Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SACK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SACK at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to HEAT, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best HEAT-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on September 4, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 3, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A gal in the mood for a snack
Was tempted to purchase a sack
Filled with pretzels and chips,
Which would go to her hips.
How she wished it would go to her rack.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Appearance, Appearance Humor, Competition Limerick, Food Humor, Food Verse, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A handsome young star quarterback
Was a guy other teams loved to sack.
When attempting a pass
He’d get knocked on his ass,
And he’d just lie there, flat on his back.
The young lady was great in the sack.
Not a single slick move did she lack.
She’d give thrill after thrill,
All the guys had their fill,
‘Cause she certainly had quite a knack!
(Definitely not funny)
He was caught with a big, heavy sack,
And the cop thought he looked kinda black.
With one shot to the head,
Father Christmas lay dead.
And the cop? Well, they cut him some slack.
“He was trapped in a tight cul-de-sac
With the Mafia hot on his back.
With one bound, he was free …”
I am sure you’ll agree
That the author’s a second-rate hack.
Torquemada was proud of his rack,
And explained how his victims would crack.
“It is state-of-the-art;
When we’ve pulled them apart,
The remains will all fit in a sack.”
(A few old ones …)
(A few old ones …)
I’d always heard Melody’s sweet,
But I found that she tended to bleat,
While her sister Anita
Is silent and sweeter
And bonks like a bunny in heat.
They were frolicking in the back seat
Like a bitch and a mongrel in heat
When a sudden bright light
Gave the couple a fright.
“My turn next”, said the cop on the beat.
He had gone to the kitchen to heat
His beef burgers, so tender and sweet.
When they caught the chef, canned,
With his dick in his hand,
He explained, “I’m just beating my meat.”
News item: Donald Trump piñatas have become big sellers
Here’s a concept I’m not sure I back:
Donald’s form as piñata, to whack.
My objection, though slight,
Is it doesn’t feel right
Taking candy from such a sad sack.
I tried getting her into the sack
But it needed some tact which I lack.
With my ego unchecked,
I’m too damn direct,
But Champagne got my plan back on track.
Though she wore what looked like a sack,
It was clear she had quite a large rack,
She was graceful and hot
Guys liked it a lot,
And gave her unseemly feedback
I really should now hit the sack,
I’m tired, not insomniac.
With FB, I’m smitten,
Oh, look! Dancing kitten!
And what a sweet music soundtrack!
Want to cover my head with a sack.
Or run away, never look back!
There is so much hate
This election- our fate!
We’re all in the line of attack.
The gal was quite skilled in the sack,
Like S&M? You’d get a smack;
She could be quite gentle
Was never judgmental,
She’d hook you as if she were crack.
Cried Falstaff, “Alas and alack!
I have drunk my last barrel of sack.”
When Doll Tearsheet called by,
Falstaff heaved a great sigh,
And expired while fondling her rack.
“They ogle my legs and my rack,”
Said the bimbo, “but what I can’t crack
Is the question: then why
Do the guys always try
To hide me in some kind of sack?”
He’d complain “Jeez! You don’t have the knack”;
“Geddit right!”; “It’s those brain cells you lack!”
His long-suffering wife
Took a sharp kitchen knife.
Now he lacks both the knacks from his sac.
He would boast, “Yeah, I’ve got a six-pack”,
But his belly was flabby and slack.
He explained, “Well, I fear
That a six-pack of beer
Twice a day makes me look like a sack.”
When the temps hit a hundred degrees,
And you long for a nice cooling breeze,
You can feel like it seems
That there’s just two extremes,
It’s like either you swelter or freeze!
The heat of her touch drove guys mad,
She loved teasing; loved being bad.
‘They’d always crave more,
First appeal, then implore!
Was the best sex that they ever had.
Don’t like insects that come with the heat.
And humidity makes me retreat
Winter ice- one can fall,
Just the thought does appall.
Fall’s sad. but Spring flowers are sweet.
The aura of Molly Bloom’s heat
Blazes Boylan; while Bloom’s in retreat.
Her thoughts, not repressed,
It all ends in “yes”;
And Bloom’s Dublin sojourn’s complete.
We’ll go to Limerick, but we’ll come back,
So, here’s what we nth will pack,
Just a toothbrush and comb,
‘Cause we are coming home,
We can get by with just one sack.
Remember the Hackensack Socko Kicky-Sack Sack Kicker Factory? ~
Disney cartoons had a Quack,
And Double-U B cut no slack,
But my favoreite today,
(which I still cannot say)
Is when P&B slay Kicky-Sack.
When the drunk got a gal in the sack
He laughed and said “Babe you’ve no rack”.
“There’s no hair on your cookle
But, I’d still. like some nookie”.
She replied and said, “GET OFF MY BACK”.
“The art of the deal? Making jack!
I would never give workers the sack,
But I’ll hold out for ages
Before paying wages –
Illegals just can’t answer back.”
Judith:
Your ‘Ulysses’ limerick’s good,
And Molly said yes, yes she would.
