Limerick Strips (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who frequently strips…*
or
A man was enjoying some strips…*
or
A woman who often outstrips…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Strips
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A waitress who often outstrips
Her co-workers in earning big tips
Had some tips for the guys
And the women: “Be wise.
Read my lips. Move your ass. Shake your hips.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Stripping Humor, Strips, Tips Limerick, Waitress Humor, Writing Prompts
A man was enjoying some strips
Original cartoons he used to quip
A collector’s fare
Some quite rare
Secured a few from change alley trips
Hank
A double D woman who strips
From the stage would show off her backflips
But upon her dismount
Her oglers could count
A fresh set of tucks and new nips.
In Whitechapel, London, are strips
Of sidewalk renowned for the slips
In the guts and the gore
Of a dismembered whore
By the first to discover Jack’s rips.
An ecdysiast’s someone who strips.
An amnesiac’s memory slips.
So it isn’t absurd
To close with this word:
A Limeriast makes five-line quips.
A man was enjoying some strips.
He loved when that flesh passed his lips.
At the gent’s club buffet
They had BACON today.
Now, BEHAVE you silly ol’ pips!
This gymnast, she now also strips,
Once learning the value of tips.
They’ll delight in her tumbling,
But you’ll hear some grumbling,
If she leaves out her naked back flips.
This whisky’s so strong that it strips
The maritime paint off o’ ships.
Try a tiny amount —
You’ll be down for the count
From the moment it touches your lips.
A man was enjoying some strips
While munching some barbeque crisps.
He said, “I can’t really take it
When Lucy again fakes it.
It’s awful when Charlie Brown trips.”
This dancer is fun: when she strips,
She gyrates and swivels her hips;
Her boobs (as she sways)
Travel different ways,
But return in a perfect ellipse.
(This one’s cheating… but it does end the first line with s-l-i-p-s!)
She MEANT “kiss my ass” — put his lips
In a pucker down south of her hips.
But you can’t use the line
“Where the sun doesn’t shine”
In the midst of a total eclipse.
And I retract that one, because I drew a blank on the rhyme word. Lack of sleep, sorry.
The reporters were at some air strips
Where they videotaped some news clips.
All the skydivers there
Would descend through the air.
“We all chute from the hip,” each man quips.
A man was enjoying some strips
Of bacon: he smiled; smacked his lips.
But not to risk cancer,
Prevention’s the answer.
He knew he must cease and desist.
A man was enjoying some strips
Editorial comics were his favorites!
But it wasn’t just vanity,
To keep his sanity,
He knew had to avoid politics!
A woman who frequently strips
Deals with more than just drunks and rude quips:
Those damned dollar coins
Won’t stay lodged in her loins,
And pasty glue irritates nips.
Said a woman who frequently strips
To a man who tried fondling her nips:
“When my clothing I doff
You just keep your hands off!”
With that concept he can’t come to grips.
A woman who frequently strips
Has her troubles avoiding men’s grips.
When the gent perched up front
Grabs her butt, she will grunt,
“There’s no touching!” She spins. “Read my lips.”
A woman who frequently strips
Set a record for fastest unzips.
She thinks it’s real cool
As guys drool at the pool.
When she dips her thong slips from her hips.
A man was enjoying some strips
At a pool where gals showed their hips
His wife grabbed his ear
His eyes widened in fear
When she said “old man come to grips.”
A woman who frequently strips
To look at her boobs and her hips,
Declared with dismay,
‘With each passing day
My tucks and nips look more like blips!’
A man who was driving a truck
Was stuck in the deep Fenway muck.
Awfully untoward,
With the Dropkicks aboard —
All were saved by Red Sox in a Duck!
An exporter of fine chicken strips
Hatched a plan to fill several more ships:
“We’ll add just a smidgen
Of popcorn-fed pigeon
And the dust of recycled wood chips.”
A woman who frequently strips…
Chose a name that would roll off the lips
Naughty? A tad…
She’s Miss Scanta-Lee Clad
She spends hours just counting her tips!
