Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FLAKE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using FLAKE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner December 13th, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 12, at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A gal who was rather a flake
Always screwed up whatever she’d bake,
And whenever she’d try
To feed someone her pie,
Their response would be, “This takes the cake.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Baking Humor, Baking Limerick, Cakes Humor, Competition Limerick, Dessert Humor, Food Humor, Food Verse, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Pie Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A guy who was really a snake
Took a girl out who was a true flake
He took out his weiner
She changed her demeanor
And laughed at it, for goo’ness sake!
One night while reading Blake
I noticed a spelling mistake
Instead of “the same”
It said “down the lame.”
The typesetter sure was a flake.
There once was a silly young hake
Who fancied a swim in a lake
But salt fish shouldn’t oughta
Try and live in fresh water
That’s a fatal mistake, Hake you flake!
A vacation my grandpa did take
Hiroshima, the choice they would make
“Having fun?” asked his mom
He replied, “It’s the bomb!”
Soon his skin was beginning to flake.
Her paint is beginning to flake,
And her rear end is starting to shake.
Though she’s showing her age,
I’m not turning the page –
I still love her to bits, my old brake.
It’s better than chips or some cake
Is an æstival treat that I take:
A “99” cone
(The name source unknown)—
Of soft ice with a Cadbury’s Flake.
It was snowing, huge flake after flake,
And my windscreen was growing opaque.
She was giving good head,
But she bit me instead
When I hit the emergency brake.
The hooker said “Gimme a break!
My lips are beginning to flake.
I’ve been blowing for hours,
I’m losing my powers
Of charming that old one-eyed snake.”
Every guy in the band was a flake,
And they made an appalling mistake
In Dubai for a gig
When they opened it big
With a song called “Roll, Rattle, and Sheikh.”
With the mind of a venomous snake,
Hair the colour of stale carrot-cake,
And the face of a snowman,
Let voters say “No, man!”
And hope he will melt like a flake.
The sensational news did not flake
The Countess was put in a quake!
Poor Sven was a dupe
In a mean tabloid scoop
By Mahmood, that snake, the “Fake Sheikh”.
Mazher Mahmood was an undercover reporter for the tacky “News of the World” former Sunday newspaper in Britain and would often don an Arab sheikh disguise to deceive his interviewees, leading to the sobriquet of Fake Sheikh. His targets included Sophie, Countess of Wessex, the wife of Prince Edward, and the then England coach, Sven-Göran Eriksson. The latter was the victim of an elaborate and extremely costly scam at a luxury hotel in Dubai, in which he was tricked into making some injudicious remarks about various England players.
A Rep from AZ, name of Flake,
Was on a Congressional break
His only real platform?
To keep his girl’s “cat” warm.
He’s just a disgusting old rake.
Each Repub aspirant is a flake
Arrgh, GOP! Give us a break!
In despair, though I cry,
They continue to vie,
One appalling and large bellyache.
A really good pie crust should flake,
Same with strudel, so much is at stake!
All buttery and fragile,
A cut must be agile!
But you want it moist with a cake.
In undies as thin as a flake
Hot guys, OMG, such beefcake!
Their look sure engages,
Just calendar pages.
So there’s really nothing at stake.
I love to eat coconut flake
Into the dessert it must bake
My husband hates it
Always debates it
But I win ’cause I bake the cake
In Chicago when I see the first flake
I know I’m not getting a break
I get out my shovel
I don’t look for trouble
I just hand it to my husband, Jake
Our neighbor is nice, but a flake
Each December she makes us fruitcake
We smile- she means well
We re-gift it – Don’t tell.
To a GOP-Tea Party snake
Jenny was the ultimate flake
We all took a ride to the lake
She took out her bait
And said to her date:
“I’m trying to catch a steak”
If you enter the Publishers Sweepstakes
Buying up magazines galore, you’re a flake
Because when you don’t win
And you enter again
You cause periodic(al) hoarding outbreaks
I think my best friend is a flake
One day he decided to take
A carton of boron
The guy is a moron
It was an elementary mistake
The snow, it fell down flake by flake,
As silent as some sneaky snake.
With nary a sound,
It fell, pound by pound,
And looks like a vanilla cake.
Despite all the measures he’d take,
Jake’s dandruff continued to flake.
He discovered the flaw
Why his scalp was so raw–
He was combing his hair with a rake.
Some think that Ben Carson’s a flake
And his running is one big mistake
Don’t sell short the masses
Since so many are asses
Despite most of his life has been fake
A grey goose, a bit of a flake,
Humped a duck in the dark, by mistake.
“I don’t want to pander,
You stupid old gander,”
The duck said. “Besides, I’m a drake.”
Had a dream I got bit by a snake.
