Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BURN at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using BURN at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A woman was feeling the burn
While working to firm up her stern.
“But your butt is perfection!”
Was hubby’s objection.
“It’s a rear end I’m learning to earn.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
As Obama will finish his turn
For a new leader people will yearn
If you are Democratic
Vote Clinton? Stay static.
Want change? Then start feeling the Bern.
By cheating, his bridges he’d burn
With his wife. He would never return
She decapitated
Him, had him cremated,
And kept his remains in an urn.
The oil at midnight I burn
As I fill in my dreaded return
My time thus deployed
As I’m now self-employed
Oh, how I miss pay-as-you-earn!
The ISP companies’ concern
Such as ARPU, or what rate of churn
(Those who no longer grace
Their subscriber base)
Are worries that constantly burn.
The Taoiseach was Bertie Ahern
His son in law: Nicky O’Byrne
From a boyband of fame
(Or Westlife by name).
Some neat Irish trivia to learn!
Mad Kane is a former attorn-
ey-Who chose an alternative journ-
ey-She now makes us laugh
Wit and humor, her craft
Nailing STOOPID with clever ‘wordburn.’
Though Hillary thinks it’s her turn,
I hope people favor the Bern
Coz in spite of her docket
Big banks line her pocket
And just that is ’nuff cause for concern
It might have caused Einstein to turn
In his grave, that collider constructed by CERN
Claiming “Faster than light!”,
But the sums weren’t quite right –
There were many red faces in Berne.
(Actually, the collider is near Geneva, but what the hell, Berne is the capital of Switzerland …)
Said the preacher, “Just listen and learn –
You sinners are all gonna burn!
Your transgression enrages
The Good Lord – the wages
Of sin will be paid in an urn.”
Like Fox, they’ve a great deal to learn
About honest reporting. In turn,
CNN sells us short
When they fail to report
That Hillary lost it to Bern.
The hooker was trying to earn
Enough to get by. She would turn
Any number of tricks
With detestable dicks,
Just as long as they’d money to burn.
The bimbo was feeling concern,
And her stomach was starting to churn.
He had eaten hot curry,
Then came in a hurry –
Her mouth felt the strong afterburn.
She made every inch of him burn
But each ardent gesture, she’d spurn
He had to concede
He did not succeed
She stamped his love pleas, “mark return”.
For fairness and right we all burn;
The Country is our grave concern.
Economy first;
Injustice reversed!
We know we can win, “Feel the Bern!” !
The tip of my nose got a burn
Cause fashion was my first concern.
My cute hat was fun,
But no shield from the sun,
So I made mistakes- hope I learn!
The lady’s libido didst burn
and prompted the preacher’s concern
When he mentioned sects,
she thought he meant sex
and disrobed and gave him a turn!
He ravished her, pacing the burn.
His hot words were like sweet sauterne
She was in a trance
Though an online romance-
He sent one more kiss, pressed return.
Brian Allgar your Curry in a hurry
a stroke of genius.
Obamagate waiting its turn
to thrash his arse, full crash and burn
Jesse Ventura
spread strong Datura
conspiracy theory churn?
Katrina a fortunate turn?
B.P. spill, a ploy of concern?
To clear south coast
create a land ghost
for corporate dividend churn
Datura – poison plant
The arsonist showed no concern
When the courtroom had to adjourn
He had lit the light
To give the Judge a fright
When his wig commenced to burn
While playing a classical nocturne
My instrument started to burn
I remained at my seat
Till the piece was complete
And the keyboard was done to a turn
The true whisky drinker must learn
Only water from some Highland burn
Should be kept in the vault
Where you sample pure malt –
But the water itself you should spurn.
At the beach a woman did turn,
to prevent a painful sunburn.
A distracted man tripped,
his laughing wife quipped,
“Strike three, owe me dinner at Bern’s.”
The Tea P: a nash’nal concern;
Any thought of a bargain, they spurn.
Send them off to their room,
Let them fidget and fume.
If they fume enough maybe they’ll burn.
At the conference lead by Bern
It seems there was much concern
“My tush is bare
I need underwear
This meeting will now adjourn”
The nuns were so very stern
They made sure that we all would learn
If your skirt is too short
Go to “Our Lady” court
And pray that in hell you won’t burn
Rhett Butler made many heads turn
When he dealt sobbing Scarlett that burn.
