Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DUCK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using DUCK at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
An underpaid man liked to duck
Out of work, buck his boss, run amok.
He’d go hunting for game–
Any bird you could name–
Though his favorite target was buck.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Competition Limerick, Game Hunting, Hunting Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Money Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Oh, come on! You’ve prescribed the word “duck”
To conclude a line? Well, lots of luck
In not tempting a flock
Who endeavor to shock
Just because they have used the word “fuck”.
I was having the damnedest hard luck
Finding Messiaen scores. Out I struck,
As I wasn’t aware
Éditions Salabert
Didn’t publish him (it was Leduc).
The Donald’s an angry old schmuck
Who rants on, not giving a fuck
Some, with head up their rump
Think the Donald’s a Trump
But I differ; the Donald’s a duck.
A white Pekin with plenty of pluck
To the bartender strode,
past the ruck.
“Hey, there! What’ll you choose?”
“I like nuts in my booze.”
“Try a hickory daiquiri, duck!”
It was certainly Donald’s good luck
That the rest of the candidates suck.
When the voting was done,
It was Donald who’d won.
Let’s hear it for President Duck!
The dyslexic whore’s not having luck
And her total is nary a buck
For a sensible bill
She will offer a thrill
But no guy wants her sicking his duck.
While penning a play about Puck,
Chic Shakespeare got suddenly stuck.
So the Immoral Bard,
Once he’d thought long and hard,
Said, “This rhyme’ll do. What the duck.”
I’m known as a woman of pluck
As an athlete, however, I suck
At the net or on court
I’m a terrible sport
As the ball flies, I cover and duck
In school we would “cover and duck”
Even then I would feel like a schmuck.
As if being calm
Would protect from a bomb!
We’d need a lot more than good luck.
A man was so lucky to duck
When a large board fell off the dump truck
His instincts, he heeded
And did what was needed,
Or surely he would have been struck.
Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse, DONALD DUCK!
As rivals, they were always stuck.
Said Donald, “Aw, phooey!”
“Seems everything’s screwy,
For Mickey has had all the luck.”
A guy full of hormones and pluck
From longing, alas could not duck.
That gal down the street
With body so sweet:
He wanted to kiss her and fuck.
A beautiful bird is the duck,
It always goes, “quack”, never “cluck”
Down the water it flowed
Rather than cross the road.
Don’t say, “Tastes like chicken”, you schmuck!
There once was a chemist named Chuck
Whose research grant was cut by a buck.
He did not feel abused,
But was merely amused:
“H2O off the back of a duck.”
This week’s word, of all things, is duck
Participants thought, “Should I be a schmuck?”
Mama taught me to be proper
But this one is a whopper
So I have to say, “I’m out of luck”
correction:
But this ONE’S a whopper
Lorenz’ research with geese and with duck
Worked well, it was more than just luck.
Ducklings followed by law
The first one they saw
That was imprinted, i.e. stuck.
A duck and a rabbit? What luck!
A dilemma – poor Elmer is stuck
Some believe that Bugs Bunny
Was fiendishly funny
To say it’s the season for duck.
But I reckon the rabbit’s a schmuck
If you sell out your friend, then you suck
Shots went by the duck’s head
Should he drop and play dead?
What I’d do is tell Daffy to duck.
Does Ernie pick bath time to buck?
Unthinkable! Bert would say “Yuck!”
Can it be Ernie hath
Kept the fun in his bath?
Yes it can, with a small rubber duck.
There once was a weary Canuck
Who was dastardly decked by a Duck
It was quite a sighting
And led to much fighting
Show’s over. Now let’s drop the puck.
When looking for rhyme-words with ‘duck’
There’s one word that truly does suck,
Buck, luck, puck, will not shock,
Or cause earholes to block –
But don’t frig around using … ‘muck’!
In politics, questions you duck,
Or pass the proverbial buck;
With ducking and diving
You get to contriving
Protection from coming unstuck!
Want a fun parade, get a duck;
Get twelve marching, you are in luck!
They will make you smile,
Forget cares for a while.
And maybe your smile will get stuck!
One day after shooting a duck,
Its feathers Ray quickly did pluck.
Ray Charles’ friends said, “My word!
How’d you bring down that bird?”
He replied, “It was simply blind luck.”
MODIFICATION:
This week’s word is suprisingly “duck”
Participants thought, “Should I be a shmuck?”
