Limerick Buff (Limerick-Off Monday)
Today, May 12th, is Limerick Day, in honor of Edward Lear’s birthday. So it’s an especially good day for a Limerick-Off. And my own limerick seems particularly appropriate too.
As you all know by now, I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who’d swim in the buff…*
or
A fellow was trying to buff…*
or
A savvy astronomy buff… (or zoology or economy or gastronomy buff, etc.) *
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Buff (2-Verse)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a limerick buff
Who of rhyming could not get enough.
She would rhyme night and day
In a metrical way,
Writing verse that her spouse labeled fluff.
It was clearly a matter of time
Till their marriage erupted in crime.
Things came to a head;
Now her husband is dead.
Cause of death — spouse aversion to rhyme.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Edward Lear, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, May Holidays, National Limerick Day, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Stripped of clothing and totally buff,
Soon their play was unusually rough.
Though she showed some restraint,
He had one small complaint;
He preferred both his hands off the cuff.
A woman who’d swim in the buff,
Met a swimmer who thought himself tough.
But the water was cold,
And the shrinkage was bold.
Of her laughing he had just enough!
These strippers are all more than buff,
But to match this in nature is tough.
Not to worry, It’s true,
They bid sagging adieu,
Once their surgeon injects the right stuff.
A woman who’d swim in the buff,
Eventually shouted ‘Enough!’
“Five ling and two flounder
And a groper, the bounder,
Have laid their eggs in my muff.
A woman who’d swim in the buff
Tried the ocean one day. Sure enough:
Along came an eel,
Copped a slippery feel.
But the gal? “Sorry, pal. Not my stuff.”
A savvy Shakespearean buff
Declaimed loudly from: “Lay on, Macduff!”
The Bard’s lines do not scan
To the limerick plan
But “Hold!” it ends, then “enough!”
A fellow who’d swim in the buff
Left his clothes on the bank, and some stuff
Such as car keys and coins
And a towel for his loins
When of bathing he had had enough.
A savvy gastronomy buff
Said, “I cannot resist a cream puff!
The crisp pâte à choux
Is a wonder to chew
And teamed with the cream – gorgeous stuff!”
A passionate Regency buff
Did not smoke but instead would take snuff
His nicotine fix
Was a delicate mix
Of tobaccos, inhaled off his cuff.
A savvy economy buff
Asserted, “In Europe, it’s tough:
Unemployment, a slump.
In Greece, will they dump
the blamed euro? We’ll know soon enough.”
A contented G&S buff,
Could never get just quite enough,
Once D’Oyly Carte left,
He felt quite bereft,
And faced life without them, now tough.
A fellow was trying to buff
His Triumph to shine good enough
The tank and nacelle
Polished up really well
But the wheels had many a scuff …
She knocked on my door in the buff,
And whispered, “I have the right stuff.”
Handing me Astroglide,
(Which I gladly applied,)
I proceeded to do her quite rough.
A savvy astronomy buff
Felt his knowledge not up to snuff.
“I sure miss Carl Sagan,
He was my safe haven,
Without him, my insight’s a bluff!”
A woman who’d swim in the buff
Often found the waters cold and rough
She was quite a sight
And to everyone’s delight
Knew how to show off her stuff.
It isn’t enough to be buff,
In pop music the market is tough.
Can’t sing? Then my dear,
There’s one show you should fear.
On “The Voice” you must be bring the real stuff.
Is it okay to wax philosophical? Maybe I’ll come up with a humorous one later.
My bod, which has never been buff,
Or brawny, or sexy, or tough,
Would be a great pain
Were I hopelessly vain,
But I strive and I thrive. That’s enough.
Online is a limerick buff
Who knows that he has the right stuff
To win Mad Kane’s prize,
But each week she denies,
Saying, “Hon’rable Mention’s enough!”
Mad’s spouse’s Cause of Death: HEE, hee. Nonfiction I.D.-TV [“Wives w/Knives,” “Evil-in-Law”] jolts lightning storms & clapping thunder into shivering head so Mad’s goosebumps murder was the sighed-for spicy stimulant. Recall: “Mad Magazine’s Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions” book. Al Jaffee [Foldout Pg creator]: “I was fixing my TV antenna on the roof & my 10-yr-old yells to ask where his mom is & I’m on the roof, afraid of heights. So I said that I killed her & stuffed her into the chimney. After I apologized, I realized that every1 gets bugged by ?s w/obvious answers.”