A true Southern gent
Would have said as he went:
“Mah dear, Ah just don’t give a durn.”
The man said, wife you must learn
To cook stew, for which I most yearn
Her toddy she drank
On the sofa she sank
and the lamb stew did a slow burn
After sex, when I peed, it did burn.
From the doctor I later did learn
To cover my stump
Whenever I hump.
If I don’t, the disease could return.
Tennis pro had a serve that could burn
So darn fast that I quickly did learn
To my utter disgrace
When he served me an ace,
It was known as the point of no return.
On a trip to Earth’s centre, Jules Verne
Missed a signpost and took a wrong turn
O’er the Styx into hell,
Where a Scots imp said “Well,
As it’s Burns Night, ye’ll burn by yon burn.”
He aspires to beat good ‘ole Bern
For a position he claims he will earn
With enough hair spray
He won’t need a toupee
And get for what he does frantically yearn
NOT A DUPLICATE
At the conference lead by Bern
It seems there was much concern
“My tush is bare
So I need underwear
This meeting will now promptly adjourn”
NOT A DUPLICATE
He aspires to beat good ‘ole Bern
For a position he says he will earn
With enough hair spray
He won’t need a toupee
And win what he does frantically yearn
She walked out just wearing a fern
and showed not the slightest concern
She whistled sea shanties
while wearing no panties
All this from a spleef she did burn!
He worked really hard so he’d earn
the stuff as a child he did yearn
He’d hang with the boys
and play with their toys
His jealousy did a slow burn
Och, let us go sit by the side of the burn,
Ye’ve burning desire Burns poems to learn?
Aye, the Wordsworth repeats
If we take off our Keats –
So Shelley be Browning himself to a turn?
Tonight’s my rendezvous with my lover, Bern
When we connect, our hormones just “churn”
We’re very discreet
When we meet
And never run into his wife named Fern
In bed last night I failed to turn
For some reason hard to discern
It turned out quite bad
Due to my heating pad
Now I’m sporting a new side burn
A lover should have concern
That his mate should feel the burn
For one cannot fudge
A splendid nudge
Nor the law of diminished return.
The latest man for whom I yearn
Is a driving instructor whose name is Bern
We went to Beloit
Instead of Detroit
I think my Bern made a wrong turn
Not A Duplicate
Tonight’s my tryst with sexy Bern
When we connect our hormones just churn
We’re very discreet
When we meet
We must not run into his wife named Fern
A lesson he needed to learn:
To know when to stop and discern.
Pinocchio’s lust
Was widely discussed –
His woody was starting to burn.
When he had no money to burn,
His advances she just loved to spurn.
But that was before
His Powerball score;
Those tables are fun when they turn…
Mike’s toupee was starting to turn
As he went down without a concern
It came without warning
The very next morning
June’s very bad case of rug-burn
So she went into the local tavern
And asked the bartender Ahearn
If he had a soft stool
June felt quite the fool
When Ahearn took a dump in an urn
Ooops! Another senior moment – too many syllables in line 2 of my first limerick. Here’s a corrected version. (Note to self: when did I last have a moment that WASN’T senior?)
It might have caused Einstein to turn
In his grave, that machine built by CERN
Claiming “Faster than light!”,
But the sums weren’t quite right –
There were many red faces in Berne.
(Actually, the collider is near Geneva, but what the hell, Berne is the capital of Switzerland …)
The committee has managed to learn
Almost nothing for months in return.
This must be the way
A pinhead named Trey
Thinks taxpayer money should burn.
Bill Maher was feeling the Bern
Though Hillary didn’t squirm
She stated her case
In Congresses’ face
Though the election may yet turn!
(I hope that Phonetic use us acceptable ;)
So the devil will help you burn?
That’s an end I don’t want to earn.
Watch out, sexy ladies,
Or you’ll be in Hades.
Your offers I do have to spurn.
“Is it time? Give those steaks one more turn –
I sure as hell hate when they burn.”
“Say hey, ‘Bobby Flay’!
Whatchoo cooking today?
Is it overdone? You never learn!”
Remember the book by Jules Verne?
Does that not, in your memory, burn?
For Ten Thousand Leagues
Is a tale that intrigues
Film producers to bring a return.
Henry James wanted money to earn.
