Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: HEAT at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using “HEAT” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A flier is feeling the heat;
He’s racing and hoping to beat
A remarkable guy.
But it’s pie in the sky,
Cuz his pilot opponent is fleet.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
I’m going mad from the heat.
But I just will not give up on meat.
I’ll stand here still grillin’
though the temperature’s killin’
‘Cause the taste of burnt flesh is so sweet.
They were frolicking in the back seat
Like a bitch and a mongrel in heat
When a sudden bright light
Gave the couple a fright.
“My turn next”, said the cop on the beat.
He had gone to the kitchen to heat
His beef burgers, so tender and sweet.
When they caught the chef, canned,
With his dick in his hand,
He explained, “I’m just beating my meat.”
You smashed it, the beat of the heat
with humour admirably neat
I feel at a loss
to better your toss
so taken I am with your feat.
(The first three)
There was once a gal with one teat
whose nip was a visual treat
to get on the nerves
of nipple shy perves
She peepholed her tops for the treat.
They went to a swingers’ retreat;
And saw lots of couples in heat.
There was a big dance
Where no one wore pants;
The members all swung to the beat.
Leave the kitchen if you hate the heat
Just go now and take a back seat.
‘Cause governing’s hard
The crises bombard
It’s more than hauteur and conceit.
Be careful and watch what you eat
Most foods raw, but some you can heat.
Organic is best
All oils are cold pressed;
Make sure that you stay off the wheat.
There was a gal, smart and petite
Was pretty, and so very sweet
She moved up to Maine
Reasons not arcane-
She just couldn’t stand summer heat.
A rich guy despised summer’s heat
For sports, always got a box seat
His dates were so mad
They called him a cad:
He always made them go Dutch Treat
A gal always drove up the heat
Her love making hot and off-beat.
Her guys would go wild
Were always beguiled
She’s skillful and very discreet.
Here in Miami, it’s “neat”
Although we really can’t take the heat
We moved to Oshkosh
And oh, my gosh
We suffered extreme cold feet!
At summer school, there’s a flood of heat
The AC broke down, and we’re all beat
But I go every day
Because a man named Jay
Is the janitor who swept me off my feet
The authorities turned up the heat
On the ladies who walk on the street:
“You must lower your rates
For your businessman dates.
How else can our city compete?”
A scientist hastend to tweet
I have such a boil on my seat
a melon in size
it grew cause I’m wise
at last something no one can beat
and for the competion
last line
or maybe I was just in heat
We sit out in the heat
Relaxing: put up our feet
With “I phones” in hand
And mobile broadband
It’s hard to make ends meet
He played for the Miami Heat;
A run where they couldn’t be beat.
But now back at home,
Other predators roam;
It’s a Warrior’s Golden retreat.
Johnny works hard, even in the heat
Mowing lawns, and applying peat
He loves reshaping
And artistic landscaping
He will never let the grass grow under his feet
Austerity has Greece feeling the heat
Europe’s demands they’ll never meet
voting with dexterity
They said shove austerity
In a way that was no longer diss Crete
The dry cleaner put some steam heat
So the kilt his expectations would meet
At the Scottish fest
He put to the test
Whether or not his dress was re-pleat
I’m a glutton for glutinous wheat;
As a treat, toast and jam’s hard to beat,
And I flee when I see
Food that’s tagged “gluten-free”.
(There, I said it. Please don’t give me heat!)
When you mention the subject of “heat”
I remember last Summer, in Crete.
At a hundred degrees,
We were brought to our knees.
(And the people fried eggs on the street.)
from Phyllis Sterling Smith:
You can’t get away from the heat.
Air-conditioning sure would be neat.
So just stop your bitchin’.
Stay out of the kitchen
And lay claim to the windiest seat.
The devil admitted defeat.
“I concede to that man in the sheet.
His hate, I believe, will
Outdo me for evil.
And crosses beat brimstone for heat.”
I stand by my statement on wheat
Please no attacks, don’t give me heat
The book called, “Grain Brain”
And my struggles reign
It’s more than some faddish conceit.
I wonder, can one blame the heat
Brain’s sharper when one is off wheat.
Off gluten and sweets
It counts, what one eats.
Great changes one sees are concrete.
I once had a green parakeet
That never could chirp, but just bleat
There was no tune or song
And it didn’t last long
But, boy could that ‘keet keep a beat!
Jesse:
Grillin’s no way to avoid the heat
Salad’s cooler but folks need their meat.
If they only knew
What meat animals go through,
They’d know the sweetness is found in the bleat.
When they meet with a tropical heat
Neither he nor his gal are discreet.
After teasing flirtation,
And greedy gyration,
They’ll swim, then they’ll rinse and repeat.
In the scorching Arizona heat
I met my true love, Pete
He couldn’t dance
Because by chance
Pete had two left feet
revision:
At summer school there’s a flood of heat
The AC broke down and we’re beat
But I go every day
Because a man named Jay
Is the janitor who swept me off my feet
He fancies himself as elite;
For opponents, he’ll turn up the heat.
