Limerick Peek (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was sneaking a peek…*
or
A woman was showing her pique…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Peek
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A scent expert, sneaking a peek
At some formulas, heard a loud creak.
Though he hid just in time,
He was caught at his crime
When he farted, emitting a reek.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Crime & Punishment Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Perfume, Poetry & Prompts, Theft, Writing Prompts
A fellow was sneaking a peek
At the site Limerick of the Week
He gave it a go
And won best in show
Now his friends call him Larry the geek
A fellow was sneaking a peek,
At a gal with an awesome physique.
Such a treat for the eyes:
Perfect breasts! Perfect thighs!
It’s too bad that his prospects were bleak.
Axe Man was sneaking a peek
At some ladies so sexy and chic
Axe is a bit dumb and can’t understand
How ladies so gorgeously glam
Could have such a broad-shouldered physique
A fellow was sneaking a peek
At the news he had missed from last week.
Saw the shutdown and Miley and a spinning O’Reilly.
‘It’s too much,’ he cried. ‘I’ll just go Gleek.’
Cinderella was taking a peak
At Prince Charming so handsome and sleek
And later that night
When she rushed home in fright
He brought her a shoe from lalique.
A fellow was sneaking a peek
While taking a leak
He missed the seat
Wanting to hit delete
When he got chased out and had to streak
The commercials and ads sure do pique.
Don’t like shopping; it makes me just shriek.
The highways and buy ways
Are sigh ways and cry ways.
I don’t buy it — the spending mystique.
He would count to one hundred, not peek.
Dr. Jekyll was rather unique.
Somewhere deep in his mind,
Alter ego he’d find
When the doctor would play Hyde and seek.
When she talked of the mountainous peak,
She was able to suddenly pique
My adventurous streak.
And she knew I would seek
Its location to gather a peek.
A fellow was sneaking a peak
At a gal with a striking physique.
She dropped her sarong.
Exposed a string thong.
The sneak in shock peeped a week squeak.
A woman was showing her pique
At a guy who was sneaking a peak
At her decollette
When her breasts would sway
From her chest to her chin to her cheek.
A fellow was sneaking a peak
At a gal in a Belgian boutique
She batted her eyes
And to his surprise
Said her name was Monique Dominique.
A woman was showing her pique
At misuse of the homophone peek.
One means to provoke,
One’s a sly look to cloak.
From frustration, she could jump off a peak!
She’s nearing her sexual peak,
And finding it harder to speak.
As sighs grow to moans,
And moans to deep groans,
She ends with a sacred shriek.
A fellow was sneaking a peek
At a dress sketch, both private and chic!
The design is all MINE,
You untalented swine!”
Said the artist, who was indeed piqued!
Her stripping is simply to pique
Some interest in her fine physique.
A flash of her thigh,
She catches his eye,
Then renders the poor fellow weak.
A woman was sneaking a peek
At the limerick theme for next week.
She said, “I will show ‘em,
I’m writing a poem,
For the prize won’t be won by the meek!”
A fellow was climbing a peak
To get to the top took a week
He said, with a frown
“It’s much quicker down
“I just untie this knot, then I – eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!”
Peek at the peak of pique:
The couple finds erotic pique
In make-up sex three times a week.
They reach rapture, delights,
And frisson on the nights
When they rage so much they cannot speak.
My grandtwins on Facebook may peek
At your limericks here every week.
When your rhymes mention sex,
I am sure that connects.
To teens, yes, that topic does speak.
A fellow was sneaking a peek,
At Mad Kane’s limerick week,
Inspiration struck –
Imagination snuck-
He drew the words, with a silver streak.
Whistleblowers our interest did pique
With details revealed very bleak.
As for the founder
Is he hero or bounder?
And what is the next WikiLeak?
A schoolgirl was smitten with pique
It was hard to be mild; to be meek.
She was not of the chosen;
From their ranks she was frozen:
The oh-so-cool, glamorous clique.
Did you see the French chef’s fit of pique
In his bistro in Britain last week?
Oh boy, was he skittish!
Haute cuisine isn’t British
They’d asked him for bubble and squeak.
(Bubble and squeak is a meal made by shallow frying leftover potatoes and other vegetables. Traditionally the leftover vegetables from the Sunday roast would be used.)
A tourist was sneaking a peek
At new stock in the Paris boutique.
“It’s hideous!” she grunted.