A drag queen who frequently strips,
As she lip-syncs and wriggles her hips,
Says “My Tina’s alright,
But I’d do Gladys Night,
If I just had a couple of Pips.”
An arrangement of sticky fly strips
Overhung an assortment of dips.
The frogs gathered round,
All tuxedoed and gowned,
And smacked their amphibious lips.
The old floozy frequently strips
After some wine, just a few sips.
Clad in a G-string,
She’ll go trolling for bling
With her sagging boobs and wrinkled hips.
A woman who frequently strips
Cigars from men’s mouths with her whips
When taking a rest
Is truly a pest
Raising nips to her lips as she rips
A woman was making film strips
Of the hybrid solar eclipse
She woke late– it was done!
So to block out the sun
She made her own moon with her hips.
A woman who reads comic strips
About Gladys Knight and her Pips
Just how low would she stoop
To obtain the group’s poop?
Took a midnight train for loose lips
Roaring up and back down the mall strips,
Ponch and Jon lost their sanity grips.
Said another old cop,
“Well, they’re not gonna stop,
So it’s time to block off the old CHiPs.”
A mohel, while pealing some strips,
During bris, is well known for his quips:
“For cheap circumcision,
There’s lots of derision.
I mostly just work for the tips.”
(Sorry, Ira; I’m stealing from you a little!)
She teases us more than she strips;
The boys keep on hoping she slips.
Her music tonight
Is some old Gladys Knight,
But we’d kill for a glimpse of her Pips.
I know of a rose bush that strips
Each night for the aphids and thrips.
You’ll say, “Will’s lost his mind;
Bushes can’t bump and grind!”
Well, rose bushes can. They’ve got hips.
The Mae dug some stellar mine strips
With her shovel and diamond drill tips;
But with the upgrade,
A decision was made
To let the Mae fall where she chips.
Nicely done Mad, love the last line!
A woman that frequently strips
to avoid the pick pocket dips
She finds herself cold
in winter I’m told
But covers her tatties and nips
“How much to mow my nature strip?”
Said a woman to gardener Flip
“Ten bucks is my fee”
He said, “and for free
I’ll give under your arms a nice clip.”
a woman who frequently strips
in CGI video clips
will steal all your cache
and your hard drive will crash
from her implanted silicon chips
This old whore these days seldom strips
With boobs hanging down to her hips
She’s now old and hoary
In each wrinkle a story
Of Seaman from visiting ships.
Nicole paid a fortune for strips
Of cadaver to plump up her lips.
Now the thought of her head
Makes her hubby go dead —
Try a stiff upper lip, Mr. Dips!
My bathroom needs anti-skid strips,
A safety mat, grab bars, and grips.
Gotta write down that list
Because—you get the gist—
My other head’s memory slips.
She seeks men at the club where she strips,
To indulge her asphyxiate trips.
She says “Here’s what you do:
Grasp my throat ’til I’m blue.”
Yes, she really likes coming to grips.
A woman who often outstrips,
All others in eating fried chips
Was in a bit of a mess
She felt squeezed in her dress
But couldnt move for the fear that it rips.
I enjoy reading the comic strips
Whether puns, guffaws, or deadly quips
The drawings and art
are often very smart
On newsprint, please no microchips
A woman who frequently strips
Was a dancer for stockmarket tips.
While she’d shake & she’d shimmy,
A trader named Jimmy
Would say what to buy on the dips.
The woman who frequently strips
Was an expert at buttons and clips.
When she undid her clasp,
The men would all gasp
And hope that she’d pull down the zips.
A fellow who frequently strips
As one of the world-famous “Chips”
Was found in flagrante
While in the full Monty,
Collecting the wrong sort of tips.
To make hay in the joint where she strips, she
Commutes on the train from Poughkeepsie,
And rakes in the cash
As the fellows get smashed;
To get tips she needs customers tipsy.
A woman who frequently strips
Tattooed herself down to her tips,
Though the inking was more so
Adorning her torso,
And less so on each of her hips.
A fellow who frequently strips
Entertains on those seafaring ships
On cruises where chicks
Can get all their kicks,
And then return home with sealed lips.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 139.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Lax Limerick.