Limerick Sale (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was pleased with the sale…*
or
A gal on the hunt for a sale…*
or
A fellow went out for a sail…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Sale
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal would buy only on sale.
Paying full sticker price? Wholesale fail!
Duly checking for miscounts,
She’d drool over discounts.
No markdowns? She’d pale, wail, and bail.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Money Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Shopping Verse, Writing Prompts
A fellow went out for a sail
He puked his guts over the rail
“I should have known sooner
“That life on a schooner
“Is not any fun in a gale….”
This sent me straight to the dark side. I’ll redeem myself later.
At Victoria’s Secretive sale
For the cross-dressing feminized male,
The price of a bra
Stuck in “Sweet Teddy”‘s craw,
And the panties’ tight tuck turned her pale.
A fellow was pleased with the sale
of his formerly unwanted tale
of werewolves and vamps
and freeway on-ramps
set in Denver and Aspen and Vail.
A lady went out for a sail
With a handsome and seafaring male.
She returned on the tide
With the semen inside—
A humpback is more than a whale.
A fellow was pleased with the sale
to a Sheik of his wife in a veil
Now she can bug him
to go to the gym
and eat meals made only of kale!
(Corrected version)
A fellow was pleased with the sale…
An unsuspecting buyer he had nailed
It was that easy
He said gleefully
But in reality it was disaster if he had failed
Hank
A hooker was making a sale,
When a trooper appeared on her trail.
She offered a deal,
For each she would kneel,
If one of them paid for her bail.
A fellow had just set full sail:
He, jolly, began to regale
Long exploits to his guest,
Who thought, “Give it a rest!
Sure, you’re Jonah, but without the Whale.”
A gal on the hunt for a sale
For organic lettuce and kale,
Was willing to pay
For foods they don’t spray,
But hoped not to spend full retail.
A gal on the hunt for a sale,
Wouldn’t stop, come high water or hail.
Bags, clothing and shoes!
So many to choose!
And bargins she did, indeed, nail!
A woman emerged from a sale
Clothes askew and hair mussed, with a tale
Of the frenzy within:
She’d escaped by the skin
Of her teeth! then emitted a wail
Of distress: “Nooo, it’s still in the store!
I remember, it fell on the floor.”
She dove into the horde;
Eons passed. Spouse implored:
“Target’s gotta sell lipstick – buy more!”
again I was pleased with a sale
and again it occurred without fail
I’d acted too soon
and that afternoon
a coupon arrived in the mail
An agent attempting the sale
Of a luxury home up near Vail
Mentioned price. Couple gasped,
And mere seconds elapsed:
“Son, it’s nice, but it’s no Holy Grail!”
A gal on the hunt for a sale
Went off on her own to retail
Once she got her butt lifted
And her boobs upward shifted
She raised her price up above scale
When physicists went for a sail,
Herr Heisenberg caused great travail.
Said the quantum mechanics,
“Don’t want him; he panics.
For certainty, let’s go by rail.”
A gal on a hunt for a sale
Went shopping each day without fail.
She found sales galore
But soon came to abhor
A habit she could not curtail.
.
A gal on a hunt for a sale.
Got a deal on a horse with no tail.
“A horse I can’t use
But a buy can’t refuse
I’m just glad it wasn’t a whale.”
.
A gal on a hunt for a sale
Went to buy her horse a new tail.
She looked here and there
No avail to her mare.
Till she met a guy out for a sail.
.
A fellow went out for a sail
And saw a horse with no tail.
It swam for his boat
With the poor gal in tote.
Whom he rescued and plied with strong ale.
.
So the gal on a hunt for a sale.
Did the guy who went out for a sail.
Though the horse had no tail.
To the gal’s he’d avail
And happily they lived in this whale of a tale.
Don’t allow Jewish guilt to assail
When your muse moves you outside the pale.
No topic’s off base
Or should cause you disgrace
Except if your limerick’s stale.
A fellow went out for a sail
With a girl whom with tales did regale
Of seafaring prowess,
But got sick – what a mess! –
Sea-duction came up as a ‘fail’!
If old Ahab had known of the sale,
He could have bought himself a whale,
But he grabbed his harpoon
Then threw it too soon
And the whale he failed to impale.
The ads for the Black Friday sale
Filled my box with colorful mail.
But on the big day
Someone got in my way.
I shoved her. They took me to jail.
A gal on the hunt for a sale
For Christmas was hot on the trail
Of a really hot bargain
But she’s mad cause the fargin
Retailer reneged without fail
A fellow was pleased with the sale
Of weed while out skiing in Vail
Until mile high
He started to fly
Off course and he crashed. EPIC FAIL.
