Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STRIDE or ASTRIDE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either STRIDE or ASTRIDE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A jogger stopped trying to hide
Her concerns about being a bride;
She sent out this tweet
To her boyfriend: “You’re sweet.
Wedding’s off, though. Please take it in stride.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Competition Limerick, Jogging Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Social Media Poetry, Twitter Verse, Wedding Limerick, Writing Prompts
GO ROYALS!
I’ve been quite obsessed, I confide
Too excited to take things in stride
I’m a fan who’s quite loyal
Love those Men In Blue Royals
And their impending crown- #KC Pride!
The lion would lazily stride
Round his patch, or just lie on his side.
“Hunt for dinner? Nah, this is
A job for the missus –
It’s housework, and I have my pride.”
She walked with a confident stride
To show she had nothing to hide,
But they found in her rack
Forty ounces of crack –
Her D-cups were B-cups inside.
In the desert, the hunter espied
A corpse with two vultures astride.
As they picked off the meat,
He said “That looks like Pete –
Guess he won’t be in need of a ride.”
The hooker was firmly astride,
And her john was enjoying the ride.
But his half-hour was up,
She had others to shtup;
“Oh, baby, I’m coming!” she lied.
Julius Caesar was said to bestride
Like a mighty Colossus, world-wide.
Cleopatra soon found
That the rumour was sound:
“It’s true, he’s colossal”, she sighed.
A lady in skirts took a stride
In crossing a manhole; inside
The man down below
Felt interest grow –
A whole new dimension he’d spied.
When horse riding bareback, astride,
The pounding a man can’t abide;
A woman is kitted
To be better fitted,
To the end she gets pleasure applied.
I wanted to take it in stride
But I do have a lot of Mets pride
Last night when they lost
my heart turned to frost
and I almost (just almost) cried.
Brian, “up” and “schtup” don’t actually rhyme.
A gal’s told to take it in stride,
But it’s not very good for her pride,
When her looks start to go,
And her deep wrinkles show;
For younger babes, she’s cast aside.
He excitedly moved while astride
The gal who lay there, opened wide.
The deed consummated
He was satiated.
She just came along for the ride.
‘Harlem Stride Piano’, ‘Stride Piano’, or ‘Stride’, is a jazz piano style that was developed in the large cities of the East Coast, mainly New York, during the 1920s and 1930s.
Thomas “Fats” Waller’ is still the most famous proponent of this form of jazz piano playing, so I’ve dedicated this limerick to him:
The pianist, “Fats” Waller, was wide,
With a playful competitive side.
So as all can attest,
Given any request,
He would take it and play it in ‘Stride.’
With Lady Godiva astride,
They went for a notable ride.
What the villagers saw
Wasn’t sanctioned by law;
But some were left swollen with pride
Last night my lovely wife Madeleine and I strolled down to our neighborhood rooftop bar, to do shots and watch our Mets lose the fourth game of this year’s ‘World Series’. That’s what inspired this limerick:
Most ‘Mets Fans’ take losing in stride,
As they cheer them with vigorous pride.
But choosing the place,
For this World Series race,
Requires them ‘High and Inside.’
She always walked with pride
And then she became a bride
“It’s time to unwind
No longer refined
My legs are consummately astride”
She walked with a definitive stride
Her gait always cut and dried
Then she met Dick
Who changed her real quick
Now she walks around starry-eyed
I wanted her for my next bride,
But she always managed to hide.
She said I was slick
At turning a trick,
But couldn’t ride horses astride.
Priscilla took it all in stride
When she became young Percy’s bride.
She loved only him,
Until, on a whim,
She took three lovers on the side.
His love organ, withered and dried,
Robert could no longer keep stride
With those young and horny.
Though with Sigourney,
The sly geezer certainly tried.
He’d later regret having tried
To make Soccer Sally his bride.
Her vision of heaven
Was teams of eleven
Whereas he liked to play two astride.
Jesse, according to my rhyming dictionary, “up” and “shtup” (with no “c”) DO rhyme.l
Note from Mad Kane: The Rhyming dictionary’s clearly not Jewish then, as opposed to both Jesse and me. :) I’m afraid that Jesse’s right. This Yiddish-derived word, spelled either schtup or shtup, has a u sound that’s more like the oo sound in book.
(This is a slightly modified version that replaces the one higher up.)
Julius Caesar was said to bestride,
Like Colossus, the world far and wide.
Cleopatra soon found
That the rumour was sound:
“It’s the truth, he’s colossal”, she sighed.
(… wishful thinking, perhaps)
It’s hard to take things in his stride
When his ratings continue to slide.
Here’s a riddle: Explain,
What do Donald’s campaign
And his hair have in common? —Both dyed.
She went to Dr. Mc Bride
So he could pull her legs astride
It seems that Mama
Said with her usual drama
“DON’T LET ANYONE COME INSIDE!”
The man with the sexy stride
Gazed at me and implied
We’ll go to Le Cirque
But he was such a jerk
He took me for quite a ride
When you walk with a confident stride
You exude a certain pride
Then you cough
And your pants fall off
And you end up with your brain downright fried
When fulfilling the moment astride,
You might want to try EZ Glide.
Just squeezing our tube
For a nice, quickie lube
Will ensure a most comfortable ride.
