Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: ROE or THOREAU or ROW (which MUST use ROE Pronunciation) at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using ROE or THOREAU or ROW (which MUST use ROE pronunciation) at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
My husband went out for a row–
Not a fight but a boat ride, although
I suppose while he works
Those oars, jet ski jerks
Could cause him to go toe to … tow.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Boating Humor, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Outdoors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Recreation & Fun Humor, Sports Humor, Writing Prompts
As a gardener you should know
To plant your crops in a row
But amongst my seeds
Grew numerous weeds
And that’s why my carrots won’t grow
Gertrude Stein found the garden so slow;
All her plants seemed reluctant to grow.
But they did in the end,
And she wrote to a friend:
“Our roses arose in a row.”
The homeless just tramped through the snow
In their millions, an unending row,
And without ACA,
Thousands died every day.
“Yep, we did it!” grinned Koch to his bro.
The religious conservatives know
On abortion, with which side they’ll go
Their decision’s been made
And their lot’s in with Wade
Though the courts ruled in favor of Roe.
Said Dorothy Parker: “Oh-ho!
It doesn’t surprise me to know
That the girls at the Prom,
With their usual aplomb,
Have been laid end to end in a row.”
The bimbo was learning to row;
Her instructor was handsome, a beau.
When he said “Take this oar”
She misheard, and was sore.
“I’m no whore! There’s no charge when I blow!”
The Civilly Defiant Thoreau
Inspiration upon us, bestow,
Tolstoy, Gandhi and King,
Encouragement bring..
Now our turn to stop and say, “NO!”
A guy took a gal for a row
She suddenly gasped and said, “Oh!”
He pulled up her frock
And took out his cock
She didn’t know how to say, “No!”
They dined on wines, the finest roe.
His sweet words set her heart aglow.
Love wasn’t his aim,
It was all a game,
He pulled out his cock and said, “Blow!”
Ten clowns preening all in a row,
Each asking for votes and your dough.
With Trump in the center,
Acting as mentor,
I’m expecting a really big show!
methinks that you should know–
if you’ve a party to throw:
a scoop of caviar
tastes better by far
if guests don’t know it’s just roe.
“They say it’s the finest of roe,
But this caviar makes me upthrow,
For the stuff sturgeon yields”,
Said W.C. Fields,
“Is just filthy fish eggs, you know.”
Old Henry David Thoreau
Packed his shovel, ax and hoe,
Took a hike out back,
Built him a shack,
Then asked, “Should I stay? Oh, hell no.”
The bowling pins lined in a row
I beam with a warm, hopeful glow.
Then I curse and I mutter–
Balls land in the gutter.
But at least they have spared my big toe!
Phyllis Sterling Smith prefers this version of the previous post:
I like to eat fresh salmon roe
From the currents that here about flow
But to all males astride
Of the stream, side to side,
Please don’t yield to the urge to let go.
Arnold Schoenberg endeavored to show
(With recruits Berg and Webern in tow)
That one could bid adieu
To C major, in lieu
Of a systematized twelve-tone row.
His creations were critically flayed
And left listeners vexed and dismayed,
Prompting Schoenberg to vow,
“If my rows cause a row,
“It’s not THEIR fault – they’re shoddily played!”
When we purchased our tiny ‘Circa Lakeside Cottage (it’s not technically on a lake, but it overlooks one)’ it came with its own private dock and ‘Speed Boat’.
We had no interest in the ‘Speed Boat’ but alas it was a package deal.
So I dutifully took the free Coast Guard course at our local Army base and got my ‘Power Boat Certificate’ enabling me to delude myself into thinking I could now skillfully navigate a ‘Speed Boat’.
Well after a couple of dismal summers of fighting with the starter, which would just NEVER start, and trying to carefully avoid the ROCKS which were hidden just below the surface,, I decided to sell the ‘Speed Boat’ and replace it with a nice, stable fourteen foot ‘Sail Boat’.
I took a two week class out on City Island, in the Bronx of all places, to learn to sail and purchased what I was assured to be an excellent beginner’s ‘Sail Boat’.
But what I was not told was that sailing on the open seas is a whole lot easier than sailing on a lake, surrounded by mountains, with all those tricky winds shifting from side to side.
And so the next two summers I fought those winds as my lovely wife MAD constantly yelled, “Make It Go Straight! Make it Go Straight!” every time I would start to build some steam on the water.
I tried, I mean I really tried to explain to her that ‘Heeling’ was a good thing and that if I made the boat stop leaning, it would also stop moving.
Anyway after a couple of years of this torture, I just retired the ‘Sail Boat’ and got us a nice reliable ‘Row Boat’ and we’ve been much happier ever since.
The darn thing always starts, it’s not dependent on wind and I’ve found it to be an excellent source of exercise.
