Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: KNOW or NO at the end of any one line
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using KNOW or NO at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BULLIES, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BULLYING-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 11, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 10, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
There are folks who just go with the flow,
While others perversely say “No,”
Without thinking things through.
A third option to rue:
Eeny meeny and miny and moe.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Decision Humor, Decision Making, Indecisiveness Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
“Bear and nurse; wash and clean; cook and sew;
Never let your intelligence show” —
If, like me, you would hate
This dystopian fate,
Don’t be bullied! Stand up and say “No!”
The guy wanted to give it a go,
Wouldn’t listen when she told him no.
Really wanted to play
So he soon had his way.
Now she’s sporting that telltale glow.
It’s my birthday! Tra-la and heigh-ho!
Down the path of indulgence I go!
So you think that more cake
Is a fateful mistake?
Pass the ice cream! I don’t want to know!
As the B.S. continues to flow,
The Trump scandals continue to grow.
They just won’t go away.
Something new every day.
Will it ever end? Damned if I know!
Melania’s Revenge: An Earnestly Desired Fantasy
Said Melania to Donald, “You hound!
So you thought you could boss me around?
Well, each dog has its day;
Bullies’ feet are of clay;
I went looking — and see what I found:
You’re a traitor! Oh, how did you dare?
Now get out! Pack your things! The door’s there!”
“But… but… where will I go?”
She replied, “I don’t know —
And frankly, my dear, I don’t care.”
(Double)
Most bullies are cowards, you know,
And ‘The Grabber’ is just such a schmoe.
When he’s grabbed by the balls,
How he blubbers and squalls!
“Oh, that hurts! It’s not fair! Lemme go!”
To Trump and his crew, I say, “NO!”
What’s right and just, I won’t forego.
I despise all you do,
Love the country, you screw.
I resist, organize, and shout, “WHOA!”
(Bertie Wooster confides)
When Fate strikes a terrible blow,
I call Jeeves – he’s my man, don’t you know –
And the problem retreats.
All that fish that he eats
Gives his brain a remarkable glow.
A man that I swear I don’t know
Caused a lot of real trouble and so,
They sent in James Bond
And a beautiful blonde
I said, “No, I don’t know Doctor No.”
This last one is an update. I realized this would scan better. But I can’t delete the older version here.
****
From MBK: I deleted your earlier version. Thanks.
The food-canning factory’s chief
Was a bully beyond all belief.
When he fell in the chopper,
They thought it quite proper
To sell him as “canned bully beef”.
In Japan it’s pronounced E-zhe-may.
But you know what I’m trying to say.
Your bully in school
Is really not cool
And he might be the President some day!
Amended version.
A man in a false volcano
Caused a lot of real trouble and so,
They sent in James Bond
And a beautiful blonde
Who were able to beat Doctor No.
Final version. I’m starting over after this.
A man with a fake hand and toe
Caused a lot of real trouble and so,
They sent in James Bond
And a beautiful blonde
Who were able to beat Doctor No.
EDITED
Wish the PM had loudly yelled, “NO!”
Stood his ground and just hollered, “Hey, WHOA!”
When Trump shoved him aside,
That we cannot abide,
Great respect we demand and we show.
AND final edit:
All we women just want you to know,
Saying, “NO!” means desist, stop, and “WHOA!”
It’s not all about you,
And what you want to do.
You’re a bully, and we’re not your ho!
What is the Sound of One Hand Slapping?
His depression had started to grow
As her answer was Hell to the No!
The Commander-In-Chief
Had desired to debrief,
But the FLOTUS’ face wasn’t aglow!
The Pirate ship rocked to and fro
And the Pirates all sang”yo ho ho”
As the Captain poured rum,
He said, “tho you’re all scum,
I love you ” I want you to know”.
(an old one …)
Said the co-ed, “It’s true that I’m slow
To learn skills that I really should know.
But with good education,
My Prof for Fellation
Is getting me there, blow by blow.”
In the Cards?
As a harassing, bullying lout,
It’s long past time we called him out.
Trump: this(!) spade is a spade
And as Prez, overpaid
For his cardinal grin, there’s no doubt.
Not That We Know Of
It seems there’s a dubious rumor
Trump’s capable of frat-boy humor.
Creds puffed, touted, rules flouted;
But at least no Boy Scout-ed.
I sure wish, as Prez, he could do more
Yet I don’t think his reach is that high.
Some foresaw he’d be Eye for an Eye;
His thought process is coarse,
He keeps “friends” through fear/force –
Will we miss him? Umm…just say Buh-Bye.