I woke up, massive pain, monstrous ache.
But the snake was, alas,
One named Trump. Total ass.
Can the right wing yield nought but this flake?
not a duplicate!
Jenny was the ultimate flake
We all took a ride to the beautiful lake
She took out her bait
And said to her date:
“I’m trying to catch a Porterhouse steak”
Some people call me a dizzy flake
I think, however, they’ve made a mistake
I went to the party
With my boyfriend Marty
So what if I forgot it was an Irish wake
this morning I feel like a flake
in knowing I’m guilty to take
a good thing for granted
and feel disenchanted
for taking a limerick break
My family says that I’m a flake
But wait till they taste my chocolate cake
I add ground beef
And a dried bay leaf
Now they’ll appreciate that I can bake
Zarathustra, says Nietzsche, thus spake
And through morality cut a wide wake
Urbermench, it seems
Was the man of his dreams
(Our Old Fred was a bit of a flake)
When Gordon called Bessy a flake
she planted a bomb in his cake
it went off – CA – BOOM
when he entered the room
pretending to dance to ‘swan – lake’
When Gordon called Bessy a flake
she planted a bomb in his cake
so, starting to hum
while scratching his bum
set off the fuse in the bake.
When Philip called Fanny a flake
she made him a “hot” birthday cake
she cared not a sliver
Smoldering shimmer
Left by his body in wake
Billy Ray was a bit of a flake
And his mullet? To me, a bit fake
This I’ll state from the start
But I won’t tell his heart
That will make it start aching, and break.
A stripper leaped out of the cake
With icing quite dry. Would it flake?
But the men didn’t mind,
As they viewed her behind,
Enjoying her shimmy and shake.
The dangerous lead-filled paint flake
Child tempting, tastes like chocolate cake.
Banned since seventy-eight,
Chinese toys still await.
This still exists. What a heartache!
Mad, in my Billy Ray limerick, could you change L5 to “That will make it start aching, and break”?
(From MBK: Done.)
Far be it I’d made a mistake
to try to move snow with a rake
But I’d imbibed the bubbly
It felt sorta lovely
Admitted I I moved not a flake
When one’s reputation’s at stake
One should avoid one mistake
However it’s true
That if one more makes two
You’re safe, you crafty snake flake
She spake, “For you I’ve male a cake”
I knew I’d really have to fake
enjoyment ,as I gave a shiver
hoping to receive a sliver
Devoured it to the final flake
“From punning on snowstorms, please take
A breather, and give me a break!”
My wife said to me.
It’s obvious she
Must think that her husband’s a flake.
It started with one little flake
From the number a blizzard would make.
All covered in white;
That glorious sight
Recalled as we lie here and bake.
The Trumpster, now make no mistake
Is not just some blowhard or flake.
His message is clear
For the morons who cheer
While a black man is stomped like a snake.
The gal from Nantucket’s no flake,
Panting fellows are left in her wake.
She’s smart and so hot,
Guys had her. Or not!
‘Cause her proud reputation’s at stake.
Everyone thinks that I’m a flake
But no one has a beau like Jake
He’s got real class
A real cute ass
And hasn’t figured out my parts are fake
An ice fisherman on the lake
Was happy with nary a flake.
But he ran out of luck
Getting back in his truck
When climate change gave him a break.
Now Bob is a bit of a flake.
Goes to sea in a rowboat (a caique).
O’er the side he goes golfin’
Hits eggs at the doplhin
Who’re caught in his fin eggin’ wake.
Please delete the first one, Mad. TIA!
(From MBK: Done.)
Only a complete flake
Would order a Salisbury steak
It’ a hamburger with gravy
Which began in the Navy
It’s not a steak; it’s a fake
A gal who was rather a flake
had a habit of teasing a snake
sashaying she hissed
It struck out and kissed
Leaving a stunned flake in its wake
If giving your own head a shake
Means your shirt now shows many a flake
Here’s the answer for you:
Anti-dandruff shampoo
Rinse, lather, repeat; it should take.
The worst case of dry scalp and flake
Followed one really massive headache
Not even Tegrin
Could help poor Ann Boleyn
Once the King chose her head to forsake
“My commandments are these”, the Lord spake.
There were ten massive tablets to take.
When he got down the hill,
One now read “THOU SHALT … KILL”,
For the stone was beginning to flake.
The bimbo was cooking a steak
For a strict vegetarian flake.
He had doubts. “Is it veggie?”
“Of course it is, Reggie –
Cows only eat grass, for God’s sake!”
It grievously makes my soul ache
When I behold many a flake
That aspire to lead,
A middling breed,
Of pandering, slithering snake.
