Cold Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man with a terrible cold…*
or
A gal who was terribly cold…*
or
A woman left out in the cold…*
or
When the entrée arrived, it was cold…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Cold Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal with a terrible cold
Kept waiting for meds to take hold.
She’d been doled the wrong pills,
Which did NOT help her ills.
What that gal really needed was mold.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A woman who seemed really cold
Was really a softy we’re told
The boy’s luck was down
He said with a frown
She managed to pay it in gold
The looks that she gave me were cold
Because of the stories I’d told.
“Our life’s more than use
For your limerick abuse!”
“Oh, come on, your stupidity’s gold!”
“He’s a cannibal, hopelessly cold.
Let’s fry him.” the Judge said, quite bold.
A jury of his peers
Shouted out their hear hears,
Then they fried him and ate him, I’m told.
The spy who came in from the cold
Said “I’ve had it – I’m getting too old
For continuous sex
With those bouncing young Czechs,
And my licence to kill has grown mould.”
The night was exceedingly cold
For those flock-watching shepherds of old,
So they roasted a sheep,
Since the farmer, asleep,
Would never miss one from the fold.
Her eyes were mascara’d and kohl’d;
Her lipstick was scarlet and bold;
She was stylishly dressed
As they laid her to rest,
Still a stunner at ninety years old.
The engine was watered and coaled,
Such nostalgia! A steam-train of old!
“All aboard!” cried the guard,
But it stuck in the yard,
For the boiler was rusty and holed.
The call-girl was pretty but cold,
And insisted she did it for gold.
“If you enter my gate,
You must pay”, she would state
To the fellows for whom the belle tolled.
We thought that the trail had grown cold
Tracking varmints that stole all our gold.
But the vultures had found ’em,
The loot still around ’em –
It sure was a sight to behold.
The girl had a terrible cold,
And she sniffled and sneezed as we rolled
In a marathon screw –
But I’ve now got the ‘flu,
Thinking “Sex isn’t worth it, all told.”
Guessed my riddle? No, no, you’re still cold.
“What is constantly bought and resold?”
Here’s a clue: on the Hill
When they’re passing a bill …
Yes! A Senator’s vote! You win gold!
Divorces have made the Judge cold
And his marrying questions turn bold.
“Do you take this jerk
Till you see it won’t work?
Cause, I’ll tell ya, two halves can’t be wholed!”
My flow of ideas has run cold –
These limericks take such a hold
I can’t lay down my pen
Till I’ve reached number ten …
What the hell, it’s one way to grow old.
Though the Ice Age was terribly cold
(Or at least, that’s what I have been told),
This midsummer, it snowed;
“Global warming” be blowed!
It’s a lie that the scientists sold.
My girl-friend complained of the cold
(“Solar heating” – that crap I’d been sold!)
But although it was snowing,
I soon got her glowing
By time-honoured methods of old.
A gal who was terribly cold
Decided she had to be bold.
“I need a man’s arms;
His love and his charms-
I won’t be alone when I’m old.”
A sweet gal who was sad and was cold
Found a great guy to cherish and hold.
She had to be amazing;
In intellect, breathtaking-
He’d still be a young stud when she’s old.
When the entree arrived, it was cold.
The customer’s rage was uncontrolled.
The food was sent back and made hot,
But, alas, the poor chef was shot!
The scared waiter could not be consoled.
A hot gal grew terribly cold,
Believed herself getting old,
It just wouldn’t do,
Alone in her igloo,
She ventured out on the ice;
And the Inuit looked so nice.
She was tough, but she made a great stew!
I’ve low blood pressure: I”m always cold
In winter, I’m a sight to behold.
Scarf, gloves and hat.
The cold I combat!
A warm coat is worth its weight in gold.
Her feet were so bitterly cold
In midwinter; she found when she strolled
That the snow hurt her toes.
Well, no wonder they froze,
For the shoes that she’d bought were unsoled.
(Ooops! Madeleine, I’ve just spotted a grammatical hole in the previous version. Maybe that’s why it says “awaiting moderation?” Please search and destroy.}
The Sleeping Beauty
Aurora was pallid and cold,
Surrounded by cobwebs and mould.
The Prince should have kissed her,
But got lost and missed her –
At least she will never grow old.
A gal who was terribly cold
Displayed wealth her friends would behold.
Being cold was a front
For her wild treasure hunt.
‘Cause her charms she readily sold.
.
A gal who was terribly cold
Dated men who mostly were old.
They were rich don’t you know
Overloaded with dough.
She was lavished with riches untold.
My wife can be wickedly cold,
Domineering, and strikingly bold,
But she doesn’t scare me
Cause I’m totally free
To do just whatever I’m told!
If it’s icy and bitterly cold
Or it’s blazingly hot, I am sold
Spending most of the day
At a place where I’ll play.
It’s a golf course, a site to be holed.
Entrees, Like Revenge, May Be Served Cold
When the entrée arrived, it was cold.
I belittled the waiter, I’m told.
My wife thought me mean
Because I ordered terrine,
not knowing that’s how it is sold.
