Frayed Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed…*
or
A fellow whose collar was frayed…*
or
A fellow appeared unafraid…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Frayed Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
Yelled, “Somebody come to my aid!
I left home without cash,
And this cabby is brash
And quite rude — he expects to be paid.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Cab Humor, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Taxi Limerick, Writing Prompts
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
Hissed “I’ll knock you if we’re delayed”
Always I’m a-waiting
For you whilst debating
Your pairing of socks just the same shade
A fellow whose collar was frayed
Fell down on his knees as he prayed
Don’t let my wife see me
Outfitted differently
When I left the house starched as she laid
A fellow appeared unafraid
Whistling, passing time til he paid
Then waved away willing
She had no one billing
A pro-bono today to get laid
The pillowcase cloth, I’m afraid,
Is corduroy, so I’m dismayed.
When I lie down to sleep,
Indentations quite deep
Are left. That’s how headlines are made.
A fellow was feeling afraid
After spending a night with the maid.
While he enjoyed the ride,
She would later confide,
That both she and The Pill were mislaid.
Some reporters in Sochi are frayed
Their hotel sounds like such a downgrade
Rooms have no walls or doors
From the spigots, brown pours
What’s like home? Just being watched and surveyed
A woman would frequently claim
She liked being an unattached dame.
Till a guy came around
Whose smile made her heart pound,
And set her whole being aflame.
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
Said her man left: she had been betrayed.
He wrote in a letter
He’d found someone better.
She vowed to go on, unafraid.
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed,
Had been hacked- indeed she was preyed
Upon by some creep!
She cursed, you damned “bleep”
I’ll kill you for those you betrayed.
A fellow appeared unafraid,
truth told though, both feet deeply clayed;
he’s one metrosexual,
with courage contextual,
can’t choose between mousse and pomade!
A clergyman’s collar was frayed,
from the chafing incurred while he prayed;
he kept turning his head,
toward a nubile coed,
went to hell, biblically preyed the maid!
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed,
hiccoughed, was afraid she had brayed;
she blushed in her shame,
and attempted to blame
her dog Spot; he gassed up, and she paid.
A clergyman’s collar was frayed,
years of chafing induced as he prayed;
he kept craning his neck,
stealthy hopes raised to check,
any cleavage in front pews arrayed.
A bachelor, named Tommy was frayed
Hawaii had left him dismayed
He’d visited twice
The girls there were nice
Yet Tommy had not gotten leid
A fellow appeared unafraid
Of a woman whose nerves were frayed.
At him she would screech
I’ve a lesson to teach
You’ll regret that you foolishly strayed.
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
Was dismayed by a mate unafraid.
She said don’t you sneer
You will soon come to fear
The wrath of a woman betrayed.
A fellow whose collar was frayed
Upbraided a careless housemaid.
She said “that’s enough
Or your collar I’ll stuff
Down your throat till you need first aid.”
She was sick, but was also afraid
Of the bill that would have to be paid;
So she dressed as a pet
And went off to the vet.
Now she’s cured — but she’s also been spayed.
Ah-nold’s once golden “rep” is now frayed
Since folks learned that Maria’s betrayed.
Though he vows, “I’ll be back,”
He won’t take the fast track.
Just desserts if you’re boinking the maid.
A fellow appeared unafraid
to join Madeleine’s limerick parade
he dreamed of an honorable mention
but with a lot of apprehension
that he doesn’t make the grade
sorry make that “to join”
Note from Mad Kane: I fixed it.
Said the judge, “There’s a fine, I’m afraid…”
To the hooker they caught in a raid.
“Well, judge,” sighed the whore,
“Since I’ve seen you before,
I assume that you’ll take it in trade?”
“Mom and Dad?” said the boy, “I’m afraid,
Though you’ve pleaded and threatened and prayed,
You’ll just have to accept
Through the tears that you’ve wept
That your son never will be un-gayed.”
Dear sir, I am greatly afraid
That your wife’s been run down in the glade
By a runaway sled.
No, she isn’t quite dead —
She’s not slain, though she’s certainly sleighed.
Oh, road rage will leave your nerves frayed
Wherever there’s traffic delayed.
