Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RAID or PARADE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either “RAID” or “PARADE” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A woman at work as a maid
Was wielding a large can of Raid,
Cuz parades of small ants
Alas would enhance
Her chances of NOT being paid.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
The man was a burglar by trade
With a temper so short that it made
Haberdasheries lose
When their clerks blew his fuse,
Because then he would have a tie raid. (tirade)
All my neighbors get some form of aid
So the cops think we’re targets to raid
When we stand and complain
They quite sternly explain
That harassing the poor’s why they’re paid.
The hooker was out on parade,
And the Sunday School party had strayed.
“Now, boys”, said their teacher,
“Avoid such a creature”,
But some of his charges were laid.
The Apaches had mounted a raid
On the Trading Post; folk were afraid.
But the Chief, with a wink,
Said “Our Mac’s on the blink,
And we just need a software upgrade.”
She was lying quite nude in the shade
When the soldiers marched by on parade.
One came to attention …
I’d better not mention
The weapon he proudly displayed.
Her clothing was all disarrayed,
And she gasped as his roving hands strayed.
“Please don’t panic”, he stressed,
As he massaged each breast,
“It’s important to practise First Aid.”
The President ordered a raid
On the Muslims, but sent the brigade
To attack Hindu Kush.
“Them religions!” said Bush;
“Ah cain’t tell ’em apart, Ah’m afraid.”
The vice squad decided to raid
A night-club where women were paid
To have sex. What they found
As they searched all around
Was the Chief of Police getting laid.
The festival queen had betrayed;
Caught up in a contraband raid.
The mayor said “It’s vital
You vacate your title;
“Don’t reign on our biggest parade.”
An ambitious young escort named Jade
Thought she knew all the tricks of the trade.
She threw a big bash
Where they brought lots of cash,
But it all ended up in a raid.
Donald Trump threw another tirade
Just to look at the headlines he made.
Nobody should care;
He’d blow all the hot air
For balloons in a Macy’s parade.
@Brian — here’s a possible sequel to your “Apache”…
Our servers are down, I’m afraid —
By promiscuous downloads betrayed.
We all knew the risks
Of hot-swappable disks,
So we should have expected a RAID.
(RAID = “redundant array of inexpensive disks”)
the marching band’s bus was delayed
so now they will have to evade
the horse apple pies
and that’s why it’s wise
to always try and lead the parade
Please don’t rain on my great parade,
Or I’ll have to buy one big spade.
I’ll need some more tools,
And no more dumb fools,
Cause I want to make some lemonade.
They’re down in the county of Dade;
To Haulover Beach they have strayed.
Clothing-optional’s where
They’ll wander and stare
At the boobies and butts on parade.
Please, Mr. Bug Guy
We strongly reject your d*mned Raid,
Though the ants here are now on parade:
Use earth – diatomaceous,
Older “cures” are fallacious.
Soon our ants, exiting, will seek shade :)
Were Those The Days?
Long-grown college girls, seeming so staid,
Squealed their way through each “bad!” panty raid
And the cool autumn nights
Saw the shedding of tights;
Nine months later, all knew “Gus” had “stayed”…
Indeed I was greatly dismayed
Gridlock made all movements delayed
Stuck in midtown for hours
NYC fun sours
Traffic rained on my good time parade.
The night of the guys’ panty raid,
Please don’t tell a soul how she strayed
Her scruples not shielded.
To coaxing she yielded
Temptation had won, she got laid!
When she hides at the end of Charade
In the prompter’s box Audrey has made
A choice she can’t alter
As dastardly Walter
Approaches, and Cary’s delayed.
A sad little serenade
Plays as her hopes all fade —
But then in a shocking
Display of bad blocking
He falls for the trap Hitchcock laid.
She strayed at the big masquerade;
No longer a virgin, she prayed
That whoever he was
Wouldn’t matter because
It would turn out that she’d been mislaid.
It was at the Easter Parade
She showed off the bonnet she made.
A live bird hat coop
That sprayed her with poop.