Said the vendeuse, affronted,
“C’est tout ce qu’il y a de plus chic!”
From a fit of political pique,
We may default someday this week.
We’ll know who to blame
For this national shame,
As our finances Cruz up the creek.
The fellow was taking a peek
At the gal, who let loose a shriek.
“You make me feel lewd!”
“In my mind you are nude,
And, by god, it’s making me weak.”
A Bedouin, her interest to pique,
Spoke to her in a manner oblique:
“Do you know, lovely miss,
How the French like to kiss?”
Which she thought, overall, tongue-in-sheik.
A fellow was sneaking a peek
at a woman displaying her pique.
She’d seen him before
and said, “Hey! No more!
Your sneaking has just reached its peak.”
Our oil reserves are past peak.
The prospects for more? Kind of weak.
The industry’s crackin’
Our shale, plus they’re fraction’.
(Don’t drink anything from this creek!)
A woman was showing her pique
To a man at his physical peak
So for hours they ground
And when finished he found
He’d become very shaky and weak
A fellow was sneaking a peek
At Madeleine’s Limerick technique
In a big secret drawer
She stores verses galore
Releasing a new one each week.
The ’70s crazes hit a peak
(or “abyss”?) of repellence unique:
Bell bottoms. Cheese fondue.
Roller skating—quite beyond you.
On the plus side? Less bloody batik!
Watch Where You Step
A fellow was sneaking a peek
While he was playing hide and seek
What he then saw
Was pretty raw
Spoiled and rotten, it sure did reek
..
Sorry about the duplicate, Mad. This one has the correct URL.
A woman was showing her pique
After her neighbor ventured a peek
You are quite asymmetric
I measured using metric
And your left peak is higher than your right peak
Humpty Dumpty was taking a peek
At a very nice piece of antique
But distracted he fell
And fractured his shell
Saying “This is no yolk, I’m a freak”.
A fellow sneaking a peak
At another guy having a leak
Suffered shock and surprise
At the member’s great size
Compared with his own little pipsqueak.
On the toilet lid trying to peek
Stood this nosey old stickybeak
But bad luck for him
The lid broke! He fell in
And was flushed with chagrin so to speak.
a fellow was sneaking a peek
when he got a bonk on the beak
how dare you
look into the lew,
oh my how it did reak…
lol
A woman was nearing her peak
When her beau let out with a shriek
He began apologizin’
She only rolled her eyes and
Said “That’s OK, honey. Maybe next week.”
a couple was sneaking a peek
at images that may be called “Greek”
he pushed and he prodded
til she finally nodded
and in to the back door he sneaked
He had wanted to get just a peek,
At her cleavage so tan, soft and sleek.
But his fingers had flown
With a mind of their own –
Now his cast won’t come off ’til next week.
A fellow was sneaking a peek
The guy’s tush – “It’s magnifique!”
But unbeknownst to him
Someone else was looking in
His girlfriend was really quite piqued!
A woman exclaimed in her pique:
“It’s a grasp of James Joyce that I seek.
I tried Finnegan’s Wake;
It’s a mess, for God’s sake!
Irish writers like Joyce are O’Blique.”
Sorry Madeleine for this repeat but after having a peek at the original I noticed I had spelled peek as peak.
A fellow sneaking a peek
At another guy having a leak
Suffered shock and surprise
At the member’s great size
Compared with his own little pipsqueak.
An ugly sheila to calm down her pique
Set off on a hike for a week
As she walked down a track
Out jumped a sex maniac
Took one look and off he did streak
A gal at her physical peak
Can make love twenty times in a week.
In my youth that was nifty,
But now that I’m fifty
Be careful. You’ll break this antique.
An old hooker was showing her pique
To the Vicar down by the creek
He yelled, “My God Nell,
It’s the size of a well
If I went in I’d be lost for a week.
A fellow sneaking a peek
Missed his mark taking a leak.
He had to go outside to pee,
and had a chance to see
A dog and cat starting to speak.
She picked up the book, took a peek:
Inside was a Freudian critique.
Penis envy, it stated,
Was over-inflated–
Vaginas, too, have their “Mystique”.
The onion patch nearing its peak
Was planted quite close to a leek
But a solitary rose
Offended the nose
It just wasn’t part of the clique.
An old hooker was showing her pique
By blowing her top so to speak
Cos the bum she’d been laying
Shot through without paying
While the old girl was taking a leak.
