Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CASE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CASE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to STUBBORNNESS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best STUBBORNNESS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 15, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 14, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
An attorney was mounting a case
For a gun co, who’d thought him an ace,
But he blew a key deadline,
Which led to this headline:
Hotshot Lawyer Is Shot In The Face.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A lovely young lady named Grace
Once invited me up to her place.
When she caused an erection,
I had ample protection,
‘Cause I brought it along just in case.
FOR YOUR COMMENT IN CAPS LOCK, NO PLACE
TELL ME WHY SHOULDN’T I JUST ERASE
IT. YOU SEE, THERE’S NO TELLING
IF YOU’RE TALKING OR YELLING
WHEN YOUR MESSAGE IS ALL UPPERCASE.
A guy felt he was up for the chase
Of a gangster’s girlfriend called Grace.
By the end of the day
He’d washed up in the bay—
As suicide, an open and shut case.
When will Facebook allow us bold face
And italic? It’s such a disgrace,
And it’s really absurd
That to highlight a word
There is only one choice – UPPERCASE.
The coffin took up lots of space,
But he gave it a prominent place.
“Though my wife is no more,
She has fooled me before,
So I keep her around just in case.”
Said the dentist, “Your teeth need a brace,
But I fear it’s a difficult case.
Though the work is cosmetic,
It needs anaesthetic –
You’ll feel a small prick in your face.”
Cruz believed he was winning the race
To be President, thanks to God’s grace.
“I really don’t think
That I’ve seen”, said his shrink,
A more hopeless, delusional case.”
He thought he was quite a tough case.
“C’mon, baby, let’s cut to the chase.
Just blow me, OK?”
But she told him “No way!”
It was mace that she blew in his face.
.
Stubbornness (hope this one doesn’t get me banned …)
She never gave up on a knob
Till she’d blown it of every last blob.
They would ask “How d’you do it?”
She said “Nothing to it –
I’m an oboist, blowing’s my job.”
The stubbornness of Sisyphus
He was rolling a rock up a hill,
But the bloody thing wouldn’t keep still.
It would roll down again –
What a bore, what a pain! –
Rock and roll was a pastime worth nil.
Sometimes one must cut to the chase
Which gives the excuse to wear lace.
Play the feminine card,
It’s really not hard;
Without a word you’ve made your case.
Dear Jury, this trial’s a disgrace!
My client was not at that place.
He was busy in bed
As the Judge’s wife said.
So thus I do now rest my case!
The woman in my bed is my Spouse
So don’t even try to call me a louse
Or some other bad name
Which says I am to blame
For the mess she leaves in this house
Here’s a combo ‘Stubborn Limerick’ which also uses ‘Case’:
In prison they’re called a ‘Hard Case’.
They’re stubborn, and spit in your face.
Can you beat them? Oh no,
You can’t leave a blow.
Instead? Well I recommend mace.
Phew, I guess that led to his sudden decline! Nice one Mad!
A stubbornes Limerick
There was an old cowboy called crass
who put his blue eye in a glass
one day he was hot
So, he gulped down a shot
and his lass had to plung hard his ass
stubborness Limerick
When Louis was tied up in lace
Suzanna came down on his face
Like a ballet of brick
she wiggled her hips
and played him a tune on her base
SLOUCHING TOWARD CLEVELAND
The candidates left in the race
Promise terrible things to their base.
But forget about tact:
They’re ignoring the fact
That they can’t just make laws by ukase.
The detective said, “Facts we must face —
We’re working a very cold case.
But we’ll persevere
‘Til we run out of beer
(Just an hour or two, at this pace)!”
I’m fed up with people who choose
To be stubborn — who can’t change their views.
I’m telling you flat
I will NOT be like that.
I refuse, I refuse, I REFUSE!!
A practical princess from Thrace
Kept her lover embalmed in a case.
Thus her mate’s being stiff
Was a “when”, not an “if”
(Oh, you’d do the same thing in her place)!
There once was a woman named Grace
Who purchased the wrong kind of Mace.
If the men out to harm her
Wore full suits of armor?
Then Grace was prepared, in that case.
The deal we must seal
or the wedding bells will not peal
so we exchange rings
and do the vow things
Then it’s done and it’s real.
The truth he tried to conceal
but the salesman made it sound like a steal
and the poor sucker
bought another junker
and the bank said a deal’s a deal.
