Limerick Stake (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who relished his steak…*
or
A gal with a fortune at stake…*
or
A fellow was driving a stake…*
or
A fellow had promised to stake…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Stake
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gold digger, relishing steak,
Found himself in a pickle: The rake
Had far more than one wife.
Each was pointing a knife
At his torso. His prospect’s a wake.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Competition Limerick, Gold Digger Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Steak Limerick, Writing Prompts
If you’ve got some money at stake
On a team race on Bosporous, make
The choice and then go
Buy a boat they can row.
Keep it simple and get them sleek caique!
Mad, since when does great rhyme with steak and rake? LOL! Were you drunk posting??
Jon, thanks for alerting me! I’ve fixed it. I blame post-election depression for my screw-up .
Plus tequila. :)
There once was a man named Bob Staake
Whose cartoons could make your sides ache.
I often laugh with him
And his sense of pith whim
Is more than my poor sides can take.
I choked on a big hunk of steak
And they couldn’t dislodge it. To take
It out they cut in
To my throat through the skin
And for now I must breathe through this trach.
At the Wal-Mart, I bought me some “stake.”
Their misspelling should shake me awake
To the fact buying meat
From there’s not worth repeat
Unless you seek steak that is fake…
A fellow was driving a stake
Through Count Dracula’s heart – piece of cake! –
When he felt – what the heck? –
A sharp pain in his neck.
“Surprise!” said the Count, “I’m awake!”
They had burnt Joan of Arc at the stake,
And the French all complained “For God’s sake!
Meat that’s rare is good fun,
But she’s quite overdone –
You English don’t know how to bake.”
She gorged on potatoes and steak,
But was always as thin as a rake.
When they asked “How d’you do it?”
She said “I just chew it,
Then spit it all out in the lake.”
Three kings! I decided to stake
All I’d got, I was certain to make.
But the other guy saw me,
And laid down before me
Four kings! One of us was a fake.
Her good reputation at stake,
The hooker decided to take
Some advice. To her john
She cried “Baby, come on!”,
And he never detected the fake.
I had ordered the chargrilled ground steak,
But they brought me some fish, maybe hake.
The waiter said “Sheet,
We done run out of meat,
So it’s that, or the chargrilled ground snake.”
She had made an appalling mistake
And her stomach was starting to ache.
He said “Swallow, all right?”
So she took a great bite,
Then she swallowed the whole of his jake.
My career as screenwriter at stake,
I embarked on a splendid remake
Of “Gone with the Wind”,
But my last line was binned –
“My dear, I don’t give a corn-flake.”
A gal with a fortune at stake
To paradox, she was awake.
Her pension/savings in stocks
Had put her into a box.
She hoped that she wasn’t a fake.
A woman had promised to stake
Her feelings- she was wide awake.
He brought her such joy,
And she wasn’t coy,
And would never put on the brake.
A gal with a fortune at stake
Decided to cook and to bake.
Yes, she will surely succeed
For good pastries there’s a need.
She knows how to make a great cake!
A gal with a fortune at stake
Decided to cook and to bake.
Yes, she will surely succeed
For good pastries, there’s a knead…
She knows how to make a great cake!
A fellow who relished his steak
Had met a hot gal on the make.
She said, “I taste better!”
He agreed to let her…
And so in her, he did partake.
In some butter I fry sirloin steak
And with mushrooms and cream the sauce make
This Paleo’s amazing
In energy raising
Just don’t tell my GP (the old fake).
A gal with a fortune at stake
Met a guy who was on the make
She thought him a great find
But of course she was blind
To the snake who her fortune would take.
.
A gal with a fortune at stake
Fell in love with a royalty fake.
So her he’d convince
He was really a prince.
But forsooth he turned into a snake.
.
A gal with a fortune at stake
Too soon met a guy name of Jake.
He seemed a fine fellow
Whose talk was quite mellow.
But Jake sadly proved a rake on the make.
.
Now Jake was a rake who relished his steak.
He formed a bad habit he just couldn’t break.
He ate steak every meal
Till it lost its appeal.
And Jake his bad habit he soon would forsake.
.
The story of Jake and his barbecued steak.
Warns bad habits we quickly must break.
Now he ate every meal
Of snake and would reel
For only of snake could Jake now partake.
