Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: WAVE or WAIVE at the end of any one line
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using WAVE or WAIVE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GRADUATION, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best GRADUATION-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 25, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 24, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
While I’m up on the stage, please don’t wave,
It’s embarrassing. Kindly behave.
I’m not four, five, or six.
No recordings! No pics…
Or say “Bye” to free tix that you crave.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Concerts, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Performances, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Humor, Writing Prompts
Once again, on this page I am first!
Here’s my limerick, quite unrehearsed —
I’ll smile “Hi, Mad!” and wave,
Hoping this is your fave —
But if not, still, your day starts well-versed.
Donald took a young girl to his cave
To become his new sexual slave.
But she kneed him, escaped
Before she was raped.
˝So long, Grabber !” She gave him a wave.
“Global warming’s a hoax!” he would rave.
“You oceans must learn to behave!
Go back!” screamed the grnut,
Just as daft as King Cnut …
He was drowned by the first tidal wave.
Premature burial
They thought he was safe in his grave,
The liar, the traitor, the knave.
But they heard a faint moan,
And the soil was upthrown
As a tiny hand started to wave.
With a wink and a smile and a wave
She could make any guy misbehave.
And she’d always defend
Her attempts to befriend.
“I’m just giving the boys what they crave.”
(Not a limerick – it’s from a current clerihew competition but it seemed appropriate.)
Corbyn, Jeremy,
Said “Theresa May expected to bury me,
But it is I who will dance on her political grave
While giving her the two-finger wave.”
I don’t have a permanent wave,
So where is the straight hair I crave?
Guess it doesn’t matter;
“So pretty!”. guys flatter.
Just their excuse not to behave!
“My rights, I’ve got no need to waive!”
Said Trump in one more Twitter rave.
All he does is lie,
Then real truths, decry.
A bully who just can’t behave.
Those hot broads? Just drive by and wave,
You’re better off now to behave.
Just do it by hand,
Hot fantasy’s grand.
Buy stocks with the money you save.
Rising oceans, a HUGE tidal wave,
Mar-a-Lago, a vast, watery grave.
So climate change, deny,
Greedy, corporate ally!
Just deserts for that sick, bully knave.
Best of luck to the new group of grads!
What a fine bunch of lassies and lads.
May they all have success
As they clean up the mess
That was left by their moms and their dads!
Email address corrected.
The line is a steep graduation
From ‘risqué’ to ‘gross aberration’.
That limit was breached
When the President reached
For a pussy to grab – that’s predation.
Every Brave and his tribe had to waive
All the rights to the land that they’d crave.
So I hope that you see
It’s the land of the free,
But no longer the home of the Brave.
If Trump ever speaks to the nation,
To state how he loves education,
The vacuous coot
Will expect a salute
For his primary school graduation.
“Your Honour,” the President pled,
“I grabbed her, it’s true, where she said.
I thought that she gave
Me a welcoming wave,
But it seems that she just meant ‘Drop dead!’ ”
Now when you’re a queen you must wave
To the mobs of poor suckers who pave
Comfort, wine and jewels
On the path of she who rules.
Also: marry to have babies, then they’ll rave!
The valedictorian’s talk,
That proud “Pomp and Circumstance” walk;
Hooray for the grads!
While mothers and dads
Think “How do we get out of hock?”
There was an old sailor named Dave
Who’d never been near a wave.
He just sat on the pier,
Drinking tankards of beer,
And boasting of the fish that he’d saved.
Correction: second line runs better with “Who’d never been near to a wave.”
Hard-Pressed
With one hand, he scrambles to wave
To the Press (boy, another close shave!)
While he’s hiding his finger —
A real humdinger.
But there’s no reputation to save.
He used up their goodwill long ago:
Daily lies on parade for the slow.
Plus it seems that Sean Spicer
Just couldn’t be nicer!
(Which makes one think twicer.)
“It” must be true, ’cause Trump says so.
Naïve, But Still
I sure wish we’d all graduate
From Acceptance High instead of Hate
Academy. Can’t we
Use (un)common sense, see
Things aren’t great, and it’s getting late…
The Fate of the World Depends…
To the current graduate: Good luck!
May your goals exceed making a quick buck
And we need you to fight
The things Trump claims are right,
All lies: swill, up it comes, like two-buck chuck.