If the truth you try to conceal
you better see both sides of the deal
cause if you don’t get it
you probably will lose it
and pay the price of the seal.
So to close the deal
we must have some glue on the seal
that means give and take on both sides
and putting it all out there where it all rides
with no secrets left to conceal.
In today’s dating scene there’s a place
For a benefit-free basket case:
It’s the dreaded “friend zone”
Where love-bunglers are thrown
When they can’t even get to first base.
The phone was removed from its case;
And seemingly stuck to her face.
In a line at the store,
We learned this and much more:
“I like, sprayed my ex-boyfriend with Mace…”
Stubbornness lim (Grammarly edition):
A stubborn chaste lass left no doubt
Of her vast prepositional clout.
Through thick and through thin
She would never give in
And she’d neither go down nor put out.
My daughter’s boyfriend came with a case
Containing gadgets to share with Grace
I left the room
In despondent gloom
I guess they’re undoubtedly past first base
Dachshunds are stubborn; that’s for sure
But ours has charm and a new coiffure!
We trained her right
From morning till night
UH-OH she pooped on the floor
Revised-
Oh, yeah, I’m as stubborn as hell,
The people who know, know me well.
Relentless won’t quit.
I’ll gladly admit.
No matter what truths do compel.
DEAR FELLOW DEMOCRATS: SHUT UP
“That Candidate A — (s)he’s a twit
Whose supporters don’t know when to quit.
But Candidate B —
(S)he’s the right one for me,
And defeat we shall NEVER admit!”
(Reader, choose the genders you think make this funny and apt. Then
reverse them, because [cough] this may apply to you.)
When the man had doors slammed in his face,
He was injured, must wear a neck brace.
He decided to sue,
And he won, ’cause he knew
That his suit was an open and shut case.
“They have tres leche cake at this place.”
Thought she’d buy some. That wasn’t the case.
When ’twas time to move on,
Turned around; she was gone.
Disappeared, and without any tres.
Lothario played the string bass
While seducing the ladies. Said Grace,
“That immense instrument
Has me tingling and spent.
Put it back in your pants (and its case)!”
While browsing around a bookcase,
The librarian came face-to-face
With a volume of Lear.
Now she’s writing, I fear,
Killer lims as a droll “coup de grace.”
Ouch!
When he sailed on his ship he lost face,
‘Cause he entered a nation’s water space.
In the court he did plea,
Since it turned out to be
An invasion of private sea case.
Sherlock’s fetishes swayed every case
As he sleuthed and prepared to give chase.
“‘The game is a foot!’
Is extremely well put,”
Quipped this bootlicking wearer of lace.
Benjamin had a nasty case
of bad herpes he acquired from Grace
She said, “That’s not true!
You got it from Sue”
Then she kicked him in his special place
Never make friends with a stubborn lady
You’ll think she’s nice, but she’s a bit shady
She’ll say it’s night
Even though it’s light
You’re better off with a dog named Sadie
She said “Come on up to my place.”
With that come-hither look on her face.
His heart skipped a beat;
Now we’re full and complete
With another cliche – just in case.
When in the Mid East. if you spot a case
Run as fast as you can at a speedy pace
It might be money
But OH! Honey
You don’t want something to blow up in your face!
STUBBORN 13 YEAR OLD
Don’t stand there like a block of ice
Learn to dance; take my advice!
You’ll have some fun
And when you’re done
You’ll realize that touching the girls is nice
Wipe that smile off your face
I can clearly now rest my case
We promised not to cheat
But I found the receipt
And that, my Dear, is your fall from grace
Don’t marry a stubborn hotshot
You’ll argue till you’re overwrought
It will never stop
Until you flop
“Should we recycle. or should we not?”
I’m writing these words just in case
Madkane should decide to embrace
My lim’rickal skill.
I’ll continue until
I win the grand prize in this space.
The election this year makes the case
We must put you-know-who in her place.
Who’s the man for the gig:
Antichrist? Sexist pig?
Let’s all write in our vote – NANCY GRACE.
To Stephen Fleming:
The glory of winning first place
Eludes me; I gave up the chase
It’s still fun to immerse
In, I can’t do much worse
But I’ll still write a verse, just in case.
He’s as stubborn as any old mule
Admitting defeat ‘isn’t cool’
He’s obviously wrong
But his ego’s too strong
To say, “Sorry, I’ve been such a fool.”
