Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: COP at the end of any one line
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using COP at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to the blues, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best blues-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on January 22, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 21, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
“I’m compelled to write lim’ricks. Can’t stop!
“I keep popping out rhymes till I drop.
“When I drive they continue
“To spew from each sinew…”
“What a screwball excuse!” said the cop.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Addiction Humor, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Music, Obsession Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Rhyming Humor, Rhyming Obsession, The Blues, Writing & Publishing Humor, Writing Prompts
Here’s one I wrote a few years ago:
A criminal’s kill count increased
In an area strongly policed
Since he, hearing the cop
As he hollered out “Stop!”
Did not cease or desist, he’s deceased.
There once was a frisky old fop
For a whore he decided to shop
So this horny old heel
First tried copping a feel
‘Til he found he was feeling a cop.
‘Twas a fight that he knew he would lose
On his eye he is boasting a bruise
So I feel for this fellow
Although he’s not yellow
He’s feeling the blacks and the blues.
I’m feeling quite down in the dumps
American voters are chumps
So in 2020
(Four years will be plenty)
Please don’t elect any more Trumps.
Oakland’s picked a brand new top
Cop.
Hope she can make all gang crime stop.
But the D A says, “oh well,
They sit in prison a spell,
It’s so cruel!” Out the weasel does pop.
The blonde was patrolling the shop.
“Police!” she cried.”Hey, mister, stop!
You’re under arrest
For stealing a vest.”
“Ya got me,” he said, “a fair cop.”
The Donald is eager to cop
A quick feel. Do you think he will stop
Once he’s Prez? With a crop
Of young interns who’ll bop,
He’ll enjoy all the sweets in the shop.
(an old one revised)
The hooker decided to troll
For a customer out for a stroll,
But the guy was a cop,
So he got a free pop.
In return, he won’t bust her parole.
The Republicans used to be blue
And the Democrats red. So what’s new?
With the Democrats dead
And Republicans red,
We are all feeling blue through and through.
Got stopped by a Limerick cop.
“Your license I fear I must lop.
I can see you’ve been striving,
But now? Careless driving
You left off the fourth line’s full stop.”
Sergeant Clancy, the neighborhood cop
Rode a horse that went “clippety-clop.”
But the horse went too far
And got hit by a car.
The poor steed never learned how to stop!
If you suffer sometimes from the blues
Don’t try drugs, promiscuity, booze.
Take a tip from my wife:
For those low points in life,
Nothing helps like a new pair of shoes.
With fright-wingers spouting their views,
I’m backing away from the news.
At least I can boast
I’m on the left coast;
‘Cause red states just give me the blues.
The report on the rookie said “DROP.
He is strangely reluctant to pop
Any innocent blacks.
We believe that he lacks
What it takes to become a good cop.”
Car 54, we need a cop!
Big Blkyn fight, that just won’t stop!
A Harlem traffic jam.
All the way to Queens! Damn!
Find missing kid; give lollypop!
It seems we need more than a cop
To see Trump’s HUGE plans and yell, “STOP!”.
Headed for disaster,
Moving even faster.
For us to survive, he must flop.
My favorite color is blue,
For gloves, or a hat, or a shoe.
Or sweater, or dress.
And I must confess,
My hair is now streaked with blue, too.
The creep just passed on the right,
He cut me off, gave me a fright!
Wish I were a cop,
I’d make that guy stop!
And ticket him, what a delight!
A guy cut me off with his pass,
His action was dangerous; crass.
Wish I were a cop,
I’d make that guy stop,
And gleefully ticket his ass.
There’s a piece that I cannot sit through:
Gershwin’s ‘Rhapsody’ I must eschew.
I’d have liked it, I think,
In Yellow or Pink,
But why did he write it in Blue?
All my life, fate has thrown me the screws.
All that helps now is drugs, broads, and booze.
Don’t get up before noon;
Drift saloon to saloon.
I sure got me them old 12-bar blues.
Little bars where the band plays the blues
Are a great place to drink or just schmooze.