A young virgin was showing her pique
Cos she thought she was sexually weak
But when a fellow named Horace
Touched her clitoris
She entered the world of mystique.
An old hooker was showing her pique
By blowing her top, so to speak
Cos the bum she’d been laying
Shot through without paying
While the old girl was taking a leak.
A sexy young chick showed her pique
Encouraged by males who peek
So by wearing a TuTu
And panties to see through
All the oglers knees became weak.
A fat girl was showing her pique
As her weight was reaching it’s peak
She growled with chagrin
“Curse the state I am in
And that bastard who shagged me the freak.”
A young lady showing her pique
Said her attraction to men was unique
“They uncover my bust
Not from sexual lust
They just like to observe my physique.”
A woman was showing her pique
Using mirror to give boobs a tweak
Checking silicon state
And not knowing her date
At the keyhole was sneaking a peek.
A fellow was sneaking a peek
At the roast in the ‘fridge, but the squeak
Of the floor made him turn.
Wife stood glaring, face stern:
“No more beef for you now, for a week!”
A fellow was sneaking a peek
Through the curtain: his knees soon grew weak.
Cakes and pies, drool – oh my!
“They’re for church,” wife strode by;
“Hands off, bucko!” He let out a sigh.
Oops, Mad, rhymed the last line wrong – ack!
Sub this:
“Hands off, bucko!” Sigh: hungry but meek.
A woman was showing her pique
By buying up every antique
She could find — Take that, Don,
Til your money is gone!
But her anger’s just starting to peak.
He had dared to stray, boinking a floozy:
Bleached blonde, double D’s, a real doozy.
Gone hog wild, her smile brittle,
She “charged” on, saying little —
In their settlement plan, she’d be choosy.
A fellow was starting to peak
When his wife called him selfish and weak:
“You don’t wait for me, Ed!
Did you hear what I said?”
Further prospects for sex appeared bleak.
The voyeur was spotted mid-peek
And her victim let out a loud squeak
Where, enthroned in the stall,
He glared, baring his all
While she sniggered: a rare female freak
Who, well known to the cops as a tweaker,
Was also a persistent peeker.
She giggled and leered,
But it was as she feared:
He wasn’t enough of a shrieker :(
The sisters had gotten a peek:
Delighted, they let out a shriek
At the size of his balls,
Then emitted catcalls:
Batter, batter! The pitcher’s a phreak!
A fellow was sneaking a peek
At a woman’s bodacious physique.
“You are busted,” said she,
“(As am I, I’ll agree)
Now tell me your honest critique.”
A woman was sneaking a peak
At a gentleman’s robust physique.
“He may have, as a rule,
An adequate tool,
But want for the proper technique.”
A fellow was sneaking a peek
With his wife at Victoria’s Sec-
ret, Tagging along
As she tried on a thong
And showed ‘im a fair bit o’cheek.
A dachshund was sneaking a peek
At a Doberman taking a leak:
“I get lots of tail
Out on the dog trail;
Though small, I am not very meek.”
A gander was taking a peek
At a goose with a bright orange beak:
“I’m a regular chap
Who won’t easily flap,
But her waddle is making me weak.”
A poet was sneaking a peak
At the limerick rhymes of the week:
“I follow them, though
Strictly on the down low,
Lest I ruin my high-class mystique.”
At aged 70 was showing her pique
In the Harem to husband The Sheik
But her ranting and tears
Just fell on deaf ears
For now she was just too antique.
A young hooker was showing her pique
In the cot with a fellow named Zeke
Who said, “Please don’t worry
For I’m in no hurry
While your mouth is full don’t try to speak
An ugly nympho was showing her pique
With a hairy guy from Mozambique
Their constant hot mating
Resulted in creating
A being of which we don’t speak.
A new wife was showing her pique
With her cooking which turned out real bleak
For her husband young Fred’s
Now confined to his bed
After eating her home made quiche
An athletic guy at his peak
Did an elusive cold weather streak
To explain his success
He said, “I confess
I’m faster when the weather is bleak.”
A sheep farmer whose brain’s at it’s peak
Is regarded by some as a geek
By mating a ewe
With a large kangaroo
It’s brown woolly jumpers he’ll seek
A lady was having a peek
at two sports fans sharing streak.
But this public matter
made the free show non grata
having removed all mystique.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
Limerick of the Week 136
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Ham