviewees.
EGO
In PAR is, the HIL ton’s e LITE
But the GIRL with that NAME ain’t so SWEET
She THINKS that she’s GREAT
Just REAL ly first RATE
This CHICK even KISS es her FEET
There’s ONE thing a BOUT the Chin ESE
They SERVE you de LI cious hot TEAS
And ON Christmas DAY
We’ll feel CHEER ful and GAY
For us JEWS they’re real HAP py to PLEASE
PROFESSOR GERMAN
You SPEAK more than ONE language: TRUE
But NE ver give PEO ple a CLUE
Don’t BRAG if you’re BRIGHT
It JUST isn’t RIGHT
So TAKE my ad VICE. Ver STEHST Du?
The WORST kind of WAY you can TEASE
Is SOME one a BOUT their dis EASE
So just KEEP in your MIND
To AL ways be KIND
Now get OUT, you PHLEG my damn SLEAZE !
ANOTHER VERSION:
The WORST kind of WAY you can TEASE
Is SOME one a BOUT their dis EASE
So just KEEP in your MIND
To AL ways be KIND
Now LEAVE, you ven ER eal SLEAZE
Sean Hannity’s turning to mush;
Denials are dropped in a rush.
It’s Cohen he sees
Who can cross all the tees;
The project is called “Honey, hush”.
A BALD ing gal ASKS for a “TEASE”
Her beau TIC ian will TRY hard to PLEASE
Then COMES the “Set SPRAY”
So her HAIR do will STAY
The STYLE is called, “DEEP Freeze Bou QUET”
OOPS !
A BALD ing gal ASKS for a “TEASE”
Her beau TIC ian will TRY hard to PLEASE
Then COMES the “Set SPRAY”
So the HAIR do will STAY
The STYLE is called, “DEEP freeze with FLEAS”
Trump’s ego we view with dismay;
It’s there in his game every day.
Announcers would call:
“He keeps hogging the ball.”
But Me First has only one play.
The Trumpster was feeling so horny
So he called his flame, Ms. Stormy.
He begged, ‘spank me harder oh please.”
“You’ve been a bad boy”” she teased.
She laughed looking at his jewels so scorny.
Hey, Nonnie, Say, Nonnie ~
Anonortwo, in his purview,
Told Anothernon nearby (but who?),
“An ego-celeb
Called Phenomanon said,
‘They’ll remember me, but none of you!’”
We still don’t know anyone’s name,
And now they’re all gone without fame.
They’re the dubuious dead—
All they wrote, all they said,
Has brought none of them fortune or blame.
Peo ple say I am so VAIN
I DO have a HIGH-level BRAIN
My FRIENDS have de PAR ted
I’m SO broken HEART ed
Why IS that? Can some PER son ex PLAIN?
With YOU I will SURE never TEASE
I LOVE when you’re DOWN on your KNEES
Your BOD y’s per FEC tion
I HAVE an e REC tion
Hey SCHMUCK ! Get the HELL out,Oh PUL eese
Some rich folks like elegant teas
With napkins just so on their knees—
But other types still
Take a posture more shrill
And plague us–I mean our chief Sleaze.
THE EGO
The Don exclaimed “Oh Jeeze!”
“This job is such a breeze!”
“I’ll fix this place,
‘Cause I’m the ace!”
“That Mueller’s such a tease!”
My son, in his 2’s, pushing 3’s
Begs me, “Daddy, please help me out, please!
“It’s the AY-BEE-CEE song
“That’s just awfully long!
“I can never get past AR-ESS-TEEs!”
Actually, it’s my grandson, who just turned two. And he’s not singing the song yet. He’s figured out that letters have names and that when you put the letters together they make a word (he adds a few new words each day). But if I stayed with reality I’d either not have a limerick, or I’d have a limerick with lousy meter! Hahaha.
As a lover Don Juan had no peer;
He was feted by dames far and near.
They would scold him, “Don’t tease!
You’re so naughty! Now, please,
Come and focus attention down here!”
