Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CALL. UPDATED WITH NEW DEADLINE AND TWO NEW LIMERICK OPTIONS.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: THE NEW DEADLINE IS NOVEMBER 26. WINNERS LIST WILL BE POSTED ON NOVEMBER 27. YOU MAY ALSO WRITE THANKSGIVING-THEMED LIMERICKS AND/OR LIMERICKS WITH “CALL” AS THE B-RHYME, INSTEAD OF THE A-RHYME.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CALL at the end of ANY LINE. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ANXIETY or THANKSGIVING using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present extra awards for the best ANXIETY and THANKSGIVING-related limericks.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on November 27, 2016 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you four full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, November 26, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A woman was having a ball
As she answered the Democrats’ call;
She was cleaning the clock
Of a fellow who’d mock
And impugn for no reason at all.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A Seasonal Limerick for this theme:
The Call to Rattle ~
The Grim Reaper once sat on a wall,
And looked down as he counted who’d fall,
He loved a good battle:
The noise, a snake’s rattle,
Delighted him when he would call.
Reading the Writing on the Wall ~
Naughty Limericks are what I recall,
When I sat somewhere reading a wall,
But if you get erections
From reading selections,
You’re probably having a ball.
Happens every four years in the fall,
I get call after call after call.
They all want my selection
In the coming election,
To which I say to hell with ’em all!
She’s a lovely young miss from St. Paul,
Likes to hang out all day at the mall.
Gives the guys propositions
To assume new positions,
But she’s never around when they call.
Things That Go Snatch In the Night ~
There IS a Grim Reaper, Virginia,
Who reigns o’er a scarey dominia.
He’s real. He’ll snatch ya
If you let him catch ya!
Don’t unlock your door, ‘cause he’ll skinya.
Anxieties in the Dark ~
On Halloween Night, all seems gloomy.
All the sounds are so eerily tomb-y,
And the Grim Reaper’s wife
Wails aloud in her strife,
“Well, you’re Dead now and can’t do it to me!”
High anxiety’s what I would call
The bad feeling I’m getting this fall.
‘Cause the stakes are so high,
It’s for sure do or die,
We could find ourselves climbing the wall.
When the tramp made a quick booty call
She first jumped from a cake, boobs and all
But his birthday was wrecked
When the wife came and checked
Then the guy got henpecked ‘gainst a wall.
We now have the season of fall
And winter will soon come to call
Without even trying
I’m freezing, I’m dying
And crying, just having a bawl!
I once had a little goldfish who
Had a sadness anxiety issue
His tears – never planned ’em
But drowned ’em at random
Before I could hand him a tissue.
If you’re anxious about the election
Make plans for your future defection
We Canucks here, no doubt
Are just glad to help out
‘Cause we do care about your protection
We’ve beds, food and booze for survival
To greet you upon your arrival
And if someone shoots Trump
In the crack of his rump
Then we’ll celebrate U.S. revival.
But if Trump doesn’t win, don’t you worry
Don’t rush anywhere and don’t hurry
Don’t cause a collision
Just make a decision
To drink till your vision is blurry.
(One from the stockpile …)
To make haggis, you start with the caul
Of a sheep, which you fill with a ball
Of unspeakable rot,
Then please bury the lot –
I’d rather eat wormwood and gall.
My smartphone, though lightweight and small,
Has thousands of ‘apps’, got them all;
Facebook, Twitter, TV …
But it’s too smart for me,
For I’ve never worked out how to call.
Trump is anxious; he’s ordered a wall,
But the builders don’t answer his call.
In the meantime, those Papists
And Mexican rapists
Are flooding in, criminals all.
There once was a cad, name of Paul,
Who fucked a gal; promised to call.
She waited in vain,
She cried out his name,
He doesn’t care: he had a ball!
You can order our meal- It’s your call!
Love diverse cuisines, I’ll eat it all.
But all foods for me
Must be milk/gluten free.
Why are you screaming way down the hall?
This election, it’s really your call,
The Dem or unqualified screwball.
