Limerick Toll (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was paying the toll…*
or
The pressure was taking its toll…*
or
A woman would often extol…*
or
A gal bought a tray made of tole….*
or
An oarsman had broken a thole…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Toll
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If stress has been taking its toll,
And I’m hard-pressed to rest, I might stroll,
Cuz a walk, even brief,
Can afford some relief.
Just don’t try to cajole me to bowl.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bowling Humor, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Outdoors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Stress Humor, Walking Humor, Writing Prompts
The pressure was taking its toll;
Life was rotten, when viewed as a whole.
So Mark said, “I’m done.
“Can’t adjust. It’s no fun.”
Grabbed the matches and lit up a bowl.
The pressure was taking its toll
But his confidence was in his drawl
Took it in his stride
With all impending pride
Forgetting pride came before a fall
Hank
In hopes of taking a toll
On a devious internet troll
His computer she crashed
With a virus unabashed
To diminish his treacherous role.
As a man was paying the toll
The auto started to roll
As he waited for change
He was soon out of range
So now he’s a pauper, poor soul.
A woman would often extol,
Clean energy’s good for the soul.
We must stop hydrofracking,
Nuclear power’s sure lacking,
And there is no such thing as clean coal
A fellow was paying the toll
Said the MTA’s sure on the dole.
Five bucks from Bronx to Manhattan!
How did this happen?
The politicians we all must cajole!
A woman would often extol
Her boyfriend’s skill in a roll
In the hay on a date.
Oh, he’d make a great mate.
With a sex drive he could not control.
.
A woman would often extol
Her mate who would lose self control
He was great in the sack
She’d exclaim “look at Mack.”
He’s as big as a telephone pole.
.
A fellow was paying a toll
For a sex drive he could not control
He lay in a state
Of exhaustion so great
His mate found no words to console.
Some cookies from the House they call Toll
I crammed down my gaping cake-hole
Those semi-sweet bits
Added pounds where I sits
So now I don’t walk, I just roll
On Bikini, that distant atoll,
The H-bomb created a hole,
A giant contusion
From nuclear fusion,
A blot on humanity’s soul.
It’s named for Bikini Atoll,
And in pageants it plays a clear role.
I feel it’s my duty
To admire female beauty
And to vote in the pulchritude poll.
A sweet talking troll on a knoll Built a bridge over nothing a’toll Along came a lady It was Paul Ogrady Texting the world: this is L.O.L
Though Judith’s ideals some extol
We’d be in an energy hole.
Safe nukes and safe fracking
This liberal’s backing
Til solar and wind replace coal.
We certainly need a high toll
To decrease C O two on the whole.
And strong regulation
On nukes and frack-nation
Can keep dangers under control.
So what is it that I extol
For a problem so hard to control?
Rely on what’s factual
Instead of what actual-
ly spews from the mouths of each pol.
Wish I could edit here. Change “And vote” to “And to vote.” I need to read out loud before posting.
(Note from Mad Kane: I fixed it for you.)
I happily slowed for this toll.
The cutie I greeted,Nicole,
Was a hot, sassy lass,
What you’d call: “Easy Pass,”
Soon we hooked up for some “Cruise Control.”
All those late nights I’m sure took their toll.
And the drinking, and dance had their role
In slowing me down.
So I say with a frown,
“OK jogging’s now more of a stroll.”
A woman would often extol
The virtues of taking a stroll
In high heels and tights,
Then she’d spend her nights
In back seats, not hay, on a roll.
The pressure was taking its toll
For birdying on the third hole …
He putted it there,
But it shot in the air,
And out of the hole popped a mole!
All my running is taking its toll
On the bottom of feet, and my goal:
Getting help so I’ll be
Free from pain, but now the
Sole supporter I have’s Dr. Scholl.
The golf course had taken its toll
On a fellow whose lover was droll:
“You missed every green
And got drunk on nineteen.
Now you’ve bogeyed the twentieth hole.”
“Although he did not pay the toll,
Billy Goat One reached his goal.
The same thing was true
For goat number two,
But the third was dehorned by the troll.”
“That ain’t how the story is tole,”
Grumped Grandpa Goat, showing a scroll.
“Well that is just tough,
Mr. Billy Goat Gruff.
It’s my story, and I’m in control.”
And thus did the author extol
His prowess, for that was his goal.
He turned with a sneer–
An error I fear–
Grandpa Goat redefined his Butt Hole.
How is Welfare imposing a toll?
It discourages work for the dole;
So despondent dependents
Engender descendents
Who bend to the role of the prole.
The pressure is taking its toll
As I sit in my wheelchair and mull
Over meaning of life
And struggle and strife
But it won’t stop me–I’m on a roll!
In my boyhood my momma done tol’
Me, “Life offers much more’n Rock ‘n’ Roll.”
She’d say, “Son, your father
“And I would much rather
“You took up Funk, Hip Hop or Soul.”
With honeymoon taking its toll,
New hubby tried wife to console,
But she would complain,
She was raw, in pain,
And that too much was rough on the whole.
