Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Hair or Hare at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either “hair” or “hare” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s are my two limericks, one for “hair” and one for “hare.”
When a man lost a race by a hair,
He objected: “I won. It’s not fair!
Both my feet got there first.
But it seems that I’m cursed
Cuz I’m bald. Just his mane beat me there.”
and
A woman had offered to share
A meal with her boyfriend — roast hare.
He responded, “Not funny!
It looks like my bunny.”
Then he fled to she doesn’t know where.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Baldness Humor, Competition Limerick, Hair Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Racing Humor, Writing Prompts
When my wife starts in splitting a hair,
I know that the fight won’t be fair.
When she starts calling names
Like jackass, she claims
It’s because it’s my new nom de guerre.
Last night, I drank more than my share,
And this morning, I barfed on my chair.
Jeez, I’m already sick,
So please don’t be a dick,
I won’t swallow some dog’s freakin’ hair!
A spot that’s protected by hair
Can’t be considered quite bare
Which leaves me perplexed
And often quite vexed
When they insist on panties down there
oops – change sport to spot :)
(Note from Mad Kane: Fixed.)
Both noses held high in the air
Indicated a tense, watchful pair.
Then the hound broke and ran;
See them leap, white and tan!
Dog despaired: it escaped by a hare.
Creeped Out
Well, Chuck Manson was known for his hair
And for killing (by proxy) his share.
His “girls” hit up Dennis,
Then brought him their menace.
His victims faced that deranged stare…
“I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either “hair” or “hare” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)”
Madeleine, relaxing the rules in that way seems to me an excellent idea, and gives far more scope.
I’m afraid that I’m losing my hair!
Just last week, that bald patch wasn’t there,
So I’ll try to renew
It with trimmings and glue –
I’ve got plenty of eyebrows to spare.
Her guests were beginning to stare
At their plates, and the dubious fare.
“Oh, sorry”, she shrugged,
“By mistake, I have jugged
Your chihuahua instead of my hare.”
A race home between tortoise and hare
Is essentially not very fair.
Though the hare is quite quick,
It’s a shell game. That prick,
The tortoise, is already there!
The anatomist thanked Burke and Hare;
Five guineas per body seemed fair.
But as he dissected,
He never suspected
The corpse had been killed by the pair.
For the fancy-dress ride, what to wear?
Her husband said “Go as a bear.”
But Godiva misheard,
So she mounted and spurred
And rode forth wearing only her hair.
King Henry is tearing his hair –
A daughter! It’s really not fair.
So it’s off with Anne’s head,
And young Jane shares his bed.
It’s a boy! Henry has a fresh heir.
Jon, interfering old geezer that I am, in your ‘tortoise and hare’ piece, the fourth line doesn’t really scan well. Might I suggest “that devious bastard”?
Lord Cholmondely had swallowed “a hair
Of the dog”, then dropped dead in his chair.
When I called on his son,
Pitbulls came on the run –
I was bit by the dog of the heir.
Lady Godiva never walked bare
cause dressed in her luxurious hair
she rode down the street
in decent deceit
when Tom was struck dead for his stare
Apparently this is the original peeping Tom :-)
I’m not about splitting a hair
But it seems ironic and rare,
That same sounding words,
Could all smell like turds:
‘Dairy Air’, and of course, ‘Derriere’
She was vain about her hair
So she did her roots with care
But once was distracted
The timing protracted
It’s grown back but took a whole year
This lawyer flew into O’Hare
He was searching for somebody’s heir
He was dropping big hints
About an African prince
But he couldn’t find someone to care…
The missus rumbled our affair
When she came across a blond hair
In the marital bed
(The wife’s a redhead)
Now it’s curtains for the au pair
Last night I shaved off all my hair
No, not on my head, but ‘down there ‘
When faced with the sight
My hubby took flight
My bald patch was too bare to bear.
I look and I see my grey hair
I’m young and am thus in despair.
Not old in my mind-
To truth, I am blind!
My age, I’m not willing to share.
In Wave Hill I did see a hare.
So handsome I just had to stare.
But then he got scared,
And always prepared,
He ran fast to hide in his lair.
A woman was in great despair
For more than her clothes, she did bare.
But just as she feared
The guy disappeared.
Of him there was no hide or hair.
My instincts were screaming, “BEWARE!”.
A guy with a gun was in there.
What happened was moot,
Before he could shoot
I just made it out by a hair.
I altered the shade of my hair
To give it a little more flair.
When my husband came home,
He said, “Oh, marone!”
Are you planning to have an affair?
A woman had offered to share
Her man with their sexy au pair.
She voiced a strong craving
For mutual shaving.
Now all are so bare without hair.
Mom said; “Son, don’t you dare!”
“But Mom,”said I, “Please don’t despair,
This could make us lots of money,
and you’ll see I’m no dummy
and I promise I’ll not you double dare.”
He arrived at the bar with a flair:
Lab retriever; a rabbit; the pair
Looked us over. The bunny
Said, “Might appear funny.
“It’s a bit of the dog with a hare.”