The Supreme Court’s at stake,
Please don’t make a mistake.
So much matters now in the long haul.
The election is making me cranky,
Want to be in bed under my blankie
The tension is so great;
So much anger and hate.
If you make me laugh, I will say, “Thank ye!”.
In the driveway, my auto did stall.
Turned the key; it did nothing at all.
So I rang on the phone
Triple A, and was known
As the person who made a crank call.
The mermaids evolved to forestall
Extinction; they’re not gone at all.
If you listen, I’m sure
You’ll hear small, brown bird’s lure.
Deep exhale sounds are sigh wren’s call.
“Where we bathe there’s a leak in the wall.
It’s persisted for months, so please call
For a plumber today,”
Said my wife. “End delay.
I’m fed up with your darn shower stall.”
If I try to fry eggs, it makes
Me quite nervous; I get the shakes.
And when folks ask me why,
I will say with a sigh,
“‘Cause I don’t have the skillet takes.”
Entertainer’s big chance, she blew it,
And soon after did come to rue it.
She could juggle real well,
But was nervous as hell
And did not have the balls to do it.
All the donors are now nervous wrecks
At the blood bank, where vampires perplex.
And Count Dracula jokes
When he queries the folks,
For example, the question, “Whose necks?”
I like snowfall, but make no mistake,
Don’t like cold, for it makes my joints ache.
It snow joke that a flurry
Makes me scurry and worry.
I sure hope you don’t think I’m a flake.
Gal buys clothing. At home, is appalled
When she finds several defects; it’s hauled
Back to store ’cause it’s bad;
Much anxiety’s had.
Post Traumatic Dress Syndrome it’s called.
Panic stricken, tempted to flee
Just focus, deep breathing’s the key
Keep calm, relax
Damn these attacks
They’ll not get the better of me
I’m so anxious sometimes, I can’t sleep.
Can’t believe folks will vote for that creep.
I’m concerned for our land,
Why can’t you understand.
It’s a precipice, unsafe and steep.
In his hands; It’s really his call.
But nothing- I hit a brick wall.
Apologize creep,
You’ll sow what you reap.
You pushed me, I’ll surge, will not fall.
There are different kinds of anxiety
There are phobias – such a variety
Paranoid and depressive
Compulsive obsessive
A PTSD-filled society.
The psych wards are filled up with boarders
And then you have clinical hoarders
And panic attacks
Now here is what lacks
The compassion to all with disorders.
Game 4 Starts, World Series 2016 ~
Watching our Cubs, fans got anxious,
And though we’re still very rambanxious,
One more game like the last,
Should our hopes have been dashed,
Could turn this good mob quite cantanxious.
Confessions from My Dark Side ~ or
Truth is Darker Than Fiction ~
Anxiety slashed my career,
Like a bloody grin, from ear to ear.
While still just a whelp,
I learned it was no help
When good-hearted folks said, “Have no fear.”
Depression has helped me stay sane.
Since this might not make sense, I’ll explain.
My Gorilla will fight
All those baboons who bite
With anxieties which cause worse pain.
As the beauty queens wait for their call,
They feel tiny hands start to maul.
“Don’t worry”, says Trump
As he gropes a young rump,
“I’ve been there, done that, seen it all.”
I am blessed with near-total recall
Fot the music I love, but that’s all.
I forget all the rest –
Hey, I’m only half-dressed!
And why am I wearing a shawl?
I’m so anxious; why doesn’t she call?
Has my wife had a crash or a fall?
She’s now four hours late …
Here she comes through the gate –
“Sorry, honey, I went to the mall.”
(Another one from the past …)
He’d created a planet, quite small;
It was square, and he tried to recall
Why it looked rather odd.
“Oh, I’ve got it!” said God,
“It ought to be shaped like a ball.”
She made an emergency call:
“I’ve just swallowed!” “Well, gee, is that all?”
“But I’m feeling quite sick,
‘Cause I bit off his dick,
And he seems to be missing a ball.”
They were playing strip poker. “I call”,
Said Jack. There was no way to stall.
