Limerick Break (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was taking a break…*
or
A woman at last caught a break…*
or
A fellow complained that his brake…*
or
A woman was trying to break…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Break
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An actress at last caught a break —
A theater lead; “gal on the make.”
But at “break a leg,” something
Went wrong — quite a bum thing:
Hers broke when she tripped on a snake.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Actor Humor, Actress Humor, Competition Limerick, Injury Verse, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
a fella was taking a break
seated on the bank of a lake
when to his surprise
there before his eyes
appeared a humongously horrible snake
A woman was trying to break
The chub she could no longer take
The clothes in her size
Were no longer fives
And this is something she was unable to fake
Okay, this isn’t what you asked for, but here it is anyway. (Followed by one for the prompt. Thanks, Madelaine.
It’s limerick time once again
admitting it causes me pain
I wrote them a lot
but lately do not
I blame it on snow and on rain
* now for today’s *
from travel I don’t get a break
my husband will go ’til I ache
up mountains, o’er downs,
and through sleepy towns
with hopes I’ll start staying awake.
Count Dracula, taking a break
At a restaurant, made a mistake.
He thought that ‘filet’
Was the dish of the day,
But they gave him instead a big stake.
A grad student needed a break
From the poetry of William Blake
“Can a ‘tyger’ burn bright?
“WTF is this shite?
“Why did spell-check not catch his mistake?”
A woman was trying to break
Perceptions that were a mistake.
Sexy comes in all sizes,
Petite’s full of surprises!
I’m sexy and HOT, for God’s sake!
A woman at last caught a break
From carb cravings that made her shake.
She was indeed proud,
Herself she had wowed!
Resisting strawberry shortcake.
A woman at last caught a break
After being many hours awake
She took a quick nap
On a lucky guy’s lap
Who tried to partake till she said “go pound cake.”
A fellow was taking a break
After swimming in a frozen lake
He swam in the nude
When a woman said “Dude,
You can’t rock ‘n roll when you shake ‘n quake.”
Dear hubby, please take a short break.
Remember the deal: Give and Take?
I’m sensing your need,
But please don’t proceed,
Until you are sure I’m awake.
A woman cheered, “I’ve caught a break!
With this boyfriend there’s no need to fake.
Meg Ryan’s faux O
Was a classic, I know.
But give me an authentic earthquake!”
The Duck Dynasty case had a break
When Parry Mason added his take
He saw thru the ploy
Of prosecution’s decoy
When called to the stand was Paul Drake
When the chef returned from a break
His fish chowder started to quake
As the pot boiled over
He added fresh stover
While yelling to all “what the hake”
A woman was hard-pressed to break
Certain habits — coke, cock, chocolate cake.
She said, “I can forego
Both the bone and the blow,
But baked goods are too good to forsake.”
The actor could not get a break.
“I’m broke and rent’s due, for Pete sake!”
He pawned a projector,
And mugged the director,
Who said, “Okay, folks, that’s a take!”
Internal Affairs caught a break,
Which, in fact, was a major mistake.
The policemen weren’t dirty,
Just overly flirty.
They’d busted some cops on the make.
A woman was trying to break
A habit that made her heart ache.
She slept when friends died.
“I can’t help it” she cried.
“It’s so hard to awake at a wake”
My wife said, “Will you give me a break?
And from punning on snowstorms, please take
A breather.” To me,
It’s obvious she
Must think that her husband’s a flake.
A woman was trying to break
A man’s smile that was clearly quite fake
Don’t give me that line
Your smile is so sach-a-rine
That I’m sure you’re a man on the take
Said Moses, “Lord, gimme a break.
How many more stones must I take?
Your commandments are swell,
But my back hurts like hell —”
“THOU SHALT NOT COMPLAIN!” the Lord spake.
“I could use a sabbatical break”,
Said the Prof. “I’m beginning to shake,
For those students of mine
Are a bunch of real swine,
While my pearls are increasingly fake.”
A fellow was taking a break
Bed another, a huge mistake
Ross just kept repeating
‘It’s not really cheating,’
To Rachel ‘We were on a break!’
A fellow was taking a break
The snooker world title at stake
It all went to pot
With one missed shot
The pressure was too much to take
Louis 14 was taking a break
With the lives of his subjects at stake
With a shortage of food
His wife said “Oh dude
Aint no bread so you just give em cake”.
While Stella was taking a break
From taking a swim in the lake
From out of the water
A sea monster caught her
And ate her as if she were steak!
A woman was planning to break
The rule about which fruit to take.
“That off-limits tree
Looks yummy to me,”
She mused. “You go, girl!” said the snake.
In the Alps for a long skiing break,
There were pills she’d forgotten to take.
Said the rueful instructor
Who’d constantly fucked her,
“A baby slope’s easy to make.”