A gal on the hunt for a sale
was deathly afraid to exhale.
She thought she’d be trampled
while the products she sampled,
another Black Friday travail.
To the store that sells tires man did sail.
“I’ve a tire with a hole,” he did wail.
And the salesman named Chuck
Said, “You’re really in luck
‘Cause we’re having a big blowout sale.”
A fellow went out for a sail
And found his boat caught in a gale
The tiny ship tossed
All thought hope was lost
But skipper and first mate prevail
Awoke washed ashore on the sand
Of this, an uncharted island
With Gilligan, a dummy
A skipper named Grumby
And five passengers from dry land
They tried many ways to return
Back home but they don’t seem to learn
That Gilligan’s a jinx
The rest of them dinks
Should tie him to a stake and then burn
Gilligan
At the Brothel’s Christmas sale
Had his choice of the birds for some tail
He could have had Candy
Randy or Mandy
But instead spent the whole Nightingale.
A young cat went out for a sail
With an owl when the moon was quite pale
In a boat of pea -green
Which is not often seen
But it sank and they just had to bale.
We once owned a boat with a sail.
During races I’d hear my wife wail,
“Please stop all this leaning!”
This had the sad meaning
Of losing the gale without fail.
a fellow went out for a sail
with a fine and grateful female
they jibed fore and aft
on the deck and life raft
his dinghy, she knows in detail
A couple went out for a sail
And made sure they brought a large pail:
Because, dear, he said,
You might wish you were dead –
But it’s me who cleans up, without fail.
A rich guy who’d frequently sail
Lost it all in a stock market fail.
Though it isn’t his wish
He now guts and cleans fish.
And his salary? He’s working for scale.
Do you like it? I got it on sale,
And I’m sure it’ll never grow stale:
The tattoo artist swore
Never EVER before
Did he ink someone’s penis in Braille.
The Cap’n decided to sail
Straight into the worst of the gale;
Sighed the mate, “This’ll hap’n
Each time that the Cap’n
Gets into the cargo of ale.”
I know that I’m too long a-sail
In the track of the monster white whale
When I look at Ahab
And say, “Call me a cab”
When I used to say, “Call me Ishmael.”
(OK, the rhythm’s all off, but it’s late…)
I’ll wait and I’ll wait for a sale.
And wouldn’t you know, without fail,
That right after I buy it,
And soon after I try it,
The price of it drops, and I wail.
It’s not my intent to assail
Any lady seducing a male.
One gal pleases the blind
When she tells them they’ll find
That the front of her T-shirt’s in Braille.
I went to a huge Christmas sale
Of baubles and tinsel and ale
And I heard Santa mutter
“What the Hell is this clutter?
No wonder the economy’s frail”
A gal on the hunt for a winter sale
checked out every corner without fail.
Her old habit returned –
shoplifting, people turned,
and she had to spend her Christmas in jail.
A fellow was pleased with the sale
Of his sister, Sue-Ann, in the mail.
They’ll pay him in Yen
Which is okay by Len,
Though the silly thing’s starting to wail.
Ahab Junior had no urge to sail,
And instead roamed his yard with a pail.
“My old man died at sea,”
He remarked, “but not me–
I’m hunting a tiny white snail.”
A Manx cat went out for a sail
On an old rusty boat with no rail
the waves started to swell
And the pussy did yell
Help, what does a rescue entail?
While rounding the Cape in full sail,
The prison ship started to fail.
‘Twas the convicts’ quick thinking
That saved it from sinking.
And that’s why they’re all out on… BAIL.
What she wore billowed out like a sail.
What delights her wild dance did entail!
There’s nothing more naughty
Than a biblical hottie
Viewed through a diaphanous veil.
Found a cup at some joker’s yard sale;
Pewter—pierced, so it seemed, with a nail.
When I offered to dicker
He said, read the sticker:
“This goblet’s a real holey grail.”
A fellow went out for a sail
Imbibing his favorite ale
He had a great time
Could turn on a dime
But then he was et by a whale
If this week’s top prize were for sale,
‘T’would be better to bribe than regale.
But I’m told, “Just be funny.
If you offer Mad Money,
You’ll be lashed by Kane’s cane on your tail.”
When a Slavic suits up to assail,
His enemies quake as they wail.
Because once he appears,
He’ll realize their fears,
Decked out as a Czech in the mail.
A fellow was please to assail
As His fight on Black Friday prevailed
His hopes almost shattered
in stuffed animal smatter
before he grabbed a big tiger by the tail.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 145.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Blows.