She replied with a sigh,
“All I’ve got is ten high.”
Jack was high in both meanings . . . That’s all.
The young hooker who answered his call
Said “Well, Donald, I’m willin’ to ball,
But you claim that your peter
Is more than a metre,
So why can’t I find it at all?”
Grating Expectations
He claims to expect the Big Call
But he’d better prepare for the Fall,
‘Cause that troublesome dame
(Hmm, now what is her name?)
Is forecasted as Winner Take All :)
Though the Trump-et boasts bags full of bluster,
His appeal has lost most of its luster;
Instrument of the people?
Au contraire, quite a steep pull
Just to save face: the boy can’t pass muster.
Angst About What?
It’s an uncertain world we inhabit:
If you see something good, better grab it!
But it might not be there
Or fades into thin air,
And be careful of to whom you blab it…
I’ve been fortunate, I must admit;
Mental illness: a dark looming pit
For those plagued with anxiety,
Who oft shun variety –
Alas! :( I fight worry with wit :)
A nudist named Paul from Depaul,
absorbed in a long distance call,
sat down on a blender,
which rendered him transgender.
Now he’s Pauline ‘stead of Paul!
To Brian Allgar (in response to 10 posts above this one re: beauty queens):
Then the girls start to feel some anxiety
So repulsed by his brash impropriety
They eventually found
He’s a sex-thirsty hound
He has earned world-renowned notoriety.
Brian Allgar, you are proving inspiring today :)
Your limerick above, October 31, 2016 at 7:25 am:
I am blessed with near-total recall
For the music I love, but that’s all.
I forget all the rest –
Hey, I’m only half-dressed!
And why am I wearing a shawl?
To Continue:
I remember I tore off my pants,
Overheated – then started to dance
A wild polkaing frenzy
And looked up to then see
My wife join me: ah, such romance!
The creature was learning to crawl
On its belly, and seemed to recall
There’s a name for its kind.
Spewing slime from its mind,
It said “Hi, I’m a Donald, y’all!”
Anxious to Answer His Call? Don’t Press Him
It was packed in the big lecture hall
Where the Trumpster had issued a call
For tall beauties, beginners,
Young cuties, no sinners
Allowed! He looked ’round, paused to stall –
No contestants in sight; what the hey?
The huge crowd of reporters’ field day;
Donald’s twinge of anxiety
Led to more impropriety,
Every female invited to stay
For a raffle based on booty beauty,
DT loudly proclaimed it their duty
While the males were dismissed
And summarily dissed:
Offending the press seems to suit T.
Lay quivering in his bed
Blankets pulled over his head
‘Whizz bang and pop,
Please make them stop
I’m waiting for walkies’ he said
When summer has passed out of reach
And skies turn the color of bleach,
While icy winds blow
My demeanor will show
I’m missing the sun of a beach.
To Brian A.- you called it.
With mobile phones doing it all,
Some people are having a ball.
But for geezers like me,
There’s only one key;
How the hell do you answer a call?
A muscular lass from St. Paul
Enlisted to answer the call.
She said, “Though this rifle
Is no little trifle,
My guns are the biggest of all!
The man was anxious and excited,
soon-to-be dad – ultra delighted.
At the hospital he took stock,
and my oh my, the shock.
He’d left mom-to-be at home, uninvited!
I really can’t handle this stress;
The fears that I try to suppress.
Each day seems to get worse,
The events more perverse,
This election is just such a mess.
The sound of the great eagle’s call,
Nation’s symbol, that used to enthrall.
But there’s anger instead,
Now he poops on your head.
The motif of our Country’s downfall?
Black bears sometimes pay me a call
In spring and in summer and fall
So I wonder if they
Would be willing to pay
If this winter I build a great wall.
Ol’ Marvin is tryin’ to dress
Like a wannabe hipster, I guess.
He prances and preens
In skinny black jeans;
With a beer gut that’s under duress.
His anxiety led him astray,
And he bungled his very first lay.
He pumped hard and too fast
So he just couldn’t last
While conducting the choir that way.
