Trim Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow liked gals who were trim…*
or
A woman went in for a trim…*
or
A fellow was trying to trim…*
or
A woman was painting the trim…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Trim Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When a woman who needed a trim
Cut her hair rather short on a whim,
Her spouse baldly sued
For divorce, using rude,
Snippy grounds: “She resembles a ‘him.'”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Hair Humor, Husband Wife Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A fellow liked gals who were trim,
But they couldn’t care less for him.
He thought they should diet
Though he’d never try it.
So his chance of success was quite slim.
A lady decided to trim
Her pubes, on bit of a whim.
She went from quite curly
To look ‘little girlie’,
An effect that was decidedly grim.
When he went to the mohel for a trim,
He avowed, “My conversion’s no whim.
It’s for wedding night pride.”
Said the mohel, “Bless your bride!”
“No,” the groom said with pride. “It’s for him.”
Pegleg Pete kept the mainsail trim
To keep the ride smoother for him
But a storm rocked the ship,
Popped his peg off his hip
And then left him there, out on a limb.
A fellow was trying to trim
A tree and went out on a limb
But while taking aim
He ogled a dame
Down came the chainsaw and hit him
She had asked for a shampoo and trim,
And explained it was “just on a whim”,
But the coiffeur misheard;
Though he thought it absurd,
He started shampooing her quim.
The accountant decided to trim
His accounts. His mistake was to skim
From the Mob; now his feet
Are encased in concrete,
And he doubts that he’ll manage to swim.
My garden is tidy and trim,
But I’ve broken my leg. It was dim;
I was up in a tree
Sawing branches – then, wheee!
I’d unwisely gone out on a limb.
The girl was delightfully trim,
And I ogled her down at the gym
On the exercise mat,
But I’m horribly fat,
And my chances of screwing her, slim.
She was elegant, pretty and trim;
I was bursting with sexual vim,
But my hard-on regressed
When the hooker undressed
And I found that the “her” was a “him”.
How on earth does my wife stay so trim
Though she eats till she’s full to the brim?
“After drinks with the vicar
(That heavenly liquor),
A vigorous service with hymn.”
You could hardly describe him as “trim”,
That repellent dictatorcalled Kim.
Though his ludicrous girth
Causes laughter and mirth,
His regime is exceedingly grim.
The Carpenter started to trim
Bearded oysters; his manners were prim.
But the Walrus was dirty,
And soon consumed thirty,
Just slurping them up from the rim.
A woman went in for a trim
Her hairdresser, was alas dim.
Her hair’s now too short!
She’ll meet him in court!
Return there? Ha! Chances are slim!
A woman went in for a trim
And tried for more, just on a whim
The stylist wasn’t gay,
And he begged her to stay.
She’d gotten him over the rim.
A young guy went in for a trim
Not to end up with cherubim.
Had a straight razor shave.
Ended up in the grave.
Now he’s dancing with seraphim.
A cute woman went in for a trim
When she left, her emotion was grim.
Her tresses were cut off,
For her it’s the wrong coif.
Very short hair made her look too prim.
To the barber, he went for a trim
But the barb was a babe. Lucky him!
No, it ain’t what you thought
But he gave it a shot
But never got close to her quim
A fellow liked gals who were trim
His notion of plump being dim
Despite Rembrandt’s art
He preferred a thin tart.
The hard lesson he learned was quite grim.
A fellow liked gals who were trim
And his cup runneth over the brim
He found many willing
It was all very thrilling.
When his wallet grew thin they waved bye, bye to Jim.
A fellow liked gals who were trim
Picked one up at a bar on a whim.
He boasted with pride
He had a great ride.
Not knowing his money she’d skim.
A woman was painting the trim
When her head turned as she spied her “him”
She fell off her ladder
And dropped on an adder
So the two were twained right on a limb!
The young man who thought he was trim
Went up the tree on to a limb.
But he was porky,
Fell, looked so dorky
Even his mom made fun of him.
A fellow was trying to trim
His beard in the dark, woe is him.
His chin now is scary,
Where once it was hairy,
Making prospects for sex grimly dim.
The pol’s speech, all gaudy trim
Around rot, bull crap and flam-flim.
Misinformation
He feeds to the nation
Quite certain the voters are dim.
When her Beaver needed a trim
Ward asked June if she would let him
Took out all of the fun
As he learned it’s his son
Who’s hair was too long not her quim
On a whim, I slipped in for a trim
With a curvy cute stylist named Kim.
As she snipped from behind,
And proceeded to grind,
I grew certain this ‘Her’ was a ‘Him.’