I’ve Got the Notion That the Nation Won’t Approve
Newsflash: Trump has received papal nod!
Thus the US, en masse, should applaud
As if he were God (no),
And therefore unflawed (no).
That’s heresy! Plus, rather odd.
Bully For You
He wants everybody to know
That in Rome, the Pope went with the flow:
He admired female clothing!
(Despite secret loathing?
And wished Trump et famille would soon go.)
But T-man got the big papal nod,
Now he wants all of us to applaud
His ascension: he’s God?
That’s odd. If so, a shod-
Dy one! I’m not awed, ‘cause he’s (so) flawed.
Delusions of Candor, aka Lost in the Matrix
Just like you, I’m a humble man, Pope:
People can, in us both, put their hope!
Got my spot, Montenegro?
Move aside: Let the world know
I’m The One! (Cue: impeachment, or rope.)
Dumb Bull: Door! (Apologies to J. K. Rowling: no scowling or howling :) )
Go, Trump, Go! What the he**: No, please, no!
(One-syll. words give me the urge to go
To the can, in steady diet.
Whee, two syllables, just try it!)
It’s clear the Orange One will never know
What it’s like to be hungry or cold
Though he mouths the word poverty. Bold
Move! How I want to cringe,
Knowing on him may hinge
Sheer survival. Lord, let me grow old
In a land with a much better president
Where I can be proud as a resident –
And hard issues are tackled,
The truth isn’t shackled…
Though we’ve now set a grave sitting precedent.
Junie Moon for President (Vote for My Cat)
Oh, what a feline! I know
Her brain’s bigger than Trump’s (hers might grow).
Meow, (cat) food for all!
Declared in her White Hall,
Her choices far more apropos.
She’d calmly move into the White House,
Bat questions around like her plush mouse
Then make a decision
Not met with derision;
Opponents, cold water would douse.
As her aide, I’d be most understanding,
Tossing balls, fabric mice on the landing.
We cast out Autocratic,
Now in charge, DemoCatic :)
What we need: tough love, kind but demanding.
Since a cat’d run this country much better,
We assume he’s submitting his letter:
Resign, Trump! Don’t whine,
Junie Moon will be fine
With VP Hillary: don’t forget her!
I knew a man named “Stubby Joe”
When asked for a date I always said “No”
One day he was found
Lying in the ground
With a nasty inflexible cemented toe
Making dresses is what I know
Mama taught me long ago
In her eyes
The clothes were a “prize”
But others said, “They were just sew sew”
When I first met Joe, he told me “No
I will not remove my new chapeau”
He had no hair
I didn’t care
He’s now my true love and bald-headed beau
What is the Sound of One Hand Slapping?
His depression had started to grow
As the FLOTUS’ face wasn’t aglow.
The Commander-In-Chief
Had desired to debrief,
But her answer was Hell to the No!
Passed It On in Los Angeles
A bully girl ruled at my grade school:
Big, not too bright, loud, yet no fool.
You could try to ignore her
But most days she’d roar, her
Feared minions near: they weren’t as cool
As they thought, but no one could deny
Irene B. had an e’er-questing eye
For those who’d escape her,
Or worse yet, dare caper
On her stage! You’d stutter and lie
If confronted. We had a great teacher
In sixth grade, but he couldn’t reach her.
When Irene raised that fist,
Bellowed, yep, she was pissed!
You’ll be missed, but could hope for a preacher.
By junior high, her reign had ended,
Too large a turf to be defended.
High school: now I’m taller,
Once saw her (looked smaller) –
Old memories seemed to be mended.
Years pass; one day I board a city bus.
I’s insipid stooge Laura had seemed a wuss;
Staring eyes and fixed smile
Speared me all down that aisle
(Entire ride, all the while…)
Sometimes, we can’t spot evil in front of us.
Now some are really in the know.
They line up their ducks in a row.
They aim and then fire
Off news on the wire.
That’s how fake news hides the down low.
When she’s feeling very down low
She says, “I hate being a ho!”
When johns treat her right
And she’s busy all night,
She’ll admit it’s all about cash flow.
We kids watched movies in the back row.
We went there for more than the show.
We’d writhe and wiggle
And smooch and giggle
And hope no adult was there who would know.
Health Over Wealth
It’d be nice to be rolling in dough
But would my behavior turn low?
Start huge rows with close friends
With no need for amends:
Just buy new ones!…I truly don’t know.
I like to think I’m a good person,
Albeit friends live with my versin’.
But through others’ eyes
One can get a surprise,
Which explains all our (infrequent) cursin’.
Olympus: Trouble’s Brewing
“Oh, Jupey, let’s put on a show!”
