A Limerick Stack (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was trying to stack…*
or
A woman was trying to stack…*
or
A fellow was blowing his stack…*
or
A woman was blowing her stack…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
A Limerick Stack
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An employer was blowing her stack,
And her staffers felt under attack:
“You’ll be sacked if these files
That are stacked in the aisles
Ain’t packed up. Are you slackers on crack?”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bosses, Competition Limerick, Employment Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Workplace & Career Humor, Writing Prompts
The limerick word is now “stack”
So I thought I would give it a crack
Though I popped this out fast
It sure won’t be the last
About women who have a nice rack.
When a copper was felled by a stack
Of old donuts he ate as a snack,
It was said that a cruler
Left Willie a drooler,
But in fact ‘twas arterial plaque.
A dealer was ready to stack
All the cards in his deck to attack
The young pups he’d been priming
With liquor, his timing
Would leave the house well in the black.
A fellow was trying to stack
His bricks for a little beach shack.
Till this honey bounced by,
Caused a bulge in his fly.
Once offered it’s hard to retract.
A reader was offered a stack
Of books going several years back.
A few were hard cover
Like “Lady C’s Lover”
While some were soft porn (paperback).
Thanks Craig, you were right!
Poor Jackie was blowing her stack.
She begged of her husband: “Now Jack,
It’s tempting, I know
But don’t screw Ms Monroe
Just because of her world-famous rack.”
A teller whose job was to stack
Extra cash in the vault at the back
Stuffed all of the loot
In a bag made of jute –
The manager gave her the sack.
Yosemite Sam was blowing his stack
He just couldn’t keep it on track
Wherever he sailed, without fail
He was trailed by a whale
And his senses were beginning to crack
Eliot Ness played by Robert Stack
Tried to break Al Capone’s mobster back
Eliot didn’t play nice
while rooting out vice
“Untouchable” is more than a knack
A sweep crawled into a smoke stack
To see why its output black
the farther down he went
it became apparent
That Santa had dropped his coal sack
There are no qualms that Sarah is stacked
In all the right places nothing is lacked
at the local pool hall
her pic adorns the wall
Proving that not just balls can be racked
On the verge of blowing his stack
The cabbie in mirror looked back
doing it right there
was his single fare
HBO gave a show to the hack
A fellow was trying to stack
Whipped cream on a lady’s back
All the wriggling and jiggling
Had set her to giggling
Saying Jack please finish your snack.
A woman was trying to stack
A snack on a fellow named Jack
It would flow down below
And she watched his Joe grow
Saying Jack such a snack gives no slack.
The dentist in filling did stack
Amalgam to tooth in the back
a molar cavity
of oral depravity
In its honor he awarded plaque
The A.C.A. regs, ten foot stack,
By Obama’s rule-writing claque,
Will slake readers’ thirst,
(After voting first,)
As urged on by “Nancy-the-Whack”.
A man who was blowing his stack
Deceased of a strong heart attack.
But he threw a fit
Once more in the pit
And the Devil said: “Let him go back!”
A fellow spied a gal who was stacked
But soon came under attack
Although they were big
She thought him a pig
Cause he couldn’t keep his eyes off her rack.
A fellow was trying to stack
Murder victim’s head in his old shack
He arranged one and all
So that they faced the wall
‘Cause it bothered him when they stared back.
A student just stared at his stack
Of books with no plan of attack.
With no time left to cram
For his final exam,
He just cheated and searched with his Mac.
A woman was blowing her stack
When her husband did not have the knack
Of withholding the gas
He’d repeatedly pass
And she said “if I want it I’ll frack”.
A fellow was trying to stack
All his old forty-fives in a rack–
Though the vinyl was worn
And the sleeves a bit torn,
He still cherished each top-forty track.
A fellow was blowing his stack
About greed, bought elections, payback.
They ranshack the planet
And everything on it!
Indeed, what a tragic setback!
A plumber was blowing her stack
At a fellow who thought her a quack:
“The proof’s in my work!
And anatomy, jerk,
Is the reason you can’t see my crack!”
A fellow was trying to stack
Too heavy things; hurt his back.
He took to his bed,
Started reading instead,
And paid others to lift and unpack.
A woman was trying to stack
Her tiny but well-sculpted rack.
With padding at first,
Then the concept she cursed!
She made up for in brains what she lacked.
For breakfast he needed this stack
Of pancakes, the morning, pitch black.
His life on the road,
Hauling load after load,
Insures little time in the sack.
An actor just stared at her stack
Of head shots, his lost in the pack.
Was he willing to screw?
He smiled back right on cue,
And prayed for a speedy call back.
The pundits are blowing their stack:
“Our freedoms are under attack!”
On every channel’s
“Benghazi! Death Panels!”
(Translation: the President’s black.)