A Billy Goat was feeling quite buff
King of the hill was his kind of stuff
Found out that talk is cheap
There atop that junk heap
Foe kicked his can right off of that bluff
A savvy astronomy buff
Was giving a speech off the cuff.
He said to his class
You get energy from mass.
If not careful you’ll out the world snuff.
A fellow was trying to buff
His car with a girl’s powder puff.
Didn’t know how he got
For last night he forgot it
But the girl in the car was really hot stuff.
An inveterate Limerick-Off bough
Said “the rhyme for this week is quite tough!
Like a pig with her trough
I just can’t get enough
Of these end-words not quite up to snough!”
One day I was trying to buff
a limerick that was too rough
if Edward Lear
only were here
he’d help me get it up to snuff.
Now, Mr. Lear, I sorely fear
my limerick is very near
to awful, my friend,
it won’t amend
without help from you, Mr. Lear.
A woman had made herself buff
But somehow it wasn’t enough.
She decided she’d just
Try enhancing her bust
With padding. Now that’s The Right Stuff.
A woman who’d swim in the buff
Discovered that coral was rough;
With more than one cut
All over her butt,
Of buff she’d had more than enough.
A man who would swim in the buff
Had a shark take his dangle-down stuff;
Now his voice in the choir
Can to higher aspire –
No longer a baritone gruff.
Since Tim James brings it up, perhaps we should have a little homage to the movie, which is 30 years old this year:
An old time adventure film buff
Told his pal he could not get enough
Of the pilots who found
A speed faster than sound:
That’s what he calls The Right Stuff!
a man ran the road in the buff
to best his good buddies bluff
round the corner a siren
came fast a blaring
and jumping in the bushes was rough
ha. true story.
Oh, I hope this is not autobiographical! LOL!
A woman who’d swim in the buff
Owned bikinis of all sorts of stuff
And the one that was hot
Was the yellow polka dot
But the rivalry was very tough.
Me car needed a pretty good buff,
but me pad was just a bit rough…..
So I asked the lassie next door
if she’d blow on me sheepskin some more,
and she departed in a fervent big huff!
A fellow who swam in the buff
Encountered a crab which was rough
It latched on so tight
And his privates did bite
That he screamed “Can you help me it’s tough?”
To Ailsa, who did NOT go down the path of the obvious misquote that so many people trot out:
A pseudo-Shakespearean buff
Found that learning his lines was quite rough.
He got fired one day
From the old Scottish play
‘Cuz he kept saying “Lead on, Macduff!”
A woman who’d swim in the buff,
found seaweed had wedged in her stuff.
She filled up the tub,
and started to scrub,
while bath water lathered with scruff.
definition 2.
A savvy economy buff
Exclaimed, “O, enough is enough!”
The low interest’s insane.
Keeping track is a pain,
So I’ll grab my bed mattress and stuff.
An avid young mountain bike buff
Prefers to ride trails that are tough.
If it’s not steep and lumpy
And twisty and humpy
He’ll still take the smooth with the rough.
A wedding night spent in the buff
Turned out for one guy to be rough.
His bride, not well knowing
The concept of “blowing,”
Passed out after one giant puff.
A woman who’d swim in the buff
Liked the waves when they were rough
But she missed her mark
Got eaten by a shark
At least she was happy she made it choke being so tough
Transformative
A woman who’d swim in the buff
Did so in calm waters, not rough
Alone by the light of the moon
Wasn’t seen uncovered at noon
By day wore high collar and long sleeve cuff
©JP/davh
A woman who’d swim in the buff…
Created some unexpected laughs
She tried the backstroke
That was when they broke
Into laughter seeing turfs above
Hank
My friend is a Joss Whedon buff.
His wife really isn’t. It’s rough:
Though at her insistence
He gives her some distance,
What “Buffy”-buff buffer’s enough?
Says my Dad, the conspiracy buff:
“David Axelrod *IS* David Plouffe!
Just think! Did you ever
See both Daves togevver?”
Life’s really too short for this stuff.
Though I’m an orthography buff,
I don’t know why “cough” isn’t “cuff”.
