Tart Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday) Rhyme Word: Tart
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man fell in love with a tart…*
or
A fellow was eating a tart…*
or
A reviewer whose comments were tart…*
or
I prefer all my food to be tart…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Tart Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man fell in love with a tart,
But was warned an affair wasn’t smart.
Said his sourpuss pal:
“She’s a cat-around gal.
Only fools would give floozies their heart.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Humor, Tarts, Writing Prompts
A waitress was serving a tart,
To a Muslim, who grasped at his heart.
“Pray to god, Miss,” he pled,
“Certainly, sir,” she said.
“Ex machina, or Allah carte?”
I cut one that smelt a bit tart
And revealed myself through my art.
You might think I’m jokin’
Or dope I’ve been smokin’,
But really, I’m just a big fart.
She explained to her John, “I’m no tart!
I perform philosophical art.
I will make you feel peachy
If you ply me with Nietzsche,
Or ride me, horse-like, to Descartes.”
(Note that not only did I follow the rules for limerick writing, but I also did not put Descartes before the horse.)
A poet fell in with a tart
who thought it would improve his art
inspiration struck
once the crabs ran amok
and a break up poem was just the start
A man fell in love with a tart
Twas a beauty. A real work of art
The creamy fruit filling
was exquisitely thrilling.
When he schtupped it the thing fell apart.
He was eating a strawberry tart
With a lecher’s lascivious art,
For the strawberry blonde
Was exceedingly fond
Of his tongue in her amorous part.
The philosopher’s comments were tart:
“Other thinkers are not worth a fart –
Their philosophies stink!
I know that I think,
And that therefore I am”, said Descartes.
The waitress had brought him a tart,
But Count Dracula fancied her heart.
Although at this venue
Blood’s not on the menu,
He just served himself à la carte.
A girl ate a humongous tart
To deal with the break of her heart
And the ultimate truth
She’d been wasting her youth
With the most undeserving old fart
A fellow who ate too much tart
Had blood pressure right off the chart
And the Doc in surprise
Was rolling his eyes
Because he loved Mondriaan’s Art.
The critic’s remarks were quite tart
And went straight to the heart like a dart.
Your technique is crap
You are history old chap
It might suit you to make a new start.
Are philosophers’ words sweet or tart?
“I think so I am.” said Descartes.
Berkeley said “If I am,
So is God.” “Life’s a sham.
Yes, it is. No it’s not.”-Jean-Paul Sartre.
A man fell in love with a tart
Who played him like he was Mozart.
They made a crescendo
And then took it real slow,
For she did it all for the art!
A man fell in love with a tart
Who knew all his pleasures by heart.
When she finished their fun
She would yell that he’s done:
“Just go away, leave, scram, depart!”
A reviewer whose comments were tart,
Thought his writings were just oh, so smart.
Cruel to the wrong person?
For that it was certain.
He was found with a knife in his heart.
In search of a nice apple tart
I went to a large super Mart
Bananas and ham
And all sorts of jam
But no tart to go in my cart.
My ex-wife was a bit of a tart,
And that’s why we are living apart.
The night she got pissed,
She just couldn’t resist
My best friend with his Cupid-like dart.
A fellow who quoted Decartes
Was careless- a cinch to outsmart
“I think therefore I am..
I just don’t give a damn”
This fool and his money would part.
A woman who loved almond tart
Knew the way to a strong, healthy heart.
All sugar’s a “no”
And so is all dough.
All gluten, and dairy: not smart.
A man fell in love with a tart
@ lonely dot com backslash heart
he craved her affection
yet used no protection
and now his computer won’t start
My dreams of baking a tart
Were doomed from the very start
Just like my plans
For exotic flans
That crumbled and fell apart
He abused her with words that were tart
When the love in their life fell apart.
The solution for her
Was so easy. The cure
Was to plunge a sharp knife through his heart.
A man fell in love with a tart,
Tho’ his friends all warned “it’s not smart”
He cried, “she’s great in bed,
Gives magnificent head
And she doesn’t care if I fart”
A gal ate a large spicy tart
On her way to church from the Mart
She sang in the choir
Tho’ her breath was on fire
Rev’s “Hell sermon” went to the heart.
[special effects make the difference]
The savage and passionate tart
Would offer her wares ala carte.
A cheap, little hussy,
She wasn’t too fussy,
But, brother, look out should you fart.
The wine was unpleasantly tart,
Thin and acid, and lacking in heart.
They fermented again,
Thus inventing champagne
With true viticultural art.
The actress moonlit as a tart,
And she asked me “Now, where shall I start?”
So I told her, then screamed
In great pain, for it seemed
She could only perform a bit part.
I fancy a nice bit of tart
Bit I ought to think of my heart
The excitement could see
An early death for me
But what a great way to depart
Marge Simpson was baking a tart
For Homer and Lisa and Bart.
She cried out, “Oh, no!
I’ve no yeast for the d’oh.”
But at least it gave Pesach a start.
The warm filling of a Pop Tart
Leaked onto her labia part
Motel breakfast food
Can heighten the mood
Room service pleasure a la carte
This week we are rhyming with ‘tart’
I’m hoping to at last outsmart,
With some clever wordplay,
And a pinch of risqué,
Those meisters Allgar and Gearhart
“A fellow was eating a tart”
Was how two of his novels would start.
Only one, he’d have sworn,
He had meant to be porn,
Yet nobody could tell them apart.