Looking out the window high into the trees, I got a scare.
Squirrels climbing up and down and leaping through the air
chasing each other in play from one bare tree to another
balancing and bouncing on tiny branches. Oh my, Oh brother.
Grabbing life with resolve and strength the width of a hair.
This is a pretty classical tale of racing with the hare. Time catches up to us and there is no sense in speeding through it. Be slow like the turtle and enjoy everything that this life has to offer.
I can’t do a thing with my hair
And I tried to fix it with Nair
So folks would not jeer
Or run off in fear
But now what they all do is stare
A young woman with orange hair
Was eating some fruit at the fair
She had one of each
A plum and a peach
For she already had a nice pear
A tribute to Madlaine
Mad Madlaine got kane by his hair
Mad Begun caned Kane in despair
Mad’s cane was real tough
Yo! Not quite enough
cause’ Kane broke the cane without care.
How do i edit my post?
(Note from Mad Kane: Just post your revised version and I’ll delete your original version. )
Hair-ied, if Not Harassed
See that guy down the street, over there?
Always walks with his nose in the air;
Some folks say that it’s wrong
(His neck’s gotta be strong!),
Looking up through that curtain of hair.
The Cruel Seem to Rule
She appeared in a state of repair,
To the nines, dressed, with fabulous hair.
But her “friends” had enough
Of their semi-cute “duff”:
Jeered at loudly, she tried not to care.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
If in high school not ugly, but shy,
Peers’ attention? A poke in the eye :(
Every new generation
Flaunts their denigration
Of “friends”. But time flies, whew! and sigh…
Brian,
I just saw your suggestion. Thank you. Mad pointed it out to me and I decided to go a slightly different route. After bouncing a few idears off our lovely host, I wound up dropping the extra syllables in L3&4 and throwing in the shell game wordplay. I’m much happier with the final version. I need to start doing my rewrites BEFORE I send in my entries. :-)
Our home phone’s on the blink: pull my hair!
Darn, our staticky line needs repair.
My hon tested the line,
Though last night it was fine:
We know there’s a problem, but where?
We have Century (missing the?) Link
Due today, 10-2, so we think;
And the issue’s outside
(Free to us! We grin wide).
Pass the o.j., dear ~ I’ll have that drink.
My new boyfriend has no hair,
But I really do not care.
He’s rich and kind,
And very refined,
And he dances like Fred Astaire.
I’m more of a tortoise than hare
In places that aren’t ‘Times Square.’
But as a ‘New Yawker,’
Behind a slow gawker,
I’m likely to race as I swear.
As I was combing my beautiful hair,
I noticed a little bug there.
A little louse
Thought my head was his house.
And now I’m in intensive care.
She sported long, sexy, blonde, hair
And worked at the fresh produce fair
I reckoned her peaches
Were out of my reaches,
But, jeepers, she had a nice pear!
His fat body covered by hair,
They coaxed him right out of his lair
Phil then saw his shadow,
Which made him skedaddle
Tsk-tsk, how you northerners swear
What’s this? In the mirror? It’s a hair?
Been years since I spotted one there
Feeling hopeful and vain,
I bought some Rogaine,
Now my head AND my wallet are bare
“I shaved my head so bald it’s bare
As a baby’s butt,” Frank said to Claire.
“That’s not where likeness ends,”
Claire said. “I tell my friends
What’s inside, too, is off just a hair!”
Ah shit! There’s that freeloading hare!
He eats my tomato plants bare!
This time, just for fun
I’ll get out my gun
Tonight, hasenpheffer we’ll share
The leering old man had no hair
His eyeballing quite frightened Claire
She left the old schmuck,
Took the lift, which got stuck
She should have just taken the stair
Some men have a full head of hair
Alas, I’ve not got much up there
Though I may lack in locks
All the girls say my cock’s
Compensation beyond compare.
The bunny extended a dare
To race, which the turtle thought fair.
Rabbit thought he’d prevail,
But the poor cottontail
Was chagrined. Tortoise won by a hare.
Dr. Jekyll drank potion out where
He had gone on a rabbit hunt. There
Were two failures that night.
Nothing seemed to go right.
They produced neither Hyde nor hare.
The question is “Why do we care?”
‘Bout celebrities’ panties and hair.
A publicity stunt
Is to flash a gal’s cunt.
Such nudity’s too much to bare.
There once was a woman named Claire;
With houseflies she’d never despair.
How’d she keep them away?
“It is simple,” she’d say.
“The reason? I’ve fly-away hair.”
Debbie Reynolds would pay first class fare,
Fly back home, have a man do her hair.
He was suave; was named Mike,
And the two were alike.
Don’t you see? They were both debonair.
As he matted the photo with care,
His emotion soon turned to despair.
His toupee, it fell off,
And I hope you won’t scoff
At the outcome: His own matted hair.
As I was combing my beautiful hair,
I noticed a bug was in there.
A cute little louse
Thought my head was his house;
And I decided to call him Pierre.
A tribute to Byron Ives
who shot wide and killed one
Dear Byron my thoughts if I dare
your sexy one, sporting her share
my favorite so far
I say it’s on par
and passes her peaches and pear.
