Limerick Flight (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was planning his flight…*
or
A woman was planning her flight…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Flight
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was sipping a flight
Of tequilas one wintery night.
He was trying to choose
The right kind of booze
To escape from his terror of height.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Booze Humor, Competition Limerick, Drink Verse, Fear Humor, Fear Of Heights, Flight Humor, Flying Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Liquor Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Tequila, Writing Prompts
A woman was pondering flight,
From a date who was not very bright:
“Oh I don’t mind the booze,
Or those horrible shoes,
But his aphorisms are so trite!”
A hideous man on a flight
Met the hag who would be Mrs. Right.
The electrical failed,
They bumped and they flailed.
O the beauty of love adverse sight!
I’m really not planning a flight
But with “sequestration,” I might
Because TSA
Had cut backs, they say
So things may just work out all right
A man named Sebastian Flyte
Couldn’t seem to do anything right
His sister inquisited,
In “Brideshead Revisted,”
“This COMMONER got an invite?
An inmate planning her flight
From her jailcell one cold, clear night
Her head stuck twixt the bars
Was radiated by Mars.
Now she understands mankind all right.
a fellow was planning his flight
from jail on a wintery night
he dug a big hole
met earthworms and moles
& never climbed out to the light
A fellow was planning his flight
From the nasty lady of great might
He was pulverized
Stomped to size
Was glad just to be out of her sight
Hank
This damsel would often take flight,
At the first sign of day’s morning light.
But this time she lingered,
She loved how he fingered.
All in all she would say a good knight.
A fellow was planning his flight
That took place on halloween night
He called the flight attendant a bitch
And began to itch
Finally being turned into a dust mite
A woman was planning her flight
Sweet Alice was seeking delight
She packed her fine scanties
Matching bras and silk panties
Seeking pleasures anew day and night.
A fellow was planning his flight
With Alice who proved quite a sight.
He dreamed of new pleasure
Delight beyond measure
Cialis for Alice his flame did ignite.
As Martha was planning their flight,
her sense was that something’s not right.
Why is there three?
There’s my husband and me.
It’s his mistress that started the fight.
A fellow while planning his flight,
watched a plane fly right over that night.
It then burst into flames
from the nearby war games.
Wished he’d planned for a train in hindsight.
A Kitty Hawk gal dreamed of flight,
How she wished she could soar like a kite.
Then she met Orville’s brother
And soon would discover
She’d finally met Mr. Wright.
A miserable mistress took flight
For being abused every night:
Each time when excited
Her lover recited
Those limericks that he did write.
A poet was planning a flight
Of sweet fancy one recent night;
But, wouldn’t you know,
Drank too much gin, sloe,
Fell asleep then awoke with a fright.
That poet who did plan a flight,
Had a hangover from being tight.
He took aspirins, two,
Then went to the zoo
Where he watched all the chimpanzees fight.
A chimpanzee too planned a flight
After seeing the poet, sad sight.
Chimp, filled with outrage,
Broke out of his cage
And went scampering into the night.
Now that chimp who did take a night flight,
Savored freedom, thought all would be right.
How sad to relate
The poor chimp got ate
By the poet who cooked him that night.
Back to poet who first planned his flight,
The one who cooked chimp late that night,
He now swings with ease
As if on trapeze,
From his couch to the chandelier light.
A woman was planning her flight.
Which way would she travel tonight?
To get to her goal,
and end up at the pole.
This trip was for pleasure, alright.
A drinker was missing his flight,
Till the transferring gate came in sight.
Still woozy from flying,
With no plans for drying,
He’d like to stay high as a kite.
A lawyer went into a flight,
Gave his plagiarist client a fright,
Infringed on his space,
Lost his trademarked good grace,
Barked his patented “Don’t copy! Write!”
A Bostonian chats on a flight
With a Portlander, then they invite
A Minneapolitan—
How metropolitan!
Guy from Denver: “This group needs an -ite.”
A fellow was planning his flight
From his many crimes, none of them sleight
He crammed his valises
With his clothes, damn the creases
And slipped off like a thief in the night
Traveling straight as an arrow
He fled to Rio de Janeiro
Where no law might petition
His forced extradition
And on his loot live like a pharaoh
So off for climes warm and sunny
The scoundrel, he fled with his money
Once out of their reach
He’d lazed on the beach
And ogle Brazilian waxed honeys
But in Brazil, love don’t come cheap
Especially when one is a creep
So to frolic about
Our boy had to shell out
And his lady loves required upkeep
So as his finances did dwindle
Our fellow concocted a swindle
With the old gold mine con
In the deep Amazon
His good life he sought to rekindle
But Brazilians, they have seen all
Of the scams, be they big or small
And they smelled something funny
In his spiel for seed money
And so no one returned his phone call
Soon enough, our felonious bloke
Found himself irreversibly broke
All his lady loves fair
They gave him the air
As his fortune it went up in smoke
So our fellow, he lives on the beach
Still safely out of the laws reach
Where he works on his tan
As he sits on his can
And listens to the seagulls screech
A man who was booked on a flight
Arrived at the airport all right
But he got the date wrong
So was told (not in song)
We’re sorry, Tonight’s not The Night.