“I’m REAL ly not TRY ing to TEASE
So just GIVE me a C-note, Sir, PLEASE
We’ve more CALL girls in TOWN
And I’m START ing to DROWN
Thus, I’ve HAD to in CREASE all my FEES”
My MAIL order BRIDE was Miss ” TEES”
I SURE ly hoped THIS gal would PLEASE
But THEN I had DOUBT
Cause she WAS n’t ” checked OUT”
And ar RIVED with damn WORMS, ticks and FLEAS
I have NO use for “LOVE Match Dot COM”
All I WANT is a DATE for the PROM !
There is NO one, you SEE
Good en OUGH for just ME
So I’ll STAY home with PER fect a PLOMB
If it’s brains that you want, I’m the best;
And my wit far outshines all the rest.
But you’ll soon come to see
What’s the best about me:
I’m so humble. You’ll be quite impressed.
HOOKED ON GOLF
While in VOLVED in my SAL ient TEES
I NO ticed a HEARSE near the TREES
We were MAR ried twelve YEARS
Then she JUST disap PEARS
A MOM ent of SIL ence, Men, PLEASE
A lady by the name of Ms Pease,
Contracted mad bovine disease.
From eating tainted meat,
she now had clovened feet,
And the urge to give her tits a little squeeze.
As a lover Don Juan had no peer;
He was feted by dames far and near.
They would scold him, “Don’t tease!
You’re so naughty! Now, please,
Come and focus your efforts down here!”
this one’s better (hooked on golf)
While in VOLVED in my SAL ient TEES
Moving BY was a HEARSE near the TREES
We were MAR ried twelve YEARS
Then she JUST “disap PEARS”
A MOM ent of SIL ence, Men, PLEASE
“I’m HERE and all REA dy to PLEASE
So WHY are you SUCH a big TEASE?”
“My DEAR, Darling, RUTH
To TELL you the TRUTH:
You SMELL just like LIM burger CHEESE”
Senior Citizen Concerns
We “SEN iors” just LOVE” fancy” TEAS
And go OUT and en JOY the warm BREEZE
But we’re STILL not care FREE
Cause the PROB lem, you SEE:
Is we JUST keep on LOS ing our KEYS
“There is NO one who’s SMART er than ME
And I FEEL that you ALL will a GREE”
“We ALL think you’re DENSE
You JUST have no SENSE
The right PRO noun is “I”, don’t you SEE?
Mad: (previous limerick) Can you please change “can’t ” you see to
“don’t” you see in line five
Thank you
*****
Done.
CORRECTION OF BAD GRAMMAR !!
We SEN iors just LOVE “fancy” TEAS
Es PEC ially IN the warm BREEZE
But we’re STILL not care FREE
The PROB lem, youSEE:
Is we JUST keep on LOS ing our KEYS
NOT A DUPLICATE
There are SOME things a BOUT the Chin ESE:
They SERVE us de LIC ious hot TEAS
And ON Christmas DAY
We feel HAP py and GAY
For us JEWS they’re real EA ger to PLEASE
My “CLI ents” I ZEAL ously TEASE
And I KNOW that I CER tainly “PLEASE”
With his FEET on my HEAD
I ex CLAIMED, “Darling, NED,
With THAT I have NO exper TISE”
A long-winded bore on the shuttle
Introduced himself: “Matthew T. Tuttle.
Remember it, please —
It’s unique, with six T’s.”
Was he teasing? if so, it was subtle.
I REAL ly did NOT want to FIGHT
But I HAD such a TERR ible NIGHT
This CREEP brought me FLOW ers
He TALKED for five HOURS !
I spoke JUST three words (“BYE” and “good” “NIGHT”)
You HAVE an ann OY ing dis EASE
I’s CALLED the” se VERE concei TEES”
You THINK you’re real HOT
Just LIS ten: You’re NOT
By the WAY, every BOD y a GREES
At “THAI Fare” they SERVE yummy TEAS
But my DATE had a CER tain un EASE
She said, “THIS drink tastes OLD
It’s REAL ly quite COLD
Is it CAUSE it was ONCE Siam ESE?”
(get it?)