Well, never mind, Mad. After all, there are dialects in England (Yorkshire, for instance) where “up” is pronounced “oop”, so I’m covered – at least, I would be if I were a Yorkshireman.
It’s true that most dictionaries give only the “oop” pronunciation. However, Wikipedia gives two phonetic possibilities: /ʃtʌp/, /ʃtʊp/. Unfortunately, I don’t know the phonetic alphabet …
Hmm… Brian, perhaps you were thinking not of the Yiddish “shtup” but the similar Old English “shtup”, pronounced “tup”, in which the “sh” is silent… as in “Sh! don’t say ‘sh’!”
Or maybe I’m full of (silent)it.
Quoth the alchemist, glowing with pride
At his latest alchemical stride:
“With this potion, behold!
I shall never grow old!”
(Then he choked as he swallowed, and died.)
If I walk with a spring in my stride…
If I seem “bushy-tailed and bright-eyed”…
Well, I’ve met a new girl,
And my head’s in a whirl.
Now excuse me: I must kiss the bride.
“Archaeologists take it in stride
When they call us ‘grave robbers’,” he sighed.
“Now I’m off. I’ve a big
Ancient Barrow to dig
On the Banks of the Bonnie auld Clyde.”
Sir Jasper was fast; with one stride
He was on her. “Oh, Sir, I’m untried!”
“Not for long, here’s my yard!”
But he couldn’t get hard –
Viagra was not yet supplied.
A maiden was told she must ride
A horse,with her feet to one side
To this day it’s rumored
She showed off her bloomers
When mounting the equine astride
NOT A DUPLICATE
When you walk with a confident stride
You exude a certain pride
Then you cough
And your pants fall off
There you are with your brain all fried
They walked with a loving stride
He as her devoted guide
Then he tripped on a rock
She went into shock
Now they’re buried side by side
So joyful she was a bride
Perpetually starry-eyed
On a shopping spree
She did shockingly see
Out of the Holiday Inn he did stride
A hooker was sitting astride,
While her client was up for the ride.
When his big moment came,
She called out the name
Of the 8:00 waiting outside.
The G.O.P. candidates cried:
“That last debate altered our stride!”
CNBC showed
They cannot bear the load;
A FOX hole is where they should hide.
The GOP hopefuls have tried
To convince us that science has lied.
But as temperatures soar
And the superstorms roar,
The facts are just hitting their stride.
All but one, Lindsay Graham, denied
That we all need to act ‘ere we’re fried.
But alas, every poll
Shows him deep in the hole.
His chances have practically died.
And his other views? I can’t abide.
So I’ll never be found on his side.
In November sixteen
There’ll be no in-between.
I’ll vote Clinton or Sanders with pride.
Look man, i take it in stride,
You know what they say, ‘time and tide’,
A girl should say, ‘no’,
When guys ask for…you know,
Or the doctor may say, ‘the hare died’.
The captain measures his stride
Seeking his treasure to hide
To the west one must hie
From the hanged dead man’s eye
There sixteen souls shall abide
From high in the stands he espied
The trotter he’d bet on break stride.
That’s an instant DQ.
He cried out, “Oh, screw you!”
Now we’re seeing his sad, sulky side.
As the current Republican pride,
He walks with a confident stride.
But logic heads south
When he opens his mouth;
Ben Carson is hard to abide.
A man was once standing astride
A woman who flatly denied
Him entry. She’d beg
“Your gigantic third leg
Is too big!” He left unsatisfied.
You could always discern his stride
From the front, back, and side
Chaplin was his name
Achieving international fame
His genius: totally bonafide
The soldiers all marched in their stride
Wore their uniforms gladly with pride
But what good is a war
If just one out of four
Comes back home while the others have died?
Hiding In Plain Sight:
A passing parade came in stride
Where two bank robbers thought they could hide
Lost their clothes, lost their loot
‘Cept their low-hanging fruit
The parade, it turned out, was Gay Pride.
A john sought a wench he could ride
Saw two ladies and couldn’t decide
They both said, “Ooo-la-la!
Let’s do ménage aux trois!”
He agreed and took both in his stride.
Jane Austen took things in her stride
But could not her book’s title decide
For the plot she’d created
Of a lion group hated.
It came to her: Prejudice and Pride!
A major league rookie named Clyde
Was running the base path in stride
With a ball girl named Flo
To whom he would show
His headlong professional slide.
Through dark London streets he would stride
Indulging his vices with pride.
This sociopath freak
In vain did they seek:
Dr Jekyll’s creation, Ted Hyde.
Not wanting her knot to be tied,
She ran from the church with great stride.
Her dad tracked her down,
To get back the gown,
Before the return policy applied.
He played his trombone with such glide
Thus arousing his woman inside
They tied music with sex
Bound together with flex
As she’d ride on his slide in her stride.
Add a woman with glide in her stride
Subtract clothes (on the floor, or outside)
Then in your consummation
Use multiplication
Once you get her legs to divide.
There was once a young fellow from Hyde
Park who thought that he could if he tried.
He did and his fight
For the House that was White
Left him with a spring in his stride.
Not the first time I neglected to use the required word Mad.
Could you substitute the following for the last line?
Left him with a spring in his stride.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks.
This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the week 238.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Snipe.