A dreamer was planning a flight
In his fantasies one winter night
He chose Istanbul,
He imagined it full
Of all kinds of Turkish delight.
I’m not really planning a flight,
It’s great to stay home and have light!
Today we’d no power
For over an hour.
Tonight I’ll sit tight and just write.
With an S on his chest he takes flight
In the battle of wrong versus right
But when mano a mano
The man sings soprano
His fetching red briefs are too tight
A woman was planning her flight,
looking forward to feeling delight.
She was jolted awake
when paired with Spring-break
and the noise kept on going all night.
Yoda was one night a flight
planning, to star on the right
second. The Redeye
He was, as a Jedi,
Intending to fly on, that knight.
A fellow was planning his flight,
in spite of his cold (up all night).
With hanky and tissues
to deal with his issues,
all he needed was one good gesundheit!
Two brothers were planning a flight
Among the stars and birds, like a kite
Folks laughed at them
That didn’t douse their flame
Yes, they were Orville and Wilbur Wright.
A woman was planning her flight
to outrun the emotional blight
of boredom and tears
and unmentionable fears
from the block on her ability to write
Keep Up the Fight
A fellow was planning a flight
From things that go bump in the night.
But there were the Jedi
Right there on the red-eye.
And the Force? It was with him. (How trite!)
A fellow was planning a flight
From 30 degrees Fahrenheit.
“I know I will freeze
Below 30 degrees
But thirty-three might feel right.”
A fellow was fully in flight
From a scantily clad troglodyte.
I know you have fair skin
But leave on your bear skin
Your bare skin is causing me fright.
A fellow was planning a flight
From a menacing high stalactite.
Said his friends, Don’t be silly
And run willy-nilly
What you see is a mere stalagmite.
There was no international flight,
If I’m getting the history right,
Yet some planes and a tent
Very stealthily went
From Kuwait to Iraq overnight.
The objects in space make their flight,
We see them if they sent us light
in enough time to reach us
And what does that teach us?
We’re light-years away in their sight.
“Mile high club”? he winked on the flight,
And the stewardess replied that she might
Have just what he demanded–
Winking back as she handed
Him a sandwich 12 inches in height.
Hosts of angels, wings beating in flight
Held celestial bodies just right
Physics pulled back the curtain
But I’m still uncertain
How ‘quantums’ can shed any light
A fellow was planning a flight
But began with bordellos that night
In between lust and haste
The man’s pants were misplaced
So they grounded the Casanovite
Before his career’d taken flight
Yogi Berra quotes all sounded trite
Much later however
They sounded more clever
Like “Errors I made can’t be right”
First she gasped then she took off in flight
In the morning, when first she caught sight
Of his thing, oh so ugly
With which she had smugly
Gone humpety bump in the night
Ulysses was planning a flight
From the Siren’s bay late in the night
He would face the high sea
In his bid to be free
‘Cuz, his bark was much worse in their bight
A couple was planning a flight
With the mile high club in their sight
But the john was so small
That he leaned ‘gainst the wall
And the door handle got a delight
A fellow was planning a flight
‘Cuz the DA intends to indict
So he’ll snorkel and scuba
Lay low in Aruba
And old Beach Boys lyrics recite
A convict was planning his flight
Under the dark cover of night
he dyed his garb beige
took off from his cage
The Birdman flew right out of sight
Frank got sick at the onset of flight
His barf bag was closed awful tight
shaking fingers fumbled
the red eye staff grumbled
Things really took off about midnight
Out of a cave the bats they took flight
Frightening shapes obscured the moonlight
this vampire mania
in Transylvania
Produced a bad case of overbite
A fellow whose mind oft’ took flight
Found himself in a bit of a plight
He arrived at the dance
But forgot to wear pants
His dance card was full the whole night
A woman went into a flight
Of sneezing one amorous night.
Each tempestuous breath,
Each rough little death,
Pressed her lover to say: “gesund-tight.”
a fellow was planning his flight
to begin in the middle of the night
but his wife caught wind
of the pickle he was in
and now there’s a hell of a fight
A woman was planning her flight
As she drove calmly into the night
Bloody axe in the trunk
Cheating husband dead in his bunk
Destination Mexico seemed about right
A fellow whose language takes flight,
Is disparaged as too erudite.