In LA or Seattle,
I’m sure it’s a battle,
But if you’re in Miami… you’re Dade.
TO THE SERIOUS POETS
Now, sometimes my temper gets frayed
By the forces against me arrayed.
Let ’em sneer. Let ’em curse.
I’m still writing Light Verse!
It’s a passion that must be obeyed!
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
Was walked in upon by the maid
As she sat on the throne
She let out a groan
And said “How does one remain staid?”
But Maam, I am here said the maid
To bring you the towels as you bade
And anything more
Or some little chore
When you need me to come to your aid
The woman, beginning to fade
Perceived she had been through a raid
The maid had invaded
And blatantly stated
She’d stay around ’till she got paid.
So how would the woman get laid
With the maid hanging round in the shade?
She took off her ring
And gave it a fling
“Please get out of here dear,” she bade
Will Laughlin, you’ve clearly conveyed
to the tyros like me that you spade
a tough row for the hoeing,
as I follow you knowing,
your wit does put me in the shade!!
Dear Sallie: To me, it’s exciting
That we’re all here to polish our writing.
To be honest, though, I’m
Making up for lost time —
Two weeks when the fish weren’t biting.
SAY IT 3 TIMES FAST
Wade Wood found his temper was frayed
Wasting time in a wait to get weighed.
Wade’s watching his waist,
So please, weighers, make haste,
For we wouldn’t want Wade Wood waylaid.
Dear Will, its most kind you okayed,
that training’s a part of the trade;
I’ll work hard to polish,
the worst to abolish,
but wit can’t be learned I’m afraid!
A Pontiff who’s collar was frayed
Damned the wool from which it was made
This Phil K. Dick Vatican
Boast “Clothes Make the Man-iquin”
So Electric Sheep only, are shaved
The rider was worried and frayed
His steed had a fever, low-grade
From grazing on gorse?
The horse was so hoarse
His desire to nicker, de-neighed
Dear Sallie: please don’t be afraid
That Poets Are Born and Not Made —
“Poeta non fit”
Is a big crock of… shtuff,
For the discipline can’t be downplayed.
Just WRITE! And forget about stewin’
In self-doubt, which will lead you to ruin.
You say what you mean
With few words in-between;
That’s a sign that you know what you’re doin’!
Will, my penchant won’t be belayed,
by whether my output’s hurrahed;
I’m having so much fun,
I hoping I’m not done,
til my ticket’s stamped fully paid!!
Will, my ode to your obvious wit,
wasn’t worry that I‘m underlit;
I’m just praising your brain,
for its clever terrain,
I love what you say (and omit)!!
This exchange too much fun, I’ve outstayed,
MAD will clamp down on my gay charade;
in the guise of complying,
to MAD’s blog replying,
I’ve been playing post-office unpaid!
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
Got married to Marat de Sade
And when they were spliced
It was not very nice
Dis ast her with a very sharp blade.
Bob Costas, at Sochi, looked frayed
An infected left eye, I’m afraid
Does pink eye befit
This pinko dip shit?
Irony, superbly displayed
The lines were terribly frayed
On a balloon in a pre-lenten parade
As the wind started
All but one parted
Hoisting a handler who was greatly dismayed
As he flew up into the air
He wailed in utter despair
Over the wide Caribbean
You could just see’im
As interceptors lit him up with a flare
Now he was greatly afraid
At the commotion he seemed to have made
He gave a sniffle and snort
“I have no passport!”
Landing safe in the Florida county of Dade
Now with angst he was totally arrayed
This alien in the county of Dade
Once he found where he was in
He contacted a cousin
Who in a Miami conga band played
The moral of this man’s escapade
Who’d sailed over the vast Everglade
When all is said and done
Just as it is sung
From a tragedy an opportunity can be made
Classic Seafood Differently
Off-course sailors became sore afraid
Hearing mermaid’s laugh, splash, serenade.
Foggy night, lost, they drifted—
Next morn, when it lifted,
On rocks they were soon well-filleted.
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
Was complaining she never got laid.
A gigolo said
“Well, I’ll take you to bed,
But of course, I will need to be paid.”
A fellow whose collar was frayed
Explained that he’d hired a maid.
“I asked her to rub
While I soaked in the tub,
But she thought I meant shirts, I’m afraid.”