Well, Helen of Troy was a tart,
And she captured poor Paris’s heart.
But ten years of war
To recover a whore?
Even Bush wouldn’t think it was smart.
Opening Gambit
The few words she spoke, both prim and tart,
Made it clear we’re still miles, miles apart.
“You’re a prick, don’t you see?
And I’m sure you’ll agree
That your suit is way, way off the chart.”
The hooker sucked on a Sweet Tart
While performing an oral sex part
She was always a sucker
For improving that pucker
Got a big tip from her regular Art
My blind date’s observations were tart
As she picked my appearance apart.
This gal gave me no chance
With my bell bottom pants
And my bright orange ’80 Dodge Dart.
My response was perhaps a tad tart,
But she’d coldly disparaged my art.
Yes, it made the Queen blink
When I said, “Do you think
That some cock’ll warm YOUR frigid heart?”
A fellow was eating a tart,
And knew it was one from the start:
‘If the filling you spy
Is bare to the sky,
It can’t be a pie – ain’t I smart?’
A man fell in love with a tart
Picked up at a big supermart;
He found it quite thrilling
To get to the filling:
‘Oh, that was,’ he gasped, ‘the best part!’
Scratch the last line, please. It is the unwanted residue from a previous unsuccessful version.
(Done– MBK)
A fellow, devoured by a tart,
Said, ‘This is what sets her apart!
Most guys eat their pies,
But what a surprise
When tarts also play eating part!’
When King Arthur went after a tart
Named Guinevere, she stole his heart.
This myth is widespread
Throughout folklore and said
To be truly a false work of Art.
A bittersweet irony’s tart
In a way both depressing and smart.
An example from life
Is a heart surgeon’s wife
That “on leaving him” cut out his heart.
I once met a darling French tart
And Eiffel hard for her from the start.
When she said oui oui
To a tryst in Paris,
Eiffeled napped hole in with boney part!
So nice I pastied her twice. LOL. Please fix that, Mad!
(Done — MBK)
Just Desert
Men madly will fall for a tart
who, shallow of mind and of heart,
will claim her vows taken
have long been forsaken
by death never doing its part.
Playing a Critical Part
A reviewer both pleasant and tart
said, “I’m here to strengthen your art…
I’m not narcissistic…
nor am I sadistic…
take the good, bad, and bitter to heart.”
Chilling Filling
A fellow had picked up a tart
— at least so he thought at the start —
until gasping for air
he announced with despair
“…t’was quiche with an art…uh…choke heart.”
T’is the Seasoning
Though I like all my food to be tart.
I’m not bitter if it should depart
so long as the reason
to otherwise season
is as tastefully taken to heart.
Guinevere was one bodacious tart
A Lady after my very own heart
Though some found it rude
To mount her horse nude
Going bareback was just off the chart
Come turn out the light, my sweet tart.
You’re sour sometimes, but your heart
Is strong and it’s pure
Like the smell of manure
When you eat cauliflower and then fart.
I hope that my comment’s not tart
And you think I’m an ass that’s too smart,
But it’s Lady Godiva
That made my saliva
Drool thinking of her mounting a horse with nothing covering even one single part.
I’m thinking re that lonely tart
Who went to that site (F slash heart).
It is buyer beware
In that jungle out there
What thou sayest is not what thou art.
Dining Out
A fellow was eating a tart
She said he had a really good start
Til half way in
She started to grin
As she let out a terrible fart
We gave her the nickname The Tart
Since we rode her in groups or apart,
She charged a cheap fare,
Took us all anywhere,
And then, “Ta, hoe!” we’d hop off and dart.
I made him a big greengage tart
Which looked like a large piece of art
My motive was sly
Cascara in pie
But he still was unable to fart.
In “Just Desert” above, please remove the comma following “tart” and insert a comma following “who”. Thanks.
(Done — MBK)
A reviewer whose comments were tart
Thought all shows should reflect such high art
That in all matters musical
He’d say “It’s unusual,
But surely, not Rogers & Hart”
A man’s life can be sweet or quite tart
And the wife that he has, for a start,
Can help decide which.
Is she nice or a bitch?
Does she nag, or make love fill his heart?
A man fell in love with a tart.
He knew it was doomed from the start,
Though ’twas not till he kissed her
He fin’ly dismissed her;
She had apples instead of a heart.
A reviewer whose comments were tart
hated our show from the start;
her pen wielded such power
that the actors would cower
and offer to give her their part.
A man fell in love with a tart
Whose breasts were a fine work of art
He asked “Are they real?”
She replied “Have a feel!”
And that’s how she won his heart
Confection Objection
A bright lawyer defending her tart
— to her prodigy having no part. —
said, “No sugar…low fat…
that is where health is at…”.
Said her son “…in your head…not my heart.”
Three stanza limerick “chain”.
A man fell in love with a tart
Who thought that tattooing was art.
He, being quite daft,
Let her practice her craft
And proceed on his most private part.
As you might well imagine, the tart
Needed firmness before she could start.
So she used an injection
For proper erection
And pain pills brought in by the cart.
Her masterpiece finished, the tart
Explained that her tatting might smart,
And whenever he “sinned,”
He would always break wind,
Which made it a true work of fart.
It’s vital when having a tart
To choose it right from the start.
To look juicy and ample,
A most tasty example
Of a dish built state of the art.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 198.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Pass.