Her cleverness just might have strayed.
A bagpiper – Angus Kincaid
Had his moment at this year’s parade.
He was over a vent,
Way up his kilt went;
Three ladies then rushed to his aid.
“In my twenties, I played the gay blade
As the star of the Rainbow Parade,
But now I can’t deny
I’m a hetero guy–
Ever since then my tool’s been Miss laid!”
So, am I outing or ining myself??
Oh, how I was dismayed
With my bug- eyed date named Wade
I tried shampoo
But that wouldn’t do
So I sprayed the guy with Raid
When we arrived at the town’s parade
My son was profusely sprayed
With someone’s drink
And boy, did he stink
We should have watched it on “Direct pre-paid”
Oh how I felt dismayed
At the Thanksgiving Day Parade
My boyfriend ran away
With Miss Piggy that day
And I’ve never felt more betrayed
My daughter’s far-out braid
is unkempt and disarrayed
She ties it so tight
That it looks like a fright
Wig at a freak show parade
Through his door there’s a constant parade
of co-eds who hope to persuade
the government prof
that if they get him off
it’s not a restraint of free trade.
At the Senior Citizens Parade
All of the marchers have grayed
Except for Bee
Who denies that she
Uses Miss Clairol in a bright violet shade
They met at the Fremont Parade
In Seattle, about to invade
The proceedings on bikes;
They’re all naked – yikes!
But body paint’s there for the staid.
At the Multiple Birth Parade
My hubbie and I were dismayed
By noticing that ours
Were the lion’s share of the stars
So he suggested it’s time to get spayed
Have you heard of the “Brisket Brigade?”
Their plans are carefully made
They come to the “shiva”
And then they deliva
Casseroles in the grieving parade
My hair was crawling with “bugs on parade”
I freaked out; I was so afraid
I tried shampoo
But that wouldn’t do
So I sprayed my head with a can of Raid
not a duplicate
Have you heard of the “Brisket Brigade?”
Their agenda is always carefully made
They come to the “shiva”
So they can “deliva”
Casseroles in the grieving parade
At the annual “Multiple Birth Parade”
My hubbie and I were extremely dismayed
When we noticed that ours
Were the majority of stars
He told me that now it’s time to get spayed
The moll’s tiny gun was mislaid.
When asked where, ’twas the dumb blonde she played.
What was lost is now found;
The cops ran it to ground
By having her pelvis X-rayed.
At the annual “Senior Citizens Parade”
All the the marchers have gradually grayed
Except for Bee
Who denies that she
Uses Miss Clairol in a bright violet shade
better meter
When we arrived at the town’s parade
My son was rudely and profusely sprayed
With someone’s drink
And boy, did he stink
We should have watched it on “Direct pre-paid”
When I had a blind date with bug-eyed Wade
I was mortified and completely dismayed
I stepped on his face
What a disgrace!
Then I sprayed his eyes with a can of Raid
At our party there was a raid
I was mortified and utterly afraid
The cops grabbed my arm
Intending to harm
WE FOUND HER! the lady: “Miss Laid”
At the St. Paddy’s Day Parade
I noticed my husband had strayed
He found a lass
With a magnificent ass
She was quite the flirtatious jade
Oh, how I was dismayed
At my bug-eyed date named Wade
I stepped on his face
What a disgrace!
Then I sprayed his head with Raid
The out-of-town governor stayed
At a D.C. hotel where he paid
For an escort he thought
Might be fun, but who brought
The vice squad conducting a raid.
“Our Mother’s Day special parade
Will be cancelled,” he said. “I’m afraid.
But our scheduling guy
Was a little bit high,
And his calendar left us dis-Mayed.”
Every year at the Gay Pride Parade
The trans folk can march unafraid.
New girls show off their breasts
And the boys their flat chests
And they cheer, “We’re dis-guys-ed and dis-maid.”