This one’s a whopper
But I was brought up proper
So I have to say, “I’m out of luck”
On my first date with Sheldon Gluck
He asked if I would “do it” like a duck
“Just jump in the pond
Relax And respond
Open your plumage and you won’t get stuck”
Walt Disney created Donald Duck
A character who gave him considerable luck
He first appeared in The Wise Little Hen
And played the role again and again
But then he met Daisy and boy, did he cluck!
On This Week’s Debates
Who’s the Biggest Republican Schmuck?
Is it Donald, Cruz, Jindal or Huck?
For the title they’ll vie.
When the crap starts to fly,
Close your eyes, don a raincoat, and duck.
I’ve always waddled like a duck
In the dating game, not much luck
Then along came Art
Who smelled like a fart
And he picked me up in a garbage truck
CORRECTION
Walt Disney created Donal Duck
A character who gave him considerable luck
In “The Wise Little Hen”
He was delightful, but then
He met Daisy, and boy, did he cluck!
“Sex with a duck” is bound to come up when the Limerick-Off rhyme word is “duck.” But I certainly didn’t expect a Facebook limerick argument over duck sex and animal rights.
Here was my light-hearted response to the dueling limerick writers:
I think sex with a duck would be foolish,
While sex with foie gras would be ghoulish.
With your species, please stick.
All else would be sick.
I’m strict about that, even mulish.
For Judith H Block
Only if one grew up in the fifties would they understand your cover and duck limerick.
It’s very very funny!
Lisi Nortman
‘Cross the barnyard the miscreant snuck,
And Farmer Buck’s buttocks he struck.
With a furious QUACK!
He began his attack…
Lemme tell you, that’s one piquing duck!
(If you disapprove of the use of “snuck”, feel free to take this verse OOC)
@Adam — are we doing French composers this week? Yay!
At a concert we gave in Kentuck’
Came a shriek like a strangling duck:
“I forbid you to play
Any song that’s Sauguet!
It offends me!” Kim Davis — what luck.
1927
It’s the fault of the Mouse and the Duck
That American copyrights suck.
But the Senate and House
Are in thrall to the Mouse,
So ’til Disney goes bankrupt, we’re stuck.
A rooster once went to a duck
(Who was known as a quack whore) to fuck.
“For a night,” said the dirty
Old duck, “gimme thirty.”
Said the cock, “But I just have a buck… buck… buck buck BUCK B’GAWK!”
(OOC — sorry, David, just riffing on your theme!)
“I’ll wash out your porch,” offered Chuck,
“If you’ll bag up my poultry to pluck.”
It’s a pretty good deal
That we’ve come to, for he’ll
Soak my deck while I’m sacking his duck.
Dear Mad Kane: I’m for sure not the first
Who could never be forced or coerced
Into seeking a thrill
In a duck’s rump or bill;
As for sex with pâté… Liver? Worst!
Well, if we’re really going to talk about sex with ducks…
A pervert for poultry, he’d fuck
With his dick in the back of a duck
When we found out his fetish
He turned rather reddish
And couldn’t pull out – it was stuck.
Don’t try this at home, btw.
If you get to watch, you’re in luck
By the sweetness of this you’ll be struck;
Mom, ducklings in tow,
Waddling all in a row
The result of drake’s sex with a duck.
Mallard or Teal, or Drake if you wish
Daffy is one thats not fit for my dish
If he were Peking he would be Sumdumfuc
In English he is merely one stupid duck.
I’ve always waddled like a duck
In the dating game, not much luck
The few that I’ve met
Don’t shower, they sweat
I guess they fell off of the turnip truck
Ode to a Hero!
Captain Sully managed to duck
An errant flock of geese, Canuck!!!
Emergency landed his plane
Used his training and brain.
It was skill, and not just good luck.
Sullenberger
A canard was spread re a canard (French for DUCK)
That she ruffled her feathers, ran amuck.
She squawked and she quacked
As if she were attacked.
She was scared of the loud fire truck.
A trucker ran over a duck.
He ran over the duck with his truck.
He was charged with assault,
Though it wasn’t his fault:
The poor duck had just run out of luck.
Well, we’ve covered the subject of ducks and sex pretty thoroughly. Let’s move on to ducks and violence, shall we?
Also: Word-of-the-Day Limerick
Also: @ Judith
When a bird like a goose or a duck
Hits a plane (there’s a bad piece of luck),
Its remains are called “snarge.”
When the bird is quite large,
There’s a much better word for it: yuck.
A chicken once wedded a duck.
They bore chucklings that knew how to cluck.
And their eggs were so huge
That a large centrifuge
Was employed so they wouldn’t get stuck.
Like oysters? First someone must shuck
Before off the half-shell you can suck.