The woman omitted to brake
In the fog when approaching the lake.
What she thought was a bridge
Was a rough grassy ridge,
So her friends are now planning her wake.
While taking a gardening break,
Young Eve was approached by a snake.
“Ya lookin’ fer knowledge?
Ya don’t need no college –
This apple is all it’ll take.”
A woman was trying to break
my spirit. Yes, she was a snake.
But I held on tightly
While suffering nightly.
May I invite all of you to her wake?
A woman was trying to break
The dry spell that made her loins ache.
A man she would dine
Then offer him wine
With hopes of sweet love they would make.
A fellow was trying to break
A habit he got on a break
T’was eating a stake
With icecream and flake
Then jump in a cold freezing lake.
When parking remember your brake.
It’s there for security’s sake.
When you’re on a steep hill,
You don’t need the thrill,
Of joining your car in the lake.
A chef on an overlong break
Smelled smoke and cried out “For Pete’s sake,
Please turn off the heat,
And save me my meat.
I’ve made a most tragic misteak.”
A cycler who had put on the brake
To balisticly end in a cake
With his feet in the air
And the bride in despair
The groom made a hot ‘Utube’ take.
A fellow was taking a break
Out fishing at the nearby lake
“Look he is there,
Let’s pull him down here”
And he soon became the fish’s cake.
Amended
A cycler suddenly put on the brake
To balisticly end in a cake
With his feet in the air
And the bride in despair
The groom made a hot ‘Utube’ take.
Local judge made a pledge he won’t break
About eating; his vow’s not opaque.
During dinner, it’s shown
He won’t answer the phone.
And the reason? His honor’s at steak.
The band thought they’d got their big break
When they played in Dubai by the lake.
Their song was quite slick,
But the name didn’t click;
They had called it “Roll, Rattle and Sheikh.”
A girl was enjoying her break
With a Cadbury’s Chocolate flake
She sucked and licked
Her thoughts phallic,
Then came with a quiver and quake
A woman at last caught a break
After suffering from a heartache
She won a world cruise
Supplying free booze
And had to forget the old flake
I did manage to set my brake
And jot down a verse for Mad’s sake
But I musn’t tarry
Cause I’m on the ferry
Don’t ask me to jump in the lake
When a girl from her boyfriend did break
He became impossible to shake.
With his whimpering and crying,
Even stalking and spying.
So she pitched him out into the lake.
The band took a well deserved break .
When playing for hours at a wake
After they peed
They broke out the weed
And joined the girls on the make.
Old Adam received a bad break
When Eve took the fruit from the snake
As they went out the door
He called her a whore
But, made up that night for our sake.
An explorer just taking a break
From a round-the-world trip he did make
Said “Those Pirates from Spain
Are at it again
I’m neither a duck nor a Drake”
OVERHEARD IN CONGRESS
I really should go on my break.
It’s a break I’m entitled to take.
But to take it, I know,
Needs some “get up and go”,
And I’d much rather not be awake.
The plan? Get a stripper to break
Through the icing, and jump from the cake.
But we blew it, I fear.
So remember: next year,
Put the woman in AFTER we bake.
A bottle blonde just couldn’t break
Her compulsion to go on the make.
The old rich guys she’d bed
Had their egos well fed
‘Cause her hair wasn’t all that she’d fake.
A reformed wise old burglar named Jake
Had amends that he wanted to make.
He returned all his loot,
And observed, “What a hoot!
It’s far better to give than to take.”
A fellow was taking a break
from being a Kuwaiti sheikh.
He decided to stay
away one more day
but was topped for being a fake.
After a guy is stopped for speeding:
Please officer give us a break,
It’s all for my pregnant wife’s sake.
In minutes she’ll drop,
So be a kind cop
And lead us, we’ll follow your wake.
Unreported Breaking News
We are sad to report a bad break
For that man who attempted to slake
(Homegrown hardware was used—
He wound up quite abused!)
Carnal needs of bereft trouser snake.
He is sure that his efforts to make
Satisfact’ry relations (not fake)
Between his and her hearts
Come undone when she starts
Working from her agenda opaque.
Of course, everyone thinks *he’s* the rake—
That he simply cats ‘round— on the make.
But the truth (undersold!)
Goes way back (it’s quite old!):
Making love with most women— Mistake!
Yet the fact still remains that his ache
Comes from what will be life-alt’ring break
In his deep fascia veins—
That poor structure remains
Like an old ‘Swamp Thing’ movie remake.
Lord Tennyson, taking a break
For a swim in the unruffled lake,
Was suddenly hobbled;
His leg had been gobbled –
The Kraken was fully awake!
I was driving too fast, had to brake
Rather suddenly – painful mistake,
For my girl, giving head
As I drove, choked and said
“I think I just swallowed a snake.”
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 163.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Pick.