She simpered. {Please, don’t Juno, no…}
“That haughty thing, Venus,
Will envy your penis:
That’s if you can get it to grow.”
He rolled his eyes. How’d he get stuck
With such a wife? Of all the luck :(
But in the fridge, Mars
Bars lined up in jars
Offered solace (each cost just a buck).
Then came a knock at the front door:
{I don’t think I can take any more.}
Jupe: “Who’s out there skulkin’?”
It’s me, your son, Vulcan.
“Come in, dear, we both can ignore
Your father. Lately, he’s so boring;
Spreading gloom, that is, when he’s not roaring.”
Flash: party, week later:
All witnessed the pater
Eye Venus then drop his head, snoring.
Vulc took the stage, banged heavy metal;
Mars clanged his spears, in finest fettle.
Their mom grinned, clapped, fish-eyed
Lovely V to her side.
Jupe resettled, sighed, blew off a petal.
Bully For Him: A Stretch :)
Escapee! All night, he’d been cooped.
Bud had a nice run and then pooped;
Caught a sudden, good whiff –
Felt himself growing stiff.
Then the bitch ran away :( His tail drooped.
We’ve all seen the new word in his flow —
But pronounce it? Now, how would that go?
“Kov-FEE-fee”? Too long!
And “kov-FEEF” just sounds wrong…
Inquiring minds want to know!
Bull(dogg)y
It’s not that I mean to be rough —
But you just haven’t walked me enough;
So (step 1) I will crouch
Near your head on the couch,
Poke my nose in your ear, and go “WUFF!”
Didn’t work? Fine! (Step 2) I will go
Stand in front of the screen door, just so;
Then I’ll burst through the screen
Like a well-oiled machine —
Coming with? I don’t think you’ll say “No!”
Oh, when will the other shoe drop?
And all of this nonsense just stop?
Oh, yes, when will we know
Trump’s dog and pony show
Has all been just a big crop?
Potus puts on a great show.
Got all of his ducks in a row.
When troubles arise,
“It’s those other guys!
Or could be Hillary, you know.”
The creek in our woods couldn’t flow;
It backed up, causing all kinds of woe.
Why must beavers all strain
To cause this kind of pain?
The answer: I’m dammed if I know.
There is something we all should know
I thought I had an honest beau
But he stole a “mil”;
Had an exhilarating thrill
Then they made him CEO
Tormenting Their Keeper
I tell my cats no – do they listen?
The counter continues to glisten:
Small drops. Should I worry?
Wiped up in a hurry,
Yet all litter pans have been pissed in.
Hey mom, we have to go somewhere!
We bypass your chair, and your hair
In the midst of the night.
We could give you a fright,
But we don’t!…umm, check your underwear.
Babysitter’s Joy, aka Zoo Boy
He really could use a bath (No!)
While the number of toys out would grow…
Time for bed soon, young man!
Waaah!! and downstairs he ran;
My enthusiasm’s starting to show.
His parents, out at the theatre,
Thought dinner (late) after’d be great – er,
Have you no heart, or pity?
You’re free in the city,
While I wrestle your small Al(ligator).
[He’ll become a superb legislator.]
There is something you need to know
I’ve found myself another beau
The wedding is off
I’m marrying a toff
Better bred, with a lot more dough
Here’s something the world needs to know:
Trump’s bluster is nothing but show.
Each one of his bleats
Comes from watching repeats
Of Larry and Curly and Moe.
A traveling salesman named Bo
Cruised the bar for an hour or so.
With prospects so light,
His companion that night
Has an air valve and never says “No”.
I know a young man named Jabez
Who’s a bully and liar. He says
All non-white people suck.
He is such a huge schmuck
That I fear that one day he’ll be Prez.
Earl figured he’d rough up a guy
Who seemed rather quiet and shy.
But testing an ace
From the martial-arts place
Left him blinking with one working eye.
NOT A DUPLICATE
There is something wrongful that people should know
I thought I had an honest beau
But he stole a “mil”
And felt a thrill
Now he’s been promoted to CEO!!
When golfing I dress like a pro
I tee off and watch the ball go
Too often it seems
Others hear my screams
Either ” fore” or “oh my God,no!”
High-Wire Act? Piece of Cake
Keeping up daily’s often exhausting.
Tech’s our new god, but what is that costing?
“They” all say what you know,
Life’s uncertain – so go
Take a break for some cake, extra frosting :)
Reality is not always keen
To be kind to the things that I dream
Carnal knowledge I know
With a “Yes”or a “No”
Decide if it is creme de la creme
Manglish
Someday (don’t hold your breath) Prince will come
Back! Confusing: these phrases sound dumb.