To avoid a fiasco,
Don’t add much Tabasco
Or into the restroom you’ll duck.
Tom Sawyer’s best friend was named Huck
Each would try getting Polly to fuck
She’d steadfastly refuse
To give either some cooze
Causing both lads to say, “Fuck a duck!”
Wearing Daisy Dukes, one Daisy Duck
Is encouraging Donald to fuck
Though he tries and he tries
He cannot make it rise
So poor Donald is fuck out of luck.
I have one more dirty, depraved dalliance with a duck, then I’ll desist.
Not many thoughts make me say “Yuck!”
Like the thought of fellating a duck
You’re exceedingly sick
If you suck a duck’s dick
And especially so to then fuck.
Need insurance for when you’ve no luck?
Are you tired, as I am, of that duck?
Yes, the fowl from Aflac
Makes us all want to whack
It. (That gecko too — both of them suck.)
It’s that time of the year for the duck,
If he wants, to go South. Try his luck
At a warmerish clime.
But he’ll be back in time —
A great mate gives a real phlying ph**k.
Said the patient, “Your treatments, they suck
And my symptoms have all run amok
Furthermore, you’re a quack!”
And the doc replied back
“I should hope so. You see, I’m a duck.”
Took a date to Le Cirque (hoped to fuck)
Waiter asked, “Would you care for the duck?”
I replied with a jest
Saying, “Only if pressed”
Which increased my post prandial luck.
Granny Wilson was covered in muck
Her mountain bike caught in a rut
she finished the track
with her bike on her back
And they gave her a prize for pure pluck
Hi Madeleine
Not sure I understand what ‘your comment is awaiting moderation’ means? Do I need to do something from this end?
Pat Benedict Campbell
(From Mad Kane: It just means that your comment was waiting for approval from me. It’s been approved now and is visible to all. )
I stuck out my neck for this duck
Teal he got in the choir. Just my luck–
He quacks loud and strong,
But his mallardy’s wrong.
I canardly defend the dumb schmuck!
@Jon Gearhart
Very amusic puns there! A l’orange for you to get a book deal. Waddle you pay me as my commission?
If you’re poor as that old Friar Tuck
But you’re planning a dinner of duck
There’s a place to buy wine
That is cheap but tastes fine —
Trader Joe’s, where they sell Two Buck Chuck.
Today I was going to pluck,
All the feathers from my little, fat, duck.
But, before I could cook it,
Some greedy soul took it,
So, I hope he doesn,t have any good luck.
One day I was driving my truck.
Up a steep hill, and then it got stuck.
Then, a man dressed in leather,
Said, “Let’s stick together,
I’ll help you if you buy this duck.”
The best I can do…
Cartoon fans love Donald the Duck,
And Donald O’Connor had pluck.
Then there’s Rumsfeld and Trump,
Whom together we lump
As the GOP’s Donald the Schmuck.
Go hunting with Cheney, you schmuck?
Harry Whittington ran out of luck
Cheney’s got lousy aim,
Shot his friend, what a shame!
He thought he was quail or a duck.
At Samhain for apples they duck
All bobbing and splashing amok
Rears in the air
Courting affair
For winsome young lassie and buck
A foul-smelling vulture said, “Cluck.”
Translation: “I’m down on my luck.
Can you show me a bird bath?
I’m now on my third path
And my talons still stink from dead duck.”
I met a delightful duck
He could talk, and his name was Buck
He warned me not to vote
For the man who’s a self-centered gloat
And I assured him I won’t run amok
It must be pleasing to be a duck
You glide and sometimes you cluck
They really go quack
Water runs off their back
But with this rhyme I really do suck
OK, since we’re “going there” this week, here’s a limerick that not only combines bestiality with an atrocious pun, but also manages to sully the memory of Mark Twain. If anybody’s NOT offended, I apologize for leaving you out:
Cried Miss Watson, “I sent you to pluck
Pillow-feathers from off o’ this duck —
Now I find you here screwin’ it…
Huck, why are you doin’ it?”
“Why, I’m *gettin’ down*!” chuckled Huck.
Consider a most hapless duck.
Its signature sound was a cluck.
But its version would sicken
Any upstanding chicken.
The barnyard assessment was “Schmuck”.
A hunter was running a muck
Chased by a large angry buck
He’d been on the run
Since he lost his gun
As he ran he squawked like a duck
“A Midsummer Night’s Dream” features Puck
If he’s coming your way, better duck
This fairy brought mania
Upon Queen Titania
And offered love flowers for luck.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 231.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Land.