But here’s Mr. Trump
Making such a loud thump
The Democrats say “What a treat!”
She said “I’ll turn up the heat”
As she disrobed and climbed ‘neath a sheet.
Her French lover was scared
And he cried “Sacre’ Merde”,
Then he ran out the door on cold feet.
The dance band is bringing the heat;
And he thinks he’s light on his feet.
His gyrating wiggles
Bring laughter and giggles;
That eight-stepping cha-cha is sweet!
I was walking along in the stifling heat
When a pain struck; my heart skipped a beat
I called the podiatrist
Who unconditionally did insist
I have many problems of defeat
revision
In the scorching Arizona heat
I met my true love: name was Pete
He couldn’t dance
Because by chance
Handsome Pete had two left feet
My limericks take lots of heat.
The accent on lines doesn’t meet.
Since the cadence is off,
All the readers do scoff
At the agony of de feet.
revision : something may be wrong with website?
In the scorching Arizona heat
I met my true love, whose name was Pete
He couldn’t dance
Because by chance
Handsome Pete had two left feet!
A woman turned white as a sheet
When her cop friend was not too discreet
She said, “Show me your Glock”
What he heard, though, was “cock”
So he proved he was packing some heat.
If you want relief from the stifling heat
Here’s a trick that’s really neat
Put ice in your pants
And do a dance
Then even the heat will feel real sweet
We used to meet in the back seat
Of his ’55 Chevy in the heat
We would swelter and sweat
Till we both were wet
It was a very uncomfortable way to cheat
Next Chapter:
We used to meet in the FRONT SEAT
Of his ’62 Chevy in the heat
We would swelter and sweat
Till we both were wet
It’s hard to do it in a bucket seat!
I don’t like the cold or the heat
I don’t like foods sour or sweet.
I’m really a pain
All I do is complain
Till I get my hot lover’s treat.
Bewitched by the tropical heat
She let down her guard, it was sweet
The guy took her fast
But left her aghast
By making a hasty retreat.
The Donald is feeling the heat,
And although he deleted the tweet,
He’s feel the pushback
From an insult–a Bush-whack.
He stepped in it hard with both feet.
Inspired by Judith H. Block’s “hasty retreat” verse.
His online behavior brought heat
For sharing of something discreet.
Be careful on Twitter.
Your love may turn bitter
If you make a too hasty retweet.
Put an egg in some water for a treat.
Then to cook, you apply lots of heat.
Let it boil for a while,
And remove with a smile,
‘Cause you know that the egg’s hard to beat.
So you think you know about heat?
The Dead Sea is really a treat.
Hot salt water will braise you
Burning sands – they will craze you
As they sear all the meat from your feet.
When salesmen turn up the heat
I do what I can to retreat
They’re trying their luck
To make a quick buck
But that makes me vote with my feet.
When I was young and petite
I had a boyfriend whose name was Pete
On cold days we’d get naughty
And sometimes extremely bawdy
We found a sure-fire way to activate the heat
The problem with the heat
Is that you tend to excrete
An offensive stench
So be a mensch
And take a shower from head to feet
In the sweltering Miami heat
We stumbled over our feet
A stranger saved Jim
Then I tripped HIM
Aaaah: revenge is so sweet
While basking in summertime heat,
Some people should be more discreet.
Their Speedos and thongs
Expose all the wrongs
That bludgeon our eyes when we meet.
He said “Nevermore will I tweet;
‘Cause one of them sure brought the heat.”
It’s true – breaking dumb
With the stroke of a thumb
Can put your ass out on the street.
People said, “What a feat!”
“You’re married 50 years; that’s neat”
“What is the key
To your longevity?”
I replied, “I never touched the heat”
Though hung over, I chose to compete
And still won each and every heat
But come the last race
I ran seventh place
For by the last lap I was beat
(Yeah, it’s not a knee slapper, but I wanted to go with a more obscure definition of the key word.)
Grandma Rose died from the heat
In her coffin, she looked so sweet
But Uncle Tony and friends
Met different ends
They went to a place called Concrete
His style is to blather and bleat;
Then broadcast a scurrilous tweet.
This candidate knows
The poll result shows
Obnoxiousness generates heat.
We like to make love in the heat
It’s sensual and oh, so sweet
John is tall
And I am small
But we manage to make both ends meet
They journeyed in tropical heat
On a sailboat, well-stocked and complete.
The schedule was tight
But filled with delight;
Go snorkel, make love, then repeat.
Man had thought he would like to compete
At the contest, endure intense heat
Because one of his goals
Was to walk on hot coals.
But the firewalker failed, got cold feet.
From Brian Johnson:
To stay cool at my work is a feat;
The AC is no match for the heat.
Please don’t think I’m a boor
If I walk through the door,
In shorts, with flip flops on my feet.