Wrote a book. Title made folks’ ears burn.
First tried “Rape at the Seashore”
But knew it could see more
Returns named “The Screw of the Tern.”
Back in 64 A.D. we learn
That Rome, set on fire, did burn
Who started it? Nemo?
Or Christians?! I scream oh!
But ghosts say, “It’s not your concern.”
If suff’ring from painful heartburn
A remedy here you should learn:
An apple or cheese
By itself if you please
Eat and get some relief in return.
(it’s true; an apple OR real cheese [not the plastic slices] will kill heartburn; this works best without adding other food or drink; e.g. no crackers or bread with the cheese)
Oh-oh. Mad, could you please change the last line from
“And you’ll get some relief in return”
to
“Eat and get some relief in return”
(Thanks!)
(From MBK: Done.)
The GOP’s “heavy artillery”
Has been aiming for decades at Hillary.
And as she advances,
They’re taking no chances:
They’re already building the pillory.
But it’s funny: they’ve chosen to spurn
FORTY YEARS’ WORTH of chances to learn
How to beat Bernie Sanders…
And that (in all candor)’s
The reason I’m Feeling the Bern.
(See? I got to the rhyme word eventually…)
Hey, Brian, you’re not the only one having senior moments… I just joined your club – see you at the old folks home. Scrap my Jules Verne one y’all! It’s 20,000 Leagues, not 10,000 (duh!) Let’s try her again:
Remember the book by Jules Verne?
Does that not, in your memory, burn?
Twenty Thousand Leagues Under
Was hardly a blunder
Hey, Hollywood, when’s its return?
A driver who took a wrong turn
Didn’t have money to burn
So he said “It suits me
If you’ll do it for free
Else this meeting will have to adjourn”
She was not one her trainer should spurn,
But he did, and she swore he would learn.
So because of her ire,
She lit him on fire,
Then asked, “Are you feeling the burn?”
A young student was trying to learn
From a teacher whose lips made him burn
And with her hocus pocus
He just couldn’t focus
Except on her most sexy stern.
“My Darling, for you, my heart does yearn
Inside my soul for you I burn
I’m down on my knees
So will you please
Agree to file a joint return?”
He acted on As The World Turn
with script writers who’d never learn
that too many scenes
of boinking Eileens
would cause his prop chafing and burn
My hedges, I wish I could burn
They grow like some psychotic fern
I try hard to train them
But now I disdain them
Torching might help ’em to learn!
By what I can just now discern
Long ago Rome was starting to burn
But Nero kept playing
Though people were saying
“It must be His Majesty’s turn”.
Okay, I’m applying for a spot in a senior home. That limerick with ‘Rome in 64 A.D., how did I come up with Nemo instead of Nero? (banging my head against wall) I know! Got my wires crossed with that misfit limerick involving 10,000 (duh! 20,000) Leagues. Okay, one last try…
Back in 64 A.D. we learn
That Rome, set on fire, did burn
Was it Nero’s assault?
Or were Christians at fault?
All the ghosts say, “It’s not your concern!”
Corporations have money to burn
Their employees are struggling to earn
Just enough to survive
As for me, I think I’ve
Had enough. It makes my stomach churn.
You’re right, Suzanne, it did sound kind of fishy.
The old days I wish would return
I’m thinking my iPad might burn
For I’m typing too fast
Will the battery last?
Oh bring back ole carriage return!
It was Hillary there for the burn.
Then the members spoke up turn by turn
The questions were rude,
Full of GOP crude.
What they meant was quite hard to discern.
It was clear they had nothing to learn.
The truth was of little concern.
It was Hillary cool
Freezing up fool by fool
‘Til all involved prayed they’d adjourn.
The stove gave his fingers a burn
The preacher he only said “durn!”
His wife made a fuss
and said if he’d cuss
his soul she would have grave concern
The candles continue to burn;
She’s intent on fulfilling a yearn.
But his focus instead
Is SportsCenter, not bed;
It looks like he might miss a turn.
While trying to rhyme the word “burn”
without doing many folks’ “bern”
He thought of a word
a name for a bird
and asked, “Should I give ‘tern’ a turn”?
The stranger, he came from New Bern
in North Carolina, we’d learn
He’d shout down the hall,
“What’s happenin’ y’all?”
But most folks they rudely would spurn
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 236.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Road.