So that’s my inspiration for this limerick:
On the lake when you’re anxious to go,
There are Speed Boats, or Sailing although,
They both need some skill,
Of which I have nil,
Which is why I’ll continue to row.
Maid Marian was out for a row
With her man (Robin Hood, don’t you know)
When the Sheriff of Nottingham
Started potshotting ‘em
She was saved by her arrow and beau
A debate has begun about roe
Whether ‘tis healthy or no
The renowned Surgeon General
Recommends you eat teneral
To the sturgeon’s perennial woe
At the river, I think you should know
There are preschoolers lurking below.
They are probably not
What you think, if you thought
They are children, because they are roe.
When the caviar struck lethal blow,
He was caught. At his trial, although
For his life he did plead,
Heartless jury decreed
They were sentencing him to death roe.
She was starting to learn how to row;
The coach made an offer to go.
Behind her inside,
He said, on the slide:
“My coxswain I want you know.”
A muscular fellow named Roe
Had a body he wanted to show.
At a nudist resort,
He’s proud to report
His willy left Millie aglow.
Oh, no. Forgive me, Madeleine, for so many corrections. I got it now.
Having nervously downed our bordeaux,
we faced off: “You go first.” “No, you go.”
But she said: “Don’t be dunces,
having two men at once is
so much better than two in a row.”
FOR THE UNEDUCATED
There is something about Thoreau
That not too many people know
He ate his food
While he swam in the nude
At Walden Pond in the snow
My father taught us to row
He said it would help us grow
I’m glad we could swim
Since our chances were slim
But we went with the ebb and the flow
In the 1950’s we stood in a row
Heads held high; voices low
Now with skyping
The teachers are griping
You can be seen at school and not even show
When it comes to that case, Wade and Roe
Extremists ignore it, and so
Politicians imposed
Women’s clinics be closed
Sans due process- for women… A blow…
Not the kind of blow most men enjoy
Like the pricks in that club, ‘Good Ole Boy’
Who think with their balls
They’re neanderthals
VOTE! Protect what is ‘left,’ hoi polloi!
Revision
Having nervously downed our bordeaux,
we faced off: “You go first.” “No, you go.”
But she said: “Don’t be dunces,
two fellows at once is
so much better than two in a row.”
He stood her up twice in a row
down her beautiful face tears did flow
he said “Golly Miss Molly
I know I’m a wally
but mommy would not let me go”
His beautiful eyes seemed to glow
he said ‘come to my playroom, let’s go’
he dressed her in leather
and said ‘now that’s better
my collection has started to grow’
Milandra was wealthy you know
in restaurants she’d put on a show
‘I won’t eat frogs or worms
or sea horses’ sperm
so waiter, bring me cod roe’
My sister makes terrible dough
broke three of my teeth in a row
but the men love her figure
her bust line is bigger
than Aretha’s or Marilyn Monroe
Near his pond, Henry David Thoreau
sat cross-legged to hear the grass grow.
But what grew was an itch—
meditation’s a bitch!—
and he found himself sucking his toe.
Cute Joanna, a Sigma Pi Rho,
Gave a frat boy the ol’ to-and-fro.
But she drank too much beer,
Left behind her brassiere.
So the guy woke to two cups of Jo.
Note: Sigma Pi Rho is entirely fictional. I hope.
When Oedipus called her “a roe,”
Jocasta appeared to glow.
“A roe must be slang,”
she said with a bang,
“for a mother-I’d-like-to-… you know.”
The winter snow will give you woe
And in the summer your boat won’t row
You’re on your own
You feel alone
That’s what happens when you’re married to a schmo
I have a new intellectual beau
He speaks of things I do not know
He mentioned Walden Pond
And I artfully did respond:
“I, too, love Edgar Allan Poe”
Uh Oh I did not use the rhyming word!
Let’ try again:
I have a new intellectual beau
He speaks of someone named Thoreau
He referred to Walden Pond
I artfully did respond:
“I, too love Allen Edgar Poe”
You read up the life of Thoreau
and think, “I’ll give nature a go.”
But a fall in the mud
makes the idea a dud
while the Holiday Inn’s sign aglow.
My Internet date knew about Thoreau
We even discussed Jean-Jacques Rousseau
He was very tricky
I gave him a quickie
Easy come; easy go
At an Ivy the coach needs to know
If a quarterback prospect’s a ‘go’
“He can run and he passes
His soft high school classes
But tell me this; can he Thoreau?”
I heard someone holler “”Hey bro,
You should get all your ducks in a row.”
I stood, looking solemn
My ducks in a column
It matters, but why, I don’t know.
Some enjoy Henry David Thoreau
Or Dickinson, Whitman, or Poe
I’m also a poet
Though they’ll never know it
Did they compose limericks? No!