But if you’re gonna drive
And get back home alive,
You had better go light on the booze.
(a Limerick of a darker color)
His Was the Smallest Role ~
Watched a movie that ends with a Cop,
And a broken man who had to stop
A lynch mob, and he knew
Just what he had to do.
’39 Mice and Men, you can’t top.
The chorus line girls go—they gallop!
Their legs swing high,then kerplop!
They dance to a tune
That maybe, quite soon,
Will get all the johns stopped by a cop.
He moaned and he groaned when he lost
He knew what all his campaign had cost.
He sang the Hilary blues
About paying party dues.
But an old Red just does as he’s bossed.
A limerick’s not like the Blues
No, a limerick’s not…… I can’t use
The same words for line two
As line one. If I do
It’s a ruse Mad won’t choose to excuse.
While selling my lucrative crop,
A policeman enjoined me to stop.
“Sure, I know it’s legit,
But you soon won’t have shit,
And I must be off duty to cop.”
Well, it seems my once faithful muse
Has decided now to abuse
This kindly old scribe,
Who cannot describe
How that babe left me singing the blues.
(Re-submitting with a slight change to line 4)
A broom and his buddy, a mop
Decided that all crime should stop
The broom did quiet well
Swept out crim’nals pell mell
But the mop was a flop as a cop.
The spastic and oft drunk old yegg
Now cannot crack even an egg.
His one friend’s a cop
Who’s really a slop,
But he’ll buy him beer should he beg.
(Final reworking, I hope)
A broom and his buddy, a mop
Decided that all crime should stop
The broom did quite well
Swept out felons pell mell
But the mop was a flop as a cop.
(I’ve been called to Jury Duty – my 8th time – in January)
Who Ya Gonna Blame? ~
Throughout history, crime never stops,
And who do we call on? The Cops.
Trial by Jury Duty
Makes most of us moody:
We’re guilty if justice flip-flops.
For thousands of years the Jews
Have worn out their traveling shoes
Always being chased
From this to that place
Sure gave them the Vagabond Blues.
Watch out while driving for a fake cop.
They flag cars down and do a total fake stop.
The badge they flash is fake.
They’re simply on the make.
But when they’re done, it’s cash that they want, Pop!
A dog’s dinner
“I admit that I’m dying to cop
A large chunk of my master’s lamb chop.
Well, who’d want to nibble
This dreary old kibble?
Perhaps he’d be willing to swap.”
Recklessly, OJ had finally shaken the cops,
now he was driving to the next stop…
and there, still on the ground
just waiting to be found,
the small glove he had ‘accidentally dropped’!
Do you think that there’s never a cop
Nearby when you need one? Well, stop.
‘Cause it’s simply not true.
You just need to look through
The front door to your town’s doughnut shop.
A new method for music you choose:
“Alexa, now play me some Blues…”
The Echo Dot fits
In one of your mitts;
And shines while you shuffle your shoes.
Well if it should be that I lose
I may well be singing the blues
Even so, let me state
I’m accepting my fate
For it’s left up to Madeleine to choose.
Some people will say that I’m ‘sad’
Winter blues I get really bad
Birds get to migrate
I just hibernate
Cocooned in my warm cosy pad
“Did you see that red light?” asked the cop.
As he watched me from leg to leg hop.
“Dude, I gotta go pee.
If you don’t excuse me
now I think that my bladder will pop!”
Acrostic:
On Election Day, many were blue.
But take comfort, for this is what’s true:
Although Donald’s an ass,
Mr. O’s act is class
And he’s shown what a good man can do.
Maloney, our neighborhood cop,
Is always around when we shop.
His daily routine
Has him there at the scene;
Right next to the cannabis shop.
There once was a dragon to stop
And a knight who was judge-jury-cop
And a damsel so fair
You could smell her blonde hair
Over there where sweet dreams rise and pop.
The work is depressing at zoos,
So I often go home with the blues.
And it’s getting more bleak,
For example, last week,
We received really terrible gnus.
In tight spots call out tough Irish cops.