But I bet you can’t make
Out of ‘Finnegans Wake’
A verse that can be understood.
Her Bad Day
She was all ready for the sack
Bread, baloney, cheese, what the ‘Hack’!
Green mold, slime. ‘Oh Fog’!
Not fit for the dog
Her bad day, fridge’s out of whack
Note: My first entry on your FaceBook has “snack” instead of “sack” as I had read the instructions wrong, a bit of a dyslexia problem showed. Sorry, I’m headed to post this one now. I like the first, but, …
Young Nellie, a beauteous belle,
Was more lovely than any could tell.
She was fine, without doubt,
But the word soon got out
That her sister was hotter than Nell.
My ex-girlfriend was taken aback –
Said it’s sick if she’d suck on my sack
Though a sec with my sock
Would relieve my poor cock
I’m now left not a lass, but a lack.
Jill Harth’s bounteous and and perky full rack –
Groped and squeezed in Trump’s latest attack.
Donald’s sick and obscene
(But at least Jill’s not thirteen)
Here’s a thought, why not snip off his sac?
On Twitter, Trump’s talking some smack
But he sues when he’s under attack
Do you not understand
From each tiny Trump hand
That he has, and he is, a sad sack?
Actually, Mad, could you change L3-5 to:
Do you not understand
From each tiny Trump hand
That he has, and he is, a sad sack?
Please and thank you.
From MBK: Done.
Great idea, Jeanine! (your last line, I mean)
Do you know what I think?
You must KNOW Monroe – sculptor wisecrack
The Trump statue he made has no sac
They were spread with finesse
Five throughout the U.S.
What a hoot, what a mess, what a hack!
“Let’s see what’s inside of your sack!”
She said, as her lips gave a smack
‘Twas a popsicle stick
That she’d eagerly lick
Till white cream could no longer hold back.
You remember those orange-coated ‘Creamsicle’ popsicle treats with ice cream inside, don’t you? Why, what were you thinking?
A power-out made things pitch black
So they freely had fun in the sack
When the lights came back on
Well, his hard-on was gone
Something else had come out of her crack.
Yeah, I know… ew!
As a rule, every man is a fool
When it’s hot, he would rather feel cool
When it’s cool, then his thought
Is, he’d rather feel hot
Always wanting what’s not; what a tool!
The couple upstairs, always sweating
Is making a mess of their bedding
But our bedding is neat
We don’t generate heat
And it really is rather upsetting.
Now Michelle has said to Barack
I know it’s been poor in the sack,
But I didn’t think the Whitehouse
For us was the right house,
It’ll improve in a much smaller shack.
********************
A murderer in North Delaware
When strapped into the electric chair
Had a problem when seated
Because the chair overheated,
Which he thought was rather unfair.
The Donald has given the sack
To another inept campaign hack.
To contain noxious gases
From cracks and crevasses,
It helps if you know how to frack.
A ranch-owning gal from Omak
Spends most afternoons on her back.
Young cowboys her steed,
To her spread they stampede
For the ride of their lives in the sack.
(The Omak Stampede featuring is a famous rodeo held in Washington state.)
At ‘White Castle’ you wolf down a sack,
Then wait for that slider attack
On your belly; it’s coming
To mess up your plumbing,
But ‘Bombers’ ace out a ‘Big Mac.’
A feisty young Scotsman called Mac
Whose love life was starting to lack
Said “I’m very well built
With what’s under my kilt
Let me show you my style in the sack”
She bought all her frocks off the rack
For prices her budget could hack
And she looked pretty fair
When she teased up her hair
And paraded her latest chic sack.
Her husband was just out of whack;
Depressed like an old worn-out sack.
She concocted a way
To brighten his day;
By cracky, it brought him right back!
A defender recorded a sack;
He knocked the poor guy on his back.
Said the QB, still prone,
“Inner peace may atone
For compassive impulses you lack.”
A chef’s job – all day on your feet
No time to go potty or eat
Just quit your damn bitchin’
Stay out of the kitchen
If you cannot stand all the heat!
The puddles they made filled each crack
‘Cause they spent too much time in the sack
The sheets were all wet
And not just from the sweat
Oh well, that’s what you get lying back!
A couple was always in heat;
Some swingers they wanted to meet.
The boisterous crowd
Was horny and loud
And looked like a squid in retreat.
My kids found a cat that was scruffy,
And at first, I was pretty darn huffy,
But they washed him real well,
And then dried him a spell—
In the dryer. I love our cat fluffy.
The lovers decided to pass
A warm afternoon on the grass.
But from overnight rains,
There were little green stains
On his kneecaps along with her ass.
A Dudelsackpfeifer (a hack)
Played for years without getting the knack.
One morning his wife
Got her hands on a knife
And cut off both his Dudel and Sack.
(Dudelsackpfeifer = bagpipe player)
I’d a lim’rick, believe it or not,
With a double-entendre on “hot”.
But the heat of the day
Burned my wits all away,
And — whatever it was — I forgot.