When the second entrée came out cold,
I had the server in strangle-hold-mold.
I screamed, “Are you crazy!”
My wife screamed back, “Mazie,
Your tantrums are getting quite old.”
The last dish that came wasn’t cold.
Served hot, like goulash, it was bowled.
But no silverware,
appeared anywhere,
I sped well passed my patience threshold.
Randy Mazie @ thewritersvillage
The trail of the crime had gone cold,
But Sherlock’s proposal was bold:
“To the silence, we hearken.
That dog wasn’t barkin’,
And that’s where the truth will be told.”
I rarely complain of the cold,
Even though I grow old, I grow old:
I peal off my tube socks,
Like J. Alfred Prufrock’s,
And won’t wear my pants unless told.
A woman left out in the cold
in Alaska, not digging for Gold
got lost when shooting elk and bore
couldn’t find the helicopter anymore
Sarah Palin, you are getting old!
When the starter arrived, he was cold,
And his fingers too frozen to hold
Or to fire his gun,
So he started to run,
Finished first, and was given the gold.
Whilst I’m suffering from a wee cold,
Hubby’s got man flu, I’m told,
I hear him crying
‘I think I’m dying!’
He’s just got what I’ve got, tenfold.
Ira, I enjoyed your Prufrock, although it’s a pity you couldn’t fit in “I shall wear my trouser-bottoms rolled” – it’s perfect for the rhyme-word!
As a kid, our furnace was coaled
As a heat source, I just wasn’t sold
We got truckloads voluminous
Of boulders bituminous
“Just shovel those ashes,” I was told….
Her kisses, so pleasing, not cold
Her softness, a blessing to hold
My heart: I’ll unlock it
Then the bitch picked my pocket…
All that glitters, dumb ass, is not gold
The stone knocked her senseless, out cold
Propelled by a thug, her blood flowed
Her life and world: shaken
Her purse and rings taken
She was rocked, and then she was rolled
Revenge is a dish best served cold
(My fella’s been cheating, I’m told),
He’ll get his just desserts,
I’ll hit him where it hurts,
He’ll suffer for his sins, tenfold.
Bud Weiser, toward me, has turned cold
Because his ex, Ann, became bold.
To make old Bud jealous,
Ann gave all us fellas
A turn in Ann Heiser’s bush fold!
As the gymnast warmed up from the cold,
The photographer’s camera rolled.
When she started to twiddle
And bend in the middle,
He said “What a neat centre-fold!”
A woman left out in the cold
Said “This is SO getting old.”
She sewed some warm pants
They caught on by chance
A zillion of those things she sold!
He felt like thin leather, just cold
He was greenish, and quite hard to hold
He jumped down the aisle
In a riveting style
A great pet and hopper, all toad
James Bond found his bride to be cold,
An ice queen to have and to hold.
She would hector and nag
So he ditched her, the hag.
He’s the spy who came in from the scold.
When the entrée arrived, it was cold
and covered with a layer of mold.
It couldn’t be worse
if it came with a curse
and it cost what its weight was in gold.
That night it was bitterly cold
“The privy’s outside” I was told
With this bladder to void
I felt quite annoyed
Ah, the sink….I sighed, uncontrolled
A morning hard on that is rolled cold
Accompanies blue ball it’s been told
Tension that’s pent up
Awaking in a tent pup
While putting its support pole on hold
The porridge for Goldi was cold.
After breaching a house uncontrolled.
Then a chair she did break
And a nap she did take,
A tale of misconduct extolled.
A woman left out in the cold
By her lover, who thought her too old,
Found another and better.
Said she, “i’m a go-getter.
It’s not like I have mildew and mold.”
Heating failure left him in the cold.
Lack of wacking off really got old.
“It’s much, much too frigid
For me to get rigid.”
Said he, “I’ve got nothing to hold.”
A man, who’d been terribly cold
At racking up strikes when he bowled,
Came up with a twist
On moving his wrist.
Two words apply – “Lo” and “Behold”.
Some will think that I’m being too cold,
But that NASCAR’s “gone green”? I’m not sold.
Some might think I’m obtuse,
But their gas waste abuse
Still runs circles around us, all told.
A bitch who was terribly cold,
Her husband confessed was a scold.
“With no sex and being yelled
At, I fin’ly rebelled.
As an ex, now I can’t be controlled.”
The exam they gave him was cold –
To find something new in the olld
Texts foun by the Sea
Than was Dead as could be,
So he scrolled, and he scdrolled, and he scrolled.
A young Romeo’s lust had gone cold,
For a woman of size he had poled.
Toward ecstasy driven,
All night he had striven,
But never did find the right fold.
There once was a kid with a cold,
Who, with tissues he’d carefully rolled,
Would lie back in repose
And stuff ten up his nose
Because that was the most it would hold.
Up on deck it was windy and cold;
Out there, daily, for salmon we trolled.
But I’d rather the wet
And the fresh air you get,
Than the rank fishy smell in the hold.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 177.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Taste.