When we arrived at the town’s parade
My son was rudely and crudely sprayed
With someone’s drink
And boy did he stink
We should have watched it on “Direct pre-paid”
At the Senior Citizens Parade
All the marchers have gradually grayed
Except for Bee
Who denies that she
Uses Miss Clairol in a bright violet shade
Have you heard of the “Brisket Brigade?”
Their agenda is carefully made
They arrive at the “shiva”
So they can “deliva”
Casseroles in the grieving parade
I met Macy when just a young blade
Starting out in the caregiver trade.
I’ve met no patient funner.
Us male aides who’ve done ‘er
Love Macy’s Thanksgiving per aide!
The limericists go on parade
to cherry blossoms for a raid
against haiku purists
who treat nature like tourists
and who need to laugh or get laid.
A girl was selling lemonade
a the stand her daddy had made.
When bugs went on attack
she did overreact!
Now her stuff has the slight taste of RAID.
Relatives visited to see our parade
We made up their bedroom in a lovely shade
They used our drier
And started a fire
I’d say their welcome was overstayed
The start of s scandal was made
when found that the Pats had foul played.
NFL observed
that justice be served
post New England’s victory parade.
We met each other at the Gala Parade
I told her how I “wanted it played”
She doused herself in Comet
I started to vomit
“Here I am, your “chambermaid!”
We met at the Gala Parade
I told her how I “wanted it played”
She was doused in Comet
I started to vomit
“Here I am: your chambermaid!”
I’m off to the Pageant Parade
Destination: Palisade
I’m here at O’hare
Slept 4 days on a chair
I think my flight’s been delayed
“Kelly’s Bar and Grill”
At Kelly’s there was a raid
I was insulted the cops would invade
But they came for some fun
So I didn’t run
I’m proud to be in the pleasure trade
Read your ‘Oy Vey Iz Mer” limerick. Looked up some words (I don’t know Yiddish) and tried to come up with something
At the Israeli Day Parade
The balebosete boasted she made:
Gifelte fish
Oy, what a dish!
Then the klutz dropped it in his Kool Aid
My gardener took me to the parade
But there seemed to be a blockade
“No one else allowed!
There’s too big a crowd!”
So we went home and took it out in trade
Two businessmen plying their trade
Got caught up in an IRS raid.
Seems these ten-year-old crooks
Hadn’t kept proper books:
They were bootlegging pure lemonade.
We all know it’s just a charade
Though children are sometimes afraid
When horses are prancing
And silly clowns dancing
But oh how I love a parade!
A strangely ambitious young maid
Sought employment to try to get laid.
She published an ad,
And found that she had
Provoked an impressive parade.
Her diet he questioned, “Huh, raid
The fridge once again? You parade
Through the kitchen my dear.
As your husband, it’s clear
That your diet’s a spousal charade.”
Pantyng For More
Bright, lacy “ooo!” panties arrayed
On her dresser: decision was made
To change twice every hour,
Display sexy power ~
Her lover enjoyed the parade.
BAD DATE
“Sigh. I’ll bet he wants nookie in trade
For the horrible meal that he made…
I’ll lay odds ten to one
That he’ll grin when he’s done
Like he wants me to throw a parade!”
At the Obsessive-Compulsive Parade
No one would dare be delayed
They marched in perfect measure
It certainly was a pleasure
To witness such a regimented brigade
I am sorry I did not finish the last limerick…..It goes like this:
At the Obsessive-Compulsive Parade
No one would dare be delayed
They marched in perfect measure
It certainly was a pleasure
To witness such a regimented brigade.
When the parade ended
We were all feeling splendid
But the same group of men
were marching again
This is not what was originally intended!
W
At the Procrastinators Parade
Every one was delayed
The spectators were there
But the procession was hide not hair
So we went to cool off in the shade
Her favors were amply arrayed,
Though a whore and in jail she had stayed.
Applying for mod’ling,
She wouldn’t need coddling,
But her pros and her cons must be weighed.
oh my God it’s a doj raid
or loretta lynch’s charade?
the blacks burn their city
it doesn’t look pretty
now the feds have to come to their aid?
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 212.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Rhyme MAIL or MALE.