The Expo displayed a weird hare,
But how could poor Jim Bob get there?
If he rode in a cab,
Could he cover the tab?
Could he scrape up enough for the fair?
Deer Santa
She solemnly prayed, “Brrr, night air!
Please let Santa buy coats, to be fair:
Don’t his reindeer get cold?
They can’t be very old
Yet. Warm Santa, you’ve got all that hair!”
24-Carrot Love
They frolicked and leapt in the air,
Bold suitor and dainty young hare.
Jack, he followed his Jill
Over field and up hill
‘Til she caught him: soon, heirs (and a spare).
Premature
A man tried to sire an heir
With a maiden of beauty so fair
He pulled out too quick
A rather odd tick
And shot his load in her hair
Which colour to dye my hair
I’m taking a deal of care
But can’t get beyond
Various shades of blonde
Which I guess is only fair
correction: my meter was off, so I will try again!
As I was combing my hair,
I found a cute little bug up there.
It was a little louse,
Who thought my head was his house,
And I’ve decided to name him Pierre.
Alas I am losing my hair
So I feign being devil may care
What collects on my hats
I blame on shedding cats
Which isn’t entirely fair
Tuft Love
Yes indeed, cats shed oodles of hair,
Our four generously each give their share.
No, we didn’t inherit
Sleek-furred pets (a ferret);
I can testify, hair everywhere:
In the bathrooms, on chairs and the floor,
Just look down when you stand in the door;
And our black cats, good grief!
It defies all belief.
Pick it up, turn around, and there’s more…
She said that she just doesn’t care
That her boyfriend is challenged for hair
She said down below
It aint bush size, oh no,
It’s finding the twig that lives there
If you fancy a man with hair
Between nose and lips, then beware
A prickly tash
Can give you a rash
If he dares to venture down there.
There once was a woman who dared
before sex to rub up with a hare.
Her suitors said “…’kay”
it’s weird, but I’ll play,”
till next time when she’d bring the mare.
He escaped from a fire in his lair,
And at once began losing his hair.
Embarrassed was he,
As an icon, to be
Now referred to as “Smokey the Bare.”
The fruit vendor’s wife was a bear –
“Shape up and get out of my hair.”
He took it in stride,
Although, puzzled, he sighed,
“But why did she say ‘get a pear?”
Said Closeau with his usual flair,
“I so want this case out of my hair.
I can take quite a bow.
I know everything now,
Except how, who, and when, why, and where.”
The magician down in the square
Was bombing his magic show there
His helper betrayed him,
Screwed acts up and made him
So mad that he pulled out his hare
A new ‘do? Why the hell would I care
What you do to your own freakin’ hair?
Though I do wish you’d learn
That my only concern
Is it’s not an obstruction down there.
With a toss of her silvery hair,
She said to him: “Now then, mon cher;
While we wait for your phallus
To go and Cialis,
There’s much you can do below there.”
To remove my superfluous hair
I am using a product called “Nair”
I think it’s for legs
But when my moustache begs
The result seems to be pretty fair.
A lady with long golden hair
Met up with a “guy” at the fair
Who said “I’m not a man
But I will if I can”
So she fainted and fell off her chair.
There once was a gal from Eau Claire
Who applied bright red dye to her hair.
Does the rug match the curtain?
Don’t ask how, but I’m certain
The floor’s highly polished and bare.
My daughter brought home a hare.
It broke my Chippendale chair.
“But mother, it’s a Lepus”
I replied “Lepus, Shmepus”
“Get it the hell out of here!”
A cook with luxuriant hair
Was preparing dessert, flambéed pear.
When too close in he came,
His locks burst into flame.
For his work he displays quite a flare.
50 Shades of my silvery hair
Fill women with lust. I’ll ensnare.
Oh what was I thinking?
(I must have been drinking.)
So much for my kinky affair.
A bored man gave himself a dare
to see what his head looked like bare.
In winter, shaved clear
is no good idea
now he goes out with hat and fake hair.
If you see a grizzly with hare
it’s unwise to just stand and stare.
Just try not to choke
when you think of that joke
about wiping. Just run, don’t go there!
She said her new beau had no hair
And sex with this dude was just fair
His nickname was ‘Flipper’,
No, not for his dipper,
‘Cause he’s hung like a light switch down there
The beach is a good place to stare
One sees some great boobies down there
It would make them all retch
Ogled by such a lech,
With binocs they’re all unaware
On my last limerick I did err
Omitting the called for word there
I screwed up, I concede
Number 2 line should read:
‘One can even espy pubic hair’
When you’re part of a pair,
Like a cute Teddy Bear,
You go where you want,
In back or in front,
And you don’t raise a hair.
For technical reasons, I’m forced to post the results and the new Limerick-Off early. (Limericks entered in this past week’s contest between now and the official 10 pm ET deadline remain eligible for HMs and, if chosen, will be added to my Limerick of the Week post.)
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 201.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Rhyme Word CLIPS or ECLIPSE.