Five years comatose, outlook was grave
Doctors said to his family, “Be brave.”
He awoke! His librarian,
(A quite bitter contrarian)
Levied late fines she just wouldn’t waive
Oh good heavens we just got one more!
Graduation announcements galore!
At last count, twenty three
Will I ever be free
From this card-buying, check-writing chore?
People looked at me with a frown
I wore my traditional cap and gown
I was last in my class
I felt like an ass
‘ Cause my academic costume was up-side-down
He flew by the seat of his pants,
Never studied and blew his last chance
His diploma was yanked
His bright future- it’s tanked
There’s no Pomp in this sad Circumstance
Won’t Catch Him Napping
Our Prez slowly sits up and blinks
Then says, “Thought I’d catch 40 winks.”
How un-Trump-like! he’d bay,
I work nonstop each day!!
We sure wish he’d time out: his “work” stinks.
But he spouts at soiree, graduation,
Blithely touting Trumped That! legislation.
Good grief, can’t he just wave
Bye! “If you don’t behave…”
Toupee imports will drop: ah, salvation.
Mad, I should have used “un-Trump-like”. Can you correct for me?
Thanks very much,
Patrice :)
**************
From Mad: Done.
Fits Him to a T (Apologies to the Transgender Community)
Trump To Leave Office! Nope; wave
Goodbye to that headline (but save!).
Since he lies, can’t the Press?
Donald Seen in a Dress!
Unimpressive: he needed a shave.
Next-Gen Nightmare
Trump’s the Prez now, boy; be brave.
Hold tight to your seat ’cause he’ll waive
Ev’ry non-Rep protection
To match his erection
(It’s quite a selection)
Of laws speeding you to your grave.
Clearly, Our Air’s Getting Thicker
Hip Hip Hooray, Trump’s in off-
Ice! Goodwill (our fingers) to scoff-
Ers. They’ll get a waive —
For now; we won’t save
This country for delicate cough(ers).
(Primary goal: fill those coffers!)
Jason Went A’Roman
He sailed in on a freshening wave
Then saw her, and bowed: I’m your slave.
Venus gazed up, mid, down,
“Kiss the hem of my gown
If you wish — once you’ve had a close shave.”
He said to himself, Thought I’d had one.
She’s a beaut, hanging out here could be fun.
Days and nights trickled past
But he spoke up at last:
Slave was just an expression, love. I’m done
With trav’ling, must get back to Greece
To confirm there’s a large golden fleece
Someplace I’ve never ventured.
V: “Dear, you’re indentured
To me — but go forth now in peace
As each night here, your mighty erection
Was proof of my (cough) fine selection.”
At which Jase rolled his eyes;
Venus looked coyly wise,
Offered Argonauts (leakproof) protection.
[J’s A’s fleeced; condoms thwarted infection :) ]
The commencement speech is so long,
A murmur is heard from the throng.
If this thing would go
Like that 70’s show,
Chuck Barris is banging a gong.
The surfer will wait for a wave;
A spendthrift is likely to save.
Sean Spicer reacts
With alternative facts;
Steve Bannon commutes from his cave.
His diploma is hung on the wall
As he anxiously waits for the call.
Twelve candidates still,
One position to fill:
A department store clerk at the mall.
I gave my Labrador a permanent wave
Immediately she mated with “Collie Dave”
She had so much allure
And was certainly sure
Her fellow doggy friends would simply RAVE!!
I do wish our weather’d behave
The rain washes o’er like a wave
Everything’s wet
And now I bet
I’ll sink down in mud like a grave.
Politicians! Why can’t they behave
And exhibit the honor we crave?
The depths that they reach
Sap my powers of speech.
So I show them my one-finger wave.
Hubby and I worked hard to save
Enough money for a double grave
When we were finally there
He kicked me in the rear
I said, “Next time Dear, when you roll over, just wave”
NOT A DUPLICATE
Hubby and I worked hard to save
Enough money for a double grave
When we GOT THERE
He kicked me in the rear
I said, “Next time Dear, roll over and WAVE”
Congrats to the grads! It’s your day!
Let all that you’ve learned light your way!
Now the world looks to you!
To your own self be true,
On this National Day of Cliché.