If a Congressman’s blowing his stack
About “taking our liberties back”,
That’s the lobbyists, knowing
Whose stack needed blowing
And funding it out of their PAC.
To his wife, the ex-Gov blew his stack
‘Cause their two-person costume was whack.
He gave her the front
And said “Hate to be blunt
But I’m Ahnuld and so … I’ll be back.”
A woman was blowing her stack
While wondering what items to pack
Her cruise ship’s reputation
Offered justifiable trepidation
And she feared she might never come back.
A fellow was trying to stack
His bottles up into a rack,
But top row for start
Was not very smart –
The tipple that toppled, he’ll lack!
A boss who was blowing his stack,
While being mimed behind his back.
He heard snickers, turned red,
Vessels burst from his head.
Now the firm is happy and on track.
A woman collected a stack
Of makeup the size of a shack.
What she had to pay
When she shopped Mary Kay
Could have bought her a pink Cadillac.
A shopper was stuck with a stack
Of shirts the store would not take back.
They were marked “Final Sale”
And she let out a wail
When she found they’d not fit on her rack.
A glamorous gal has a stack
Of nightgowns, short, silky and black
But her beau (he’s confessed)
Likes her burlap-bag dressed.
Why? “Because she’s the best in the sack.”
A fellow was blowing his stack
at his doctor exposed as a quack.
Where our guy had a dimple
he now has a pimple,
due to his doctor, alas and alack.
Fair Phyllis was making a stack
Of fleeces from off her sheep’s back
Saying “I am no fool
My money’s in wool
And it’s sought after when it is black”.
A woman was blowing Bob Stack
but he had to keep pushing her back
Her quotes from Airplane
would drive him insane
“Please don’t break the rhythm, you hack!”
When the rain poured, my friend blew her stack.
Her barbecue plans all off track,
To McDonald’s she’d charge
In a raincoat, size Large –
Seems everyone needs a big mac.
A mountain goat once blew her stack
On hearing, behind her own back,
The bighorns and such
Say she gossiped too much
And the worst was, they called her a yak.
I hooked up with a girl at The Stack
But I swear I will never go back!
I know I was drunk
But, c’mon, who’d-a thunk?
She was really a welder named Zack.
Last night I went down to The Stack
And spoke to a welder named Zack
He said ” I am vague
I thought he said Craig
If you help me I will call him back”
I am always blowing my stack
whenever my wifey comes back
from the grocery store
cause she never buys more
of that wonderful ice cream we lack.
(Finally a limerick of mine not about fellatio)
a fellow was trying to stack
pencils on a grocery rack
but they kept falling down
and eventually drowned
in a 3,5% milk lake
A young man was blowing his stack.
He only had cash for a snack,
A coke and some fries
Just regular size
When he suffered a Big Mac attack.
A woman was blowing her stack
When she heard that her stalker was back.
“When I get up each morn
I go garden my corn.
I will cut off his stalk with a whack!”
A hobbyist had a small stack
Of models he’d built in a shack.
One sailing-type boat
Was failing to float –
It needed a different tack.
A driver named Jill blew her stack,
Alone with a flat from a tack.
She looked in the trunk,
Found the spare, and some junk –
What she needed the most was her Jack.
A teacher was blowing his stack
At one naughty kid at the back
“Nose-picking again
You will pull out your brain
And you’re so dumb you won’t get it back
A woman was blowing her stack:
“I want my virginity back!
With only one squeeze,
He spilled his valdez.
That romeo isn’t worth jack!”
A fellow was trying to stack,
All the reasons we had to attack.
His V.P.’s advice,
Was to use artifice,
And that’s why we invaded Iraq.
Dave Petraeus should swear on a stack
That he wishes to take it all back.
His affair was quite sleazy
But explaining it’s easy:
‘Twas a lack of good rack in Iraq.
A fellow was trying to stack
some big boulders abaft his old shack,
but he stumbled; the rocks
came a-tumbling; the shocks
left him shaken and taken aback.
A woman was blowing her stack
Seams within were on the attack
Her surgeon she’d sue
That’s what she’d do
Those implants – take em both back!
A shopper was making a stack
Of woollen clothes mainly in black
Some long and some short
And some were quite taut
She’d been dining on lamb on the rack.
Diane, re that gal with the stack
Of tight woollen sweaters in black:
If this glutton for mutton
Can’t fasten each button
She should put them back on the rack.
And besides, if that gal with the stack
Can’t fit in those clothes, mostly black,
She could look round the store
For a few minutes more
And choose some a little more slack.
A backer was blowing his stack
While watching a race at the track.
To say it with tact
The hack he had backed
Was in fact at the back of the pack.
Re that girlie a’making a stack
Of tight woollen sweaters in black
Gave us no surprise
When we looked at her size
Cos the lamb on the rack was a snack.