I glanced outside and saw a flake
I mentioned it to my husband, Blake
He said, “Stop looking out
Because no doubt
It’s another jerk, naked in the lake”
As for snow, when they say that each flake
Is unique, I would think they must make
An assumption or two.
I mean, what could you do
To be sure, and how long would it take?
To make a proper Christmas cake
You must combine a flake
Of arsenic and old lace
And a teaspoon of mace
Then run like hell like a Mamba snake
There once was a gibbon named Flake,
Whose chimpanzee wife baked a cake,
He grabbed a big hunk,
His wife said, ‘you skunk,
Our marriage is all gibbon take.’
When will winter give us a break?
The ground’s covered; so many a flake
It’s really a bummer
I wish it was summer
Can’t get here too soon for my sake.
not a duplicate
To make a proper Christmas cake
You must combine a tiny flake
Of arsenic and old lace
With a teaspoon of mace
Then run like hell like a Mamba snake
An online friend of mine planted the idea of ‘Chris Christie’ instead of a ‘Stripper’ popping out of a cake (please don’t ask how or why this happened) which resulted in this variation on my previous ‘Limerick’:
Chris Christie leaped out of the cake
With icing quite dry. Would it flake?
I thought they’d go blind,
As they viewed his behind.
A clear case of mistaken beefsteak.
As a cook, I am often a flake
For the wrong cut of meat I will make
In my hurry and haste
Now it’s going to waste
I’m afraid I have made a missed steak.
It grievously makes my soul ache
When I behold so many a flake
That aspire to lead,
A middling breed,
Of pandering, slithering snake. EDITED
Kleptomaniac’s really a flake;
Goes to bakeries and likes to take
An item that’s frosted,
Then run ’til exhausted.
So the guy really does take the cake.
This singer will shimmy and shake;
She’ll slither around like a snake.
The massive crowd cheers;
Miley Cyrus appears
In an outfit the size of a flake.
A jerk or a no-nothing flake;
A bully or cartoon-haired fake.
Those who vote G.O.P.
So delighted to see
There are wonderful choices to make.
When we in Chicago see a flake
We know we’re in for a belly ache
So we go to O’hare
And fly to where
We can get a tan and earn our break
Some people think I’m a flake
But I know they’re making a mistake
The invitation said, “The Ritz”
And they called me a “ditz’
Just because I went to the Drake
not a duplicate
Some people think I’m a flake
But I know they’ve made a mistake
The invitation said, “The Ritz”
And they called me a “ditz’
Just because I went to the Drake
not a duplicate
When in Chicago we see a flake
We’re in for a belly ache
So we go to O’hare
And fly to where
We can get a tan and have a break
I’m in awe of how nature can take
Different atoms together and make
An invention so smart
Pristine beauty and art
In a crystalline perfect snow flake.
My self-esteem’s suff’ring a break
I feel like a worthless old flake
My fridge door, when parted
My rump roast just farted
At me; it’s more than I can take.
A husband who was a big flake
Asked his wife, “Where the hell’s my beef steak?!”
Answered she, “I don’t know
But it’s missing below
Grow a new one and don’t bellyache!”
All my exes – they each were a flake
‘Cause they never would give, only take
Being nobody’s wife
Is the best kind of life
With a peace that nobody can break.
I once ate a whole chocolate cake
Now I feel like a glutton, a flake
Down the hall I would roll
To my porcelain bowl
And upchuck from this bad bellyache.
With an STD nasty outbreak
Just watch that your skin doesn’t flake
Mind rashes and lesions
In all nether regions
And anywhere else it might ache.
Average White Band’s “Cut the Cake”
Is not about what you can bake.
The confection they’re slicing
Has no need for icing
And hopefully, nothing to flake.
Global warming is something to take
Pretty seriously, goodness sake!
If there’s no solution
To fight off pollution
It threatens Earth’s ev’ry snow flake.
The cold ice, preserves ev’ry flake
Of the snow that may melt in its wake
Conserving its beauty –
Is that not our duty
When life on this planet’s at stake?
To make the best pie crust, you take
Some vinegar before you bake
Add that to the dough
And you’ll soon come to know
It’s so good right down to the last flake.
(it’s true; look it up)
If you sit in the sun long, you’ll bake
Then your skin will get dry, maybe flake
You might get melanoma
Or be in a coma
Your health isn’t there to forsake!
If someone says I am a flake
And tells me, “Go jump in the lake!
Take a hike! Fly a kite!”
Well, I think I just might
These are hobbies I do undertake.
Oh boy how she made my loins ache
That girl with the Cadbury’s flake
I would salivate
As she bit and ate
She sure was a piece of hot cake
She’s strong and she’s hot, not a flake
She’ll shake your world like an earthquake.
She’ll tease and seduce
Then she’ll cut you loose.
She leaves broken hearts in her wake.
