Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STAY at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using STAY at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SCIENCE, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best science-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 29, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 28, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A litigant seeking a stay
Of an order was told “There’s no way
That you’re getting relief.
You’ve no grounds for your beef,
So the meat of this order is NAY!”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Judge Humor, Lawsuit Humor, Lawsuit Limerick, Lawyers, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Litigation Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Though straitlaced, she said, “Well, OK.
“We’ll play – once I’ve loosened my stay.”
Said he in a daze:
“I suppose you mean ‘stays’?”
She said, “No, just the one for today.”
I’ll dust off this one from a couple years ago…
Though the general public may doze on
CERN’s search for new particles goes on
Their scientist squadrons
Are all getting hadrons
Because they’ve discovered a boson.
The last guest would NOT go away;
We were knackered, our faces were grey.
At last I said “June,
Do come again soon –
But perhaps when you’ve less time to stay.”
He invited the bimbo to stay
For the night. She replied “Well, okay;
But I need to be sure
You don’t think I’m a whore.”
“Don’t worry”, he said, “I won’t pay.”
They’d run out of poison that day,
So the Governor ordered a stay.
“Execution can wait;
We’re a kind-hearted state.
An inhumane killing? No way!”
Although I’m not keen on ballet,
In the end, I decided to stay.
She was turning me on,
That sweet little swan;
Was a ‘pas de deux’ coming my way?
Now please be a good boy and stay,
I know it’s hard; I’m gone all day.
Please don’t go berserk
I must go to work!
Stop looking that pitiful way.
If you will just promise to stay,
I’ll do all you ask every day.
Hell, who am I kidding,
I won’t do your bidding!
On second thought, just go away.
He fumbled to open each stay
Of her corset. She looked so risque
He lost all control
And went straight for her hole,
Much to the fine lady’s dismay.
She begged of me, “don’t go away,
‘Cause I really would like you to stay.”
What followed was pleasure
That was too great to measure,
And for once I did not have to pay!
There once was a fellow named Jay,
Who acted exceedingly gay,
He won’t mind when folks,
Make off-color jokes,
But screams when his hairdo won’t stay.
I prayed that he would stay
For one more erotic day
But the very next morning
Without forewarning
He left with my hedgehog Clay
Hydrogen and oxygen make water
That’ what I taught my daughter
But she had a spree
And used too much part “B”
Now she is 3 inches shorter
The scientist wrote many theses
On cloning unusual species.
What challenged the most
Was right-wing talk host;
For that one, you’d have to use feces.
After service I want you to stay;
We’ll worship in a different way.
We’ll partake of wine,
Feel elation divine
When you kneel down it won’t be to pray.
Repartee, cabernet and filet:
A tripartite array of foreplay.
The intent is overt.
She’s the tasty dessert
If you say, “My dear Faye, may I stay?”
A dyslexic science ditty about CERN’s LHC:
Inside the Large Hadron Collider,
A saucy technician, Frau Schneider,
Knew hadrons weren’t deft
And a boson lacked heft.
Bosom bared, she put hardons inside her.
BED AND BREAKFAST
We allowed the lovely couple to stay
Even though they were “that way”
Some people are queer
But we have no fear
Just because they wear a toupee
NOT A DUPLICATE
Hydrogen and oxygen make water
That’s what I taught my daughter
But she had a spree
And used too much “part B”
Now she is 3 inches shorter
Calm compliance and knowledge will pay
When you’re careful, alert and you stay
In line, put, alive,
Awake to false jive,
And abreast of what leads one astray.
A dilemmical gal from Calais
Told a suitor to leave and to stay.
This led him to ask,
“What’s the trick to this task?”
She replied, “It’s a cinch: stay away!”
Complained Watson: “I hate the way SHE licks,
And why call a female cat Felix?”
Said Crick, “My dear Watson,
“Your dog has got spots on,
And what a daft name – Double Helix!”
The mad doctor, at work in the lab,
With a body laid out on a slab,
Tried to find a new brain
But the search was in vain,
And today the poor doc’s in rehab.
The right wing’s aversion to science
Goes back to one simple alliance:
Conservative rules;
They’ll just listen to fools
Whose findings have met their compliance.
(Science – an old one)
It was finished! He turned on the switch
Saying “Let there be light!” Just one hitch:
Creation was tiring,
He’d screwed up the wiring –
The Universe stayed black as pitch.
(Science – another old one)
“How on earth did I pick up the clap?”