TO AINA
A fellow was trying to stack
up love for his wife. She hit back.
She knocked the man dead
by turning his head.
She saw she was under attack.
iHop to rehab
When hotcakes are piled in a stack
Like glistening, syrupy smack
and smothered with berries?
Diabetes and caries!
All that sugar’s like crystalline crack
Diane:
A snack of lamb chops in a stack
Must set that girl’s bank balance back.
If she doesn’t stop spending
On food never-ending
She’ll soon have to dress in a sack.
A card player plotting to stack
The deck with a king and a jack
Spent some time at the Sands
Just folding his hands
Perfecting his plan of attack.
A gambler was blowing his stack
While watching a race at the track.
To say it with tact
The hack he had backed
Was in fact at the back of the pack.
That horse at the back, on the track,
Was ‘rode’ by a jockey named Jack
(Whose grammar was weak) –
He was not at his peak
When his black hack fell back of the pack.
We were given some towels in a stack
And a key for a room in the back
Then they said quite polite
“You’re in Utah tonight
Set your watches three hundred years back”
Little engine that could, blew his stack
Working hard, up and down, ‘long the track
So the moral applies
It’s not all about size
If you think you can and you’ve the knack
The ardent date’s blowing his stack
‘Cuz his signals were all out of whack
He said “What can I do
That will satisfy you?”
So she asked “can you fix me a snack?”
A woman was blowing her stack
Her ex lover just asked for her back
But she said “I think not
Please remember you’ve got
Smelly feet, halitosis, and plaque”
A handyman blowing his stack
While assembling a pre-packed flat pack
“If I have any need
I will go ask a Swede
Nuts provided in a small sack.”
I wrote this and another one on paper Sunday a.m. and thought I’d posted ’em. It’s hell gettin’ old! LOL
A woman was blowing her stack
After trying on clothes off the rack
“These aren’t made in my size!”
(Clerks were rolling their eyes.)
“Not 22 but size 2! You’re on crack!”
A fellow was trying to stack
Jenga pieces too tall and, alack,
Hands shaking, breath held,
His tower was felled
As was he by a stress heart attack.
A mother, upon finding a stack
of poopies in the diaper of Zack
said I’d’ve been better suited
if you had just pooted
instead of launchin a big crack attack.
A hobo was blowing his stack:
“Can’t sleep with this CLICKITY-CLACK!”
Some bum said, “Hey, we
At least, man, are free.
Don’t be so persnickety, Mac.”
A miser removed from his stack
Twelve gold coins to bury in back
he dug the hole deep
it caused him to weep
When outhouse appeared on the track
The well head had blown its stack
Methane gas caused locals to hack
our faucets are candles
the truckers spew handles
Damn that ass who said hydrofrack
A fellow was blowing his stack
Of pancakes ’cause every flapjack
Was too hot; turned away.
Then some sweetener they
Syrup-titiously put on his snack.
A fellow was trying to stack
His triplets, each one on its back,
Saving trouble and toil
For the visiting mohel —
Circumcising all three in one whack.
(There once was a klutz of a mohel
Who sneezed in the midst of his tohel.
He peered down at the boy,
Then turned pale, and said: “Oy,
Mrs. Greenbaum? You now have a gohel.”)
The moment his girl blew her stack
And left him, he wanted her back.
That’s the way that it goes
With a bachelor’s woes:
If it isn’t A Lass! it’s A Lack!
Dagwood was trying to stack
Bread and goodies for a midnight snack
As the tower grew higher
His pajama bottoms took a flyer
And Blondie gave his wiener a smack
A woman was trying out smack;
Meth was quite the wrong track.
Her clock wound down,
She’s had to leave town,
To hang with a Betty Ford pack.
From Patience;
Santa was eyeing the stack,
“if I get down I’ll never get back”
The chimney’s too tight
No torch and no light,
And Rudolph’s just havin the crack.
and the Prodigal:
A lady was blowing her stack
on three queens, one of them black,
The dealer was Sevvi,
Man did he bet real heavy,
He was holdin’ three kings and a jack.
Said the guy underneath the whole stack
“Listen chaps, could you get off my back?”
Came back “Jack, ’tis Rugby;
‘fyou don’t wanna slug be
More careful…” but crack, smack, and whack.
A vicar was trying to stack
New hymn-books and sheets in their rack
But was startled to see
They’d gone all PC
So God’s now a female (and black)
An auctioneer wanted to stack
Some silver coquilles St. Jacques
But he saw with a jar
They were no objets d’art
Sad to say, they were mere bric-à-brac
A clairvoyant trying to stack
Her tarot cards all in a pack
Made a sudden prediction
Without contradiction
That Elvis will surely be back.
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners! Limerick of the Week 109.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Stews.