“Tough” plus “rough” is “trough”, true;
But add H and it’s “through”…
So am I. I have had quite enow.
Enue.
Enoe?
Enoff?!!
(Motherghougher…!)
A woman who’d swim in the buff
Caused a stir in the pool sure enough.
All the swimmers jumped in
For a glimpse of her skin;
And the lifeguard stormed off in a huff.
On the beach woman lay in the buff,
And she hoped that she’d soon get enough
Oral sex from a guy
Who was just walking by;
‘Twas a chance that she hoped he would muff.
To Carolyn Henly — thank you, you inspired me to do another one!
An Oxford Shakespearean buff
Of misquotations had had enough
His manner was chilly
When he heard “gild the lily”
“It’s paint!” he would growl, in a huff.
And as for that play ’bout a Dane
Another mistake caused him pain
The “Alas,” bit — “poor Yorick”–
He’d get quite melancholic
Hearing “I knew him well” yet again.
The Oxford Shakespearean buff
Thought things in the old times were tough
It seems rather queer
To lend one your ear
Just to bury a king in a huff..
@Diane:
What Antony ought to have said
Was: “Please keep your ears on your head.
Digging graves with your ears
Would take days, if not years…
Romans, lend me your shovels instead!”
A woman who’d swim in the buff
On a whim ‘ould strip down to her duff
She’d no inhibition
And showed no contrition
From silly hautes she took no guff
A woman who’d swim in the buff
Held her breasts when she left in a huff
While the geeks who would gawk
Wondered which way she’d walk
Would they oggle her muff or her duff
A twice savvy limerick buff
Thinks her lim-off’s gone into a slough
And if that’s not enough
Speaking right off the cuff
Forty-four’s sails are starting to luff
With a fiddle young Roy was a buff
At the Opry he showed off his stuff
He delivered the word
With “The Great Speckled Bird”
He’s the legend’ry Mr. A Cuff
A vampire slayer named buff
Found her high school particu’rly tough
On top of her courses
She battled dark forces
Now Kolchak looks like a big pluff
A savvy astronomy buff
Has spent seven years in a huff
He says “Damn it, Janet
Our Pluto’s a planet
So can all this Kuiper belt stuff
Obama’s most clumsy rebuff
Of the Tea Party wasn’t enough
With his ass in a sling
He should do the right thing
But remember these dirtbags play rough
A savvy unsavory buff
Didn’t dawdle or sit on his duff
He blew down the pigs
Little house made of twigs
But their brick house he left in a huff
A woman who’d swim in the buff
With the witches, Macbeth, and Macduff
Felt it just wasn’t cool
With a dog in the pool
And said “Out damn Spot, ‘nough is enough”
The Oxford Shakespearean buff
(If you sneak up and quote him some stuff
Such as “music has charms…”)
With a wave of his arms
Cries, “That’s Congreve!” and gives you a cuff.
But misquote when you quote the wrong Bill,
And I’m told he’ll be angrier still.
Say “Hell hath no fury…” —
He’ll be judge and jury
And wallop you silly, he will.
A savvy economy buff
found his knowledge was not quite enough.
For, despite all his schooling
and the recent Fed ruling,
the recovery is simply a bluff.
When she asked him to swim in the buff,
Walter feared he might lack the right stuff.
Later, seaweed entangled,
So many things dangled,
Just being not GREEN was enough.
A couple who fights in the buff
Might consider concealing their stuff.
Why make yourself hoarse
In mad intercourse
To end trotting away in a huff?
A one time Philosopher buff,
That and More turned to cranial fluff.
Deduct Marx from my score;
On my Hume-or Mill door
There’s a Locke. Kant name one off the cuff.
Slightly revised version .. again! Tsking at myself here..
A woman who swam in the buff
Dove under when waters got rough
Deeply did she venture
Then, what a misadventure
When jelly fish stung her bare muff..
An old ornithology buff
Discovered a nest on a bluff.
A black bird with red legs
Had laid 3 to 5 eggs
And his book said it must be a chough.
On “Survivor” they each get a Buff
Made of tribe-coloured spandexy stuff
To wear as a skirt
Or a scarf or a shirt,
But a dress? No, it’s not long enough.