She beseeched a young medical chap.
“If you really don’t know,”
He said, “Well, let me show
You this human anatomy map.”
(… and another)
Einstein did all the sums on a slate,
And his findings he had to relate:
“As I’m sure you’ll agree,
EM² = C,
And the meaning of this is … oh, wait!”
Creationists place great reliance
On bibles, and little on science.
As they slurp countless beers,
They say “Six thousand years
Is the world’s age!” with drunken defiance.
Said the judge to the hooker “Okay;
You’ve been charged, but I’ll give you a stay.
You’re a good girl at heart,
And you need a fresh start;
In my chambers, I’ll show you the way.”
TRUE FACT, TODAY: THE FIRST PENILE TRANSPLANT WAS A SUCCESS
MAY 16TH, 2016
The first penile transplant was performed today
I hope to God that it will stay
If the patient coughs
It might fall off
And wander into Johnson’s Cafe
In reply to Lisi Nortman:
“A seminal feat” is cliche,
But it’s surely an opportune way
To describe this bold deed.
He’s now hung like a steed
With a porno star’s power to stay.
Actually, the first penile transplant occurred in South Africa in 2014. This is the first U.S. attempt.
Limerick-Off…STAY
A prisoner in Guantanamo Bay
Was seen to be filled with dismay,
Saying the continued denial
To receive a fair trial
Was extending the length of his stay.
*********************
Limerick ref:…SCIENCE
When Albert Einstein declared
That time and space must be shared,
It took a lot of persuasion
To accept his equation
That e = mc2.
My gal’s faithful and true and won’t stray
And she’s there at the end of the day
With a warm, loving kiss.
In addition to this,
She can sit, fetch, roll over and stay.
Limerick-Off…STAY
An atheist in Chesapeake Bay
Was desperate for somewhere to stay,
But he thought it most odd
To receive this message from God,
‘If you need a room, let us pray.’
A nursery rhyme revisited:
On a tuffet Miss Muffet would stay
Calmly eating her curds and her whey,
But a spider appeared.
In a jiffy it cleared
Muffet’s butt from the tuffet that day.
The mad scientist was perturbed.
His latest invention disturbed
Everybody in sight;
He assumed that he might
Pull the plug so the fuss could be curbed.
But by then, he no longer held sway;
His monster decided to stay.
With help from Wasilla,
The beast named Trumpzilla
Is everyone’s nightmare today.
Another tale from the tuffet:
When that plucky Miss Muffet would stay
On the tuffet, the spider would say,
“If you choose to remain,
Let me clearly explain:
Spiders bite! Go ahead, make my day.”
To Randy Wagner:
Little Miss Muffet asked “What is this tuffet
Their claiming I sat on all day?”
The spider beside her
Began to deride her:
“They call it a fat ass today.”
Dave Johnson, sometimes you shouldn’t mess with Miss Muffet:
“That is what Dirty Harry would say,”
Countered Muffet, determined to stay.
With the .44 Mag
That she kept in her bag
She then blew the poor spider away.
Fair enough, Randy. However…
Little Miss Muffett’s reliance
On something that ain’t rocket science
Has settled the score;
But wait! Eighty more
Arachnids protest its appliance.
A justice involved individual
Got bored with his life as a “criminal”.
He switched to witchery
Scientifically.
Now he sells backyard herbs as “medicinal”.
Miss Muffet went to Iraq to play
Tourist in a place where Kurds waylay.
She wasn’t diplomatic
As she cocked her automatic:
“Boy I hate it when these Kurds get in my way!”
To Mary:
She dispatched all the Kurds in her way
With aplomb, then decided to stay
In the North of Iraq
As she brought awe and shock
To her tuffet and into the fray.
Dave, escalation was inevitable…
Miss Muffet, a student of science,
Expected the spiders’ defiance.
From her tuffet she spewed
All the napalm she’d brewed
As she torched the arachnid alliance.
“Evolution is fact!” said the right.
“Climate science? We’ve now seen the light!”
After that, Heidi Klum
Showed up, nude, in my room.
‘Twas one hell of a dream Friday night.
When you command your dog to “stay”
He should be obliging and obey
But when you leave home
Your pet will never roam
Unless you remember to say “okay”
After hours of sex acts risqué,
He added a day to their stay.
They could dine and get rest,
Then with even more zest,
Continue their passionate play.
When one’s faith is in reason and science,
One’s faced with religious defiance.