It’s no good with cops who are wops.
Italians, I’m told
Are never as bold
As a mick whose mum made him be tops
This election was horrible news;
Forefathers are singing the blues.
Here’s what transpired:
That numb-nuts was hired
So Putin can tighten the screws.
I once went on a date with a cop
Who’d a penchant for women on top
But when his truncheon
Failed to function
You could say the whole thing was a flop
Of all of her kinks, this was top:
Undressing and frisking a cop.
She had got a raw deal,
When a cop ‘Copped a Feel,’
So for HIM she’ll be using a crop.
The car sped, jabbed through lanes like a knife
An act foolishly risking one’s life
With lights flashing, the cop
Finally made that car stop
But it turned out to be his own wife!
Police stopped him, much to his chagrin
Found his wife in the trunk, mean as sin
She was bitching nonstop
Till the frustrated cop
Just decided to drop her back in!
I poured sodium chloride on top
Of policemen. They told me to stop.
I did; got arrested.
I’m really detested
By my friends for assaulting a cop.
We were passing a football in grass
By the side of the highway. Alas,
A patrolman did stop;
Gave a ticket. The cop
Said, “The sign clearly states ‘Do Not Pass’.”
A toupee store received some bad news.
They were robbed, so were singing the blues.
The police were appalled
That the robbers were bald,
But the cops combed the crime scene for clues.
The cannon ball guy sang the blues.
At love, seems he always would lose.
When he’d hop into bed
With a gal, he would dread
Her saying, “You’ve got a short fuse.”
Many women he’s given the blues,
Because marriage he never will choose.
Since his mind is dead set,
No one’s married him yet.
He’s a man of un-altar-able views.
A person who frequently stews
Has an attitude that he does choose.
“Orange you happy?” I said,
But his face just turned red
‘Cause he always is singing the blues.
When celebrities suffer the blues,
Gourmet coffee’s the thing that they choose
To raise spirits up.
They pay for each cup
With some Starbucks; that’s what they all use.
If you find yourself singing the blues
‘Cause you’re way overweight, put on shoes.
Try to walk and diet;
I suggest you try it,
Because what have you got to lose?
Let’s all welcome our brand new top cop.
Says he, “I’m where the buck’ll now stop
and by any means devious
or just mischievous
I’m bringing our jobs back non-stop.”
Wile ignoring the cute, leering cop,
She proceeded to take off her top,
Because here in the city,
Displaying each titty
While tanning is fine, so why stop?
You like Sam Cooke? Or Al Green? You choose!
Etta James, B. B. King; you can’t lose!
If James Brown, Marvin Gaye,
And Ray Charles make your day
It’s because they play Rhythm and Blues!
Rip van Winkle was having the blues
So he thought he would go for a snooze
When he woke, there was strife
Kids were grown; lost his wife
Twenty years of his life, he did lose.
An inaugural dogg’rel for you’s
If you’ve all got the swearing-in blues
Peace of mind has exploded
With ethics eroded
It’s time to get loaded with booze!
If I were a history cop,
I’d hold up my hand and yell “Stop!”
We’re about to embark
On a horrible lark;
With a carnival huckster on top.
Those old moral blues, we sure got ’em
when the Bill/Hill combo parred us to Sodom.
But Trump’s moral matters
brings a need for strong ladders
and a long climb back up to bottom.
On his days free of being a cop
He secretly partied non-stop
He’d smoke some good dope
And tie chicks down with rope
And then redden their butts with his crop
Cruel and heartless men Billie would choose
Womanizers inclined to abuse
Her generous soul
(As well as each hole)
Then they’d leave Billie singing the blues
I’ve a party, and come if you choose
It’s a musical night, but no booze!
It’s a sad sort of thing–
Ev’ry note that you sing
Means you’re all gonna bring your own Blues.
She thought a low neck line was hotter
If, when speeding, police finally caught her
Sure enough, soon a cop
Made her zooming car stop
But what made this a flop – she’s his daughter!
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick Award 269.
Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Blues-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Stare.