I’ve the typical Taurean pique
(also known as a mean stubborn streak).
Once my way is revealed,
I’ll hold fast and not yield.
It’s just part of my bullish mystique.
All young males raised in St. Dominique
Hone the skills of their sexual technique.
If their foreplay’s “foul play”
All they’ll hear is “NO WAY.”
A smackdown by fem’nine mystique!
Attention all attorneys:
In ‘Night Court’ there’s case after case,
So in order to speed up the pace,
Make all speeches brief
And give us relief,
Or the wrath of your judge you will face.
I imagine one could make the case
That the White House may soon be his place
Donald Trump thinks he’ll trounce
But will never pronounce
The word right when he says he’s an ace.
I’m as stubborn as stubborn can be
Show me proof and aloofly, I flee.
No concessions to science
No facts, just defiance
That’s why I remain YEC*.
*young earth creationist.
I see my faux pas…in my last one, please change L2 to “Show me proof and aloofly, I flee”
From MBK: Done.
He refuses to honor their wishes
And scale back the garbage he dishes.
The pathway’s now clear
For the ending they fear:
Their party will swim with the fishes.
Right-wingers keep telling us that
This climate change ain’t where it’s at.
When they had their say
Way back in the day,
They told us the whole world was flat.
He’s quite cautious, too timid to face
Any loss. He’s insured to replace
All he owns on this earth
At three times what it’s worth.
And the name of this dude? Justin Case.
DIVORCE COURT
The judge had an unusual case
Concerning Jim and Sally Grace
The plaintiff said
She looks like “The Living Dead”
Every morning when he looks at her face
We’re tired of his stubborn pitch
And reminding us that he’s so rich
He thinks he’s smart
But for the most part
He’s just a plain old son of a bitch
The FBI says they have a case
But will they say it to her face?
She hopes they forget
And she does regret
That she messed around in cyberspace
Harper Lee was a stubborn old goat
Because she never did promote
Another story
To bring her glory
And that, my friends, is all she wrote
In the tradition of Fleming and Heymann.
A limerick contest is in
The orbit of “chuckle and grin”.
I’ll never stop entering,
Though I may need some mentoring,
And I’ll never stop hoping to win.
To Allen Wilcox:
The psychology hidden within
Of why everyone wants to win
Makes us all, I admit
Just too stubborn to quit
So then why?! (Don’t know where to begin)
There’s no trophy, no money, or place
For a photo op showing your face
A few moments of fame
To a stranger’s full name
But we still play the game, just in case.
Though competing is hard to resist
Other reasons to enter, exist
‘Self-expression’ is one
And another is ‘fun’
Test your skills with a pun or a twist.
Creativity must be let out
Just like winners at bingo must shout
Or like noise you impart
Of a long-suppressed fart
It all comes from the heart – there’s no doubt!
THE MAGICIANS DAUGHTER
She packed herself inside a flaming case
So nobody could even see her face
She did it for a joke
Then just went up in smoke
And quickly disappeared without a trace
110516
Now the poets can’t help me save face
After putting them all in their place
At first, hardly any
Then poof! Far too many
Those few weeks ago
I would tactlessly show
The ‘dumb lot’ how they flubbed in this case.
Inconsistency was their weak point
Should have just told ’em all, “Smoke a joint!”
Then just watch the rhymes fly
As they’re all getting high
And hear limericists self-anoint.
(Yes I know, I broke a major limerick-writing rule, but oh well, I don’t expect to be crowned Miss Limerick any time soon)
To: Suzanne Heymann
You have pretty well wrapped it up. Congrats!
It was limerick night.
I continued to write,
But I faced an unusual case.
Something seemed to be quite out of place.
The lines just were not right.
I pondered what might be so strange,
‘Til I found that if I could arrange
To squeeze 3 and 4
And stretch the rest more,
Then all of them thrived from the change.
To Allen Wilcox:
Thanks! But your confusion-oriented one above is a stroke of genius; and you were able to break a limerick-writing rule, but did so legitimately, Mr. Limerick!
“TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD”
Harper Lee was a stubborn old goat
Because she never did promote
Another story
To bring her glory
But that , my friends, is all she wrote
Good limerick writing’s a race
To a sadly anonymous place.
Perhaps I should mention
To get more attention,
I’ve decided to use UPPER CASE.