The gal from Nantucket’s no flake,
She leaves panting guys in her wake.
She’s smart and so hot,
Guys had her. Or not!
‘Cause her reputation’s at stake.
So cold out and starting to flake
In the warm pub, a handsome young rake
His seduction was bold
She was lured, truth be told
She gave him more than a handshake.
Then there’s Thomas, an odious flake,
Peeping through his binocs at the lake.
From down low in his punt,
He conducts his chick hunt,
Leaving handfuls of spunk in his wake.
A good friendship is easy to break
If you don’t want to fix your mistake
Don’t deflect or be smug
Sweep it under the rug
Then you prove you’re a coward, a flake.
A movie producer named Blake
Scored big with a lust-driven flake.
Dudley Moore had a yen
To go stalking that “10”
Which Bo Derek could easily fake.
My 2016 nightmare:
In Paris, our future’s at stake.
This conference may be “make-or-break.”
But our voters, I fear,
May be fed a “bum steer,”
And elect a denialist flake.
The paint on the ceiling would flake
When she screamed. Then her body would quake,
With her toes curling tight.
It capped off quite a night.
You know what? I don’t *care* if it’s fake.
On a hike we’ve decided to take,
Our hope is the weather will break.
We continue to climb
And he view is sublime;
But the raindrops are starting to flake…
Here’s Justin, a horny young flake
Who’s lusting for Morgan and Blake.
He sexted some pics;
An effort they’ll nix
As their boyfriends correct his mistake.
How many more words will it take
From an ego-maniacal flake
‘Till we finally purge
The Donald Trump scourge?
A demagogue clearly he’ll make.
“All you Muslims, keep out!” Donald spake.
“It should only be Christians we take,”
Said Jeb Bush and Ted Cruz.
(That’s the sound of loose screws.)
And they say Jerry Brown is a flake?
While The Donald continues to make
A mockery of all that’s at stake,
How great are the cries
From the RNC guys?
As loud as the sound of a flake.
In Congress there is a Jeff Flake
John Boehner was too a mistake
If Ryan is lyin’
People are cryin’
That a Bush will get one more shake
Some day those voters may wake
Lord knows what that might take
It’s not in a name
This politics game
But Trump always takes the cake
How special is that little flake;
The one who continues to make
Calls from her cell
And demanding as well:
“Now bring me my gluten-free cake.”
Okay, I admit I’m a flake
I just can’t seem to bake a cake
But when it comes to the bed
I always knock ’em dead
It’s just a matter of give and take
I guess I’m just a foolish flake
I made kind of a fluky mistake
I took a pill
That was meant for Bill
Our evening rocked like a colossal earthquake
A lazy loon lounged on a lake
Felt a fluttering falling snow flake
Now if nature’s not nudging
For flight, faith is fudging
Its will to want warmth in its wake.
Testing if HTML works in these comments.
Four meanings I’ll offer for flake:
Loose, small piece that from something may break;
A unit of snow;
Kooky fruitcake you know;
Early tool that from stone one can make.
I used to be a simple flake
Then I met a man named Jake
He had a Benz
And said we were friends
I’m hoping there is more at stake
So here’s the suggestion I’d make
About Trump, for America’s sake:
Let’s soak his hair through
With some dandruff shampoo,
And hope it gets rid of the Flake.
By the time of the first winter flake,
I tremble, I twitch and I shake:
It’s been Christmas in-store
For three months (maybe more)
And I’ve had about all I can take.
Gushed the girl, “When you called me ‘a flake’,
Did you mean that I’d melt for your sake,
A pure crystal of snow?”
He said sourly: “No.”
…
…
…
(That’s the only response he would make.)
SAY, BILL, THAT’S grrrRRREAT!
Inspired by a dream, Mr. Blake
Cried out, as he sat up awake:
“Tyger, burning and bright
In the forest of Night…
What Immortal hath Frosted thy Flake?”
Seems a break ain’t the same as a brake,
And a sheikh ain’t the same as a shake,
And a stake ain’t the same
As a steak—what a shame!—
But a flake is a flake is a flake.
Said he to his wife, “You’re a flake.
At least half of your body is fake.
I can no longer feel
Just what might be real.
What you really are like is opaque.”
He unclogged. She pled, “Give me a break.
I hope you don’t think I’m a flake.”
She confessed to the plumber,
“Down below I’ve got number.
Do you think I could borrow your snake?”
Aunt Martha will quite often bake
Some brownies or maybe a cake.
With her Saturday stop
At the cannabis shop,
There’s magic in every flake.
I figured there’d least be a flake
or two this December would make.
but looking ’round
there’s just mud on the ground.
I’ve made a terrible mistake.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick-Off Award 241.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Lies.