Take your sorry-ass stanzas and go
If you can’t post five lines in a row
That follow this scheme
Whatever the theme
But these bards set the bar way too low.
Hey Thoreau, don’t you think that you owe
Us a limerick? It’s apropos
And they could’ve been spawned
At your famed Walden Pond
While you struggled through seaweed and roe.
GROAN GROAN AND MORE GROAN:
I coach Little League, my name’s Jack Rowe
When there’s a game, they put on “some show”
They run so fast
They can’t be surpassed
But you should see those kids when they Thoreau
Mad Please take out the word “a” Little League
I love to have rye with the roe
the morning is brighter, that’s how
a Swede will get strong
and live very long
The taste is acquired from snow
(Yes – crispbread sandwich with a spread of roe is a favorite)
Cupid likes to shoot his tiny insipid bow,
Making us spend way too much dough
On flowers, cards, & chocolate candy;
But being broke is never actually dandy
While against the current one must row.
This made me smile hugely. Those jerk jet skiers…. :-)
The pitcher wound up for the throw,
But his fastball was just a bit slow.
Oh what a swinger!
He hammered that dinger,
Into the bleachers top row.
(dinger is a slaying term in baseball that means home run)
Witty, as ever! I’ll pass on the limerick-making of my own, though, today.
I love it when you share your limericks at OLN, Madeleine. This one is especially clever…the toe to tow word play.
There once was a man named Thoreau
And into the woods he would go
His travails he’d unveil
In tremendous detail
Thoreau was quite thorough, you know.
Great to see your astute and inventive talents sparking so many other limerickers!! With Best Wishes Scott
This morning I’m having a go
At limerick writing with “row”;
Plus a crossword as well;
And Sudoku from hell,
So I’m brewing a new pot of joe.
Delightful! And I love the dual meanings and homonyms!
I wish it was so easy for me to write a limerick, I tried but I couldn’t. Thank you for inspiring and making me smile.
I can’t get my ducks in a row
My logic is fuzzy and so
That if you should wonder
How life is “down under”
It depends on the way the winds blow
My bank balance got very low
Oh where, but oh where did it go?
Well the scammer looked back
“Your account’s in the black
Don’t you know it is all in es -crow.”
Hi, Madeleine. Thanks for the invite and link. I’ve submitted two (if that’s permitted), just for fun.
Andy
When a Cupid with arrow and bow
Taught the trumpeter “Fa Mi Re Do,”
Her descent made him rise
And she went for her prize.
But that blow job won’t make her a ho’!
Facing Donald, their blustering foe
The debaters went lower than low.
Rand went down, Cruz made noise;
Jeb! again lost his poise.
We’re back to the old status quo.
This one from Phyllis Sterling Smith
Do you have all your ducks in a row?
Does that saying make sense? I don’t know.
Do you think of quacking?
Or maybe of fracking
As the oil barons go with the flow.
This is not a serious contender because it uses a homophone, but I want to share this from my husband, Otto JA Smith, Phyllis’s son.
English language is crazy, you know.
Inconsistent, just take the word “Row”.
If you fight a Greek cow
You have just had a row.
If you win you are now a he-rho.
I attempted to list in a row
All the word endings sounding like “oh.”
It turns out there’s a lot.
Now I’ll tell you what’s what:
English spelling’s a tough row to hoe.
Any seamstress who needs to spell “sew”
Or a lady describing her beau
Finds the challenge the same;
It’s a big, silly game.
But I guess that’s the way these things go.
I’d be willing to wager some dough
That you think that these verses are faux.
I admit they’re lame stuff
And I’ve gone on enough.
On this effort I now exclaim, “Whoa!”
Oh.. Dark Raven poems of Poe..
wHere no boat is free to Row..
Human heArt no longer Grows..
But wind comes with wingBow..
Human Being comes to Glow..:)
How thrilling to find a new beau
With a PHD in Thoreau!
An education is impressive
But he was a bit aggressive
I said “Sweetie, this is the end of the show”
When a person learns to row
He must flip the oars to and fro
Once you get the skill
It will be quite a thrill
Till the hole creates overflow
At the center of Candidates Row,
Smirked Trump at the G.O.P. show.
Being rude is his game–
Claim to fame–without shame.
No, “The Donald” will never eat crow.
A French marquis in his chateau
Drank wine from grapes grown in his clos
One could oft hear him boast
Of the eggs on his toast
Not from poulets, mais non — sturgeon roe!
A lesson, for any new pro,
You should follow wherever you go –
To not hear the words,
“Your plan’s for the birds”,
Your should get all your ducks in a row.
A True Story
The orange cat for some years used to go
Twixt our house and elsewhere, to and fro.
He’d eat all our goods
Then head back to the woods,
So we named him H. David Thoreau.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 225.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off-Stew.