Once a ships stoker called Pete
Said I can’t put up with this heat
So made a goal
To stop shoveling coal
Now he’s Admiral of the Fleet
I know of a gay man in heat
Who is seeking another to eat
But rejection’s his fate
As his targets are straight
Since he can’t beat the heat, beats his meat.
A trucker was parked on the street
And his dog, she was in the back seat
But the man left his truck
In the blazing sun – fuck!
Let me tell you, that bitch was in heat!
John’s marriage, he thought, lost its heat
So one day he decided to cheat
Yes, this John was a jerk
But his wang wouldn’t work
My God, poetic justice is sweet.
From Phyllis Sterling Smith:
I shed all my clothes in this heat.
My selfie, they say, can’t be beat.
But it isn’t a sin
To show so much skin.
If you don’t like the pic press delete.
In the sweltering Miami heat
I made love with “sexy Pete”
When I saw him with Jean
I kicked him in the peen
Aaah, revenge is so sweet
In the sweltering Miami heat
I was looking for a piece of meat
I called a girl named Janet
Who “sent me to another planet”
But got angry when I asked for a receipt
In the Arizona heat
I gave my gal a treat
The dinner cost a fortune
She ordered a very large portion
Next time we’ll go dutch treat
Bud the Butcher is always in heat,
Thinking women are there for his treat.
But he found out from Jill
That without the blue pill,
There’s no market for Bud’s boneless meat.
My lover is short and she’s sweet
We get horny when she comes in heat
Am I s’posed to feel sheepish
Or just a bit creepish
When mounting her makes her go, “bleat?”
(Not the bestial hear from me…)
In the sticky Miami heat
I made love with “sexy Pete”
He wore a Speedo
Under a tuxedo
I didn’t know he was so elite!
We went to the movies to beat the heat
Who should be there, but my husband Pete!
He was with a looker:
The town hooker
And that’s how I found out that Pete was a cheat
His delusions will ward off the heat
From incendiary things he’ll repeat.
He sputters and spews,
Bloviating his views
While the G.O.P. pleads “Take a seat!”
Sometimes in the navy, there’s a lot of heat
The weather varies with a subtle deceit
The men stand in line
For “Lady Devine”
By now she has slept with the entire fleet
My laptop was emitting a lot of heat
So I was curious and took a comfy seat
Whoever was Lexi
It told, “I’m real sexy”
An opportunity for me to hit “delete”
We make love in the heat
Covered with stalks of wheat
I dress up like a queen
And we bounce on a trampoline
Some people think we’re offbeat
We met in the blazing heat
In room three at the Hotel Cheat
He told me his ding
Was just a little thing
And we should make this “short and sweet”
My cardiologist’s name is Pete
His body makes me ooze with heat
I asked why he was eager
To do this procedure
He said because my heart skips a beat
For relief from the sweltering heat,
She doffed all her clothes on the street.
The town was appalled,
A S.W.A.T. team was called;
Three ministers brought her a sheet.
The experts say don’t eat meat
They also advise against wheat
If you take their advice
You’ll subsist on brown rice
And collapse in the sweltering heat
Grandma was very discreet
She wore warm clothes even in heat
But when she met Sam
She said, “God Damn”
“It’s time to get back on my feet”
My BFF doesn’t eat meat;
Or anything else needing heat.
But he really gluts
On acorns and nuts;
A gluten-free squirrel – ain’t that neat?
A Slight Revision:
Grandma was very discreet
She dressed “warm” even in heat
But when she met Sam
She said, “Hot Damn!”
“It’s time to get back on my feet!”
In the stifling Florida heat
I met a lovely petite
Lady, “a beauty”
With a superb bootie
But her breath smelled like rancid meat
When you’re depressed in the heat
Try not to feel too downbeat
For “Some Enchanted Evening”
Despite the fact you’re grieving
You’ll be unexpectedly swept off your feet
Slight Revision
If you’re depressed because of the heat
Try not to feel too downbeat
For “Some Enchanted Evening”
Even though you’re grieving
A stranger will sweep you off you feet
uh oh
A stranger will sweep you off YOUR feet
sorry
His Pom’ranian pet likes to eat
Food prepared in deep oil at high heat.
His clear fave is pota-
toes with sauce from toma-
toes, so pops named his poor pup Pom Frites.
She’s the essence of serious heat;
From the top of her head to her feet.
It’s not Miley or Kim
But the hipsters’ new whim:
Miss Piggy from Sesame Street.
A drunk Sidney and Rod in a meet
Came up with a title quite neat
For their film. The right fit?
They decided that it
Should be called “In the Night of the Heat.”
Computers for POTUS were neat.
The lingo supplied mental heat
His plans for the land
Were now ready, and
It was time for “Control-Alt-Delete.”
My friend gave his doggie a treat.
He borrowed a bitch quite in heat.
One thing led to another.
My friend exclaimed, “Brother,
My doggie is sure now upbeat!”
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 221.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Sell or Cell.