His use of allusion
Affects such confusion
Most people regard him with spite.
A dim guy who tried to take flight
From reality late in the night
Encountered some troubles
(A snoot full of bubbles)
When he snorted not coke but a Sprite.
A woman was planning her flight
From a beau who was just not quite right
Wanted his way all the time
She stopped playing his mime
Felt great to be free and outta his sight!
© JP/davh
A woman once tried to take flight
From a randy Bohemian knight
But the Czech in the mail
Wouldn’t verge from the trail
And his lance at a glance was upright.
A woman felt she must take flight
From a horny hip hermaphrodite.
When he lowered his pants
Then she knew at a glance
That somehow things weren’t quite right.
A woman was planning her flight
From an overblown pre-Raphaelite.
His theories on art
All resembled a fart
Of a blowhard far out on the Right.
Some creatures, in danger, take flight
Others, when pressed, will fight
And the third category
(Their end will be gory)
Just freeze, then die of fright.
a chick thought she could take flight
in the scary darkness of the night.
Was it too much Italian absinth or that extra tab of acid
that made her fashion a noose and scaffold
and launch herself from the mountains into the light
A fellow was planning a flight
On Google Earth, monitor bright,
In quest of a plot,
A choice building lot
For future. This flight was fore site.
a fellow was planning his flight
and planned to get on that night
but his card declined
he just reclined
and waited for the oncoming blight.
A fellow was planning his flight
When an on-line chat promised delight.
But the gal he would bed
Was in true life a Fed.
Next week the D. A. will indict.
A fellow who was planning his flight
Fell asleep and dreamed of a kite
He got caught in the tail
a huge epic fail
and awoke from the most awful fright
A fellow was holding a flight
When he stripped one wintery night.
He was trying to let loose
And fly like a goose
But the shocked cabin crew took fright!
Tequila… heights… thanks for the tip ;)
A lim’rick idea takes flight
Then the rhyming words line up just right
From there, should be easy
But oh Jeezy Chreezy!
I can’t get the word count to quite …
An elephant planning a flight
Decided to travel quite light
He packed up his trunk
With some bread and a hunk
Of cheese ‘case he needed a bite.
That elephant had planned his flight
With departure time quite late at night
But he just could not sit
In that small cock pit
So his trip on the whole was quite shite..
The elephant who’d planned his flight
And found that his trip was quite shite
Said “Next time I’ll opt fer
A large heli-copter
And then I won’t get so uptight”.
A fellow was planning his flight,
And was thinking, if lucky, he might
Join the mile-high club,
But his thing’s but a nub;
Therefore, it, and his chances were slight.
The elephant who’d planned his flight
In a ‘copter to not get uptight
Found that life in Australia
For him was a failure
It was last one out turn off the light.
One evening they cancelled a flight
For a jet-setting hip Brooklynite.
But he had other means
For arriving in Queens
The BMT runs day and night.
One day I was planning a flight
From my hometown (call me Gothamite)
But just as I feared
The Bat-Signal appeared
And, yes, it’s for me–the Dark Knight.
A fellow was playing “The Flight
of the Bumblebee” (one pure delight)
When the Red Phone from NATO
Rang, “Come and bring Kato,
Green Hornet, we need you tonight.”
A bit of whimsy…
A fellow was planning his flight.
Sold his house out, no matter how trite.
A knife went with ease
At a cent more than fleas:
For the sword? It is pennier than the mite.
Last year I was planning a flight
From those things that go bump in the night.
“Think blue or think pink,”
Said my idiot shrink,
“Out of mind,” (fifty bucks!) “out of sight.”
Last week I was planning a flight
That forced me to fly in the night.
“If this is the red-eye,”
Then screw it,folks.” said I.
Said the guy in the front, “Shut the light.”
Bounding stairs, passing flight after flight,
With her penthouse apartment in sight.
As he rushed through the door,
Dragging both to the floor,
He unleashed their joined passions all night.
An actress was late for her flight,
Till her transferring gate came in sight.
T.S.A. Hold my plane!
They replied: “You insane?”
No I’m famous and flexing my might.
ACROSS THE NIAGARA ESCARPMENT
The fellows who planned the great flight
of the locks that ascended the height
that would take the slim Erie
all the way to Lake Erie
were learning, but they got it right.
DEPARTURE
A fellow was planning his flight
from the place where he stayed for the night;
all the moans that he heard,
from sublime to absurd,
were the right sounds to heighten his fright.
She’s survived a most harrowing flight
By closing her eyelids up tight
But what makes her shiver,
They land on the river!
That pilot’s a hero all right.
She refuses to do airplane flight
She’s afraid of confinement and height
The nearest she’ll get
Is through her TV set –
She’ll watch Project Runway tonight.