Pie in eye ~ how’s that go?
Poke in sky ~ pigs, nice! (no.)
Westward Yo Ho, a bottle of rum.
[Just rethought this: can you pass me some?]
Asked my Doc “Why does my hair grow
In places I’d rather not show?
Out of my nose and ears
‘Stead of head these late years?”
Said the Doctor “effed if I know”
Outer-Space Case
Tech’s our master, and each new disaster
Tests our spirits; life moves ever faster.
If we faced what we know,
Into Space we might go
Where Creation and Science merge, vaster :)
I’ve been watching folks come out in force
And repeat till they’re red-eyed and hoarse:
“I had no way to know
Just how low he could go!” —
Epidemic of voter’s remorse.
Surge-ee-oh!
She eyed closet: old clothes I should purge.
He eyed bosom: I’m right on the verge
Of grabbing your you-know…
Me too, baby, let’s go!
Pair coupled, indulged urge to merge.
Wall Street Can Be Sweet: Bull(y) Market
We should merge while the market is surging…
She eyed him up: I don’t need urging
To take both your offers,
Enriching our coffers
And verging on purging by merging.
8 Isn’t Late, So 9 Should Be Fine
‘Twas your habit to procrastinate.
Why be early when you can be late?
So you lost your job (No!)
To an early-bird Joe.
Ex-co-workers called it TardyGate.
The children cry, “Let it snow!
No school, the whole day to blow!”
So we slide down the hills.
We’ve all made out our wills.
Here in Frisco with snow–what dya know?
I’m emphatic’ly telling him no
That Cheetohead moron can blow
Me from here to Covfefe
The most hated jefe
Has definitely got to go.
I’ve just celebrated my big 8-0 !
And there are many things I just don’t know
Is it May or is it December?
I really can’t seem to remember
But I’m aware of what happened 5 minutes ago
Mating? See, Son…
He took one look – leered, Baby, let’s go
Someplace you can show me what you know!
She glanced up: Though you’re breathin’,
You come off as a heathen
Whose pick-up line’s hit a new low.
Are DeFeet Sweet?
They met by her car on the shoulder
Of a road not too far outside Boulder.
She was young, cute, but best,
Her bare feet passed the test :)
He smiled, “Service is free if you’re older
Than you look: do you have far to go?”
“Not tonight. I wear 8s; bet you know
Of a good place to eat
And a quiet retreat
Where a girl can get more than a tow.”
They both smiled, minds in perfect accord
‘Cause with fetishes, one’s rarely bored.
Hours later, fed, sated
(‘Nilla sex: overrated)
Toetruck driver and Fair softly snored.
Genealogists happen to be
Looking into a family tree.
Gynecologists, though,
As I think you should know,
Look at family bush, don’t you see.
A masseuse (who hates women) named Joe
Works real hard on massages, and so
It should be no surprise
When I say that this guy’s
The misogynist person I know.
Accidentally I overheard
‘Bout some epithets I had incurred
By some folks who I know.
And I guess it is so
Because Kirk is a four letter word.
Some sightseeing sites tour guides show
In Paris, while out on the go:
Eiffel Tower, a must,
And the Louvre are just
A Pair o’ sights Paris-ites know.
The question: “Where’s love in the arts?”
The answer this lim’rick imparts.
It is heart, don’t you know,
As your feelings should show.
It’s the middle five letters of “the arts.”
There’s a Kansan, a gambler, a pro.
To Las Vegas he’ll frequently go.
He consistently wins,
So he constantly grins.
He’s the Wizard of Odds, don’t you know.
In the news, there were observations
About bullies. The revelations
Were not as predicted,
Left experts conflicted
Because thugs beat their expectations.
Oh, the terrible things that he’s said!
They could cost him his job — or his head!
But the Times seems to know
How to end this sad show:
“Stop tweeting and go back to bed.”
Stop Tweeting
Multiple Me’s, Please
If I’d known what I knew and still know,
I just might have chosen to go
Overseas, dance, take chances
On careers and romances.
But I have a great life, although
At times I long for something foreign;
To live to the hilt, nothing borin’!
Then I think of my chair,
Cats and books waiting there,
All the memories I have been storin’.
R. Frost REphrased: one’s life is a highway —
Exit taken leaves unexplored byway
And so many of those!
Went where, did what I chose…
Gratitude! that this life’s been lived MY way.
Book My Flight, aka Will It Dawn On You?
Stegosaurus flees T. Rex, stomp! prowling;
Courtroom battle, judge, jury all scowling.