James loved Christmas trees and nice trim,
But Santa had always scared him
Said his shrink, with a snort,
“It’s a seasonal sort
Of rare Claustrophobia, Jim”
Crazy Kim was out painting her trim
When a sheriff showed up, very grim
“Since you shot at John Dunn
With a blank starter gun,
You’ll be charged with a race crime, Miss Kim”
The madam was big-boned, not trim
She said she’d take both me and Tim
I asked, “You mean double?”
Said Madam, “No trouble,
‘Cause big girls like me need a shim.”
A Purim Limerick
There once was a girl who was trim,
masquerading as Esther on Purim.
Some guy went agog-er
eye-ing Esther’s sweet gragger*,
but was embarrassed to find her a him.
This girl, not a her, but a him
dressed as Esther extolling Purim,
left the temple as her,
but when he heard a slur
about him as a her – lights went dim!
Randy Mazie
* A gragger is a noisemaker used to drown out the name of Haman (the evil doer of this Jewish Holiday) when his name is read or mentioned aloud. Here the word gragger is also being used in a suggestive manner as a comedic device.
The Writer’s Village
He was carrying beer and looked trim;
‘Twas my bar-hopping buddy named Jim.
“Where’d that six-pack come from?”
I inquired. Said my chum,
“Got my six-pack, of course, at the gym.”
A fellow liked gals who were trim,
And many of those gals liked him.
He conquered and kissed
An endless, long list
With his tireless vigor and vim.
A fellow liked gals who were trim.
But his upbringing had been so prim
That he failed to purse
Those gals nicest to view
And he married a fat one. How grim!
A fellow liked gals who were trim.
But his wife took a view that was dim
To his wandering eye.
Which is why, by and by,
She slimmed down working out at the gym.
As companies downsize and trim,
The outlook for some folks is grim.
Those in theater? Don’t be
Too surprised if you see
That it’s curtains for you (likely scrim).
Scrim
I was needing a bit of a trim
So I went in to visit Song Kim
“Just a touch off my bangs,”
I said. Song Kim said, “Thangs.”
And then banged with her trim little quim.
When some branches of bushes I trim,
I am hit in the eye by a limb.
The impact imparts
A whacking that smarts.
I’ve been bushwhacked. I’m feeling quite grim.
After giving his hedges a trim,
Mr. Thomas peeped over the rim,
Having noticed (there mooning
And ardently spooning)
His neighbours: a him and a him.
From this story I might have to trim
All the scariest bits just for him.
My son might crap his drawers
If I leave all the horrors.
The whole tale is decidedly Grimm.
She teased him while giving a trim
“Some male pattern baldness there, Jim?”
He was very appalled
That she said he was bald
“I’ve just got a wide part.” said him
A guy loving gals who were trim
Admitted his chances grew slim.
“In my mind I’m on fire.
I’m still fillled with desire,
But I’m all out of vigor and vim.”
That greyhound looks fast, fit, and trim
And spunky! I think I’ll bet him
But to win, nine to one?
I’m just playing for fun
It’s a ratio profiling whim
Since the tree he neglected to trim,
Situation was looking quite grim.
Yes, I thought it would fall,
But said nothing at all;
Didn’t want to go out on a limb.
A fellow was trying to trim
Some words from his church’s old hymn,
“It’s too long by far
To play with guitar,
And with organ it sounds far too prim.”
A fellow attempted to trim
His whiskers by lights that were dim,
His handlebar, left
Was of twist-grip bereft,
For, inated, it had been elim.
A fellow liked gals who were trim
Though his shape was a strict antonym
He said they could bounce
And enjoy a good jounce
While generating an undulating rhythm
He’s canny and looking for trim
But only the right kind of quim
Has to have, deep inside,
A potent spermicide
So none of his wigglies can swim
Her body was svelte, sleek and trim,
For herself (and to look good for him),
Lest her frame become dense
And he stray o’er the fence–
Such domestic noblesse that we limn!
The pilot was trying to trim,
And the margin of error was slim.
He leveled off ’round
Twenty feet underground –
A landing admittedly grim.
A basketball player was trim.
He was short. He was white. Chances slim.
But the fans were in awe
And surprised when they saw
Him dunk with his head at the rim.
My wife said I needed a trim
and a membership to a good gym.
She pointed to Shawn
(the dude mowing our lawn)
And said, “could you look more like him?”
A fellow liked gals who were trim
being svelt – like , slender and slim
he would wine them and dine them
but bore and annoy them
‘Twas clear that they didn’t like him !
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 183.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Crack.