A fellow was planning his flight
off to subterranean light
Yet as he started the car
His wife trilled from afar
You’ll have a much better time HERE tonight :)
a woman was planning her flight
three weeks worth of tossing all night
the day finally arrived
she lost courage and dived
duvet snuggling with all of her might
a fellow was planning his flight
to a far off island paradise site
he got far as his car
when he stuck in the tar
unable to make leaving his family right
a woman was planning her flight
into the arms of a lover that night
perfumed and dressed
she suddenly stressed
grabbed her husband and quickly undressed
Obama was planning his flight
from filibuster to a fair fight
Yet they were not ready
To stand straight and steady
He sat in the Lincoln bedroom all night
Michelle was planning her flight
in her dreams running to fight
Bane o’er reasoned debate
Shook him til called her mate-
“Wake up! You’ve been boss-turning all night”
His ‘arrows’ are missing a flight
If it wasn’t for which he just might
Try to get satisfaction
And practise subtraction
Around the pub dartboard tonight.
An Irishman once took a flight
On Aer Lingus. The name might excite,
But don’t get me wrong
It means not ‘Air Tongue’
But ‘Air Fleet’, per one internet site.
A young man was planning a flight
His troth by mistake he did plight.
Yes, he spoiled the broth
Just by plighting his troth.
In the soup now and serving him right.
A hostess one night on a flight
Was serving some “Baker’s Delight”
“Will you have some bread?”
She carefully said
His reply with a wink was “I might”.
THE VAMPIRE ALWAYS TOOK FLIGHT.
BEFORE THE DAWN’S FIRST RAYS OF LIGHT.
LEAVING LADIES PALE AND SHAKING,
FOR HIS LOVE THEIR HEARTS BREAKING.
HE’LL BE BACK FOR MORE NECKING TONIGHT.
First the red suit had problems in flight,
Then the lead and his staff had a fight,
But now Iron Man 3
Has a green light – whoopee!
The “Save Ferrous!” folks helped make it right.
I woke up today in a fright
‘Bout the lim’rick I dreamed up last night.
Thought I’d written it down
But it’s not to be foun’ –
And the damn thing was funny as shite!
A woman was taking a flight
In a sports car, at ninety, one night.
As her ticket was written,
She watched the cop, smitten,
A clear case of love at first cite.
A woman was planning a flight
Of fancy: delicious delight.
For foods that would suit ‘er
She used her computer,
Enjoying them each byte by byte.
A young eagle on his first flight
Got tangled up in a kite.
A young boy reeled him in
Turned him loose with a grin.
And got his butt clawed just for spite.
A woman was planning her flight
With her lover the very next night.
Never being a prig, Expectations were big
And her thoughts made her squeal with delight.
A woman was planning a flight
Far off to the Isle of Wight
But you’re doing it wong
You should go to Hong Kong
And there you’ll be doing it right.
A woman was planning a flight
To sightsee in the Dolomite
But suburban or rural
That word must be plural
Unless it’s a mineral. Right?
A woman was planning a flight
To Chicago and back in a night,
With a stop in Winnetka,
Where they would expect her;
If not, it’s considered a slight.
A fellow was planning his flight
To an island of earthly delight,
Where they slumber all day,
The better to play
At feasting and dancing all night.
A defendant was planning his flight,
Concluding he probably might
Be better at large
Than up on a charge
Where chance of acquittal was slight.
The modern commercial air flight
Is not such an airborne delight.
To take off and land,
You have to be scanned
And groped from the left to the right.
Denzel was terrific in “Flight” –
Like Sulley, but only non-white;
Though disaster he missed,
In a Hollywood twist,
He’s indicted for flying while tight.
Seat 32D on a flight
To Paris, in coach, overnight,
Was enthralled by romance
A mile high, bound for France;
Neither E, F nor G would requite.
A fellow was planning his flight
To keep the connections all tight
(He hated to wait)
Then it sat at the gate
“At this rate, we’ll be here all night”
A bat who was just learning flight
Kept whacking a tall stalagmite.
When asked why answered he:
“Well, I clearly can’t C, ”
So I can’t find the darn stalactite.”
A penguin was longing for flight;
Asked the gods why he suffered this plight.
Said they: “It’s the fate
Yer can read in your nat-
Ure. It’s writ there in plain black and white.”
A passenger planning a flight
Sealed up his valise watertight
This trip’s aeronautical
But in case it turns nautical
I’m keeping my options closed tight.
A woman was planning her flight
wishing she could travel light
her suitcase’s girth
did not make it worth
the time to balance wheels right!
A woman was planning her flight
wising she could travel light.
Not willing to part
with her wheeled mini-mart,
her boyfriend now joins every flight.
Thanks everyone for all your delightful limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 104.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Rays.