I sit rapt in my chair
Worlds away, ’cause I’m there:
Zero temps, snow, far-off creatures howling.
I’m so thankful that I love to read;
Between pages is just what I need.
This time, where shall I go?
With an author I know?
Hope’s eternal: be good, book, I plead!
The vast lands of ImagiNation
Require little substantiation.
By page two, I’m engrossed
(Feed cats; don’t burn the toast).
Precious book, a most noble creation.
There’s an alien out on the lawn!
If you don’t look now, it will be gone.
A new autobiography,
Coffee-table photography…
Six a.m. again?! Stifle a yawn :)
(The husband stares: Haven’t you gone
To bed yet? Snap: Look up, it’s Ron!
I blink, feeling most put upon…
That night, read and repeat: oops, it’s dawn.)
We, as bakers of bread, have agreed
That the following phrase is our creed:
It’s in needing to know
What to do with our dough
We would not without knowing to knead.
Times are tough for us butchers, you know;
I beef because trade is so slow.
But the man who sells beans
Still has plenty of greens,
And the baker is rolling in dough.
(another old one …)
Said Dorothy Parker, “Ho, ho!
It doesn’t surprise me to know
That the girls at the Prom,
With their usual aplomb,
Have been laid end-to-end in a row.
Performing with symphony strings
In discomfort an itch often brings,
He scratched with his bow
Thinking no one would know;
But zippers are weird-sounding things.
Something every girl should know
On a date be sexy and give him a “show”
If you’re smart
You’ll hold in your fart
When you get home, just unwind and BLOW
When old Noah brought creatures, in pairs,
On the Ark; sent the rabbits upstairs.
So that he’d always know
That it’s still status quo;
But I guess that’s just like splitting hares [sic]
I’ll tell you why I now say “no”
To my “ex” boyfriend Steven Joe
He would pant and pant
But then say “I can’t”
He just didn’t have any get up and go
NOT A DUPLICATE: SYLLABLE CORRECTION
I’ll tell you why I now say, “no”
To my “ex” boyfriend Steven Joe
He would pant and pant
But then say, “I can’t”
He just didn’t have get up and go
NOT A DUPLICATE
I’ve just celebrated my BIG 9-0!!
And there are certain things I just don’t know
Is it May or is it December?
I really can’t remember
But I do know what happened 30 YEARS AGO!!
Raw hamburger’s scary, we know,
But booze is bacteria’s foe
So cook it right through
On a grill or in stew
And consume with a pint of merlot.
When mixing your flour into dough,
That batter is poison, you know.
I don’t lick the bowl, I
Won’t risk that E. coli –
Raw flour’s where those deadly germs grow.
Not about bullyING exactly, but…
We’ve a ski run that’s called Woolly Bully;
I haven’t explored it quite fully;
I’m afraid if I fall
Off the edge, then to haul
Me back up would take rope and a pulley.
There are bullies in every school
And each victim is played like a fool
Beat the bullies’ big asses
Till they release gases
Before starting classes – new rule!
If you’re a mean thug, you know fully
You deserve to be hung by a pulley
Until you get edgy
From getting a wedgie
Then sit like a veggie, you bully!
Don’t propose where big crowds like to go
Turn it into a big, bragging show
You’re not using your head
And you’ll wish you were dead
If she shuns being wed, and says, “No!”
In the mountains, they drove through the snow
Then got stuck even though they went slow
As they strive to survive
Even this four-wheel drive
Won’t get them out alive, don’t you know?!
“I’ve a plan!” he told her with a glow
“Let’s make love till the embers burn slow!”
So, in animal fashion
They let loose their passion
Till snow melted, splashing below.
They made it back to the chateau
Celebrated by drinking Bordeaux
Then, when taking a shower,
Rekindled the power
What they did an hour ago!
Birth control’s underrated quite low
So you want the curse (monthly) to flow
How bad can your day be
When asked, “Is a baby
Soon coming?” “Nah, maybe, don’t know!”
Two in One
All bullies have secrets, you know
Which they do their damn best not to show
Insecurity reigns
From their deep-seated pains
Lacking love, lacking brains, lacking dough.
Two in One (again)
There’s a bully, all orange aglow
He just thinks he’s the star of the show
He will soon lose his fame
If he keeps up that game
And I won’t say his name, ’cause you know!
Two in One (yet again, geez!)
When a husband’s abusive, you’ll know
He’s a schmuck, a schlemiel, and a schmoe
With some help, you’ll achieve
A great plan up your sleeve
When he’s out, pack and leave, girl, just go!
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is… Limerick-Off Award 279.
Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Bully-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Wave.