While GOLF ing with BRAND new white TEES
I got HIT with damn POOP near the TREES
Then I GOT a bad STING
(Put my ARM in a SLING)
No one TOLD me a BOUT birds and BEES
CORRECTION OF METER
People SAY, “She is JUST so damn VAIN”
But I DO have a HIGH- level BRAIN
My FRIENDS have de PAR ted
I’m SO broken HEART ed
Why IS that? Can SOME one ex PLAIN?
There’s nobody smarter than me;
Renowned as no other can be.
Unlike all the rest,
My brain is the best;
Perfection, you’ll have to agree!
TRYING FOR PERFECT METER
My BEN son hurst BUD dy I TEASE
Cause he SPEAKS that real WEIRD “Brooklyn EES”
This KIND of dumb SPEECH
Gets WAY out of REACH
When he MEN tions those ONE’S, two’s and “TREES”
Not Such A Funny Girl
She LIVES in a REAL fancy PLACE
But LOVES herself: WHAT a dis GRACE !
O KAY she can SING
Hey! WHAT’s the big THING?
Let’s ALL throw a PIE in her FACE
At STAR buck’s they SURE mean to PLEASE
The STRESS of your DAY they’ll app EASE
If you JUST cannot THINK
Of what YOU’D like to DRINK
Why not TRY that brand NEW “JavaTEASE?”
(get it?)
(sorry)
AAAH ! the SPRING: I’ts almost MAY !!
Is Chic A go a TTEMP ing to TEASE?
Gee, HERE it’s a “MILD” two de GREES
Now JUST sing a LONG
To our FAV orite SONG:
“Home of BRAVE and the LAND where we FREEZE”
She’d heard the new boss was a “tease”;
He hired those eager to please.
Their interview stalled
When she was appalled
He offered free pads for her knees.
The President’s Lawyer (an acrostic)
Could this bozo be more of a crook?
Only Donald would give him a look.
Honest counsel’s a must.
Even Trump needs that trust,
Not this egomaniacal schnook.
DRIVE UP ORDER
How a BOUT them there ” TWO’S for us TEAS?”
Gee that DOES n’t sound RIGHT,” Miss Lou ISE”!
We’re REAL ly tanked UP
So just GIVE us a CUP
With SU gar and CREAM, will you, PLEASE?
(ego PLUS)
In his REAL ly weird MIND he’s a PRO
He’s the BEST? and all OTH ers “be LOW”
He MAR ried his DAUGH ter
The THINGS that he TAUGHT her
Were the QUIRKS of a REAL Brooklyn SCHMO
(no Mia for Mea)
The dancers – all handsome and thrilling,
Have clients so happy and willing.
With ladies to please
They are more than a tease;
Their job is both hard and fulfilling.
Big Ego? There’s NO one like “RUSH”
His BRAIN is made UP of pure MUSH
He’s “SO” to the RIGHT
Does NOT see the LIGHT
Let’s ALL get to GETH er and “FLUSH”
The de FEN dant was QUITE a big TEASE
Thus, the COURT felt its SAME damn un EASE
“If you COME one more TIME
For a NOTH er damn CRIME
There will BE no more BAR gains of PLEAS”
Last EVE ning I FELT a warm BREEZE
Am I CRA zy, or WAS it a TEASE?
I HEARD a soft HUM
Where DID it come FROM?
I THINK it was” WHIS’pring Lou ISE”
(Maurice Chevalier)
Con CERN ing the WORLD situ A tion
I REAL ly have NO infor MA tion
My E go’s so BIG
Some CALL me a PIG
Why RUIN a su PERB repu TA tion?
(I wonder who)
There WAS a Pro FESS or named “PEEZE”
And ALL of the GIRLS he would “TEASE”
If you WERE a “smart” MISS
And a LLOWED him a KISS
He’d re WARD you with HIGH er de GREES
He orders, “Get down on your knees,
And prove that you know how to please
With your full, ruby lips.
Then let’s finish with whips.”
Oh, that Marquis de Sade’s such a tease!
(Another acrostic)
It’s official – I’m really the best
Deceiver, as Forbes would attest.