It’s About Time We Had Space
Take a breath, here at last — graduation!
Relief and, yes, widespread elation.
It’s cause for cessation
Of former sedation;
Most parents need one long vacation.
Mother worked so hard when she made
A graduation dress of fine brocade
It was just so grand
Now I understand
Why it’s so wonderful to enter first grade
For the Class of 2017
At Commencement in ’79
Coiffed long hair and wide ties made us shine.
Leisure suits were the fad.
Lest you laugh, let me add:
‘Least our President wasn’t a swine.
Mr. Trump was a billionaire knave.
Then departed his posh high rise cave.
Soon he entered the race,
No iota of grace,
We all send him a one-fingered wave.
She’s cute, so I give her a wave,
And smile as I try to look brave.
She winks and waves back,
Then wiggles her rack.
Now I no longer fear she’ll behave.
We ladies threw our “caps” in the air
The participants shouted a very loud cheer!
The men did likewise
Except for the guys
Who were embarrassed ’cause they had no visible hair
There once was a knight who was brave
And he rode on his steed like a wave.
Up and down, up and down,
Bouncing up, down the town
Seeking someone, besides him, to save.
Fred and Diane (No Jack Here)
My good friend from Phoenix is here!
They love Portland, OR and its beer.
Just drove off with a wave
But tonight we’ll all sav-
Or another good dinner with cheer :)
I’ve got my diploma, now what?
I need doors to open, not shut.
The world out there is cruel,
So I’m off to grad school.
Not ready for the salary rut.
The hooker achieved graduation,
And proudly shows johns her citation.
She greets them with “Howdy!
I’m ‘swallow cum laude’
From Las Vegas School of Fellation.”
Then stepped up Senator Jones, “The Creep”
“Commencement” speech at St Philip
It was so boring
Many were snoring
At the end, we all fell asleep
When Donald Trump thought he could wave
James Comey away like a knave,
It worked out so well
That he now gets to tell
His lawyers “My ass you must save!”
The Donald is certain they’ll waive
All the charges against him, though grave.
“Forget prosecution –
Our great Constitution
Means Presidents can’t misbehave.”
This morning, incredibly brave,
I tackle an incoming wave,
And fend off some sharks …
They’re plastic – what larks!
That’s the bath done. And now for my shave.
Now Trump is refusing to save
Our earth from the sun’s early grave.
So dumb, he can’t see
Mar-a-Lago will be
A House with a permanent wave.
Sally got a permanent wave
In a place where some girls actually shave!
When she called Pierre
He said “I’LL BE RIGHT THERE!”
Is this a way for a nun to behave?
There once was a ne’er-do-well knave
Who, conception-wise, had a close shave.
Hence he spawned a new rule:
Put a sheath on your tool
So shenanigans won’t make a wave.
We’re all graduates. Everyone passes!
Though we sleepwalked through all of our classes
As the final bell rings
We’ve not learned any things
Now we’re out in the world – on our asses!
If any of you are familiar with quantum physics:
The electron just wouldn’t behave
They were shocked by the data it gave
Said the scientists, “Shit!
How’d it go through each slit?”
It’s a particle; also a wave.”
I have failed, for I don’t pay attention
To a thing that the teacher would mention
But today, I believe
I’m about to receive
My diploma – and also my pension.
WHAT THE TRUMP?
“Does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er our country, the Home of the Brave?
Is our nation still free?”
Wonders Francis Scott Key
As our forefathers roll in the grave.
ADVICE FOR A COLONOSCOPY
He may have been last in his class,
The one who just managed to pass,
But be careful. Don’t mock
When you visit that doc
With the proctoscope shoved up your ass.
I once was happy that I married Dave
There was a time when he would only wave
But when we had some fish
I had to wash ONE dish
Now I’ve become his blasted slave!!
I remember the June that my dad
Made my mom something far beyond mad,
When he came through the door
With a one-fifty-four-
Pound mastiff — the shelter’s new grad!
There’s a fear that you really should dread
So make sure that your grad dress is red
‘Cause your menstrual pains
Might just end up as stains
It’s too late to use brains when you’ve bled.
You think tampons and pads will all save?
Avoid leaks with a promise they gave?
Your gown’s camouflage glitch
Where blood hides in each stitch
Is a magic wand which you can wave.