A lay is a ballad or narrative poem set to music. What did you think I meant?
Next Year is Here! ~
They’ve Done it! They’ve answered the Call!
Cubs showed the World how to Play Ball!
Now that Next Year is Here
We can hope and we’ll cheer
That they’ll do it again Every Fall.
Blind Voters Won’t “C”
T. claims to have found his true calling
Despite those who find him appalling.
As HC’s support grew,
“Vote for me or I’ll sue!
I’m your guy!” (in a pig’s eye…) “Quit stalling!”
Vicious bully who spouts indignation,
A misogynist touting Creation;
But he poses a threat.
Can’t supporters see yet,
We should fear for the fate of our nation?
With life’s apprehension I’m paired,
But thankfully everyone’s spared—
For, unlike some creatures
With less-evolved features,
I mostly don’t shit when I’m scared.
I’m anxious, so full of suspense,
about Hillary, Kaine, The Donald and Pence.
I think “is this the best we can proffer?”
If so, I might very well remain a scoffer,
and just keep on straddling my fence!
Her cooking would surely appall
Fans of decent cuisine, one and all.
You could ask her poor man,
But he’s still in the can
As he heeds nature’s call ― and recall.
As an actor, his skills would fall
Somewhere below Neanderthal.
But the agent was kind
And said “If you don’t mind,
In the off-chance I need you, I’ll call.
The best day of the year I can call?
not my birthday or holidays et al,
but when the last vote is cast,
this ‘dog and pony’ show past,
only then will I say, “best day of them all!”
Feeling horny, I gave it a call
(the phone number I got from the stall)
I found, to my folly,
Instead of hot Polly,
I’d buggered a she-male named Paul
I’m so shy and with women I worry,
I can’t speak and my sight becomes blurry
Then I met a coquette
(she is just like a pet!)
We can bark, howl and mate (she’s a Furry)!
I worry that my sense of humor
Is fodder for gossip and rumor
My critics must mutter,
“Her mind’s in the gutter!”
It’s less work to joke more than screw more!
Three more days, but just don’t hold your breath
You can drink, but shun cocaine and meth
‘Cause Trump’s ratings will drop
And his bubble will pop
An announcement of GOP voter death.
I can sleep well at night as I choose
In the day, the occasional snooze
My heart rate is slow
I just let the fear go
‘Cause I already know Trump will lose.
Sleep tight, America
Sleep tight, World.
All you sane citizens, heed the call
You must vote or our country will fall
To this narccicist nut
With his lies, hate and smut,
Fear, rape, racism, KKK and wall.
Election Anxieties
The Donald’s finally blown a gasket.
So off to Hell we’ll go in a basket.
He says he really will defendus,
but is that the place he’ll sendus?
Just a question, had to ask it!
There should not be a need for artillery
When you find out the winner is Hillary
Put your fears all to bed
As Trump’s power has fled
With wee hands, orange head in the pillory.
You should all sleep quite soundly tonight
Knowing that you have fought a good fight
An endeavor so clever
I’ve never seen, ever!
Let’s drink to whatever feels right!
As for every Trump dick supporter
Take a trip to the Mexican border
Fleets of big taco trucks
Coming at you, you schmucks
Your imag’nary wall just got shorter!
The Donald has grown virtuous balls!
since bravely answering our call.
Says he, “I’ll now only lay,
the straight, lez and the gay,
and, of course, the long, short and the tall!
If a dollar received for each annoying call,
from pollsters, ass or elephant, large or small.
and for each impudent call I remove the same.
Then the total balance, whatever remains,
is the number of votes I’ll give to you all!
Never thought I would have to rescind
The rhymed Hillary vic’tries I’ve pinned
The non-voters (ahem!)
I must blame mostly them
Changed direction of Democrat wind.
I thought the track records of each
Would just speak for themselves and then reach
The American mind
But, so sadly, I find
Common sense to mankind – you can’t teach!
Of all the unmitigated gall!
that some should ask a recall.
Though he has a super ego,
Trumps’ now my super hero,
and Super Duper Ego-Man to all!