In essence, they found
Only holes in my mound;
That “Barron” guy filled in the rest.
In-augur-ation Day
He dismisses the experts (statistical),
And relies on his sycophants (mystical),
Whose tally (“Oh, Mama!
You’ve doubled Obama.”)
Feeds into his needs (egoistical).
A ravishing lass from Belize
Could torment her suitors with ease.
Then out of the blue,
One Prince Charming broke through;
By crossing her eyes with his tease.
Burlesque Queen, Lorenza von Tease,
Was opposed, in all matters, to sleaze.
“Titillation, with taste,
Langoureusement, not in haste,
Is the penchant of true devotees.”
When WRIT ing a SEN tence with “t’s”
Re LAX ,cause you DON’T want to “FREEZE”
Cross them RIGHT at the TOP
No “LOOP”, then just STOP
Get REAL ! Where’s my LAP top, oh, PUL eese !
A MINOR CORRECTION:
When WRIT ing a SEN tence with “t’s”
Re LAX, cause you DON’T want to “FREEZE”
Cross them RIGHT at the TOP
No “LOOP”, then just STOP
Get REAL !! Where’s my LAP top, oh, PLEEZE !!
A drone operator named Lance,
Conducted a whirlwind romance.
His craft, as a tease,
Hovered down by her knees;
Then flew by the seat of her pants.
“Ive Hir ed “Miss NAUGH ty Lou ISE.”
For US she’ll per FORM a Strip TEASE
Crap! I’ve HIR ed King KONG
Just LOOK at that SCHLONG !
Close your EYES; don’t be JEAL ous, guys, PLEASE !!
Mad: above limerick line one:
Instead of “Hey Men, here comes La La Louise ” to
“Ive Hir ed “Miss NAUGH ty Lou ISE”
Thank you…Lisi
(sorry) This is how it should read I have made a few mistakes!!!
I’ve HIR ed “Miss NAUGH ty Lou ISE”
For US she’ll per FORM a strip TEASE
Oh NO, it’s King KONG
Just LOOK at that SCHLONG !
Close your EYES; don’t be JEAL ous, guys, PLEASE
SING ALONG
It’s NICE to have “TWO’S for some TEAS”
And I’d SAY every BOD y a GREES
But he MIGHT ask for CREAM
Which is VE ry ex TREME
So I’ll HAVE just one TEA, if you PLEASE
She had charged him to do a strip tease,
Then again for caresses that please.
The unfortunate part:
She was all a la carte.
He was busted by high add-on fees.
NOT A DUPLICATE: changing line five “sing along”
It’s NICE to have “TWO’S for some TEAS”
And I’d SAY every BOD y a GREES
But he MIGHT ask for CREAM
(Which is VE ry ex TREME)
So I”ll HAVE just one”TEAS”, if you PLEASE
I KNOW that it’s NOT right to TEASE
A PER son who SPEAKS “Brooklyn EESE”
But at “FAN cy Fare THAI”
My DEAR est friend, “DI”
Said I’ll HAVE some there “DEMS,” “dooz”, and” DEES”
Melania – isn’t she great?
I picked such a fabulous mate!
She loves me so much;
With my TV and such,
Her birthday gift just has to wait.
“I Talk To The Trees” From “Paint Your Wagon”
In the GAR den, I” TALK to the TREES”
They ANS wer, “Oh MIS ter Jones, PLEASE:
Just GO get a LIFE
Or FIND a damn WIFE
We’re SER ious, THIS ain’t a TEASE”
1920’s, 1960’s and now
For the CHARL ston, you WORE a ChemISE
With the “LIN dy” your HAIR was a “TEASE”
The DANCE I now DO
Is a “ONE ‘an a TWO
Called “BOO gie for ARTH ritic KNEES”
“You say I”M like your MOTH er, oh, PLEASE !
You’re my HUS band; I’m SICK of your TEASE !
I’m NOTH ing like HER
Just re MEM ber that Sir
Now FIN ish your CAR rots and PEAS”
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is… Limerick-Off Award 296.
Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Bill.