To Allen Wilcox:
Sorry, you’re too late to do it
David Reddekopp – he beat you to it
But there’s no reason why
You can’t give it a try
I’ll be waiting; I’d sure like to view it.
If it’s pressure you think you now face
Hey, don’t worry about UPPER CASE
The size of each letter
Won’t make the poem better
Just your talent you use in that space.
Limerick-Off/Case
With his girlfriend, he’d often embrace
Hoping to get to third base,
But with a blow-up doll
And some cheap alcohol
Kept in reserve, just in case.
Barry Solomons
Manchester
U.K.
Donald Trump is a noteworthy case,
A nominee without any grace.
A misogynist racist,
Whose views are the basest,
He needs a good punch in the face.
The surgeon removed any trace
Of the features that once made her face
Appear common, mundane–
Just another plain Jane.
In Stepford, that’s always the case.
There once was a fish wife who’d race
‘Round her shop guarding every glass case.
If you hear the old trout
Give a shout, best get out
Or she’ll chase you all over the plaice.
Now Fred’s in a cryotic case
A strange look preserved on his face
Hips fingers and Knees
Embryos in the freeze
To donate,or to ditch, or replace.
To David Reddekopp and Suzanne Heymann:
Well, I guess I’ve been put in my place
For deciding to use upper case.
So I will be gallant and,
Rely just on my talent and,
I’ll save not only ink, I’ll save face.
I can put up a very strong case
That Australia’s the World’s nicest place
With mountains and lakes
And kangas and snakes..
In conclusion we have lots of space.
To Allen Wilcox:
Upper case was a rat in this race
Which your talent, with ease, did outpace
You did not disappoint
If I could, I’d anoint
You to win an award in this case.
He’s not stubborn, he “principled.” See?
Not obsessed, “laser-focused” is he.
It’s the same old refrain:
Life involves much less pain
When it’s viewed euphemistically.
Jack and Jill had a race
Jill was running at a faster pace
Jack caught up
Then threw up
Girls are superior; I rest my case
Two mobsters looked so out of place
As each carried a violin case
Booze was inside of one
In the other – a gun
You could say they have shooters to chase.
All naked, locked in an embrace
They laid by a big fireplace
With music and wine
She would tingle his spine
As they gazed into each other’s face.
Then wifeypoo walked in their space
And she yelled, “You’re a bloody disgrace!
You’re screwing our neighbor
While I work and labor
You aren’t so hard to replace!”
With an anvil, this woman gave chase
And whacked them both square in the face
She made ninety hot toddies
By melting their bodies
And selling them all by the case.
The orders came at a fast pace
To fill them became such a race
She hired a bum
To go buy some more rum
Then she melted him too, just in case.
An inspector stopped by at her place
She invited him up the staircase
With no clothes, just a bed
Then whacked him in the head
And guess why? Yep, a hot toddy base.
Then the cops came; she only wore lace
As she fluttered and bounced with such grace
They used the wrong pistol
And each time they’d miss till
She shot them with two cans of mace.
I ran out of words rhymed with case
And I’m using up far too much space
So now you know why
I must tell you “Goodbye”
And say, “Go home and kiss your wife’s face.”
It’s all right to be stubborn if you
Know the facts that are all tried and true
Your pure neutral notion
Unskewed by emotion
Will justify all that you do.
Just do it with tact and some grace
And use that in every case
It only takes once
To be wrong as a dunce
Then diplomacy’s sure to save face.
I went fishing; oh what a disgrace!
I ended up red in the face
Not from being well done
By the rays of the sun
But from shame of just catching a dace!
(I can just see most of you looking up the word ‘dace’, hehehe.
Yes, girls and boys, we learn something new every day…)
Inconsistency/stubbornness rules
With these poets, such obstinate mules
They do, then they don’t
When they will, when they won’t
But they pick the same day to be fools!
They’re scarce now, they must have spring fever
All busier than a damn beaver
It’s pandemic worldwide
They’re all playing outside
Where’s that trapdoor? Let ME pull the lever!
Sausage-makers will say to your face
Keep the meat stuck together in place
Turn the crank, let them out
A bagged sausage should sprout
But if you’re still in doubt, just encase.
If you make some mistakes, just erase
Then put the corrections in place
That also applies
When life’s problems arise
You’ll get wise from your tries in each case.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Stubbornness-Themed Limerick Winner and to the Honorable Mention winners: Limerick-Off Award 252
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Stay.