Copernicus detested;
Galileo arrested
For defying religious compliance.
This really hot guy studied science;
He had a large, tempting appliance.
It was more than his brain
That drove women insane
And led to their willing compliance.
SCIENCE: ASTRONOMY
ADLER PLANETARIUM IN CHICAGO
Don’t sit home with a gloomy face
Do something different for a change of pace
Go to the Adler
Don’t be a straggler
And dream in a world of outerspace
SCIENCE: AQUARIUM
Don’t sit home with a gloomy face
Do something different for a change of pace
Go to the aquarium
Instead of the planetarium
And jump right in till you’re blue in the face
SCIENCE
Hubby and I HAD a good sex life
I was submissive and very docile
Paleontology’s his gig
He loves to dig
But last week he called me a fossil
Resubmitting an entry from March, then as an education exercise and this time for a science theme:
A LESSON IN REALITY
The physicists had a huge spat
In their quantum entanglement chat.
One delivered this lesson:
“If you are caught messin’,
You’ll end up like Schrödinger’s cat.”
Then Heisenberg entered the fray.
“I’m uncertain it’s true what you say.
You have no compunction
To use your wave function.
My matrices carry the day.”
Was one of them on the right track?
I admit I was taken aback
When Pauli was puzzled
And both men were muzzled.
He said, “We must query Dirac.”
“Let’s add Relativity here,”
The Englishman said to a cheer.
But his math raised a clatter.
“What is this? Antimatter?
Outlandish, and yet it is clear.”
The squabbling continues today.
Quantum weirdness is true, come what may.
The results provide traction.
That famed “spooky action”
That Einstein decried won’t go ‘way.
A trip to the dark side. Please forgive me. :)
A “fabulous” drag queen would say,
“My very large organ must stay.
It earns me a ten
When I’m bedded by men
Who joyously find that I’m gay.”
If you have ever had a hospital stay
You can push that BUTTON forever and a day
You feel like a jerk
It just doesn’t work
Then the hearse comes and takes you away
Limerick-Off….STAY + SCIENCE
Knowing it would be foolish to stay,
Schrodinger’s cat ran away.
While it kept hidden from sight
No one knew of its plight,
Was it dead or alive…who could say?
Whilst I go? Perhaps I’ll stay.
On Madeleine’s court once more to play.
To make a pun?
Oh words are Fun!
But can I win? This horse says “neigh.”
Is the Trump-plaque one destined to stay,
Or will voters yet drive it away?
Well for now there is fear–
The risk’s so very clear–
Will electoral doom have its day?
She had wanted the farmhand to stay
In the barn for a roll in the hay.
Then she cringed in disgust:
He was covered in dust.
It’s a truism: grime doesn’t pay.
When the farmhand suggested she stay
In the barn for a roll in the hay,
She said, “Sit on my stool
And I’ll straddle your tool–
I can finish the milking that way.”
The redneck was humping away,
But his thingamabob wouldn’t stay.
The girl loudly wailed,
And the police had him jailed.
Said he, “I guess cram doesn’t pay.”
Don’t drop out of school yet, just stay
Less than one month to go, it’s still May
You’ll soon get your diploma
And smell the aroma –
Of future success on the way.
In the morning quite early one day
She ran off and just wouldn’t stay
And when he awoke
He found out he was broke
For she’d taken his wallet away.
The roof of his cabriolet
Got stuck on a cold rainy day
She’d fret, get upset
As her hairdo got wet
And he just couldn’t get her to stay.
A convertible’s only okay
If the sun in the sky’s on display
But if snow, rain or ice
Comes, then take my advice
Get her flowers and nice lingerie.
He walked to the door, then halfway
Stopped and turned; he decided to stay
Though she’s homely as hell
His darn thingy did swell
And he needed relief right away.
So you ask, why’s he there anyway?
‘Cause her cooking’s the best, so they say
He’ll just drink one more shooter
So that she’ll look cuter
Drank one more, then started to play.
He’s just using her any which way
And the pill, she forgot it that day
Oh-oh, here comes baby
And surely, not maybe
Pay child support buddy, touché!
It’s all scientifically proven
That if you keep dancin’ and groovin’
Good health will increase
And the blues will decease
And you might get a piece, so start movin’!
I don’t understand all the science
Of how some people get to be giants
Well, I know I can’t lose
If I sell real big shoes
And that’s why I have plenty of clients.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Science-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners: Limerick-Off Award 253.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Press.