.
The story ends sadly for Jake and a snake.
It’s one for all time that just takes the cake.
He chased vipers all day
Till at last he would slay
A snake in a lake with a long garden rake.
.
Now the gal with the fortune at stake
Soon found she’d made a mistake.
A snake she would wed
And take it to bed
But the dough it would blow for heaven’s sake.
A fellow who relished his steak
Went to a Bronx steakhouse, named, “Jake’s”.
It’s supposed to be the best,
So he put it to the test.
“It’s so yummy, all should partake!”
I dine her on lobster and steak
While her eyes flash a lust that’s not fake.
Then she promises more
As her clothes hit the floor.
And at that exact moment — I wake.
A fellow who relished his steak,
Potato and two layer cake
Tossed all in a blender
So it would render
A marvelous high protein shake
A fellow while relishing steak
Saw a model step out of a cake
He said that one wonders
Why they wear no unders
As cho co late’s so cheap to make,
(I suppose everone has chocolate boxer shorts or undies like they do in certain places over here.)
With the fate of the world’s oil at stake,
We attacked the Mideast. Now we take
Our time to help build
Up new business. They’re thrilled
When we ask, “You want fries with that, Shaik?”
A fellow had promised to stake
a girl who really could rake
in lots of money
’cause she screwed like a bunny.
but she hopped out with the cash at daybreak.
*************************************
A fellow had promised to stake
a dancer who was semi-opaque.
But when they saw through her,
this poor entrepreneur
admitted it was a mistake.
*************************************
A fellow had promised to stake
a blind man who could charm a snake.
But at the first show,
it was all touch and go,
as both actors turned out to be fake.
The Writer’s Village
A fellow require a steak
To rectify a mistake
Not to grill or fry
But to place on an eye
Turned black when he stood on rake
The sign says their burgers are steak,
But I’m certain that’s nothing but fake.
I simply don’t buy it,
So I’ll stick to my diet,
And just order fries with my shake.
A fellow had promised a steak
to a woman he wanted to take
out for wine and romancing
and music and dancing
and afterwards wanted to make
I believe I have something at stake
The election was just a mistake
My name is Obama
And I do like the drama
So over the coals I’ve been raked
Once they tied poor Joan to the stake
There wasn’t much more she could take
Her captor asked for a match
She said his face n’ her snatch
That’s where this joke started to bake
Some now say this must be a mistake
In confusion defenders would quake
For that ain’t Joan of Arc
But was the moan of snark
Apologies if I somehow mis-spake
Our nuclear future’s at stake,
‘Cause after Japan’s massive quake,
The meltdowns were scary
And unnecessary
If TEPCO had been wide awake.
They were set to be grilled up like steak
In some cannibal African bake.
They had to be dressed
In a way that was best
To portray them, and so they used haik.
Please delete the other one. L2 was incorrect.
A Stake Through The Bake
A huntsman who was driving a stake
Up state for his dear Nana’s grand bake
Thought:” it’s grisly to share”
So he joined a brown bear
And had stake at the lake – fuck the bake.
His feathery ass was at stake,
And about to get reamed in the lake
“Get off of my back
You near-sighted quack,
I’m not a damn hen, I’m a drake!”
A behemoth drove in a stake
That made California shake,
But the faullt didn’t part.
Said he, shocked, “Bless my heart,
I think that I made a misquake.”
So Paddy broiled up a large steak
To take to friend Sean to partake.
Whispered Sean,”This is great,
But you procrastinate.
Is that why you brought it to my wake?”
Eve and Adam were munching on steak
When along came a devilish snake.
When his fruit they dismissed,
It grew angry and hissed,
“Oh, please take a bite for God’s sake.”
When the cannibal finished his steak:
“All their babble would make my head ache,
And their crackers and wine
Didn’t taste that divine,
But evangelists aren’t hard to take.”
Oops, this is the version I should have posted:
When the cannibal finished his steak:
“All their babble would make my head ache,
And their crackers and wine
Didn’t taste too divine,
But evangelists aren’t hard to take.”
A fellow who relished his steak
Did order some squirrel by mistake
He ate the entire
Set his stomach on fire
Now he only eats vegies and cake
And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 189.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Light Limerick.