It’s hard to sleep well in the buff,
Getting covers just right can be tough.
With two blankets or more
The sweat starts to pour
But then one isn’t nearly enough.
A Scottish Shakespearean buff
Who tried not to lay on McDuff
Said “Although I’m a Scot
I really must not
Treat my poor puppy so rough”
The Oxford Shakespearean buff
Observed to his class: It’s no bluff
Of all the works which
English language enrich
Just two stand out, strangely enough
One is the Bible (King James’)
Which the path to salvation proclaims!
Then Shakespeare — though art
From Good Book poles apart –
Entertainment the first of its aims
The first describes Noah and raven
Has a ukase ‘gainst images graven
It tells of dry bones
Of articulate stones
And belief that it harms to be shaven
In Shakespeare is seen human life
Jealousy, love, madness and strife
From Hamlet — depressed
To heroines, cross-dressed
And plays that extol a good wife
Check your source (said the prof), don’t cry craven!
To laziness be not enslaven!
I don’t find it amazing
That Biblical phrasing
Is oft taken as Shakespeare’s of Avon
It’s no question of slander, nor libel
Or cause for great wars intertribal
Which was the precursor?
It works vice versa:
Will’s lines said to be from the Bible
So students (he said) be on guard
Sometimes you will find it quite hard
When you try to appraise
If a well-fitting phrase
Has come from the Bible – or Bard.
THAT RESTAURANT IN ARIZONA
Be careful, gastronomy buff,
Not to go when the chef’s in a huff.
If you send back your luncheon,
She’ll whip out her truncheon
And treat all the customers rough.
For me, as a horror film buff,
Watching slasher flick remakes is tough;
For the screenplays are lame,
And they all look the same,
And the killers just aren’t up to… snuff.
A porn star, on set in the buff,
Found he wasn’t quite turgid enough.
But the fluffer, Lenore,
Had been eating a s’more,
So she gave him a Marshmallow Fluff.
A girl who posed in the buff
Was wishing she had the right stuff
But God played a trick
Gave her a dick
A HUMDINGER, if that weren’t enough
SLUFF, SLOO, SLAU
A snake went around in the buff
After shedding his skin in a slough.
You’ll find the skin now
In a slough south of Slough…
(Have you all had enough of this stough?)
(Tough!)
Cap’n Richard, the yacht racing buff,
Courts the ladies with confidence bluff.
But his shame, when he fails,
Takes the wind from his sails…
That’s the trouble with falling in luff.
Here’s Dick, the binocular buff,
Spotting trains as they pass, chuff-a-chuff.
Say, but what’s this I spy?
There’s a girls’ school nearby…
Hey Dickie: I’m calling your bluff!
I’m told if I want to be buff,
Then I have to get off of my duff.
Yet the muscle we men
Work again and again
Never grows. Do we work it *enough*?
A guy who went out in the buff
Soon heard, in a voice that was gruff:
“Ah, sir, in accordance
With our local ord’nance,
Please hold out your hands and I’ll cuff.”
A gal who went out in the buff
And accosted old Officer Hough,
Found the law to be hard
In this one regard:
His nightstick, strangely enough.
When opting to swim in the buff,
One confronts a decision so tough:
Would it be more obscene
To shave oneself clean
Or fearlessly feature one’s fluff?
At the beach where they bathe in the buff,
I soon felt I’d ogled enough,
As many a sight
Reminded me quite
Of turkeys you’d broil and stuff.
The Kid had to wax and to buff
The cars ’til he’d had quite enough,
And Mr. Miyagi,
On finding him groggy,
Determined he had the right stuff.
Ms. Kane wanted verses with “buff”
But all of us ain’t done enough.
If we don’t do our best,
She might get depressed
And give up the Limerick-Uff.
This limerick fan can’t get enough
Of Ailsa’s misquoting stuff
The one we’re still needing
‘s a famous misreading
Oft’ spewed out as 9th graders’ guff:
From her balcony up near the sky,
Juliet ponders long ‘bout her guy:
“Wherefore art thou Romeo?”
But the line doesn’t go
“Where are you?” It’s all about why!
A woman who wore beige or buff
Could not get attention enough
The colour so bland
Blended in with the sand
On the beach and concealed her good stuff.
This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
Limerick of the Week 114
By you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Ink