When the road workers started to pave
They soon noticed the road had a wave
They could not keep it flat
So they dug and found that
Underneath them they sat on a cave.
They saw folks down there covered in Jell-O
There were two naked gals for each fellow!
As they frolicked about,
It was soon figured out
That the place was, no doubt, a bordello!
Way down south on the coastal plantation,
A big earthquake struck near the foundation
Then a high tidal wave
Washed away ev’ry slave
Far away to a fav’rite location.
Back to THEIR island home – what a quirk!
And their boss washed ashore, the big jerk
Now the slaves had a blast
They’d have karma at last
And they put the old bastard to work!
Now Samson had hair with a wave
Which Delilah the temptress would shave
His strength too, she would sever
Enslave him forever
Her evil he never forgave.
S.S. Minnow was crashed by a wave
With its future that no one could save.
Well, at least they hit land
On a beach full of sand
Where they’ll always be tanned, but can’t shave.
I earn minimum wage, maybe lower
I work fast while the others are slower
Well, my rights I won’t waive
Just to be a damn slave
Think I’ll now be a brave whistleblower.
The valedictorian spoke
And some snoring her speech did evoke
So that chick pulled a trick
Stripped her clothes off real slick
Then the audience quickly awoke.
Ev’ry time that I’m kissed by a knave
He knows naught of my beards that I shave
If he found out, he’d shit
Or fly into a fit
Or he’d feel he was hit by a wave.
Through the air came a radio wave
Spread some joy with the songs that I crave
Oh, but then came the news
Which just gave me the blues
So I’ll go drink some booze in my cave.
Holly Would [Holli in the film Cool World, 1992]
Rising starlet vamped during her stroll
Along the red carpet: cams roll.
Left and right, smile, big wave;
Bent: heard gasps as she gave
Folks an eyeful. Which end? Both! She stole
The limelight from (oops!) her producer,
A vindictive lecher called Brucer.
It was hard to believe,
One could scarcely conceive…
But she did (all her gowns now fit looser).
Dreams Broken Here
Buck rode in, astride his Big Wave,
Wife hustling beside (busty Mav-
Is): each angling for fame,
Cash, “They’ll soon know my name!”
No. L.A.: you’ll get less than you gave.
Days of Whine and Poses
I’m so tired of “news” about Trump;
Can’t we dump the chump flat on his rump?
White House: look, a big wave
Washed him out! Reps look grave
But McCain is no longer a grump.
He’d come on to her hard at the rave
When she’d flashed him a wink and a wave.
But he started to freak
When they danced cheek to cheek
‘Cause the “gal” was in need of a shave.
Today should be happy, not sad;
You gained a lot more than you had.
Hard lessons were learned
For the title you’ve earned:
A Trump University grad!
Not Quite What They Had in Mind aka Why, Son?
Jim, a small-town boy from the Midwest,
Put those post-football skills to the test.
City: grinds with a wave
As a pole-dancing “slave” –
Earns “big” wages, as parents thought best.
His long beard had the kinkiest wave
And his wife asked, “Dear, why don’t you shave?”
At least use some shampoo
To remove all the goo
No more nooky if you don’t behave!”
Graduation’s here; what will come next?
Don’t just play ’round with Twitter or text
As tuition debts come
Being jobless, a bum
Could be leaving you somewhat perplexed!
Grave Error
Midnight tolled. He sat up in his coffin.
The lads ran when they heard loud, hoarse coughin’.
Glancing back at the grave,
Heard him rave, saw him wave:
“I still live! Never scoff at a boffin!”
He arose from his grave wreathed in smiles,
Shouting after them, “Pssst, Seven Dials!
Change your ways, leave the gang,
Or you’ll both surely hang!”
Then limped home with a mild case of piles.
(“Escape Death: Magic!” still in his files.)
Is There Any Other Kind?
The neighborhood kids were in danger
From the local (deranged) Loan Arranger.
He’d stroll by with a wave,
Make arrangements to “save”
Kiddies cents. Yep, Grave (Non-Stranger) Danger.
Just Beachy
He wiped out while braving a wave.
Rolled eyes: why’d she bother to shave?
It was small consolation
He felt consternation
Amidst their vacation enclave.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 280.
Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the GRADUATION-Themed Limerick Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Train.