A fellow appears unafraid
While chewing some fruit in the shade.
But soon the poor chap’ll
Explode – his “pineapple”
Is really a loaded grenade.
A fellow whose nerves appeared frayed
Said his girl would have gladly obeyed.
“I told her to swallow,
But sadly, ‘Apollo’
Broke down, and the shot wasn’t made.”
Balboa was quite unafraid
As the massacred tribe he surveyed.
“Their wives and their daughters?
They’ll blame it on Cortez –
Thank Keats, and the error he made!”
A fellow appeared unafraid
To play juggling games with a blade.
“I know tricks that can’t miss;
Hold my beer and watch this!”
Say, does anyone here know first aid?
Her friends don’t like children, are afraid
Of the teenager’s babysitter trade.
She successfully tries
To prevent the kids’ cries,
So with hush money sitter is paid.
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
from her grim was not easily swayed
as her son would be blamed
when her daughter declaimed
“I’ll pull each hair out of your braid”
“What’s bothering you, you look frayed?”
Asked my bride, of the love we’d just made
“It’s my celestial curse”
“I now thrust in reverse”
“My penis is in retrograde”
It’s a law no one wants, I’m afraid
That’s why it keeps getting delayed
“O” Care’s on it’s ass
It’s reached critical mass
It’s time to repeal this charade
A woman, whose nerves appeared frayed
or upon whom someone had preyed,
was on the wrong street
and was taking some heat
from the girls who were plying their trade.
A fellow appeared unafraid..
singing i ain’t skared..i ain’t skared..
staring starry ahead..looking..
back he said oh my GOD..
i’ve lost my head ..i’ve lost my head…
My father, (senile, I’m afraid)
When shaking folk’s hands, often bade:
“I don’t know who sent ya”
“But I’m glad dementia”
Then wink like he knew they’d been played
A fellow whose collar was frayed
Wearing hand cuffs of faded old suede
Asked”Do you think it’s wrong
Nothing stays new for long?
Were these toys pre-designed to degrade?”
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
Should have left long ago but she’s stayed
Thinking Chucky’s top notch
She will make herself watch
Every slasher film he’s ever made
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
From her friends heard “We’re getting you laid”
She said “Sounds like a plan
But please, not with a man
Since that last guy I may have been gayed!”
“My nerves are increasingly frayed
By those peasants who call me ‘de Sade’ –
Is it really so hard
To pronounce it ‘de Sade’? ”
Said the Marquis, while whipping the maid.
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed,
Lost her cool when she found she’d been played.
Seems the gardener she’d dated
Could never be sated,
So turf wasn’t all the snake laid.
A woman who’s nerves appeared frayed
Had met Bluebeard when she was a maid.
She’ll soon be much calmer,
Here comes the embalmer.
Come visit the place where she’s laid.
A woman whose nerves were quite frayed
Met a bounder who tried to persuade
Her to part with her cash
From her very large stash
And he’d give her some sex for a trade.
Plan Unraveled
His scheme was the slightest bit frayed
For, in truth, he had simply parlayed
His initial small stash
Into promise of cash—
The result – how you say? – much clichéd.
A citrus tree got very frayed
At 42C in the shade
“I am not in the pink
If I can’t get a drink
Please get me some cool lemon-aid”.
Old Stone Face could never look frayed
His daughter, estranged, felt waylaid
His death, a surprise
Caused tears in her eyes
She took him for granite, I’m afraid
Fringe of hair on his head is all frayed;
Since he’s bald on the top, he’s dismayed.
His baldness shines ahead.
Reportedly, he said,
“I regret I did not make the grayed.”
May left him again, I’m afraid
His heart is a blown up grenade
She was slutty, a vamp
But he loved that tramp
She’s gone, and he’s so dismayed
A fellow whose nerves were quite frayed
Said he’d lost the most beautiful maid.
“I took aim at her bush,
But then came in her tush!
This is how the young gal was mislaid.”
Chris Christie, whose nerves have been frayed
Cuz his minions won’t do as they’re bade,
Should choose ONE: “I’m no bully”
OR “Wildstein is fully
A flop who just can’t make the grade.”
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Knock.