We’ll always remember this fall,
fall, as in downward freefall.
So we’ll just pray and hope,
that the Lord’ll throw us a rope,
and grant us a Trumpster recall!
IMPORTANT UPDATE: THE NEW DEADLINE IS NOVEMBER 26.
WINNERS LIST WILL BE POSTED ON NOVEMBER 27.
YOU MAY ALSO WRITE THANKSGIVING-THEMED LIMERICKS AND/OR LIMERICKS WITH “CALL” AS THE B-RHYME, INSTEAD OF THE A-RHYME.
Please see my revised post above for details of these changes.
When she cries, men fall into her thrall;
It’s a powerful, strange siren call.
So why’s her heart breaking?
It isn’t. She’s faking.
It’s all just a masquerade bawl.
With only a few states left to call
The Democrats chances were small
As their glass ceiling liar
Saw her campaign backfire
The madman took charge of it all.
Said Bogart to Lauren Bacall
In his whisky-and-cigarette drawl,
“Do you know how to blow?
Put your lips in an ‘O’,
Then, shweetheart, just shwallow it all.”
In Trumpland, I’m desperately sieving
My thoughts for a cause for Thanksgiving.
It’s hard to recall
Any reason at all,
Except that at least we’re still living.
Trump celebrates Thanksgiving
“On Thanksgiving, you gotta learn
History’s lessons you never should spurn.
Some tinpot dictator
Burnt millions. But later,
With me, the whole planet will burn.”
Trump celebrates Thanksgiving (part 2)
“This Thanksgivin’, you Dems gonna stay pissed?
I’ll save ya from Muslim and Papist,
And lemme recall,
I’ll be buildin’ a wall
To keep out every Mexican rapist.”
(A couple from the archives)
The turkey was rotten and rank;
It was crawling with maggots, and stank.
That Thanksgiving Day
All the guests, in dismay,
Felt a disinclination to thank.
***********************************
He stuffed her with thrust after thrust
Like a man half-demented with lust,
Then he bound her with string,
Legs and breast, everything,
Till the Thanksgiving turkey was trussed.
Presidential anxiety
There’s a feeling I just can’t dispel,
that all has not ended so well.
For if the DA should finally at last,
nail Trump for naughtiness past,
the Oval he might trade for a cell!
States of Anxiety, or Hillary, You Earned Some Rest
Head-in-sand Trumpsters hope that he’ll keep
All those promises: Kids, talk is cheap.
9-1-1, heed my call –
We’ve all taken a fall
And the trail up is gonna be steep.
I confess that I don’t understand it;
To non-voters, it’s as though you planned it.
And you ask why we riot,
Why won’t we be quiet?
Those who seek better “gov” must demand it!
But we missed that boat by a huge gap
And now must endure Chumpster’s crap.
To those cutesy Deplorables,
Know you’re far from adorables;
Wallow in that brief victory lap.
Ask who’s dumber, his voters or Thump?
We Want Change! brayed the collective lump.
But those with any sense
Didn’t choose T and Pence:
The Electoral College? A dump.
The twenty fourth’s a special date
Time to give thanks and celebrate
But with Trump as our head
I’m in mourning instead
Fearful of our dear nation’s fate
When the bouffant one answered the call
To hold the States under his thrall
Said a friend to her spouse,
“Put a ton on that louse.
He’ll win this, whate’er may befall.”
Her hubby said, “Okay, your call.”
But neglected to go down the mall.
At 100 to 1
He thought, “No, c’mon!
It’s Clinton that they will install.”
Intuition of females? Men call
This attribute worthless and small.
No trip to the bookie—
He now has no nooky;
His wife remains cold as a wall.
“ton” = £100
A true story (although I’m surmising about the nooky). My friend knew back in summer 2015 that Donald Trump was going to win.
We’ve elected a hideous elf;
Who’s pushing us off of the shelf.
It’s suddenly clear
For Thanksgiving next year,
This turkey will pardon himself.