While shtupping a prostitute, Jack
Got his testicles caught in her crack…
And prying them out
Killed the moment, no doubt,
As I hear that he gave her the sack.
If action is something you lack,
Invite your girl out to your shack
For some sherry and ale…
And you’ll find, without fail,
You’ve had plenty of Hops in the Sack.
“I’ve given my dentist the sack.”
Why’s that? “He was on the wrong track:
I went for five years
With no cavities.” Cheers!
What’s the problem? “He gave me a plaque.”
This is what happens when you offer a physicist a chance to write about heat.
The energy change, delta-U,
Is equal to heat in, or Q,
Less work out, that’s W.
Now that shouldn’t trouble you.
The First Law of Thermo is true.
This campaign brings out my dark side:
He stood there massaging his sack
While admiring the young woman’s rack.
Then he started to totter.
“Oh my God, that’s my daughter.”
More words that Trump had to take back.
The Trumpster is taken aback
At psychologists on the attack.
One prominent shrink,
Nose wrinkled at stink,
Said, “Of feces he is quite a sack!”
In Paris, that famous hunchback
Had a face that was demoniac.
But he was so “endowed”
That the girls, all uncowed,
Simply covered his head with a sack.
We all wanted to shag this guy, Zack,
So we four took him back to our shack.
I felt somewhat forsaken,
Cuz his good parts were taken;
I was left, sadly, holding the sack.
When it’s hot, he removes all his clothes,
Which is not so bizarre I suppose.
Then he’ll oil his bod,
Which is still not too odd,
But he does the same thing when it snows.
Her business was getting too slack
And she thought she was getting the sack
So to step up the pace
She made up her face
And gave a few turns out the back.
I started to work up a sweat
The sex was all sloppy and wet
I had so much fun
But now that I’m done
I’ve got only goo, and regret.
The couples were friends from way back;
Having wine – so much they lost track.
By the end of the night
All buzzy and tight,
There were more than two nuts in the sack.
The fellow was wrecking his back
By carrying rocks in a sack.
Asked why, he replied
“A big yard is my pride;
But a stone hedge is something I lack.
A cowboy from Twisp threw a fit;
(He speaks with a lisp quite a bit).
“I’m madder than hell!”
He started to yell,
“And I ain’t gonna take any thit!”
When the splash hit that Wicked Witch dame,
She dissolved, didn’t melt. (Not the same!)
With this past summer’s heat
My own meltdown’s complete.
“What a world!” from the floor I exclaim.
A loud, unmistakable quack
Could be heard from inside of the sack
Well, there’s my potluck
Just a li’l Peking duck
Through the opening, looking right back.
If your muscles are sore, apply heat
Not the kind that you find on the street
Better make an appointment
With sore-muscle ointment
Instead of a whore’s pricey teat.
The argument got rather heated
He resented how he was defeated
He’d swear and he’d shout
So she booted him out
You could say the dumb ass got unseated.
Somewhat reminds me of what happens to belligerent dorks who bulldoze their poop on someone’s FB page like a bull in a china shop.
She started to turn on the heat
For a guy she had met on the beat.
He had got a bit slow
When it started to snow
So she asked “Are you getting cold feet?”
Like · Reply · Just now
Do you single folks feel incomplete
Without somebody’s warm body heat?
Then light up some candles
Don’t need the love handles
To fire up your frostbitten meat.
And fellas, you wanna feel warm?
Do a happy thing out of the norm –
Rosy Palm, her five sisters
Should help all you misters
But too much, and blisters may form.
And ladies, it’s not sex, but love
That warms like a hand in a glove
A cuddly dog’s use
Is like happiness juice
But if it tries to goose ya, then shove!
(and for the dirty minds out there, it’s ‘shove’ away, not in!)
His appearance told of an attack
dismissed with his charismatic knack
his buttoned fly undone
breath strong enough to stun
Tis love but her face beckons a sack
Since we heat with a microwave
Almost all food We now can save.
But leftover lasagne
I’ll just slather on ya
Cold pasta al fresco’s all the rave!
The sun and the moon had a fight
The moon said, “It’s hotter at night!
You’ll see all newlyweds
With this fire in their beds”
Then the sun said, “By golly, you’re right!”
Trip-planning for weather is better
Than ignoring warm days versus wetter.
For some, less is bold
Regardless of cold;
As for me, I’ll pack a sweater.
The sauna was hotter than hell
And the occupants started to smell
The CEOs, bankers
Those owning oil tankers
A big steaming pile of… oh well!
His temperature started to climb
As the TV showed sex mixed with crime
“Your fever was born
‘Cause you watch too much porn!”
Doc said, “Take a cold shower next time!”
There was a young harlot named Zack
Who worked 9 to 5 on her back.
“It’s a curious quirk
Of my line of work
That I look forward to getting the sack”
Mambo Italiano I adore
I do it both out and indoor
Salami in a sack
Puts my hips out of whack
I can’t both dance and eat, either or.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Heat-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners: Limerick-Off Winner 260.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Bunk.