Three billy goats avoided the toll
When across an ogre’ s bridge they did stroll
They treated him rough
These billy goats named Gruff
He now works in DC as a pol
The pressure was taking it’s toll
On electrical worker Matt Dole
He’s burnt out and curses
But you know watts worse is
He conduit anymore, the poor soul
the pressure was taking its toll
on the ex-con out on parole
the mark was too easy
the ex-con too sleazy
to escape a trip back to the hole
a woman was heard to extol
the hide from a seven-month foal
that wretch quite uncivil
was yes- Cruella deVille-
branched out from the pelts of her role
A young woman would often extol
On the teachings of wisemen of ol’
She recites from Confucius
How “Those with dirty tushes
Often smell worse than most, on the hole.”
Just a word of advice I extol
To young punks who like slinging their bull
Bite your tongue and your lips
Before foot in mouth slips
And of yourself you become too full
A young barmaid was carrying a tole
Tray of ale in large mugs brimming full
When she tripped, the tray flipped,
The ale dripped, the gal slipped,
Her bra ripped, and guys tipped plentiful!
The pressure is taking its toll
on the team in the Liberty Bowl.
They were favored to win,
but their chances are thin.
Up to now, they’ve not scored a goal.
The Eurozone slump takes its toll
With two million plus on the dole
(On EastEnders, the “soash”—
Endearing, if gauche!)
I sidetracked! Lost sight of my goal …
“soash” = social security
“Ain’t never heard tell o’ no ‘thole’ ”
Said the boatsman, affront to his soul
Putting oars in the rowlocks*
Like Castor and Pollux
Twin braces for rowing control.
*Pronounced ROLL-uhx, “roll” rhyming with “doll”. I ignored promptings from my baser self to use a more robust Anglo-Saxon rhyme word!
OK, so I’m bending the rules on the target word AND using an imperfect rhyme – so, sue me.
In a place called Bikini Atoll
The swimsuits are terribly small.
But although on Bikini
The swimsuits are teeny,
On Guam they wear nothin’ atoll.
For some lesser men, age takes it’s toll.
They need help down by … ah … “the south pole”
So to fix up their ills
They take little blue pills
That were shown on TV with Bob Dole.
a fellow was paying the toll
when up on the bridge jumped a troll
took his pence
but made up a fence
said you need more if this way you roll
The pressure was taking its toll
to write word that would lift the soul
words wouldn’t spill
from her pen until
she let go her perfectionist goal
A woman would often extol
The advantage of Kleenex long roll
It has extra strength
And is double the length
Exceedingly good on the whole.
An oarsman had broken a thole,
and now his boat had no control,
his feet getting wetter,
he had hoped for much better,
But, he found that his boat had a hole
A boy was paying a toll
on a trip to the North Pole.
Gave a penny a fling
then asked Santa to bring
his mother a new crystal bowl.
Instead he got one made of tole
that served as damage control.
Santa said, “Do not fret.
I think we can bet
You manage to get it home whole.”
This switching “Tells bowl” for “bells toll”
Is not a real pun, though it’s droll,
But more of a spooner-
ism (should have thought sooner!)
More fun than a ray in the hole.
At King’s Cross they charged me a toll
I’d to put exact change down a hole.
If you really can’t wait,
30p at the gate
Lets you pee in their porcelain bowl.
There’s a craft that is called Paper Tole
To pursue which was never my goal.
Still I may have a go
When I’m too old to sew
If by then I’m not blind as a mole.
“Tole”? “Thole”? Say WHAT?
There are some things I just have to thole:
When Mad’s rhyme words imbue me with dole.
(To decode: I must bear
Awful grief and despair.
Pompous speech here’s my primary goal.)
Now that Mother would always extol
The joys of her brand new tole bowl
“I just couldn’t wish
For a nicer dog dish
Which Fido has put down a hole”.
With porn flicks there’s always a toll,
A “Pay Off” to try for a role.
But this young guy glides in,
Scot-free, with a grin.
It must be the size of his pole.
If stress has been taking its toll,
to get out from under is your goal,
Don’t consider your wrists
As how not to exist.
A strong grip is your best self-control.
His wife would often extol
The length and the girth of his pole.
But as a good baker,
And giver, not taker,
His goal was a nightly sweet roll.
A woman would often extol,
The virtue of not burning coal.
She said, “It is charming,
And it stems global warming.
So keep that coal deep in its hole.”
A woman would often extol,
The virtues of old Rock and Roll.
“Rock around…” by Bill Haley,
Makes her weepy and wailey;
Play Chuck Berry and she’s out of control.
Speculation is taking a toll
Over who will be taking control
Of the Fed in DC,
Although he (if not she)
Is probably at Jackson Hole.
The economy’s taking a toll,
To judge by the most recent poll.
Obama’s pizzazz is
Less popular, as is
The House, under hostile control.
The chimes in the belfry may toll
For the passing of some poor old soul.
Metaphorically,
They’re tolling for thee,
For thy fate is beyond thy control.
The Koreans may put in a toll
On the highway from Pyongyang to Seoul.
If the south side you’re on,
You could pay it in won;
In the north you can barter with coal.
On the beach at Bikini Atoll
They don’t like to see arms control.
By longstanding treaty
They stay in Tahiti
Whenever we blast a new shoal.
This contest is taking a toll
On my dignity and self-control.
If I don’t win the prize,
I’ll cry out my eyes
And be very hard to console.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
Limerick of the Week 128.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Lone Limerick.