Deer Voters, You Were Outfoxed
Some people now say let’s talk turkey,
Though most have a big beef with Jerky.
Build a Wall! went his call,
Human traffic will stall;
Will supporters cheer when out of work-y?
(Doubtless then they’ll stop acting so perky.)
But Thanksgiving’s upon us, so cheer
For the fact we’re alive and still here,
And I give sincere thanks!
Please, reduce tranqs and tanks;
We’ll hold on through his term and this year…
(FDR: the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
Oh, yeah? I refer us to Dave Johnson’s “hideous elf” ~
Thanks, Dave, for a twisted holiday image!)
Election time served up a fright,
Anxiety knocked out my light.
But don’t worry, loves–
I have heavy gloves.
I’ll grieve and then get up and fight.
All thanks to the votes of the Trump-kins,
And those of assorted ole bumpkins,
Just like SNL,
We’ve made a new hell–
We’re led now by David S. Pumpkins.
This Thanksgiving we need to intend
To be kind and to try to transcend
Fears and misconceptions
And narrow perceptions..
The world needs more love, I contend.
I fear all Trump’s acts of hypocrisy
Crossed the line into mad idiocracy
The electoral college
With all of its knowledge
Should do what it can for democracy.
It seems he’s two inches too tall
His eyes have turned hazel. They call
This conspiracy theory.
I’ve more than one query!
McCartney, in truth, is he “Faul”?
Mother Nature, who knocks at my door
Knows the strength of my bladder is poor
If I don’t rise at all
To go answer her call
She will soil my pants to the core!
(bitch!)
The Thanksgiving season this year,
In politics, not much to cheer.
The climate disaster
May come even faster.
With copious changes to fear.
Come one come all, hear the call!
The economy will now start to stall.
High school and hard work
Young dreamers now shirk
In a “Fuck Trump!” March to City Hall.
That verb used to mean a bad thing.
Now it’s weak, not the worse you can fling.
The worst is: “Arriba!”
Cuz there is a heap of
Illegals: won’t let our freedoms ring.
I’ll kill all four birds with this stone:
Thanksgiving this year made me bawl
I was anxious all day, I recall
Up north, in October
I tried to stay sober
It didn’t go well, but AWOL.
I’d fashioned a fabulous feast
For my family living out east
No one came here at all
No, not even a call!
Send a text, or an email, at least.
*Thanksgiving in Canada falls on the 2nd Monday in October.
Election Recovery
Respect not the man but the office
Of president? Many would scoff. Is
It too much to ask
To be good at the task
Or concede? We just heard a loud boff (his).
But Thanksgiving’s upon us: recall
The blessings we have, one and all.
Though things Trump in the night
Just imagine the sight:
Toupee, pink striped? The thought makes me LOL :)
Alphabitricks – L is for Loose ~
Loose as a goose, so they say,
And a goose can run every which-way,
But if you try to catch one
(Instead of just hatch one) –
They’re fastest on Thanksgiving Day.
Perchance to Sleep In ~
Time is a powerful thing:
Crack’s the dawn and it makes roosters sing.
Mine’s a gnarly old bird,
And it may sound absurd
But he’ll treat us this year for Thanksgiving.
Though they be sweet, sour or fecal,
the axe man fires them all equal.
But as we anxiously wait,
for Trump to self-castrate,
we’ll look forward to the sequel!
Rumors still abound about the wall,
and this game of chicken we call.
Rumor has it that Pres. Pena Nieto
has a brand spanking new stiletto,
and is on a witch hunt for the D’s balls!
Anxiety hangs like a pall
Round the world, as it grips one and all.
Other nations ask why
We would vote for that guy.
(I hear Canada’s building a wall.)
The election of such a sleazeball
Should serve as a clarion call
Against bigots who choose
To demean and abuse
Instead of uplifting us all
All folks want peace; for happiness, strive.
We all want joy; to smile and to thrive.
Each day that we greet,
Would be far more sweet,
Were my wonderful friends still alive.
Nomination concerns
If good rationale makes all the calls,
perhaps good leaders we’ll install.
But if our President Elect,
gives leave his ego to select,
we’ll have ass-kissers wall-to-wall!
The priest said, “Folks, I heard a call
From Jesus to speak to you all.
He said that each day
To not only pray
But give more to the Church of St Paul.”
This Thanksgiving, we might sit and chat;
Or maybe we’ll go to the mat.
It’s something we dread;
If old Uncle Fred
Shows up with that God-awful hat.
Cinderella received a nice call
Inviting her out to a Ball,
But found it alarming
On seeing Prince Charming
In pants with no ball-room at all.
Now Humpty who fell off the wall
Went for a very bad sprawl
And mid fragments of shell
With anger did yell
“No yolk, you should come when I call”
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This Thanksgiving there’s much that is sad…
Have to focus on joys that I’ve had.
Memories, sweet..
The future, upbeat..
Must go forward with thoughts that are glad.
On Thanksgiving he wanted to slip
Out of visiting Mom. She let rip:
“You don’t write; you don’t call.
You don’t visit at all!”
So he’s taking that trip. A guilt trip.
“Be happy, and be of good cheer.”
Lovely words that I needed to hear.
Thanksgiving reminder
That couldn’t be kinder
Of blessings in life, far and near.
Thanksgiving would be much more easy
If the new prez was decent, not sleazy
With the thought of that dummy
This feast ain’t so yummy
I’ll try, though my tummy feels queasy.
On Thanksgiving, our family had goose
Chewing that made our teeth kinda loose
Our dinner, I heard
Didn’t have to be bird
I’d a-settled for nice cuts of moose!
Another Thanksgiving saw duck
But its feathers I first had to pluck
But before I could sup
The guests ate it all up
Was I pissed off? Oh yup! Wtf!
There was one time when we just had chicken
The turkeys sold out for the pickin’
I’m too tardy, alas!
(I’m still kicking my ass)
Still was good, not too crass; finger-lickin’.
Then one year, we tried out some pheasant
It was gamey, but still rather pleasant
Rich and dark, and what’s more,
Almost fat-free (a score!)
It’s not just merely made for a peasant.
So the next year, we feasted on quail
Three per person and served up with ale
Chopping head, foot and feather
Of twelve, altogether
Takes bloody forever! Bewail!
The pigeon was bad (not my fault!)
Should have added a whole lot more salt
After one bite, I spat
Think I’d rather eat cat
My opinion of that – Oy gevalt!
Now finally, we’re having some turkey!
At my friend’s, who is perky and quirky
I’ve had more than enough
Of that jaw-breaking stuff
‘Cause the texture was tough as beef jerky!
That’s it! I’m so fed up, I am!
For poultry, I don’t give a damn!
I don’t want any bird
It’s a four-letter word!
Have you people not heard of a ham?!
Forgive me Lord, though I have sinned
For I ate too much, then I broke wind
And if that makes you cranky
Just spank me, don’t thank me
Though under my blanky, I grinned!
This feast gave me physical power
As I hiccupped and burped for an hour
Then suddenly – vomit!
Shot out like a comet
I dropped the F-bomb, it was dour.
You can dress me, but can’t take me out
I’ll embarrass you badly, no doubt
I would stay home if only
You weren’t so lonely
So go ahead, phone me, don’t pout!
At Thanksgiving, I’m cranberry boss.
I abominate canned berry dross.
Why is mine so damned dandy?
It’s fresh berries and brandy —
Gives new meaning to hitting the sauce.
Trump’s wall, just the butt of all jokes
Cannot fool any Mexican folks
After crossing that wall
They will give Trump a call
Saying ladders is all he provokes.
Dump the Ump ~
Enough rocks in his head for a wall,
Where a Yuuuge Umpty Dumpty may fall,
But he’ll say it’s not fair
When his bat just gets air
Or connects, but the ball’s a foul call.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun Limerick-Off. This one is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Anxiety-Themed and Thanksgiving-Themed Limerick Winners, and to the Honorable Mention winners: Limerick-Off Award 265.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Ice.